The Sassy Squad
The awkward drunk
Disclaimer: I don't own naruto and any of the characters here if I did they would meet each other and have an unlikely alliance
AU: In this AU it is where the Akatsuki is just a mercenary group who where doing odd jobs and confidential missions for the sake of the shinobi nations,Kakashi,Yamato and Sai is the same, Itachi is like in the Au in the road of ninja but Sasuke is still in his Emo mode like in the canon even Itachi is in the village side even though, and Ino is still the same attitude but sometimes gambles for money when needed and only a member of the Yamanaka clan on her mother's side Inoichi is her uncle in her mother's side. she always travels from konoha to the capital of the shinobi nations, every half of the year. back and forth, unless she had mission that she needs to travel from places.
At the Himitsunoe Manor
*Evening*
''Sharky what is the theme of the portraits in the hallway today?"Ino asked him while watching her favorite TV series alongside with him
"It's aesthetic of the things that makes us peaceful ,like Portrait of Sai with his creations in the field, Mine half naked in the waterfall,with samehada while meditating, Kakashi lying in the field with his ninkens, Yamato with trees shading himself from one of them.
While you lie in a field of pastel flowers surrounding you as you lie with it like in a sleeping beauty position,also you wear a flower crown in your head'' Kisame informed her
"Also our group picture is like in a Gothic Victorian period, like in the crimson peak kinda vibe, Kakashi was the center this time, sitting like a boss while we surrounded him like we are his henchman,we are so very formal"
Kisame sigh"Its a stunning portrait actually,we really like we had the pictorial for a magazine realistic even I,need to have another look"
Ino's favorite place to wander in the manor was the hallway of expressions where portraits of the occupants in the manor always changes ever week, there are different themes being shown in the portraits that describes themselves either joyful until to their darkest moments that really symbolizes the six of them. While it was Ino's favorite,it was Kakashi's least favorite part of the house.
Because its too personal, it even shows every symbolism in his past,depends on the theme every week. and it was located in the big hallway entrance.
But like Kakashi, she would also be nervous if Shikamaru and Chouji would be able to find and locate this place,she would come here if those two are in mission or they are spending the day with only the two of them . she would not imagine their faces when they found out about this place and secrets she intended to keep only for herself. not to mention The team seven are the last persons to be the one who will enter and saw their pictures in the hallway.
Itachi is also worried if Sasuke was able to find this manor. even if it's lot was really big, there is a seal for the intruders not to find this place. He really needs to have time for himself so that is why he was here for his inner peace (even though this place is really big for six occupants and very noisy )
" Piglet, does your father know that your not staying at your home right now?"Kisame asked while watching his most awaited television series now on Blue-ray DVD, 'Game of Thrones' he just watch it on DVD because he cannot watch it in the Tv since he and Itachi would likely had a mission when the series would air he watch the pilot episode so he is now interested to the show. He currently munching his popcorn right now.
"He is currently in a mission with the Ino-Shika-Cho, something about stopping an enemy to assassinate a nobleman or something" Ino Yamanaka answered while also eating her popcorn she sat beside Kisame as they watch Game of thrones. She sneered while they watch Cersei and Jaime scene
" Ugh Kami-sama pls... I know its forbidden love or something, I hate Incest especially those two,they pushed Bran out to the tower,The things we do for love my ass!"
Kisame just laughed" Oh come on we already know Cersei is just manipulating him ever since they where children" he snickered" and besides, we already know that she was also fucking her cousin Lancel and because of that King Bobby B (Robert Baratheon) is dead,being gorged by a boar" he grinned " So offensive for you since they used your animal sign to kill him"
"Well if you make a boar as your prey, kill it at once ,no second chances, When you leave a boar alive, no hunter will be safe, Where do we inherit our name and stubbornness from?" she let out a chuckle and goes back on watching the series. she let out a shocked expression when they saw Joffrey Ordered Ned Stark to be beheaded while Sansa and Arya watched and also much to everyone's surprise. While Kisame was also in disbelief.
"OHHH NONOONONOO YOU LITTLE VICIOUS SHIT! YOU FUCKIN INBRED! I HATE YOU! KAMI-SAMA NO!"Then she watch Arya's expression" Poor Arya you little small bean, Poor Sansa for being such a sheltered brat. FUCK JOFFREY!"
"The world was really full of lies, but to kill the most honorable people on the seven kingdoms? Mind blown!, I will now watch this series really! Not your ordinary TV show! Still terrified of the white walkers though"
" It's because your a sadistic fuck Kisame!" Ino mocked him" and besides why are you terrified of them, you had the same color"
" Well Your the one to talk, your terrifying when your tantrums are shown, your prone to irrationality"Kisame smack her head playfully "Your racist by the way"
"Ouch why you-"
Suddenly Yamato appeared and he appears to be drunk. He was walking funnily and landed on the other couch, he let out a laugh and a few hiccups. He also had look them and giggled
"What was he thinking right now?" The two thought in unison while looking to their drunk companion. Then Yamato let out a smirk
"Hey, do you want to see my wood?"
Ino and Kisame watched him in disbelief while staring at him for a second.
