Disclaimer: None of the seaQuest crew are mine. ::sniffles:: Also, a
little spoiler for later in the story, I found the idea of Nathan and
Kristen married and Lucas adopted appealing for my purposes. No offense
intended to anyone! And I'm certainly not making any money whatsoever from
this.
Dedication: To anyone who has ever lost a close friend, and to all those friends who make a huge difference in the lives of those that love them.
She let her eyes close slowly, enjoying the feel of the soft breeze in her hair. She loved this. The sound of the surf pounding relentlessly against the rocks echoed the turmoil inside her. The ocean, particularly the section of sea surrounding Portland Head Light, was one of the few places that helped her to feel better any more. Everything was upside down, nothing felt right or made sense any more. She couldn't remember the last time she'd honestly smiled. She concentrated harder on the ever-soothing sound of the water, and the clean, purifying salt tang in the air, and let her mind drift backward.
Six months before, she'd been happily going through life, almost finished with her first semester at the University of Maine. She was excited and ready to get home to her friends from high school. She'd wanted to share her new experiences, talk about her new friends. She was especially excited about seeing Eliza. Eliza had been her best friend since kindergarten. They'd been nearly inseparable since kindergarten…now fourteen years previous. Eliza had opted to go to an aeronautical university in Florida. This semester was the longest time they had ever spent apart. Break was going to be an absolute ball.
Melanie blinked and focused on the sparkling water, still lost in thought. She remembered the day and time the foundations of her nineteen years of life cracked and crumbled to dust beneath her feet.
December the third, ten-thirty p.m.- Melanie had just climbed into bed when the phone rang. She answered, surprised to hear Eliza's older sister Hadley on the other end. At first, Melanie couldn't understand why Hadley had seemed so upset. Melanie heard her take a deep breath before she spoke.
"Melanie, I have some important news for you. Eliza was in an accident today."
Panic. Melanie's heart began to pound in her throat. "Is Liza all right? She's going to be ok, right? Is she in the hospital?" She had to ask, but part of her knew it was worse. Her stomach clenched, and joined her heart in her throat.
"I'm sorry, Mel. Eliza's gone. She died in a plane crash earlier this afternoon." Hadley was quiet, waiting for what would come next, what she expected.
"No... no…she's right there with you, right? She's standing right behind you, telling you to tell me this, right? I mean, she has to be…" The words were incoherent, stuttered, slurred, even. They came out in a tumultuous rush, a defense against the tears that would come in copious amounts later.
Hadley took a ragged breath. Melanie could hear her shaking her head on the other end. "God, I really wish I could say that. I'm so sorry, Mel. She really is gone."
The rest of the phone call was a blur. Melanie did remember the hysterical phone call to her parents, hoping they would tell her everything was all right, that everything was fine, that Eliza was already waiting for her at home. She had no such luck. Her mother had cried as hard as she had. The two had been so close that it was like both families had lost a daughter. Her mother had also understood that Melanie had lost not only her best friend, but also a twin sister in spirit if not in fact. For a girl who had never been Miss Popularity, or had much self-confidence, the loss of a friend like Eliza…sister, confidante, supporter, defender, was a devastating and debilitating blow. Her recovery hadn't even really begun to start yet. It was hindered by the many obligations she seemed to have now. Being strong for her sisters, her parents, and most especially, Eliza's family. Melanie remembered that once, her younger sister Megan, only thirteen or so at the time, had caught her crying. She'd put her hand on Melanie's shoulder, given her a hug and her favorite stuffed animal, and told her that everything would be all right. It was a bittersweet memory in a sea of painful ones. Melanie wasn't sure if anything would ever be all right again.
