A/N: This is a Hermione sort of story. I have no idea where it's going, so give me ideas!

"Kiss me fool!"

"Why, your lips are so soft."

"Well what can I say? Can't live without my strawberry chap stick"…

I have had enough. I couldn't stand watching that girl make out with a sheet of glass any longer. Lavender Brown was having one of her usual conversations with herself in the mirror. Most of them involved her invisible boyfriend.

I walked out of the bathroom and into the girls' dormitory. Parvati Patil was at her desk reading one of her fruity romantic novels. This time it was The Lost Heart of a Wandering Witch. I casually straightened my bedspread while watching her with a grin on my face.

She had a dreamy expression with a vague smile. Every now and again she would hold the book to her chest, close her eyes and sigh. I didn't know whether to laugh or throw up.

I flung myself onto my bed and looked across the room. Leisha Holsha was comforting a hysteric Liz McManus.

"Why…hic…would…he …dump…me?" cried Liz

"Maybe he just doesn't like you like he used to anymore" said Leisha, patting Liz's back.

"But everyone likes me!" howled Liz burying her hands in a fresh flow of tears.

"No no, what I meant was, he likes you too much. So much that… erm… he thinks your too good for him...um…Yeah that's it." Leisha smiled, obviously pleased with her therapy "skills".

"You really think so?" sniffed Liz.

"Yeah, what's say we go and get a big bowl of strawberry ice cream!"

"I'm kinda in the mood for chocolate…"

I rolled my eyes and peered over at the new girl, Meygan Carp. She was sitting up in her bed writing a list. I scooted over to get a glimpse at what she was writing.

Monday

Breakfast- Cereal

Recess- Nothing

Lunch- Nothing

Dinner- Vegetables

Meagan was definitely looking rather thin. She's the only one in the dorm who needs serious help. She didn't really have any friends. All the girls swarmed over the new girl, as they do, but she politely and quietly abandoned them. I don't think the girls ever gave her a second thought.

"Hey Megan, what are you writing?" I asked her.

She jumped and hurriedly stuffed the list into her pocket.

"Oh…n…nothing Hermione, just some notes for potions, you know Snape and his pop quizzes" Megan laughed nervously and quickly got up and hurried to the bathroom.

I flopped back down on my bed, staring into space. I'm stuck in a dorm full of pathetic, desperate, vain, brainless and anorexic girls. That's why they don't like me, because I'm the only sane one. I couldn't care less; I've got my own friends, even if they happen to be boys.

A sharp scream brought me back to earth. Parvati's head snapped up from her book, Lavender and Megan popped their heads out from the bathroom and Leisha had her hand over her mouth, pointing at Liz.

"Ew, ew, eeeeew! Get it off, get it off!" Liz was running around in circles with something large and green on top of her head.

"Hold still!" Leisha yelled. But of course Liz did not hold still, if anything grew more frantic.

Leisha grabbed her long wand and started swinging it at the green lump on Liz's head. She jabbed the stick at the lump but accidentally poked Liz in the eye. Leisha was so determined to rescue Liz; she hadn't realized what she had done, so she kept up with her crazy swings.

The green lump gave a terrified croak. Trevor!Neville's green toad was clutching on to Liz's pink headband for dear life. He was flung forwards and slid down onto her face. Liz gave a muffled yelp of surprise and became more panicked.

Leisha closed her eyes and swung her wand blindly and more crazily than ever. She whacked Liz several times on the shoulder and poked her in the stomach.

Liz tried to speak between Leisha's hits "Stop-ow-hitting me-ow! Crazy bitch!"

Leisha opened her eyes and gave Liz a sharp jab in the ribs. I don't think she was aiming for Trevor anymore.

I must say, it was quite amusing watching Liz's dilemma but to avoid Trevor being bludgeoned by Leisha's wand, I finally came to the rescue.

"Accio Trevor!" And with a flick of my wand, Trevor flew to my hand, unharmed. He gave a grateful croak. Liz stopped jumping up and down and Leisha gave her one last poke.

"Well I expect Neville will want his pet toad back," I announced before walking out of the girls dormitory with great dignity.

AN: ...what was that? Oh well, please review.