"WTF! WTF was that Yamato!?" Kisame roared in laughter he never really thought that a serious,uptight person like Yamato would say that when he is sober 'Man, he must be wishing for a one night stand, Unfortunately he just wandered to the house where everyone would laughed at his drunk stupor Like the Blondie rolling in the floor right now and banging her fist in the floor. '
Kisame, realizing that he has the mood to take advantage of Yamato's drunk state, he turns off the tv and join the two who was still in the same position as he last leave them
"Well, I can assure you ladies my wood is longer than you anticipated"
Ino burst out an unladylike like laugh with tears in her eyes while Kisame holds his stomach to prevent it from hurting
"Oh Kami, normally I would punch you right now senpai if your just like the others, creepy and disgusting" she wiped her tears of laughter "But when those words comes to your uptight mouth its just pure hilarious!"she finally recovered and turns to Kisame while he tries to recover himself from laughing
" Lucky for you, Kakashi is on a mission, Itachi is sleeping or maybe in his Batman mode, and Sai is with Kakashi, and We are the only one to laugh you right now,"Kisame snickered in a good way and goes to the kitchen to get an aspirin and water.
" The sharky is right, Yamato-senpai. Good thing Kakashi-sensei is not here or else he would record it into himself and use it to blackmail you to pay for his expenses, You know how expensive those Icha-Icha books,especially those best sellers! " Ino help Yamato to his drunken state and laid him down in the sofa "Kami-sama, Your heavy!"
"You know your flower can be satisfied if it is finally connected to my-Ouch!"Yamato was smacked in the face by a thick book that Ino must have randomly take Yamato stop slurring and became unconscious.
"Okay, lay low,stop now, Two jokes about your 'wood' is enough just don't include the badly covered term for the female organ."Ino sigh while adjusting the pillow for his head.
"Hey,Piglet, I brought the things needed, I will put it at his bedroom"Kisame shouted from Yamato's room ''You can carry him now!"
'OI!Help me here sharky! what do you think what we are carrying here? a sack of rice?"Ino retorted while she can see Kisame approach her with a mocking grin
"awww weak little piggy need some help"
"Shut it Sharky! It would be awkward if I drag him to the bed, besides its to heavy for me you and you can carry him by one hand!"Ino reason out while glaring at him
"Fine,fine you got a point for that"then the shark nin carried the wood user towards the latter's bedroom then they started adjusting the pillows, helping him undress half naked and Ino used a wet clothed to clean his upper torso while Kisame get some of the clothes from the cabinet and help Ino dress the unconscious man and set him to bed. finally when they are done they sat on Yamato's mini living room. his room was a suitable room for a environmentalist like him. Clean,green and fresh in the eye.
"When he woke up, I swear I'm going to attack him with questions! Woodman never easily get drunk like this,and about his wood jokes, man this is hilarious!"Kisame can't help but chuckle while Ino sat in front on the other couch let out a sigh " Don't torture him like that, he is the mother of this mansion and Kakashi is the lazy bum father who threatens us to eat sashimi"
"Piglet, you're the only one who hate eating sashimi and kakashi is acting as a father figure because you're a rebellious and pigheaded girl"Kisame casually commented while Ino let out a pout. but she let out a chuckle
"Do you remembered the day that we met here in this mansion, how this mysterious mansion appeared and had a convenient interior for us hired people like me and itachi, a runaway royal outcast like you, men without past identities about their heritage like sai and yamato and a self-loathing and a mystery called kakashi?" Kisame casually remembering the past
"Duh, we always fought all the time, You on your mockery on my height and eating tendencies and how it suited my name and me mocking you for your height and how will you never get laid because no one will lay down on a shark because your harsh and too honest, your habits and etc."Ino snickered
"But I realize that your one of the people who I can follow my shenanigans and always with me on casinos when I needed money, and heck you became a drag queen because of me and of course you treated me an equal, my virtues as a woman"She concluded and let out a giggle" Your a huge slap of reality to my face so I appreciated your honesty since you can't really stand flowery words. Thank you"
"hmmn? you have womanly virtues? where?"Kisame feign innocence "I can't see it"
"Can you please kill yourself ,like right now!"Ino throws a pillow from the couch and Kisame easily dodge it while laughing
"Piglet, you're a good person, not just appearance and not your temperamental mode
I hope someone can see that beyond skin deep"Kisame commented
"So anyway,midnight marathon ,we will watch K-drama?"Ino suggested
"ooh, Legend of the blue sea?"Kisame suggested
"That was last time ,and we watched it twenty times!"Ino complained
"how about Goblin!"Ino suggested
"We watch that for 25 times Piggy! and it's just that you like older men, I always knew you like daddy kink"
"Hey no kink shaming here! At least I'm not prone to bestiality!"
"You and your weird accusations piglet! Fuck you"
"No thank you, I will decline the offer"
they stare at each other and laugh at each others faces
"Hey ladies, can I have you beautiful flower?" Yamato suddenly talk in his sleep, mumbling about his lame pick-up lines to his sleep
"I swear I will use it as a blackmail when I needed something to him"Ino tried to hold her laughter
"Likewise Piglet, Likewise "Kisame had tried to hold his laughter before it burst out and silently exited from the room and went to their respected rooms to rest for a day.
AU: I hope you like the first chapter, please review if you want another prompt. and this story will not be a reverse harem, this is a friendship between people who will unlikely to be allies in canon except to Yamato ,Kakashi and Sai. and in the side of Itachi and Kisame. They are called to fabulous to die squad after all