She felt her anger rising like the relentless tide beneath her, and her fist curled around a good-sized stone. With all the force she could muster, she hurled it into the pounding surf, screaming as she did. "Why?!? Dear god, why Eliza?? She was so young! She had everything to live for! Why?" It would never make sense. Even if she lived to be a thousand years old, Eliza's death wouldn't make sense. Tears trickled down her cheeks, and she sank down to her perch again, cradling her head in her hands. Relentless, wracking sobs overtook her for a few moments before she regained control over her emotions. The release of all that pent-up anger had felt very, very good. Maybe she'd try it again in a few moments.
Her ideas about that changed a moment later, when she heard footfalls on the rocks behind her. Her mind grumbled. 'Damn tourists. Can't leave a person to their thoughts out here…out of all the outcroppings, they just had to pick mine, didn't they?' The stranger seemed unaware of her wish for privacy, because they plopped themselves down on a rock near her. She could see their feet…they were perched sort of beside and a little above her, almost in a diagonal kind of direction. The person heaved a sigh of relaxation and took a long, deep breath.
"It's certainly beautiful out here, isn't it? The ocean is always lovely." She stiffened only slightly. 'They came out here for conversation??' Perhaps she should oblige whoever it was. It could prove a welcome distraction from thoughts that were best left aside on a beautiful June day on the Maine coast.
Her response was soft, thoughtful. "Especially today. Look at the way the sun hits the water. It makes the water look like a blanket of millions of opals. They're always moving towards the shore and the rocks, each eager to have a moment of glorious freedom, hitting the rocks and reaching towards the sunlight, some of them separated completely before they rejoin the rest and begin the dance anew." Ha. Let them respond to that. Her lips quirked up at the corners a touch as she watched a cloud of seagulls following a lobster boat eagerly.
There was a soft chuckle, oddly familiar somehow, and the person did have a response. "You know, Melanie, I think there's a poet's soul hiding somewhere in there. It comes out in bits and pieces in your letters, or calls, but it obviously finds the easiest outlet near the sea." She stiffened…how on earth did the stranger know her name? Her head tilted, and she moved it to look up at her new companion. She nearly fell off her rock, jumping in recognition.
"Nathan…I mean, Captain…I mean…." She was flustered, stuttering in surprise at this visit. It was a surprise to see him here at all. She'd met him in late October, when her marine biology professor, Dr. Kimball, had introduced his "star" student to his old friend Nathan Bridger and his adopted son Lucas. They'd all three kept in touch with frequent e-mails or calls. She'd forgotten to let them know what had happened, her correspondence had just stopped since Eliza's death.
He chuckled again. "Just Nathan, dear girl. Have you forgotten all of that correspondence since Joe introduced you to someone who could answer some of the questions you had that he couldn't?" A salt and pepper brow rose upwards slightly.
"No…no, I haven't forgotten." Another quirk of her lips, the closest she got to smiling these days.
"Good. Speaking of correspondence…we haven't heard from you in quite a while. How've you been?" The lack of smiles hadn't gone unnoticed. This certainly wasn't the Melanie he and Lucas had come to know. Something had happened to wipe that smile clean away and turn her into the too serious too early woman in front of him.
"I'm sorry about that, Nathan…I meant to get in touch with you…" She shrugged slightly. "I've been surviving, I guess. Things got…jumbled. Just making it through a day has been my main concern, of late. How are you and Lucas, anyway? Has he caused much trouble since we talked last?" Hazel eyes looked at him with some degree of honest curiosity. Well, some emotion was good, at least in Nathan's eyes. "And…what about seaQuest? You are still Captain, aren't you?" Both her eyebrows rose.
Nathan smiled. "Yes, I am still Captain. Lucas is fine, though he was worried terribly when we just suddenly stopped hearing from you. I'll admit, I was a bit worried, as well. As for the whereabouts of seaQuest, Jonathan Ford can handle her just fine. I had some business to take care of here on the mainland, and I thought that I might as well check in on you, too."
Melanie nodded, with that odd quirk of lips again. "I appreciate the effort. I really should have contacted you somehow, to save you the trip and the anxiety. Things right now just seem too hard to write about, I guess."
