A.N. This is an rp with the lovely redheads-have-more-fun. tumblr. com . I did not want to change anything about it, lols it is far to well written for me to rewrite for the sake of rewriting it. So this is unedited. and yes i did ask before posting this here. I do not own this may be slow to update for a bit, as this is an ongoing rp/fanfic.. unless i deside to go ahead and just write the fanfic out and not base of the rp.
William was sitting in the darkness of his room alone he stared down and his hands witch held a blade simple small, but it would do what he needed it to. He rolled up his sleeve and looked at his arm crisscrossed with scares. He slide that blade into the flesh of his arm once twice, 10 times, before he dropped the blade, and watched the blood drip off of his arm and onto the floor. Then suddenly someone else was in the room, he twisted himself so that the person couldn't see his arm and tried to roll his sleeve down in time.
"Didn't you learn you couldn't ever lie to me, Will?", asked Grell quietly. In his past as a molly he had mastered the art of silence until the perfect moment, and used it frequently.
"What do you want sutcliff?" The tone of his voce somehow still managing to be as cold as ever, Will rolled his sleeve the rest of the way down.
"To know why you insist on being a royal fucktard, Spears.", said Grell in an equally if not MORE frigid tone than he had ever used before. His eyes were filled with worry an fear and affection and all manners of a whirlwind as he stalked to his supervisor, "How long have you been doing this?"
"What does it matter?" William all but screamed, tears starting to form and roll down his face. "Since we got out of training or a couple years later."
Grell shook his head and sighed. He moved quickly, wrapping arms around his supervisor and holding him close, though loosely. He didn't want to make the brunette panic, but he couldn't bear to see the poor man in so much pain. He pressed his lips lightly to William's temple before exhaling softly.
"I came to tell you they finally released my death information, darling.", said the redhead quietly, "And I was allowed to see it…"
William's eyes widened as the arms wrapped around him and he tensed."Oh did they Sutcliff, you must be happy you have always wanted to know." His voice had faded to a whisper by the end.
"I'm so sorry, darling…", whispered Grell, resting his head on the brunette's shoulder like he always used to, wishing the supervisor would just relax…
Just trust him again…
"Do you remember as well then?" William's voice faded off at the end and more tears fell from his eyes. William turned his head so that he could softly kiss the top of grell's head.
Grell nodded, "Yes… I'm… I'm just so sorry things wound up like that…", said the redhead quietly, eyes closing at the small sign of affection from his supervisor.
"Can you….ever forgive me, Will?"
William started shaking with sobs. "I tried to stop them from telling you…I pushed the paperwork back hoping to delay this…. I never wanted you to remember that…It has always been painful for me…I never wanted you to have to know…Forgiving you will take time." William turned and wrapped his arms around the redhead ignoring the pain in his arm.
Grell moved carefully, taking William's face in his hands and looking into the pained green eyes. "No more keeping things hidden, William. I loved you then, I love you now, and I always will… I'm ready to do whatever you need me to do to make you alright again…"
The redhead smiled a tiny smile,pushing a stray lock of dark hair out of William's face, "Whatever you need, darling. I'm here for you, always."
William letting his pained arm fall to his side, kissed grells cheek softly. "Thank you, thank you. I missed you Grell." William smiled it still not reaching his eyes."I don't know what youll have to do I have been like this for so long…"
"Then we'll just have to figure it out on the way, won't we?", said the redhead, pressing close to William and wrapping arms around him. He sighed happily, glad to have his Will in his arms.
William nodded. "Yes we will."Willam shifted his arm and realized that his shirt was stuck to the now dry blood. "Grell I need to get this shirt off it stuck to my arm…." He looked into the redheads eyes apologetically.
"Oh! Right.", said Grell, moving a touch away, frowning at the stain on the shirt sleeve, "…I'll get the peroxide. We need to get the stain out before we wash it or it will spread."
"No don't worry about the shirt…I have plenty of them, but if I'm not carful ill just open up the cuts." William pulled at his sleeve carefully, trying not to open the cuts back up.
"Alright. Come along darling.", said Grell with a nod, leading the brunette to the kitchen, "Wait here."
A minute later the redhead returned with a small first aid kit, a hot needle, and what looked like a tiny spool of… suturing wire?
"Wet the sleeve with a rag, dear, that way it can just peel off and not tear anything.", said the redhead in a business like manner.
William looked at the first aid kit like it was going to bite him before he nodded and did as he was told wetting the sleeve with a hiss as the water touched the fresh wounds, but when he removed the rag and went to take of the sleeve he hesitated his arm was not the best to look at it was covered in scars some old but most new at lest the ones you could see the best where..the older ones had faded a bit. William looked up at grell from his arm having still not removed the sleeve. " Its….Its not nice to look at Grell." He said softly.
"I was a molly for years, darling. I'm used to it.", said Grell. He noticed the blood was welling again so with two tugs so quick William wouldn't feel a thing, he tore the sleeve to the elbow, inspecting the injuries gently, "You went deep, love. some of these will need help closing."
William gasped as the sleeve was torn. William hung his head eyes closed. "Do what you need to…they will scare more that way…and deep was kind of the point at the time…" William was still hanging his head when he finished.
Grell nodded. A few clicks and a the click of a lighter sounded, then a soft voice, "This is going to sting like a mother, darling."
Grell carefully began to clean the slices, wincing every time William's arm went tense from the pain.
Tears fell silently down William's face, and he clenched his jaw, Grell had been right this was painful. William at lest knew that with Grell doing this, none of the cuts would get infected as had happened in the past. A small pained wiper made its way out into the air.
A small bottle tapped William's stomach. It was held in Grell's hand.
"Yes, I know. I shouldn't have laudanum. But its effective, darling. Sip a capful down; it'll dull the pain. No more than a capful, though."
"I would ask where you got this, but you are you." A small smile was on Williams lips as he did as he was told by his , well what was grell now anyway? His lover? He didn't know anymore, the lines that he knew where gone now.
Now that the lines accross William's pale arms were clean and clear, Grell grabbed the needle he had sterilized and unwound some of the suturing thread/wire. His fingers worked quickly and efficiently; and after about ten minutes, William's arm was cleaned, stitched, and bandaged. Grell chuckled and kissed the white linen, near the wrist.
"There you go, darling. change it once every day or so, and keep it clean. After a few days i'll take a look and you'll have to start letting it breath more."
William filched at the tender touch to his wrist, and pulled his arm away. "Thank you Sutcliff. I will do as you have instructed." William slipped back into what he knew the cold calm demeanor. William looked up at Grell his eyes as cold as they ever seem to be. But with a hint of pain. "You can go now."
Grell opened his mouth to speak, but closed it. He nodded, smiled weakly, and spoke in a thin voice, "I'll… see you later, William."
And he walked out the door, a pale red handprint on the doorknob.
He hadn't yet washed the blood off of his hands.
"Grell Stop" He called rather loudly, Falling to his knees, crying again, with his arms wrapped around himself. William didn't know what to do anymore, how to act. Could he fall back into what he knew all those years ago should he? "Come back" he called softly this time William stared at the handprint in his own blood. William after a time let his gaze fall to the floor, He was mad at himself…He fell back far to esaly into the way he had been acting now for years… He stared at the bandage on his arm and started to unwrap it. His tears making it hard to see, even with his glasses.