She curls up on her bed, holding her phone against her ear. Taking a deep breath, she wipes the tears about to fall and blinks hard, listening to the boy's voicemail recording.
"Hey, sorry I missed ya. Leave a message and I'll get back to you eventually."
She sniffles and tries to keep her voice from shaking.
"H-hey, Ross. Um, you're probably sleeping right now since it's, like, two in the morning, and that's fine. I-I mean, sleep is good and stuff. That's cool. I just, um, well, a few things happened and I could really use a friend right now. So just, um, call me when you get this, or whenever you can. Bye."
She hangs up and wipes more tears from her cheeks. She sets her phone by her bed and turns off the light, though she knows sleep won't come to her anytime soon.
It's 3:47 when her phone vibrates. Still wide awake and not bothering to wipe her tears anymore, she grabs it and answers it.
"I saw the review. What else happened?"
She sniffles. Of course he saw it.
"W-Well, it was mainly the-the review. I-it isn't easy to have s-so many important people talking about how unoriginal and tasteless your music is. Especially when you've w-worked on it so hard and for so long and you're pr-proud of it. I j-just don't understand how-how I could be so-so bad without a-anyone telling me a while ago."
She wants to say more, but the strained sobs she's trying to swallow are preventing her.
"Meet me at the beach. You know where," he says quietly. And then he hangs up.
She wipes her tears and throws on a big hoodie and some converse, grabs her keys, and drives to the beach. She parks next to his car in front of lifeguard tower twenty-one and gets out.
He's standing there in a t-shirt and sweats and probably no shoes and the second she sees him, a wave of comfort washes over her because he supports her, he's proud of her, and he thinks she's one of the most talented people to ever walk the earth. She runs to him and he takes her into his arms and she lets herself cry.
They're sitting in the sand, looking at the ocean. Her tears are still flowing, but slower now. The sun's going to rise soon, but she doesn't care. She doesn't think he does, either.
"I mean, I know not everyone is gonna like everything but it's just…these people are world renowned critics and to have them say that kind of thing about my music that I've written and worked hard on and that I'm proud of, it just-it's hard, y'know? And I've been getting a lot of hate lately about my music, too. People say I should've stuck to acting because I'm just another pop star with a good body and a pretty face but no talent. People-people are saying that I'm-I'm ordinary, that I'm exactly the same as everyone else. And-and that hurts, y'know? I'm trying to be original with my music and I'm trying to be different and I'm proud of what I'm putting out there but everyone's saying that I'm just annoying and talentless and the same as all the others."
She sniffles again.
"Hey," he says, "I don't know who's saying that, but everyone I know keeps telling me how much they love you. So many interviewers have asked me how proud I am of you, how proud I am to have been able to work with you for four years, how proud I am to be able to call you my friend. And I am. Proud, I mean. Laura, you're the first pop artist ever to sign to Big Machine. Big Machine! That's a huge deal, Laura. They don't just sign everyone. You are so talented, and if people don't see that then they're blind. Okay? I am so proud of you."
"Says the one who's been touring the world with millions of adoring fans and an original sound."
"Laura, look at me." She obeys, looking up from her lap into the hazel eyes she knows so well. "You have worked way too hard to be discouraged about some stupid review and a few haters. I know it sucks, and I know it's hard. But you have got to move on. Remember all your adoring fans. They love you, Laura. Your music is amazing. I couldn't be more proud of you, and I'm not the only one. You're signed to Big Machine. You're gonna go far."
"How can you be so sure?" she asks quietly.
"Because I know you. I know what you're capable of. This is just the beginning. And besides, you won't give up until you're at the top."
"Giving up seems easier on my self-esteem. And I'm sure people would appreciate it-"
"No. Don't even say that, okay? I know it's hard, I do, but you've gotta pick yourself up and keep going. The road isn't easy, you know that. But if anyone can make it, it's you."
"You really think so?"
"I know so."
"Thank you."
"Of course."
They're silent for a while.
"That can't be the only thing bothering you," he speaks up.
"I'm scared. For the future."
"Why?"
"Well, we only wrapped six months ago. And already we hardly talk."
"We talk."
"Not as much as we used to," she says. "We're both so busy… And it's only gonna get harder. I don't want the four of us to lose touch. You're all my best friends and I've practically grown up with you guys and you've been with me through everything and this whole journey has been easier because of you guys and I don't want it to be five years later and some gossip magazine is making a huge deal out of us being seen together because of how-how crazy it seems."
