A/N: This is the result of an excercise in a workshop where I had to turn a serious scene of the movies into something humorous. I got the scene in ESB where Luke is hanging upside down in the wampa's cave. G.
The Orchid and the Wampa
Headache.
One hell of a headache.
The grandmother of all headaches.
Luke Skywalker wondered if what had caused it was at least worth it. Maybe Han had kept his word and smuggled enough alcohol to make Echo Base's warming up party a really memorable one – not that he thought that Echo Base could EVER be warmed up.
With a superhuman display of willpower he opened his eyes just a slit. One eye to be precise, since the other one seemed quite reluctant to work properly.
White.
Everything was white.
At least that was a good sign, Echo Base was mostly white too, he mused hopefully. Then he remembered that the entire planet Hoth was mostly white and his heart sank all the way down to his feet. Feet? Down? Something did not seem all right with both concepts.
The young Tatooinian tipped his chin to his chest and what he saw made his arms flail in surprise. Sithspit! Maybe accusing Janson of having cold feet about inviting Corporal R'nair out hadn't been his brightest idea after all.
He tried to pull his feet free, without success, and he groaned in frustration. The noise sounded louder than he expected – Oh, Force, was that I? - But it was followed by an energetic chewing sound that he was sure he had never produced, at least since he was out of his teen years.
He looked around for the source of the noise and small, beastly, killer eyes looked back at him. Luke wanted to groan again but he couldn't remember if wampas liked to eat their catch alive or not. Not that its current meal seemed much lively right now.
Why did everybody assume that he knew everything about animal habits because he had been raised in a farm? It had cost him several months and more than one shift stuck helping with the livestock when he was not flying to discover that the officer that had typed down his registry in a hurry right before the Battle of Yavin had omitted the word 'moisture' in the field 'former job'.
After correcting that, he had been immediately reassigned to the greenhouse. "Moisture farming?" Leia had asked innocently when he had turned to her in desperation after he killed Mon Mothma's favorite Chandrillan orchid. "Isn't that like hydroponics or something?"
He suspected that his present trouble was even deadlier than facing the Alliance Commander-in-Chief with the news of the passing of her pet plant so he decided to risk moving and reach for his lightsaber. Which was sadly not where he usually carried the item, but a few feet away, stuck in a snow bank.
He tried to move it with his mind, even if the biggest thing he had been successful in moving so far had been a few small excess screws from when he had disassembled his X-wing comm unit. The lightsaber heavy hilt did not budge.
Shavit, why did this kind of things always happen to him? Just when he was convinced he was going somewhere with his training. What would Ben say about it? Reach out with your feelings...
The young Jedi closed his eyes. Now, if he could just do that before the wampa reached out with his claws and ate him...
The lightsaber jumped into his hand.