Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away,
The snow fell heavily on the grounds. It seemed like winter had finally caught up with us. It had taken its time that's for sure. But one thing that I couldn't seem to place was the way that it fell. It fell so simple, so elegantly, yet so plain. It was a hard sight to bear. It reminded me so much of that one day.
Now it looks as though they're here to stay,
Only a week ago, we had won the Cup. Everyone was cheering for us and we had a party in the Common Room. But now I can't bring myself to all that. My friends would be at the party, along with him. I don't want to continue on any more if its going to be like this. And so I looked to the sky.
Oh, I believe in yesterday.
Yesterday… I was lying on the bedcovers in the Wing. But now, I'm all alone in this large world, far away from the delightful Madam Pomphrey, who's been with me through the thick and thin of my trials.
Suddenly, I'm not half the man I used to be,
I couldn't bear the sight of walking through the hallways. I had to just get out. Everyone thinks I'm the enemy, or some sort of freak. Maybe it's cause my life is so messed up. I don't blame them for being frightened of me. But what am I supposed to do now. I used to confide in my friends, but even they won't talk to me. Maybe someone would believe. Or, whom am I kidding. I just want to be dead, for God's sakes. I've been deserted, from all that I confided in. Even Dumbledore wants nothing to do with me.
There's a shadow hanging over me.
The clouds came roaring in continuously, second by second. They seemed, although black, as they were, peaceful. They were calming and all by their self up there. They didn't have to worry about the other cloud trying to kill another. Sure, they joined up once or twice, but that was all natural (i.e. mating). But life wasn't that simple. We had friends, family, enemies, school, and everything else in between to deal with. We had adventures, emotions, jobs, and expectations that seemed as though they couldn't have been exceeded. We even had existence. Those clouds have existence. But they get a break every summer.
Oh, yesterday came suddenly.
Yesterday… The snow had fallen even harder but I was inside. I don't know why I had been so blind. I should've seen it coming. After all the years that I've been friends with them, you would've thought that I could have figured it out sometime soon that they would no later turn their backs on me like everyone else. I wish sometimes that I could just go back to when I was eight years old and never went in the forest. Then all this wouldn't have happened.
Why she had to go I don't know she wouldn't say.
Even if I pretend to be angry or frustrated at him, all I really want to do is forget about him and move far, far away. I'm usually sad, like now. I don't like hiding my feelings, but I'm used to it. Every day I hide things. I had from the teachers. I had from my peers. I even hide from those I hold most dearly. Something went wrong, but why do I have to pay for it?
I said something wrong, now I long for yesterday.
Up until now, I didn't care what others thought of me. Of course they noticed my strange behavior and the separation of my friends and I. The way we were very ignorant of each other and avoided anyone we met. I didn't talk to anyone unless they, meaning a teacher, spoke to me first. I wasn't going to initiate any unwanted attention.
Yesterday, love was such an easy game to play.
But what frustrates me, inside and out, most of all, is the way she treats me. I couldn't help but notice her faltered smile as we walked to Charms or the uneasy glances during lunch. The silence was brutal and her shy face was alarming. I couldn't help but feel scared, unwanted, un-cared for and thrown away. It was as if I was an alien to her and she was ashamed to be with me.
Now I need a place to hide away.
As I trudged to my usually hiding spot, glumly passing Hagrid's, I couldn't help but ponder at how this all happened. It wasn't meant to be this way. No one was supposed to know. I just didn't know how all this went haywire. Everything is screwed up. Hey, they even think that they have it off bad. They have no clue. They may have been with me through the worst, but they have no idea what its like on the inside, like a lie.
Oh,
I believe in yesterday.
Yesterday, people had loved me and people had coveted me. I had been nurtured, cherished and even pitied upon. Never would I have thought that I would have been deserted, all my dreams shattered and completely lost in the world. But what I don't understand, now, is how he could've betrayed me. All that I've ever known shattered. He screwed up my life, he did. I'll never forgive him for that. But what am I supposed do… that was yesterday.
Why
she had to go I don't know she wouldn't say.
Dumbledore kept quiet. Nothing was happy anymore. I didn't even pretend. The rest of the school something was off. I think that it was the first time in History that we had had a serious… disagreement, so to speak. It was unnerving, I suppose for both them and us. Every one thought we were inseparable. And we were. Until… and Dumbledore kept quiet. No one was happy anymore. Not even that bubbly little Hufflepuff. I can't believe it, though. You'd have thought that he had the sense to know…
I said something wrong, now I long for yesterday.
My days were getting worse. And I had thought that life as we know it was painful. It's so disbelieving, life is. You think that your life is going just fine and dandy, and then bang! out of nowhere pops a surprise tenfold your peace and enjoyment. It springs up, unexpected, waiting for you to screw up and say something wrong. It waits for you to say the word and then it'll pounce. Well, that's kind of like a Muggle gun. Just say the word, pull the trigger, and pounce.
Yesterday,
love was such an easy game to play.
It's like an itch that you can never scratch; the one where you try and scratch it, but it doesn't go away. Guilt pesters you like that. Sure. It's its job. And if it doesn't complete its mission, it fails, like all others, and dies. Well, a scratch does. But guilt will never fail. No matter what, guilt always proceeds and conquers. Even the strongest, most egotistical maniac the world has ever seen can be cracked by guilt. Heck, if they don't want to show it, they'll just hide it, with, perchance, a few pranks, a cocky attitude (the one where they think they are the king of the world) and a girl by their side. That's what happened, yesterday.
Now
I need a place to hide away.
That's why I needed to get away. I couldn't stand it any longer. He was like an itch, always stroking his ego. And even more so, directly in front of my face. He doesn't care that I hate him for it. He doesn't care that I can see right through his mask to his usual arrogant attitude. He hides it all, maybe to prove me wrong, maybe to redeem himself. It doesn't matter. All that matters is that I know he's guilty.
Oh,
I believe in yesterday.
Yesterday… all true itself, had been heaven. I would have rather gone back to yesterday in and of itself than live with this horror. As I sit here, in my hut, I am slowing revolving around me life. All that I've ever done is commit myself to what my life needs and not what I want. It too much. Sometimes I want to give. Sometimes I just want to give to the life that has been pestering me for so many years and fail. They say your conscience is your best friend. Mine is my enemy. They say your best friend is your conscience. Mine is my enemy. It seems that I have more enemies than friends now. So what does it matter.
The monologue stops.
I stare around at the room, the place I had taken to liking over the years. We had hung out here so many times that it brought back depressing memories. But I wasn't going to let them get to me. I was strong. I was going to fight. My inner-wolf wouldn't back down from the challenge and neither would I.
The fighting stops.
Suddenly, I noticed something glimmering in the corner. It didn't matter how it got here, only that it was here. And that was all that mattered. Nor did it matter that, with my wolf-ears, I could hear soft, welcoming footsteps on the stairs (a falter… step, step… oh. I think they tripped). It was so close. It was the light at the end of the tunnel. If only I could—
The footsteps stop.
"Remus?"
Mm mm mm mm mm mm mm.
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