Title: Just The Girl
Pairing: Chuck/Blair
Summary: "Bass-is-an-ass. com" When Chuck's reputation as a womaniser causes him a dry spell, he decides that there's only one woman who can help him bring back the girls: Blair Waldorf. CB
Disclaimer: I don't own Gossip Girl, if I did, Blair Waldorf would've sucker punched that blonde bimbo by now.
A/N: Very important that people read this part first.
The timeline in this story is a tad confusing: Basically this is canon up to the end of Victor, Victorla except that Chair never happened. Nate and Blair remained separated which means that Blair is still Queen B. Lily and Bart got engaged and married. Chuck's still a playboy but has remained friends with both Nate and Blair. And this is a month after the wedding. Georgina did not happen, but she'll make an appearance later in the story. Phew, any confusion? Just ask :) PS. NAT, you're a legend!
"For the last time, he's not…Yes, I will tell him that you called…Listen, I'm sorry he broke your heart…I, wait, huh…Okay, okay, alright, bye bye!" Serena van der Woodsen hung up the phone gratefully, releasing an aggravated sigh as she fell onto her bed where Blair Waldorf was rested, busily scouring the Internet.
"Another one of Chuck's hookers?" Blair joked. Although Chuck Bass was notorious for his philandering ways, it just seemed plain ridiculous to Blair that they had emasculated to the point where his women were making personal, miserable pleas to the Bass household. Then again, it was Chuck Bass and what he and other women talked about on the phone was definitely a topic that Blair did not want to even remotely think of.
"Well, if you consider Cindy Jones to be one, then you've hit the jackpot," Serena chuckled in a sing-song voice.
"Eww, Cindy Jones from English?"
"No, this was Cindy Jones from Target. Cindy Jones from English already called three weeks ago," Serena said incredulously, shaking her head as Blair wrinkled her nose.
"Ew…" Blair said, turning around to face Serena who shared her disgusted look, "…Chuck was in Target?"
"And apparently from Cindy Jones, she gave him more than just excellent customer service," Serena insinuated, although they could both guess what had happened in one of the changing rooms in Target. "You know, Target Cindy's the fourth girl in the past fortnight to call up and complain about her broken heart. Eric picked up once and all he heard was weird breathing groaning Chuck's name. I don't even know what type of girls Chuck's picking up anymore. In fact, Eric wasn't even sure if that had been a girl."
"S, just stop talking now. Neither of us want to see the contents of my stomach over your imported Egyptian sheets." Blair turned her attention back to the screen where she was busy searching for idle gossip about the UES. "Chuck's sex life is the last thing I want to hear about on a full stomach of Chef's veal."
Serena couldn't agree more and returned to flipping flippantly through her magazines, resting her head against the headboard. Ever since her mother's wedding, Chuck's womanising had increased dramatically. At times she would stay far away from Chuck's room after being told by a maid that 'Mr Charles has company'. It annoyed her that he had the audacity to bring his conquests to the family home, let alone when she and Erik were there. He was lucky that their parents were still on their month long honeymoon, enjoying wedded bliss or else they would've most likely sent his ass to boarding school by now.
A loud gasp from Blair caught Serena's attention and she immediately sided up next to her best friend, wondering what could've emitted such a reaction.
Serena's mouth dropped in surprise that was then followed by a lengthy contagious laugh, which caused Blair to giggle softly in her vast amusement. Their gaze was glued to the screen, the source of their hilarity, and all they could think about was where the hell was Chuck Bass and had he seen what they were looking at. Because if not, then they prayed that they would be there when he would.
"Hey man, where are you? Anyway, call me when you can. I gotta tell you something. It's really important." Nate's voice cut when the voicemail ended, but his message was merely ignored, as Chuck's phone lay unattended in his pants pocket.
In fact, Chuck had no idea where his pants were and assumed that they had to be somewhere in Lindsey – no, wait, Laura's room.
"I think that was your phone," Laura giggled as Chuck nibbled on her ear, his hands running up and down her naked body.
"Nothing's more important than you and me, right now," Chuck said seductively, bringing her body on top of his. It amazed him how many girls fell for that line and sure enough, Laura was one of those girls as she blissfully gasped and fervently dug her nails into his skin.
"Chuck…Bass…you…are…a…GOD!" Laura breathed as she rolled off of Chuck, after their brief lovemaking had ended. He merely smirked and lit up a drag, inhaling the smoke.
"What can I say? I'm Chuck Bass," he purred. And in true Chuck Bass fashion, he left the second Laura disappeared into the bathroom, leaving no more than a note simply saying 'Gotta go. Had a great time. I'll call you. Chuck'.
"Nathaniel Archibald, you're beginning to cramp my style so unless you have a perfectly good reason as to why you disrupted my afternoon delight, then I'm thinking we need a trial separation," Chuck said, standing in the door way of Nate's bedroom, his arms folded across his chest in a prevalent manner.
"Oh trust me, you want to see this," Nate said, waving for Chuck to come into his room. He searched his computer for the website he had been on and as soon as he found it, he moved the screen so that it was directly in front of Chuck.
"Who's porn video are you watching now?" Chuck asked as all he saw was a blank black screen. Nate just scoffed and pointed towards the screen as something began to appear swiveling in the centre of the screen. The image grew larger gradually and Chuck almost choked on nothing, gripping onto Nate's seat as he realised what the image was and what the words accompanying it said.
"Bass-is-an-ass. com?" he exclaimed in disbelief and to some extent, mild amusement. "You've got to be kidding me!"