"That's not gonna happen, Laura."
"It's gonna happen and you know it!" she exclaims, more tears rolling down her cheeks. "I don't want it to happen, Ross, but it is!"
"We won't let it happen."
"We hardly have time to talk right now! What about when your career gets bigger?!"
"Our careers. We'll make time. We always do."
"I'm not sure I'm cut out for this business, Ross."
"Laura, this is your dream. You're gonna follow it. End of story."
"No matter what I do, we're gonna end up losing touch."
"That. Won't. Happen. We've been through too much to just lose it all."
"I know we've been through a lot, Ross. I know that. The show and everything that came with it. I mean, we played best friends for four years and we are best friends and you've been my boyfriend and even though it wasn't real, it set the standards for what I want in a boyfriend and you've helped me through everything and we're like family but we're gonna lose touch and you know it."
"Laura-"
"A-and I know there was that point in time where something could've happened-should've happened-but it didn't because we were scared that things would turn out bad and it would affect everything even though we knew that wouldn't ever happen. Something should've happened, Ross, but it didn't. That's our whole relationship, isn't it? We should've tried out us when we had the chance. We should've talked more when we could. We should've gotten together that day in London when we were there and we hadn't seen each other in two months. And it's eventually gonna be we should've kept in touch, but we didn't."
"Laura, you can't say that. You don't know-"
"But I do know. I'm not scared of losing Raini and Calum. I'm scared of losing you, Ross. Because one thing I know about us is that we are-we're filled to the brim with missed opportunities."
"Laura, when did this turn into a conversation about us not trying out a relationship?"
"First it's not trying our relationship, and then it's our whole friendship going down the drain."
"You really think we won't be friends in five years?"
"I think we won't be as close as we are now."
"I won't let that happen."
"We're already drifting apart."
"Don't say that."
"Why shouldn't I? It's 'Raura' all over again."
"Why do you keep bringing that up?"
"Because things could be so different right now! We-we came so close to breaking that wall keeping us from being together, Ross. We kissed in my dressing room and we said it was just for rehearsal but we both know it wasn't and if Calum hadn't have walked in and caught us that might've been it! If-if we had gotten together then and there, maybe I wouldn't be so scared of drifting apart. We'd still be together and we'd be happy."
"We had a window. We missed it. I thought that was that."
"Well, maybe that shouldn't be that. We're older now. Wiser."
"Okay? Laura, you're tired and stressed and hurt because of the hate you're getting and you don't know what you're saying. Something could've happened, but it didn't. That's it."
He shrugs and looks ahead at the ocean. She leans her head on his shoulder.
"Something did happen."
He chuckles a bit and shakes his head.
"We kissed in your dressing room. We said it was for rehearsal. It wasn't. Calum walked in on us, and he swore not to tell anyone. We didn't talk about it again after we left that room. That's what happened. Hardly enough to call 'something.'"
"You told me you wanted me," she says. "That's something."
"We had a window and we missed it."
"You keep saying that."
"It's true."
"Or you're just trying to convince yourself that it's true."
"Laura, you're not gonna lose me, okay? That's what this conversation's about. I'm done talking about what could've been, especially when you're too tired to possibly be thinking straight."
"Maybe that's what we were doing wrong. Thinking straight. Maybe-maybe we were so consumed with all the possible outcomes that we were ignoring the bigger picture. Maybe-"
"Enough with the maybes, Laura!" he finally raises his voice. He turns to look at her and she lifts her head off his shoulder. "We should've tried to be together, but we didn't, okay?! That's the end of it! I don't want to talk about missed opportunities anymore!"
"It doesn't have to be a missed opportunity," she suggests quietly.
"That kiss was the peak. We both knew that. After that kiss, it was either become something, or never be anything more. And we chose the latter."
"Because we were working together and we were scared-"
"Or we knew things wouldn't work out!" he interrupts.
"We knew things would work out. And that's what scared us."
"Laura, at the beginning of our downhill slope, I did ask you out. You rejected me because you said it wouldn't work out."
"I was young-"
"We still are young! You're making it sound like neither of us is gonna find love again if we don't get together!"
She doesn't say anything, and he stands up. He's mad at her, but she doesn't understand why. She's stating facts. He's supposed to calm her fears and promise her that things will be okay. But now all he's doing is yelling at her.
"Listen Laura," he says, gentler than before, "I think you need sleep. I know it's hard to get over hate like what people have been saying about you, but you really are one of the most talented people I know. And you aren't gonna lose me, or anyone else. Go home and get some rest, okay? I'll talk to you tomorrow."