Nathan prodded gently; he wouldn't force her to talk about what was bothering her if she wasn't willing to volunteer it. "Is it too hard to tell a friend about?"
She shrugged. "I suppose not. I mean, it is and isn't. My best friend Eliza…she died in a flying accident right before winter break. We were inseparable for thirteen years. Now it just feels like that's all…gone. I feel angry, I feel lonely…but most times, I just feel empty, you know?"
She was willing to talk about it…had volunteered the information easily enough. That was a good sign, to Nathan's way of thinking. "I do know. I felt that way when my first wife, Carol, died."
Melanie shifted the rocks slowly, gently tossing another rock into the surf. She tried to look nonchalant, but she was dying with curiosity, and it showed. "Really? I have a question, then." She thought out her next words carefully, chewing on her bottom lip, trying not to show that she felt so lost that she'd be lucky to find her way out of a paper bag. "Does it ever go away? The pain, I mean? And this empty feeling…will I ever feel it fill up again? For that matter, will I ever feel anything but this again, Nathan?" Her gaze was open, questioning, looking for some kind of guidance. It was too hard to keep the act up, especially around someone who understood what she was feeling, to an extent. It was a sign to him, a silent gesture of trust, an important step in her healing process.
He gave her a gentle smile. "As hard as it is to believe right now, yes, the pain will slowly fade…though it may never fully leave you. The emptiness, that will fill over time, as well. Eventually, love will fill that gap that you feel is missing. You will feel again. You're too young not to. Just remember that though it may hurt to think of her right now, Eliza will always be part of you. She will still live in your memories, and who knows, Melanie? She might even help you get through rougher times in your life." An idea began to form in his mind, taking what he knew about Melanie…that she'd grown up near here. Her hometown had to be full of ghosts for her. It wasn't helping her to heal at all. She needed time and space to think through this, allow some of the pain to fade without ripping the wound open again with every corner she turned.
"Care to know a secret?" Melanie's soft voice interrupted his thoughts momentarily. He simply nodded. "The secret to any shred of sanity I have left right now is this place." She made a motion to the water. "The sea seems to heal all manner of wounds, especially emotional. I come here when I need space and quiet to think. Here, at the lighthouse, or over at the beach at night, watching the moon play on the water surrounded by all the stars." Her voice had lost some of its bitter edge, and her eyes had lost some of their pain. He nodded mentally. This idea would be wonderful for her.
"The sea is an incredible place, and you, like me, are one of a special breed that cannot function without its presence in their life. I can tell, watching you here. I could tell whenever you talked about this place." Nathan ran his fingers over the sun-warmed rock, glancing at the sky. The sun was setting already? It had seemed to be early afternoon only moments ago. "I just had a thought, a proposition that might appeal to you. We have an extra bunk available on board. How would you like to spend the summer, and perhaps a semester, if it's workable with the University, with us on the seaQuest? It'll give you some time to sort through life, without ghosts or associations of Eliza to haunt you or knock you down every time things start to get better. What do you say? Lucas would be thrilled to have you…and you wouldn't have to worry about proximity to the ocean." He gave her a grin, eyes sparkling. The idea was great. Now he just had to hope that she'd accept, for her sake.
He watched her think. She thought for a good long while, staring out to sea. Once again, he could see her chewing her bottom lip. He could nearly see the wheels turning in her head. She really was a very intelligent girl, straight 'A' student, a lovely personality, and a passion for the arts and learning. She had so many opportunities before her, if he could pull her out of this mire she was in now. A few moments later, Nathan was graced with the beginnings of the first real smile she'd had in months. "It would do me good, keep me near the place I think best…a place that is very dear to me. You've got a deal, Nathan. Thank you so much."
Nathan grinned. Victory. "No, thank you, Melanie. Now Lucas can stop complaining about how nobody on board understands him because they're all too old. We have arrangements to make, and the sun is setting. Shall we?" He stood up, brushing himself off, and offered her his arm. She nodded, moving up easily, dusting herself off, and taking his arm. The two clambered over the rocks in companionable silence.
