The door momentarily stuck from lack of use the last 5 days before opening itself to reveal the near pitch black view of Sara's doorway. Bags were scurried in then lights were turned on room by room eventually illuminating nearly every room of the apartment as the twins moved about getting settled in and carrying most their luggage into Sara's bedroom. As luck would have it there was a ticket left for Tegan to purchase to join Sara back to her home in Montreal. They had arrived in the frostbitten city at nearly 4am in the morning and the taxi dropped them off at their final destination a half hour later.
Walking until both kneecaps made contact against the mattress, Tegan let her body fall onto it bouncing on it once and settling into it with a satisfied moan.
"I'm so fucking tired. I just wanna go to sleep in your arms and cuddle for a hundred hours. C'mere. Join me." Lips pressed against the bedding below speaking muffled words of encouragement for her twin to lie down beside her.
With a cheeky grin plastered to her face, Sara grabbed the cordless phone from her bedstand lightly slapping it onto Tegan's outstretched hand.
"What is this? Your phone? No, I want your hand not the phone." She replied with her face still burrowed into her sister's blankets.
"C'mon! You told mum you'd phone her. Tegan, she's up waiting for the call." Two knees hit the mattress bouncing up and landing near the laid-out person on the bed. With much of her weight being held up by one knee, Sara lowered her upper body down bringing her face up to Tegan's bent ear and purposefully let puffs of hot air from her nostrils hit blow on to her ear and the side of her face before whispering "Now phone mum cuz the sooner you do the sooner we can cuddle for a hundred hours."
Lips curled around an earlobe taking into a hot mouth and sucking on it loudly before releasing it with an exaggerated moan. Sara pulled back playfully smacking Tegan's bum then pushed back off the bed to start the task of unpacking.
Nearly 10 minutes later, Sara was done putting away the last item into one of the 2 large dressers in her room and she turned around to reveal a mischievous grin adorning her face. Crawling onto the bed until her body was pressed up against Tegan, who was currently sitting cross-legged on the bed still on the phone with their mum, she started to kiss her sister's jaw and bent ear causing her to immediately giggle and pull back a bit from the tickling lips.
Tegan held the phone a few inches away pressing the fingers of one hand over the receiver end so that their mother couldn't hear and with a stern look mouthed the words 'Stop that!'.
"Mum? Say that again. Sara was…talking. I didn't hear you." Glowering in her direction, Tegan shook her head in frustration then allowed the exaggerated serious look on her face to dissolve into her signature gummy smile. She held out her hand taking Sara's in hers playfully swinging them into the air as her other hand held the phone to her ear listening to Sonia re-tell a story about a recent flight she was on.
"I know. I know. It's so annoying when they do that. It makes no sense." After a minute of sitting on the bed watching Tegan listen to the story with an occasional nod of her head and hum of agreement, Sara got onto her knees pressing her weight against them down into the mattress and scooted over three paces until she was behind her and her tummy was touching Tegan's back. She lowered down and pressed her lips against her neck with a barely audible smacking sound.
"Uh, mum? Sara…Sara is motioning me. She wants to talk to you." With the fingers of one hand covering the receiving end of the phone again, Tegan lifted the phone up offering it to Sara with a self-satisfied smirk.
"Here. It's your turn." With a hushed voice, she playfully warned "Let's see how you like it now." Doing her best to get her revenge, Tegan got on her knees behind her twin then kissed up and down the flesh of Sara's neck and cheek while she spoke to Sonia.
What started out as a moan of approval for Tegan's current actions turned into a vague hum of agreement to what their mum was telling Sara and she realized it was time to end the call while her mom was still clueless about the new level their relationship had reached.
"Mum? I gotta go. Can I…can we call you tomorrow? It's like almost 5am here and we want to go to bed."
Goodbyes and I love yous were exchanged before the phone was placed back on the nearby nightstand. Closing the door to her bedroom and turning off the light switch, the only light came from two large windows on opposite walls but the moonlight outside seemed to be plenty once their eyes quickly made the adjustment. Waiting a moment until her eyes adjusted, Sara padded across the room back to her sister who was just now using her hands to slowly crawl off the bed. The large, mostly bare room was filled with the greyish, blue light from the cold, starry Montreal sky outside.
The twins completely undressed down to their socks and underwear then Tegan got in bed first motioning for her sister to lay down in front of her. Sara slipped in with her back towards Tegan then scooted her body back to nestle into her. She was rewarded for her efforts with a kiss near her temple.
"Ya know what? Don't be mad at me but can we just talk for a bit then sleep tonight? I'm so exhausted right now. I don't even know if I want to have sex."
"Sara. That's…totally fine. First off, I was just kissing you. I wasn't trying to have sex just now and secondly: that's not why I came here. I came here to be with you. Not to have sex with you."
Sara was silent and Tegan was pretty sure she knew the reason so she ended the silence with the clarification "Yes, Sara, we are still going to have sex here. I'm just saying that's not the only reason I came here. I came to be with you n hang out with you and see the city. It's not just about that."
"I know. It's…that's not what it's all about for me either. I just wanna spend time with you, too."
"New Orleans was for Tegan and Sara. Montreal is for Sara and Tegan. An' ya know, I don't think we should tell anyone about this obviously besides family n friends but let's never talk about this on stage or to any journalist. Never ok? Even when they ask those 'oh what's something that no one else knows' or 'talk about something you've never talked about' like don't ever talk about this. This is us. This is ours and it has nothing to do with the band."
