No, I don't own Family Guy. Stop asking me.
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"Hey guys, guess what?"

Everyone looked up as Peter rushed into the living room, grinning ear to ear. "You finally got rid of the evil monkey?" Chris guessed.

"Even better! Lois, y'know that dream vacation we've been talkin' about?"

"Yeah, Peter, what about it?"

"Well, soon we'll finally be able to afford it!"

"Let me guess," Brian ventured. "You found a penny under the sofa?"

"No, I rented out a room to some guy."

At this Lois immediately looked up at him, perplexed. "Wait, what room?"

Peter returned her look with an equally confused one. "What do you mean, what room?"

"I mean, what room did you rent?"

"Oh, right, that," he said, thinking. "Hm, what room, what room... uh..."

A long silence followed as Peter tried to remember what room. Eventually, Brian stood up. "Well, I'm going to head down to the Drunken Clam now..." he said as walked out. Everyone else remained seated, waiting for Peter's answer. The next day, they were still waiting, now sleeping on the sofa. "Oh yeah, that's right!" Peter exclaimed suddenly, causing everyone to jolt awake. "I rented Meg's room!"

"WHAT?!" his daughter exclaimed, rounding on him. "Then where will I sleep?"

"Hey, don't worry about it. You can sleep in the attic," Peter responded, as though it was perfectly common for people to sleep in dark, filthy, and cramped attics.

"The attic! But I..."

"Now, Meg, we all have to make sacrifices sometimes," Lois interrupted. "Now go move your things into the attic."

With an angry groan, Meg stomped up the stairs. The others watched her go as Brian entered the room. "Hey, what'd I miss?" he asked, resuming his former seat.

"Peter rented Meg's room," Lois explained.

"Saw that coming," Brian said in a saw-that-coming kind of voice.

"So when's this guy gonna show up?" Lois asked.

Peter checked his watch, which was odd because for the first thing this had no bearing on his answer and for the second thing he wasn't wearing a watch to begin with. "First thing tomorrow," he responded. And of course, not three seconds later, the doorbell rang, because in fact it was tomorrow already.

Standing outside was a man... well, not so much a man, really, as an outfit. Under his hooded coat his face could only be seen from the nose down. He seemed to be wearing gloves, and a pair of rather immaculate dress pants. He was carrying a suitcase in one hand and what appeared to be a small animal carrier in the other. Lois stared for a moment before remembering her manners. "Hello," she said as politely as one could expect, "I suppose you must be Mr., uh..."

"Noxious," he stated simply, with a voice that could cut steel, "Dr. Noxious, occultist."

"Okay then... isn't it a bit hot to be wearing all that?"

It was impossible to see his eyes, but he was blinking, slowly. "What do you mean?" he asked, in a bewildered tone, as though he didn't realize he was wearing anything out of the ordinary. Lois and Peter exchanged a glance at this, but said nothing more about it.

"Well, uh, I should probably show you the room now, huh?" Peter said, taking the suitcase. He tried to take the carrier as well, but Dr. Noxious stopped him.

"Please, I'd rather you didn't," he said. Peter shrugged and proceeded to lead him to Meg's room.

By this time, Meg had somehow managed to clear all her belongings out of the room. "Here it is," Peter said with a sweeping gesture as Dr. Noxious proceeded to inspect the room. He rapped on every surface, took a good close look at the walls, and even smelled the carpet for good measure.

"It's a little small," he said, "but I like it. The rest of my effects will be here tomorrow morning." He set the carrier in a corner and stepped outside. Peter placed the suitcase near the carrier, then reached a hand out to it. "And don't touch that," came Dr. Noxious' voice from the stairs. Peter jerked back, then backed slowly away.

Later that day at the Drunken Clam, Peter was discussing his new tenant with Joe, Cleveland and Quagmire. "I'm tellin' ya, guys, when I talked to him on the phone he sounded normal, but when he showed up he was..."

"A few teeth short of a wolf pack?" Cleveland suggested.

"Likely to do something someone else could regret?" Joe added.

"More unstable than a recently drugged gymnast?" contributed Quagmire.

"Yeah, one of those," Peter concluded with a shrug. "I'm just wonderin' if it was really such a good idea to rent him the room."

"Well, let's see," Joe said. "Is he paying for it?"

"Yeah."

"Then it's worth it."

"Works for me," Peter said, downing another beer. "Anyone see any good movies lately?"

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For the record, Dr. Noxious, Occultist, has nothing at all to do with Dr. Orpheus. Any similarities are purely coincidental. So please don't point out similarities between Dr. Noxious and Dr. Orpheus. Any similarities between this story and specific Family Guy episodes are also purely coincidental, but I do want you to point those out, as I made a conscious effort not to do that when I could avoid it.