He starts walking back to his car, but she just stands up and watches him.
"Stop telling me that all of this is just because I'm sleep-deprived! You're just a big coward, Ross, and you know it! We could be happy, but you're so scared of it not working out that you've got yourself convinced that we missed some 'window' and that's the end of it!"
He turns to look at her.
"You think I'm scared?"
She says nothing, but glares at him with all the frustration she can muster.
"I'm not scared of being in a relationship with you, Laura. I'm telling you we missed our window because once upon a time, we had feelings for each other. And now we don't. So obviously that means it wouldn't have worked out anyway."
"If you didn't have feelings for me anymore, you wouldn't have held me like I was the only thing grounding you to the earth. You wouldn't be looking at me like I'm the only thing that could possibly matter in the world and you wouldn't have immediately come here to sort out my problems at three in the morning."
"Well, if you didn't have feelings for me anymore, I wouldn't have been the one you called crying at three in the morning."
"I never said I didn't have feelings for you anymore," she reminds him.
"Are you saying you do?" he asks.
"Would I be talking to you about this if I didn't?"
"Maybe. You haven't slept."
"This isn't because I'm tired, Ross!"
"Laura, I liked you when we were sixteen. I still liked you when we were nineteen. But-"
"We still are nineteen," she tells him.
"The point is," he says, slightly frustrated, "I'm over it."
"Stop saying that! I know it isn't the truth!"
"How could you possibly know what I'm feeling, Laura?!"
"Because I know you, Ross! And I know that you wouldn't be trying so hard to convince me that we'll never work unless you're trying to convince yourself. And if you're trying to convince yourself, then that means a part of you is saying we will work."
He runs a hand through his hair.
"I can't do this with you right now. You were upset and I fixed it. I have to go back to bed now, and so do you."
"Ross, if we leave this beach, then we both know we won't let ourselves bring this up again."
"Maybe it's for the best."
"Who's talking about maybes now?"
"Laura, please. All of this is just ridiculous. It's over. We had something, and now we don't."
"Kiss me," she says.
He looks at her, eyes wide.
"What?"
"Kiss me," she repeats. "If we really missed our window, at least one of us won't feel anything. But if we both feel something, then we haven't missed anything."
"Laura, I'm not gonna kiss you. You're sleep-deprived and talking crazy and quite frankly, you're really getting on my nerves right now."
That silences her. In the five years she's known him, he has never told her that she was annoying. She's felt comfortable being herself around him and talking about anything she wanted.
"I'm sorry," she says quietly. She blinks back her tears and he sighs.
She hears his footsteps as he walks over to her and then his hand is on her cheek and he's wiping the one tear that has escaped and she feels comfortable again.
"I didn't mean that," he whispers.
"But you said it," she says, her voice shaking.
"I think I may be the sleep-deprived one."
"I think that's possible."
"You still have feelings for me?"
She looks down at the sand and nods, keeping her eyes closed.
"I-I'm tired of all of the 'what if's. We had something, Ross. We-we were almost-"
"I know."
She sighs.
"I just…I don't want to lose touch and only think of you as a missed opportunity."
"We won't lose touch."
"Still."
"Laura-"
"No, Ross." She opens her eyes to look at him. "If things aren't gonna work out, then they won't work out. But I don't wanna go through life without at least trying with you. We can't go as long as we've gone without trying."
"We can."
"We have no reason not to try."
"Friends don't break up, Laura. Couples do."
"Friends drift apart. If we're gonna fall out of each other's lives, I would rather it happen with the knowledge that we at least tried to be something. I'd rather it be because we broke up and I never wanna see you again than wish for you to be with me but know you've drifted so far we're practically strangers. I'd rather hate you and know that at one point I was able to love you than feel like we have open ends. I don't want you to drift out of my life, Ross. I either want you to stay in my life forever or go out with a bang."
"We could be lifelong friends, Laura."
"Either way, I don't want you to be one big 'what if.' And even if we do end up as just friends, I want to be able to look at you and know we tried. And I want the memories, Ross."
He doesn't speak for a while. She watches him look at her, and she wonders how he doesn't realize how he's looking at her. Or maybe he does realize, she thinks, and maybe he's just trying not to accept it.
"We shouldn't make any decisions like this when we're lacking sleep." His voice is quiet, but she hasn't heard so much longing since he was whispering sweet nothings against her lips as he held her in her dressing room.