"Nope, apparently, you're an ass," Nate said, barely controlling his laughter at the image of a donkey with Chuck's face on it. "Hey, look, they even made your scarf into a tail," he said, pointing to it on the screen.
"Thank you, Captain Obvious. You can take your finger off of my ass now," Chuck said, but that only garnered more laughter from Nate. "Move!"
Nate gladly slid off of his chair as Chuck took a seat and began scrolling down the page to read what was being said.
" 'Ever had your heart broken by Chuck Bass? Ever been told you were beautiful by Chuck Bass only to find he had said that to your best friend? Ever been wined and dined and wooed by him only to find him gone the next day? If you have, then you are not alone! This website was purposely created for the women who have been mistreated and tricked by 'Chuck Bass' and for them to express their anger and frustration. Here you can express your angered feelings and tell your stories about how he deceived you. Here you can reach support groups and receive tips on how to move on with your life. No longer will you hear 'I'm Chuck Bass', it's 'Bass is an ass' from now on!' … what…the… hell?!" Chuck said aloud, clicking on the various links and finding tales of his conquests. " 'He lured me into his secret dungeon and forced me to feed him strawberries and grapes'. SHE was the one who said grapes turned her on and as if I have a secret dungeon. If I did, I wouldn't be living in the suite. And what the hell's this one going on about?! THREE INCHES? I'll give her three inches," he muttered and whilst the accounts were somewhat 'deflating', he couldn't help but smirk at the feeble effort that the different women were making at trying to slander his name. In fact, he began to feel more egotistical than ever, reading over how he had wooed over women.
"Nathaniel, listen to this one," Chuck said, perking Nate's attention. " 'He took me back to his suite where I found a tray of numerous deserts. Banana slices, crème brulee, ice cream and whipped cream. Needless to say, we didn't eat of any them, instead we– "
"I am not listening, I am not listening. I don't want to know what you did with them!" Nate yelled out, blocking his ears and humming loudly and completely out of tune.
" – rubbed it all over our – "
Nate instantly ran out of the room before Chuck read out aloud the juicy details. He scoffed lightly at his best friend's antics and returned his direction to the computer screen, where he reminisced about his past love trysts.
"If it isn't Chuck Bass…or is that 'Bass the ass'?" Blair smiled innocently at Chuck as she encountered him arriving at the van der Bass suite.
"So, you've heard and read," he said.
"I've done more that. Who else do you think suggested tip number 114 'Scribble "I'm Chuck Bass" over the HIV man on the posters around the city'?"
"And they say that you're an angel."
"They say you're an ass."
"If you hadn't been Nate's girlfriend, I would've had you and you'd probably be selling your soul to that website by now."
"I don't sleep with mules, Bass."
"You don't sleep around at all. I'll be happy to assist in then removal of your chastity belt, though. I don't normally sleep with bitches, but for you, I'll make an exception," he smirked, winking at her as he passed her by, their banter a comfort to both of them, no matter how vicious they were. He stopped as she called out his name and turned around to face her smug expression.
" 'Bass-is-an-ass .com'. Choose your bitch from there because you'll never have this bitch," she replied proudly before she walked out of the suite, her heels clicking as the door shut behind her.
Trust Blair Waldorf to always have the last word. Chuck shook his head, amused at Blair's wit, but couldn't help stoping to think that if she really hadn't been Nate's girlfriend, then he might've actually tried to seduce her. After all, he was Chuck Bass and a woman as beautiful as Blair Waldorf needed to be violated. Who knew…maybe now, he'd get his chance, but no, he had to think of Nate. Nate was his best friend, the only person other than himself who he truly cared about. He wouldn't, couldn't do it to Nate and truth be told, he wouldn't do it to Blair either. She, inadvertently, was considered by him to be a 'friend' and besides, if she were to disappear from his life, who else would he have to match his wit and intellect?
Nate was definitely crossed off from that list.
"Unless you've come to answer my booty call, I suggest you leave."
Serena ignored Chuck's instructions and stayed by his doorway, a light-hearted smile pasted on her face.
"If you're here to call me an 'ass', you're a bit delayed. That's old news," Chuck said, lying on his bed, flipping through the channels on his wide screen television with his remote.
"You know in the past three days, the site's gotten over 3000 hits," she stated.
"What can I say? Girls just can't get enough of Chuck Bass."
"Oh, you'd be surprised, Chuck," she replied. " I suppose this means the end of Chuck Bass' philandering ways?"
"Either you're delusional or a true blonde if you think one little website's going to stop the women flocking at my feet. I'm Chuck Bass, Serena. I'm irresistible," Chuck said, his infamous smirk tugging at his lips. Serena – taking a cue from Blair's book – rolled her eyes and simply said, "Oh, I'd like to see that. You'll see, Chuck, by next month this will have gotten so big that you won't be able to get any girl."
"I'll take my chances. You can leave now unless you really are interested in that booty call. Incest has never been a problem for me," he leered and it was no surprise when Serena actually did walk off after sending him a smug 'Serena' look.
Chuck leaned back into his bed comfortably as he finally found his favourite cable program 'Girls gone wild'. As far as he was concerned, Serena was wrong. The stupid website would blow off after a couple more days and become nothing more than a cruel joke by one of his sick jilted lovers. He was Chuck Bass and he could have any woman he wanted. But the unsettling fear began to creep up on him as realised that he was Chuck Bass and who was to say how many women he had had.
After all, hell hath no fury like a woman scorned by Chuck Bass.