"Ok. I kinda like that. Keeping this for ourselves." Bringing one of Tegan's hands up to her mouth, Sara sealed the deal with a kiss to her knuckle. The twins were quiet for a moment as both mindlessly stared out the large window that faced them until Tegan broke the silence "Do you think she'd be mad with us?"
"Mum?"
"Yeah. Do you think she'd be mad?" Tegan asked again.
"No. Not mad. I think she'd be mostly sad for us. Dad, too. And I think they'd secretly be disappointed in us." Sara's fingers ran up and down her sister's forearms as she quietly replied to her.
"Yeah." Even though her sister couldn't see it, Tegan nodded her head in agreement. "Yeah, they'd be disaapointed with us n would probably blame each other but like not on the phone or to each other's faces, ya know? But in their heads, I think they'd blame each other."
"I don't know. Mum…mum would definitely blame herself and all the decisions she made with us, like separating us." Tegan knew immediately what Sara had meant by the separating comment and didn't disagree that their mother would have most likely blamed herself if she discovered they had committed incest. "But you n I know that's bullshit. It had nothing to do with separating us. It had nothing to do with mom."
"You know who I think would be the most disappointed in us?" Tegan wondered.
"Bruce?" Hearing the apprehension in her sister's voice, Tegan winced knowing that Sara adored their step-father and would not want to hear what she was about to tell her. Always the rebel, Sara never really cared about what anyone thought but her Bruce was a special person in her life and was pretty sure that other than Tegan, he was the only person whose opinion mattered.
"Yep. 'Cause at least mum n dad see us as kids that they might have fucked up. Like where they blame themselves for our supposed fuck up. But it's like being gay. It's not a fuck-up. It's not a defect that they need to try to assign blame to. Bruce doesn't have that as much as mum n dad. The big decisions about us were made by mum n dad not mum n Bruce n dad.
Taking this is with her usual silence and reflection, the quiet was broken again by Tegan "Do you think they'd be disgusted with us?"
"Maybe. I don't know. I hope not." Letting out a big sigh, Sara clasped a hand on top of her twin's running her fingers over it before interlacing their hands. Thinking she would have all the answers and disappointed by the lack of comfort she felt her sister was providing, Tegan let out a sigh of her own a moment later.
"And Jeremy?' Tegan wondered.
"Probably the same, Tegan. He'd be grossed out at the thought then he would feel bad. He'd feel sad for us. I don't think Jeremy would be angry or disappointed though. Not like mum or dad…or Bruce."
"Are you disgusted by it?" With every question she asked, Tegan's voice seemed to get more hushed and conspiratorial.
"Yeah, a little. Like I'm still a little self…I have some disgust for myself for having the thoughts but it's also kind of a turn on. Like does it? Does it turn you on at all?"
"Really? It's a turn on for you?
"Yeah, it's just naughty and taboo. I like that. When you were kissing my neck when I was talking to mum, that was making me so wet. I don't know why but the whole sneaking around, taboo, cheating part is kind of a turn on."
Tegan winced as an image of Lindsey flashed in her mind at her sister's mention of the word 'cheating' and she had to remind herself of the promise she made on the flight to Montreal that she would not bring up her girlfriend's name or any stories about her. She knew it would be difficult as her girlfriends were like the sun to her and all the words spilling out of her mouth usually involved whoever her current flame was but she wanted her time spent in Montreal to revolve around Sara.
"So it…that doesn't turn you on at all? When I was kissing you when you were on the phone with mum?" Her fingers still snaking up and down Tegan's forearms, Sara wondered with a pronounced lisp.
"Not really. The taboo part does nothing for me. It's just because I like you." The one arm curled around her side pulled her back closer for a gentle hug. "I liked it when you were kissing me but just because I like your kisses, not really because I was on the phone with mum."
"Hmm. Okay." Doing her best to mask her level of disappointment in her voice, Sara replied as she moved her left leg draping it behind her and over both of her sister's warm legs. Sensing a disturbance in the tone of the conversation, Tegan leaned in until her lips were pressed against Sara's ear to offer words meant to both sooth and titillate.
"Since we're both too tired to kiss and have sex, let's meet in our dreams. Okay, Sara? I'm going to be in your dream tonight and I'm going to make love to you okay?"
"Okay" Sara's reply was laden with drowsiness. Starting from the top of her shoulder, Tegan's hand trailed down her side until it glided past the material of her underwear to the flesh of her thigh then back up again to her shoulder near her neck.
"I'm kissing your neck now. Sara, do you feel me? Do you feel my tongue going down your skin and touching your breasts?"
"Mhmm" A mix between a moan and drowsy, hum of agreement left Sara's lips.
"Good. My hands are on your stomach now and I'm slowly bringing them down your body." Using one hand, she caressed Sara's side below her ribcage eventually snaking her hand down and curling two fingers under the waistband of her underwear but never venturing inside. Being lulled to sleep by the erotic words being whispered into her ear, Sara started to drift into unconsciousness as her body was spooned by a warm, matching one behind it.
"My hand is slipping down your underwear. I'm inside you. Do you feel me, Sara? My fingers are inside you…massaging you."