ShadowedDarkness: okeday...this is like a really old story of mine, and I just want to know what people think of it. Its way different then how I usually portray the people's characters, but bear with me here people.
Sora: yeah, and if you aren't already...read memory! (giggles and goes off to other story)
ShadowedDarkness: guess that leaves me to do the thingy-ma-bob. I dunno who owns kingdom hearts 'cause I never pay attention to those type things, but it sure as hell ain't me. (grin) so there. ENJOY!
Confessions
No one cared. No one ever cared. I was worthless, used. I was made to be used, an item. Something to relieve oneself, to inflict damage upon when angered. Something you found on the floor. Dirty. That's what I was. I was dirty. I am dirty. No… I wasn't dirty. Dirty things can still have feelings, hopes, dreams. No, I was worse than dirty, I was…
…nothing…
The only person that noticed me was 'him', the one I didn't want looking at me, the one I didn't want touching me, the one I didn't want to hurt me…but he did. He always hurt me in the end. The one I had loved the most, needed the most…hurt me.
And I felt it again and again, the pain and the bliss. I had cried out for more, in pain, in pleasure. And he had complied, hurting me more, letting me have what I wanted. Pushing harder, faster. Fingers lacing into the sheets, eyes lolling in the back of the head as he hit that spot over and over and over again. Flashes of color dancing across my eyes. Screaming in pleasure, screaming in pain.
But that's not what I wanted. NO! No…no… I didn't want this. Why would I want this from him? He killed her… HE KILLED HER DAMNIT! He killed her because…because…she protected me… HA! Protected me? Protected me from what? I bet you she had probably just been thinking of herself. She saw an escape route from the life she lived and she took it. Why give her son the pleasure of disappearing into nonexistence? Why indeed…
Now that she was gone…it was worse. That empty feeling, that deep gaping hole inside me that ached and throbbed. Oh gods it was so much worse.
They never loved me, neither of them. She hit me. She abused me…but…she was still my mother. It still hurt that she was gone. The person that gave me life…
Wait, what life? This hell hole was supposed to be life? So much murder, rape, pain… hate. Especially the hate…
They never loved me, neither of them. He kissed me. He raped me…but…he was still my father. It still hurt that…that…that…
I could feel the stinging sensation as I held back tears, watching as he pulled away from me, a very satisfied and sated smile drifting across his face. A smirk pulled at the corner of his lips. "I know you enjoyed that." I gave out a cross between a squeak and a groan as he leaned in to kiss me as he squeezed my crotch, playing with my painful erection. I felt disgusted. He stroked me there lightly, earning a small shiver to run through my body. Traitorous thing…
He shouldn't do this. He really shouldn't do this. I was his son. I was his son.
He began to rub the head in a circular motion, traveling up it using the same motion, and earning mewls and moans to pass my lips. Deep and load moans… I hated this. Gods know I hated this…
I remember when things were normal. She was still alive and he didn't have a crazed obsession. When things were normal, when we were happy, when he had a job… when she was alive… When she was alive…
Suddenly he took it in his mouth and began to suck lightly. My back arched, thrusting myself into him…
No. But she was gone and I was barely here. She escaped this hell hole probably laughing. No, not laughing, crying. Crying for she finally knew how much she hurt me. How much it hurt on the inside. How much it hurt physically. But most importantly, how much it hurt on the inside…
He began to suck faster. I moaned louder. Oh fuck...
Suddenly that feeling came, that feeling of incredible bliss. I let out a cry as he finally pushed me, as he finally pushed me through the roof, over the rainbow, and then sky rocketing back down to earth. Plummeting straight back into this shitty hell.
His face was the only thing I could make out through the haze. He smirked. "I know you liked that Kitten." He disappeared from view as he trailed kisses from my lower abdomen up to my neck. I moaned softly.
Kitten, he always called me Kitten… why?
He pushed away as I looked at him through hazed filled eyes. "We'll pick this up some other time Kitten." I shifted my gaze to the ceiling above me. "I won't be home till midnight. Be good Kitten." Since when did he care?
