WROTE THIS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT BECAUSE I LOVE ATOHIYO AND I HATE MYSELF
i think im kinda proud? of this? yeah lol (talk atohiyo to me)
For obvious reasons, people always think Atobe is the romantic one in the relationship; the one public about it and sappy about it, the one who initiates dates and gives gifts alot, making Hiyoshi fluster and hide his gratitude to maintain his "I don't actually care" attitude (rudely enough).
But they don't really know that Hiyoshi is actually the more… sentimental one in the relationship.
But Hiyoshi does these things very rarely in front of everyone, but he knows that Atobe knows his little gestures show much, much more.
Hiyoshi teases Atobe a lot, all in all because of his "gekokujou" and he just likes to annoy Atobe, but when Atobe smirks, Hiyoshi sees the hidden genuinity that Hiyoshi understands. And it makes Hiyoshi warm inside.
And people don't know (well, except the Hyotei regulars) that when Hiyoshi approaches Atobe for "future captain" shenanigans, he holds him. His shoulder, or his arm. Skin and fingers brushing his skin and it's like static.
Hiyoshi subconsciously does this, and he feels security when he holds Atobe.
And no matter how public Atobe is with their relationship, those little smiles and gentle brushes of skin make him stride closer, much much closer, even when they're already sitting together and chatting happily with little elbow nudges and annoyed faces.
Hiyoshi strides closer so Atobe can see the emotions in his eyes that he can never truly express.
And sometimes Hiyoshi doesn't even realize how little he smiles; all being smirks of little antics in place.
When he truly smiles, there he actually can move so freely, so comfortably in Atobe's presence, and it shows how much he loves Atobe, and no one sees because only they see the hidden meanings in each other.
Hiyoshi loved it, until they had a fight that almost broke them.
It left a small tear. The fight wasn't trivial. It was a fight that had you obsessed about it and that you can't stop thinking about it over and over again, and it leaves you more frustrated than the time the argument occurred.
Hiyoshi saw that Atobe isn't also perfect. That someone who's so good at everything and has the pride could surprisingly be so frustrating. It shouldn't have had surprised Hiyoshi, but it did, because it suddenly stuck to him that Atobe didn't care for him.
It left them so cold, so bitter.
Because they know each other, Hiyoshi sensed how tense Atobe was when they passed by, as if the cold suddenly blanketed around him. And Hiyoshi felt more empty when Atobe wasn't there for his warmth.
Many times said, Hiyoshi doesn't properly show his emotions, but it gave him a cold aura. A dead aura. Sad ones that make you avoid him, not wanting to ask if he's okay even though you know he isn't. He was insufferable.
And the Hyotei club was so quiet. No one tried to make them up.
Hiyoshi felt so lonely. So painfully lonely.
Because Atobe was always there for him, and he was there for Atobe.
It seemed as if they found each other and found the love in each other, and they never let go because they spent so much time feeling so lonely.
Hiyoshi, the quiet, rude boy who bare spoke up. He hides his anxiety in remarks.
Atobe, the proud and loud natural born leader who everyone thought was perfect. He's isolated.
Hiyoshi brushed away these thoughts, because he thought that once they found each other, they would care for each other when no one would. He suddenly had a hard time convincing himself that Atobe cared, because he always thought that no one cared for him at all.
They passed by. Never speaking.
And it worsened Hiyoshi's anxiety, clouding his thoughts with the repetitive mantra of self-demeaning words that he so desperately tried to push away.
It got so difficult until Atobe found him.
Atobe found him when Hiyoshi felt he was going to break. Atobe came by silently when Hiyoshi had his head down and eyes everywhere except anyone's eyes. Came by calmly, and he sat beside him on the bleachers and pushed away his bangs and kissed his forehead.
He whispered, "I'm sorry."
Quietly, but so sincerely, and Hiyoshi kissed his cheek back, and accepted his apology.
Then he just. Touched him. Palm laid over his shoulder, a small pat on his knees.
And Hiyoshi there reassured him, that he'd be there for him, too, because he knows how much Atobe would also need someone.
Hiyoshi also felt... relief. Because Atobe did care. He thought he was ridiculous because he was scared that no one would ever see him, notice him, and all would forget him. He tried so hard.
He cried later, because he never wanted to cry in front of everyone. He was still trying to fix his insecurity, even with Atobe there.
Little by little, he battled them and touched Atobe more. Right now, Hiyoshi initiated that they have a walk at 11 p.m., to which Atobe agreed with a questioning look.
Atobe held out his scarf because Hiyoshi forgot his. He suddenly urged to reach out for his hand.
He loves Atobe's hands. Whenever they were alone, Hiyoshi would take Atobe's hands and hold them. He felt the warmth and softness from the expensive lotions he owned in his collections. He felt the callouses and wounds from training and playing tennis and from writing because of his duties as the school president.
Hiyoshi would entangle them with his fingers and Atobe would squeeze back.
No eye contact. Just feeling each other's hands, and suddenly they would feel every heart beat and every emotion. All with just their hands.
So now, in the middle of the streets with only street lights and a few stores illuminating the cement pavement, Atobe and Hiyoshi were walking silently, presence felt like heat. They always know they're there for each other. No communication, just pure silence.
Then Hiyoshi suddenly held Atobe's hands, intertwining them like he always did. He felt the warmth and bumps and softness and it made Hiyoshi smile, even for just a little.
"Not scared of PDA anymore?" Atobe whispered, leaning in close to his face with his signature smirk.
Hiyoshi rolled his eyes and kissed his cheek.
"It's like midnight, Keigo, but you could say that."
And it was okay. They're both okay and they have each other, connected and not alone and it was something Hiyoshi could cherish in the five, ten, or thirty years.
But that didn't matter. All that was important was that he was holding him now and he was happy.