A Broken Past

Disclaimer: I do now own Final Fantasy! But I do own this story because I am the one who wrote it!

As I left out the front door of the small house, I kissed Raine on the cheek and told her I would be coming back. She looked at me with her worried blue eyes and I reassured her that I wouldn't be gone for too long. I then gave little Elle a hug and a kiss before my departure. I would greatly miss her while I was gone. She looked up at me and smiled at me, her dark brown eyes filled with childish joy.

My two best bud's were waiting outside for me. I didn't want to leave… But I had to, I had a job to do. I'm sure Raine and Elle would be just fine… Raine didn't want me to go, but she understood. I took one last glance at Raine and little Elle before leaving the security of the house. Finally, we parted and Kiros, Ward and I left Winhill. I won't be gone long. I'll come back soon, and we will be a family once again. Just moments after our departure from Winhill, I was already missing the small house, and the quite little town. But I knew I would be returning soon. I hope…

~*~*~*~*~

"Let's talk when it's all done. I have a lot to tell you… Well, if you don't want to hear it, I'll understand." I told Squall. I had so much I wanted to tell him. But would he understand? Will he ever… Forgive me? I would understand if he didn't want to forgive me. But I would never be able to forgive myself for what I did… And I could never die in peace without his forgiveness. Please come back alive Squall… I really need to tell you this. I watched as he exited the room. Soon after, the sound of the Ragnarok's guns blasted, they echoed through my ears. Squall and his friends went inside Lunatic Pandora, where Adel awaited them. I remember when I was here 17 years ago. It didn't seem like much had changed, but Adel is somewhere inside that large thing. And who knows what kind of destruction she may cause. I just hope they all come back alive.

With a million thoughts going through my mind, I decided to sit down for a moment. When he came back, when it was all over, I would tell him. He has a right to know this, and I fear I may have waited to long to tell him… If only I could have found him earlier…

~*~*~*~*~

It was a short while after the Sorceress war had ended. I waited a little longer than I should have, but I felt that I needed to give Squall some time to himself after the whole Sorceress thing. He's been through a lot, and I really hope that this doesn't push him overboard.

Finally I could tell Squall. This whole Sorceress thing is finally over. Now life can be as it was before, without any evil Sorceresses trying to take over the world. I can finally tell Squall what I have been meaning to tell him for a long time. As I sat in my office at the Presidential Palace, I wondered if he was going to show up. I called him a while ago. What could be taking him this long? Well, Esthar was pretty far from Balamb, I shouldn't be worrying about it. But what if he didn't show up? I started to feel tense. I wasn't sure if I could tell him… How would he react? Oh I hope this all ends well… I began to twirl a pen in my fingers.

Just then, Squall came in through the door. "What is so important that I had to come all the way here for?" Squall asked. I could tell he wasn't all that fond of me. When he first met me he thought I was a complete idiot and maybe I am. I looked over to the other side of the room where my friends Kiros and Ward were standing. I sent them both out so I could talk to Squall alone. I afraid of how me might react… But I had to go through with it. I couldn't hold it inside any longer.

"Sit down," I told him. He pulled a chair over to my desk and leaned back. He took a moment to yawn and then turned his attention to me. "Do you remember what I told you before you went into Lunatic Pandora?" I leaned forward and put my hands on the desk in front of me.

Squall sat up straight and he seemed to be thinking. "Well," he started, "all I remember is that you wanted to tell me something when it was all over. I'm here, now what is it?" He looked at me impatiently. I could tell he did not want to be here. He leaned back in his chair again and rolled his eyes.

"Okay," I replied. "I have to tell you something very important. I will understand if you are mad at me after I tell you." He sort of leaned back further in the chair and thought for a moment. I knew he was trying to think of what I was talking about. He didn't have the slightest clue of what I was about to tell him. I knew it would feel terribly awkward after I told him.

"Well? What is it already?" he said impatiently. He stared impatiently at me, as if he had better things to be doing than listening to some old man go on and on about something. I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to tell him. How might this affect him if I tell him? But I have to tell him. I have waited too long. Much too long to tell him. I am going to tell him. No matter what the outcome is, no matter what he thinks, I have to go through with it. He went through all the trouble of getting here, and I've been meaning to tell him this for the longest time.

I took a deep breath, then began to tell him the whole story. "Well, you see… Squall… I have been meaning to tell you this for a long time. Don't get me wrong, I wanted to tell you a long time ago, but I never had the chance, and I didn't know where to find you. And believe me, if I did, I would have told you a lot sooner. I'm afraid that it might be too late, and you will never forgive me, but no matter what the outcome, I will understand. You see Squall… I… I am your father." After I said that, a silence fell over the room. It was very uncomfortable. I knew Squall was a bit overwhelmed with what I had just told him. I took another deep breath and decided to continue. Squall just stared blankly, bedazzled by what I had just said. "And Raine, is your mother. If you are mad at me, I will forgive you… You see, I had to leave Raine for a mission, which I almost regret going on. Some soldiers tried to take Ellone away from Raine, but Raine resisted… And, she was killed…"

"How could you?!" Squall yelled. I knew this would happen… But I had to tell him… And no matter what the outcome, he was still my son. "How could you just abandon us like that?!" he was furious. "If you were my father, why weren't you there for me? Why?" He stood up with his fists clenched. We both stopped. I knew he was thinking about everything. I knew he would be disappointed in me. I wasn't there for him as a father when he was a child.

I wasn't there for him at all. Our past is broken and can never be fixed… No one can return to the past and change it. I thought that I would be able to make it back to Winhill, back to Raine and Elle. I thought that my mission would only take a day or two… Not the rest of my life… "I'm sorry," I apologized. I waited for a response from Squall.

"You're the whole reason why my mother is dead! You weren't there to protect her! Why? Why weren't you there?! All because of a stupid mission?!" he yelled with anger. "I don't think I can ever forgive you…" and with that he walked out the door. I knew this would happen. I couldn't go the rest of my life with some deep dark secret though… I had a son, and he was my only family I had left… Besides Elle, even though she was adopted, she was still family. I've already lost Raine, I didn't want to lose Squall too.

I put my head down onto the cold desk and closed my eyes. What was said had to be said. We have a broken past that can never be fixed. No matter what, I can't do anything to change the past.