I was completely... well I wouldn't say in love... but I was riveted in his videos, his voice, his antics in those videos with Mitch and the rest of Team Crafted.
Jerome and Mitch gave me somewhere to be after I came home, something to look forward to so that I could escape, and just laugh and forget society. And although I know they'll never read this, I'd still like to say thank you to them for that. The Summer of 2013 was a memorable one, as I discovered something truly amazing. Fanfiction. I couldn't put down my phone for 14 hours straight, reading every fanfiction there was, starting with innocent little ships and ending with the god damn Titanic when I opened up an M rated one. In this time period, my devotion to reading these was shown clearly through my lack of interest in anything other than reading. In 14 hours, I consumed 4 cups of coffee, 5 glasses of water, and 2 slices of banana bread. Oddly enough, my body failed to alert me that I needed food, because I felt fine all day. These little days where I can't eat anything come and go, it's nothing strange to me anymore.
After writing my first fanfiction, I needed a place to put my work. So ShipFicsRus was born, opening me up to a world that I felt safer in than my own.
Upon my entry into grade 9 in a new school in which I knew absolutely nobody, I felt a new sense of insecurity that I had never felt before, though I had gone through the painful process of going to new schools, but always in the middle of the year.
As the first few weeks of school progressed, my anxiety of going to school increased, which in turn made me quite often too shy to speak to anyone, resulting in me being that quiet kid in the back of the class. Not that I minded.
I felt safe and secure, alone in the darkened corner of my classrooms, because all I really needed was my music and I was ready to get through the hour.
This past week, the only times I spoke at school was when I was asked a question by the teacher, or a fellow student. I made no move to talk to anyone unless I absolutely had to.
As I have had a rough past with bullying, this led to my many insecurities. The main reason I sit at the back of the class is because I cannot stand having someone sit behind me, because when they talk, and especially when they laugh, I automatically feel like it's about me, no matter how many times I tell myself that it's not. My paranoia had gotten the best of me, and it still does.
I feel safest in Art class, where I've currently made a friend who's just as crazy as I can be when I get to know someone. I actually sit at the front of the class next to her, and our laughter and chatter is enough to block out the world around me and give me a sanctuary in which I can escape the constant judgment of modern day society and just be myself for an hour before I have to face the hard reality of moving back into the world.
And then, my headphones broke. All three pairs I owned wouldn't work. I realized that without the music that was constantly playing during the hours I was at school, I'd have to hear the people around me. But what I heard wasn't anything about me. I've had only once incident with a bully since being at my new school, and aside from that, nobody seemed to have a problem with me. And for that, I'm glad.
I'm still an introvert to society, and though my parents have a hard time accepting that, they'll have to at some point. I'm here to get through school with no complications, and I see no reason to put down any more roots in this unfamiliar city than I need to. I need to focus on my true goal of going to college and becoming an author.
I'm fine with who I am, even if my parents aren't, and that's really what matters. If they can't understand how I truly feel, well, I hope they read this one day.
For my best friend, Miranda, who's helped me cope by sharing a mutual hatred for school and all those in it, thank you as well.
And last, but certainly not least, Meg. My international best friend, who stays up until all hours of the night just to finish that once scene with me and often falls asleep trying, I gotta love her. She's an absolute treasure of a friend, and the hours I spend roleplaying with her on the weekends is pretty much what motivates me to work through the 5 day periods of time when we can't talk due to time zones. Thank you so, so much.
So that's pretty much it. Everything before this was a big blur that I prefer not to think about. Hope you learned a bit about ShipFicsRus!
P.S: I was thinking of doing a bit of Q and A. Got any questions about my life, what I do, what's behind a certain fic I wrote, or anything in between, leave your question in the reviews!