Dedication: To anyone who has ever lost a close friend, and to all those friends who make a huge difference in the lives of those that love them.
She let her eyes close slowly, enjoying the feel of the soft breeze in her hair. She loved this. The sound of the surf pounding relentlessly against the rocks echoed the turmoil inside her. The ocean, particularly the section of sea surrounding Portland Head Light, was one of the few places that helped her to feel better any more. Everything was upside down, nothing felt right or made sense any more. She couldn't remember the last time she'd honestly smiled. She concentrated harder on the ever-soothing sound of the water, and the clean, purifying salt tang in the air, and let her mind drift backward.
Six months before, she'd been happily going through life, almost finished with her first semester at the University of Maine. She was excited and ready to get home to her friends from high school. She'd wanted to share her new experiences, talk about her new friends. She was especially excited about seeing Eliza. Eliza had been her best friend since kindergarten. They'd been nearly inseparable since kindergarten…now fourteen years previous. Eliza had opted to go to an aeronautical university in Florida. This semester was the longest time they had ever spent apart. Break was going to be an absolute ball.
Melanie blinked and focused on the sparkling water, still lost in thought. She remembered the day and time the foundations of her nineteen years of life cracked and crumbled to dust beneath her feet.
December the third, ten-thirty p.m.- Melanie had just climbed into bed when the phone rang. She answered, surprised to hear Eliza's older sister Hadley on the other end. At first, Melanie couldn't understand why Hadley had seemed so upset. Melanie heard her take a deep breath before she spoke.
"Melanie, I have some important news for you. Eliza was in an accident today."
Panic. Melanie's heart began to pound in her throat. "Is Liza all right? She's going to be ok, right? Is she in the hospital?" She had to ask, but part of her knew it was worse. Her stomach clenched, and joined her heart in her throat.
"I'm sorry, Mel. Eliza's gone. She died in a plane crash earlier this afternoon." Hadley was quiet, waiting for what would come next, what she expected.
"No... no…she's right there with you, right? She's standing right behind you, telling you to tell me this, right? I mean, she has to be…" The words were incoherent, stuttered, slurred, even. They came out in a tumultuous rush, a defense against the tears that would come in copious amounts later.
Hadley took a ragged breath. Melanie could hear her shaking her head on the other end. "God, I really wish I could say that. I'm so sorry, Mel. She really is gone."
The rest of the phone call was a blur. Melanie did remember the hysterical phone call to her parents, hoping they would tell her everything was all right, that everything was fine, that Eliza was already waiting for her at home. She had no such luck. Her mother had cried as hard as she had. The two had been so close that it was like both families had lost a daughter. Her mother had also understood that Melanie had lost not only her best friend, but also a twin sister in spirit if not in fact. For a girl who had never been Miss Popularity, or had much self-confidence, the loss of a friend like Eliza…sister, confidante, supporter, defender, was a devastating and debilitating blow. Her recovery hadn't even really begun to start yet. It was hindered by the many obligations she seemed to have now. Being strong for her sisters, her parents, and most especially, Eliza's family. Melanie remembered that once, her younger sister Megan, only thirteen or so at the time, had caught her crying. She'd put her hand on Melanie's shoulder, given her a hug and her favorite stuffed animal, and told her that everything would be all right. It was a bittersweet memory in a sea of painful ones. Melanie wasn't sure if anything would ever be all right again.
She felt her anger rising like the relentless tide beneath her, and her fist curled around a good-sized stone. With all the force she could muster, she hurled it into the pounding surf, screaming as she did. "Why?!? Dear god, why Eliza?? She was so young! She had everything to live for! Why?" It would never make sense. Even if she lived to be a thousand years old, Eliza's death wouldn't make sense. Tears trickled down her cheeks, and she sank down to her perch again, cradling her head in her hands. Relentless, wracking sobs overtook her for a few moments before she regained control over her emotions. The release of all that pent-up anger had felt very, very good. Maybe she'd try it again in a few moments.