As soon as he shut the door, I let the tears fall.
He called me Kitten…
Crystal droplets slid silently down my face.
Nothing…
They fell faster. Sobs and cry's of anguish escaped my lips, gods it hurt so much! Physically and emotionally, oh gods…
When she was alive…
No one cared. No one ever cared. I was worthless, used. I was made to be used, an item. Something to relieve oneself, to inflict damage upon when angered. Something you found on the floor. Dirty. That's what I was. I was dirty. I am dirty. No… I wasn't dirty. Dirty things can still have feelings, hopes, dreams. No, I was worse than dirty, I was…
…nothing…
…nothing at all…
(two years later)
Pressure was added to the small of my back to make me move forward through the massive crowd of moving bodies. Music, dancing, drinking…these people made me sick not that I'm one to talk, I make myself sick.
I hate crowded places. They always make me feel so…trapped. Not that it really mattered how it made me feel, I am trapped. I always have been trapped, trapped in a body of a goddamned fucking slut. I was dressed like one. I wore a black shirt that hung loosely around my torso, my one shoulder falling out of it completely to show some skin, tight black leather pants, and to add to it….a leather collar…which happened to have a chain attached to it, like I was some kind of dog.
I was pushed roughly forward by the constantly shifting mass of bodies, and I slammed into the bar. Wincing I lifted myself onto one of the bar stools. I would wait, like always. My job? My job was to sit and wait, wait until a man or a woman (it was most usually a man) was directed my way by him. I'd wait until one would come to use me in what ever way they wished, pay him, and walk away without even a second glance. Why would they give me a second glance? I was a common slut, a whore, we liked our jobs. Well whoever thinks that, I have two words for you. Fuck. You. I would be used, beaten, fucked, and then… If I didn't hurt too much…do it again.
Wash, rinse, cycle, and repeat.
He only had one rule for them, don't break the toy. Ever heard of that slogan, you break it you bought it? Yeah? Well, same goes for me.
I felt myself being touched by a stranger. It didn't matter though, it always happened. I let them touch, otherwise he would. Him, he, my father.
I didn't slightly understand what people saw in me though. There were practically a million other whores at this club. Willing ones, better looking ones, so why me?
Was it my punishment? Was it my punishment for my mother taking that knife instead of me? Was I not supposed to live? Was I not supposed to live in happiness? What a foreign concept…
I closed my eyes against the strangers hands.
Nothing…
It was because I was…nothing…
They were drunk, they didn't know, they didn't care. As long as if they got what they were there for (satisfaction), what did it matter what the source of said satisfaction came from?
I was being pulled backwards and into his arms, pressing me closer to him. I could feel the hot breath on my ear as he spoke causing me to shiver. "Do you feel that? I know you do…" he was pushing into me while pulling me closer still.
Oh gods, oh gods…help me…
"I know you can feel me." And I could. I didn't want to but I could. I could. Oh gods. The bulge in this mans pants was huge. Oh gods, oh gods. Hell, it felt like a freaking rock was in there.
I was scared…
I always was…
The man's hand was reaching lower. No, no, it shouldn't go there. It shouldn't-
It did…
His hand slipped right down my pants. He began to rub me oh so slowly, yet firmly. I gasped trying to lean forward but his hand stopped me. I was pulled back into his chest. I moaned softly, closing my eyes I leaned into the man.
I was dirty; oh I was oh so dirty…
A new set of hands were on me, each were placed on either side of my hips. There was pressure as the person lifted himself onto me. He was as hard as the guy behind me, so to say. He was rubbing his hard-on now on my damned erection. I couldn't help the moan that escaped my lips. It felt so good.
I cried…
(note: I am not perverted ((well….not very any way…XD )) so there for the story will not be like this the whole time!)
ShadowedDarkness: okay, if that sucked...it's 'cause I'm only thirteen and I was twelve when I first wrote that.
People: (gasp!)
ShadowedDarkness: (holds hands up in defense) WHAT! I told you this was old! (grin) anywayz...
see the purple thingy?
you do? Oh good...then click it and you shall make me very happy! JA NE!