"Then kiss me now and we'll figure everything else out in the morning," she whispers.
"I don't know, Laura."
She brings her hand up to rest on top of his, which is still on her cheek.
"You've kissed me a million times. What makes this one so different?"
"This one is real. It means something. We aren't playing characters and we don't have an excuse for it. If I kiss you, it means that whatever we had is still there. It means that we're still trapped in this…whatever it is."
"It could turn out for the better."
"Or worse."
"Ross, you've been telling me all night that things are gonna turn out okay between us. Now I'm telling you. This won't ruin anything."
"Promise?"
"Promise."
He doesn't say anything. A few seconds turns into a minute, and one minute turns into two minutes. And then:
"I'm gonna kiss you now."
He pulls her into him and presses his lips to hers. He's shy, hesitant, nervous. But then she kisses back and his entire body relaxes and he's kissing her, kissing her, kissing her. Almost five years of missed opportunities are being made up for in this kiss and she's feeling slightly lightheaded.
There's no Calum to walk in on them, there won't be anyone here for another few hours when the early morning surfers arrive and if one of them doesn't pull away they may never make it home but quite frankly she doesn't even care. She presses herself closer to him and her fingers are in his hair and she feels his heartbeat pounding in his chest.
He stumbles backward and they fall in the sand, but he just laughs and pulls her close again. That's when she knows that they're gonna try and they're gonna work. That one little burst of laughter is all it takes because it's a sign that she makes him so incredibly happy he can't possibly contain it. And then he's whispering her name over and over again in between his quiet moans of delight and she's the one laughing because she knows he's hers.
She wakes up next to him in the sand. His arm is wrapped around her, his hand on her bare back where her shirt is riding up. She kisses him lightly, and his eyes flutter open.
"Hey," she whispers.
"Hey."
"I'm feeling better. About the review and hate, I mean. It sucks, but I think part of the reason I was so upset is because I was tired and the show ending was hitting me really hard for some reason."
He smiles a bit.
"Good. You're too talented to let a few idiots get you down."
"So…we aren't lacking sleep anymore."
"And?"
"And I stand by everything I said last night."
"I stand by everything I did."
"Well, you kissed me."
He nods.
"We can't have the chemistry we have and say the things we've said and do the things we've done and act the way we've acted around each other without having something," he says.
"We did have something. Do we still have something?"
He nods again.
"You were right. We can't just not try. Especially when we both know that this isn't gonna be just some little week-long relationship that'll end as soon as it started. This is, like, five years in the making."
"I know."
"You're my best friend and I don't wanna ruin that."
"Ross-"
"Laura, I want you to promise me that if we try this, we'll always be best friends first. Even if we're married with seven kids, I want to be able to call you my best friend above everything else because that is what this whole relationship is based off of and I don't want us to forget how we started. The second we forget that we're best friends is the second that it all goes downhill. Our relationship works because we're best friends. Our chemistry is part of our friendship, and that chemistry is what all of this came from. So promise me that no matter how far we go with this, we will always be best friends."
She smiles and kisses him again.
"I promise."
He smiles too and kisses her one more time.
"In that case, will you be my girlfriend?"
"Yes."
He grins.
"That went a lot better than the first time."
"Here's to trying new things," she says, taking a deep breath but smiling nonetheless.
"I don't think this is much of a new thing."
"Here's to…being us."
"Think it'll last?"
"I think it'll last as long as we let it."
He looks at her, his thumb rubbing circles on the small of her back.
"Let's start with forever."
"That's a long time."
"We can take it day by day."
"Day by day, but counting down to forever."
"And when forever comes, we can reevaluate and see where we stand."
She smiles. This is actually happening after so many years of uncertainty.
"Hey, Ross?"
"Hmm?"
"I never got to thank you for being there for me last night."
"What're best friends for?" His smile is halfway between a cocky smirk and a love struck grin.
"You're dumb," she says.
He rolls on top of her, supporting himself on his forearms. She looks up at him. All he does is smile.
She hasn't seen his teeth this much since 2013, but she likes it.
"You said one time that you didn't know what could happen between us in ten years. I'm glad this came eight years early," she tells him.
"Me too."
He kisses her, and she knows that nothing else matters except this. Because he makes her happy. But he also makes her sad and frustrated and angry and nervous and excited and every other emotion under the sun. And someone who can make her feel that much has to be important. Imperfect is the most perfect thing on earth, in her opinion. And they are so imperfect, she's found her own perfection.
i'm sorry for this. please review. :)