Her ideas about that changed a moment later, when she heard footfalls on the rocks behind her. Her mind grumbled. 'Damn tourists. Can't leave a person to their thoughts out here…out of all the outcroppings, they just had to pick mine, didn't they?' The stranger seemed unaware of her wish for privacy, because they plopped themselves down on a rock near her. She could see their feet…they were perched sort of beside and a little above her, almost in a diagonal kind of direction. The person heaved a sigh of relaxation and took a long, deep breath.
"It's certainly beautiful out here, isn't it? The ocean is always lovely." She stiffened only slightly. 'They came out here for conversation??' Perhaps she should oblige whoever it was. It could prove a welcome distraction from thoughts that were best left aside on a beautiful June day on the Maine coast.
Her response was soft, thoughtful. "Especially today. Look at the way the sun hits the water. It makes the water look like a blanket of millions of opals. They're always moving towards the shore and the rocks, each eager to have a moment of glorious freedom, hitting the rocks and reaching towards the sunlight, some of them separated completely before they rejoin the rest and begin the dance anew." Ha. Let them respond to that. Her lips quirked up at the corners a touch as she watched a cloud of seagulls following a lobster boat eagerly.
There was a soft chuckle, oddly familiar somehow, and the person did have a response. "You know, Melanie, I think there's a poet's soul hiding somewhere in there. It comes out in bits and pieces in your letters, or calls, but it obviously finds the easiest outlet near the sea." She stiffened…how on earth did the stranger know her name? Her head tilted, and she moved it to look up at her new companion. She nearly fell off her rock, jumping in recognition.
"Nathan…I mean, Captain…I mean…." She was flustered, stuttering in surprise at this visit. It was a surprise to see him here at all. She'd met him in late October, when her marine biology professor, Dr. Kimball, had introduced his "star" student to his old friend Nathan Bridger and his adopted son Lucas. They'd all three kept in touch with frequent e-mails or calls. She'd forgotten to let them know what had happened, her correspondence had just stopped since Eliza's death.
He chuckled again. "Just Nathan, dear girl. Have you forgotten all of that correspondence since Joe introduced you to someone who could answer some of the questions you had that he couldn't?" A salt and pepper brow rose upwards slightly.
"No…no, I haven't forgotten." Another quirk of her lips, the closest she got to smiling these days.
"Good. Speaking of correspondence…we haven't heard from you in quite a while. How've you been?" The lack of smiles hadn't gone unnoticed. This certainly wasn't the Melanie he and Lucas had come to know. Something had happened to wipe that smile clean away and turn her into the too serious too early woman in front of him.
"I'm sorry about that, Nathan…I meant to get in touch with you…" She shrugged slightly. "I've been surviving, I guess. Things got…jumbled. Just making it through a day has been my main concern, of late. How are you and Lucas, anyway? Has he caused much trouble since we talked last?" Hazel eyes looked at him with some degree of honest curiosity. Well, some emotion was good, at least in Nathan's eyes. "And…what about seaQuest? You are still Captain, aren't you?" Both her eyebrows rose.
Nathan smiled. "Yes, I am still Captain. Lucas is fine, though he was worried terribly when we just suddenly stopped hearing from you. I'll admit, I was a bit worried, as well. As for the whereabouts of seaQuest, Jonathan Ford can handle her just fine. I had some business to take care of here on the mainland, and I thought that I might as well check in on you, too."
Melanie nodded, with that odd quirk of lips again. "I appreciate the effort. I really should have contacted you somehow, to save you the trip and the anxiety. Things right now just seem too hard to write about, I guess."
Nathan prodded gently; he wouldn't force her to talk about what was bothering her if she wasn't willing to volunteer it. "Is it too hard to tell a friend about?"
She shrugged. "I suppose not. I mean, it is and isn't. My best friend Eliza…she died in a flying accident right before winter break. We were inseparable for thirteen years. Now it just feels like that's all…gone. I feel angry, I feel lonely…but most times, I just feel empty, you know?"
She was willing to talk about it…had volunteered the information easily enough. That was a good sign, to Nathan's way of thinking. "I do know. I felt that way when my first wife, Carol, died."
Melanie shifted the rocks slowly, gently tossing another rock into the surf. She tried to look nonchalant, but she was dying with curiosity, and it showed. "Really? I have a question, then." She thought out her next words carefully, chewing on her bottom lip, trying not to show that she felt so lost that she'd be lucky to find her way out of a paper bag. "Does it ever go away? The pain, I mean? And this empty feeling…will I ever feel it fill up again? For that matter, will I ever feel anything but this again, Nathan?" Her gaze was open, questioning, looking for some kind of guidance. It was too hard to keep the act up, especially around someone who understood what she was feeling, to an extent. It was a sign to him, a silent gesture of trust, an important step in her healing process.
He gave her a gentle smile. "As hard as it is to believe right now, yes, the pain will slowly fade…though it may never fully leave you. The emptiness, that will fill over time, as well. Eventually, love will fill that gap that you feel is missing. You will feel again. You're too young not to. Just remember that though it may hurt to think of her right now, Eliza will always be part of you. She will still live in your memories, and who knows, Melanie? She might even help you get through rougher times in your life." An idea began to form in his mind, taking what he knew about Melanie…that she'd grown up near here. Her hometown had to be full of ghosts for her. It wasn't helping her to heal at all. She needed time and space to think through this, allow some of the pain to fade without ripping the wound open again with every corner she turned.
"Care to know a secret?" Melanie's soft voice interrupted his thoughts momentarily. He simply nodded. "The secret to any shred of sanity I have left right now is this place." She made a motion to the water. "The sea seems to heal all manner of wounds, especially emotional. I come here when I need space and quiet to think. Here, at the lighthouse, or over at the beach at night, watching the moon play on the water surrounded by all the stars." Her voice had lost some of its bitter edge, and her eyes had lost some of their pain. He nodded mentally. This idea would be wonderful for her.
"The sea is an incredible place, and you, like me, are one of a special breed that cannot function without its presence in their life. I can tell, watching you here. I could tell whenever you talked about this place." Nathan ran his fingers over the sun-warmed rock, glancing at the sky. The sun was setting already? It had seemed to be early afternoon only moments ago. "I just had a thought, a proposition that might appeal to you. We have an extra bunk available on board. How would you like to spend the summer, and perhaps a semester, if it's workable with the University, with us on the seaQuest? It'll give you some time to sort through life, without ghosts or associations of Eliza to haunt you or knock you down every time things start to get better. What do you say? Lucas would be thrilled to have you…and you wouldn't have to worry about proximity to the ocean." He gave her a grin, eyes sparkling. The idea was great. Now he just had to hope that she'd accept, for her sake.
He watched her think. She thought for a good long while, staring out to sea. Once again, he could see her chewing her bottom lip. He could nearly see the wheels turning in her head. She really was a very intelligent girl, straight 'A' student, a lovely personality, and a passion for the arts and learning. She had so many opportunities before her, if he could pull her out of this mire she was in now. A few moments later, Nathan was graced with the beginnings of the first real smile she'd had in months. "It would do me good, keep me near the place I think best…a place that is very dear to me. You've got a deal, Nathan. Thank you so much."
Nathan grinned. Victory. "No, thank you, Melanie. Now Lucas can stop complaining about how nobody on board understands him because they're all too old. We have arrangements to make, and the sun is setting. Shall we?" He stood up, brushing himself off, and offered her his arm. She nodded, moving up easily, dusting herself off, and taking his arm. The two clambered over the rocks in companionable silence.