A/N YAY new oneshot :D This hasn't been beta'd so I aplogise...as soon as it has been I shall upload that one. I just wanted to put it up because I'm quite proud of it :D
Warnings: angst, slash (nothing graphic), self-harm, violence, homophobes, suicidal thoughts...happy fic really ;)
Disclaimer: Don't be ridic, obviously mine. Pffffft I wish. I also do not own My Last Breath by Evanescence. Go listen to it, it's a beautiful, though slightly depressing, song.
READ ON DEAR READERS
Hold on to me love
You know I can't stay long
All I wanted to say was 'I love you and I'm not afraid'
Can you hear me?
Can you feel me in your arms?
Dougie strolled down the pavement, smiling happily to himself. He was content with life for the first time in a very long while. The sun was shining, the birds were singing in the trees and Dougie was arm in arm with his beautiful boyfriend. His boyfriend. For such a long time Dougie had longed to be able to say those words about a boy, any boy. But he knew what would happen if he came out and for a long while he hadn't. He'd pretended and it had killed him. But then when he did come out, everyone had reacted in the way he'd expected. He'd wanted to take the words back, to never have come out of the proverbial closet but he did. And he was glad he did, it was a weight off of his shoulders. And he'd got Danny.
Dougie smiled again, casting his mind back to when he'd met the boy shortly to become his everything.
It was a few weeks after Dougie had told all his so called 'friends' and family he was gay. Since then, his family had ignored him and his 'friends' had turned their backs on him and joined in with the bullying that had been going on for ever since he cared to remember. It was hard and it was wearing Dougie down.
Words which hadn't bothered him when he still had friends were cutting deeper and were more painful than before, especially when they came out of the mouths of the one's he used to trust. It was just words as well, no actions or anything else that might condemn them and convict them. Dougie had tried telling the senior management and governors at school, as well as his parents but they'd all laughed it off and said he was over reacting, nothing was going on. These guys were his friends after all. Dougie gave up after that. Those people weren't his friends, not any more.
Dougie didn't understand it though. When they'd been friends, they'd always said they'd be there for each other, no matter what. Dougie had trusted this when he'd told them he was gay. Yet they'd all conveniently forgotten what they'd expressed almost every day and now they wanted nothing to do with Dougie. They wouldn't even ignore him either, no they had to join in with the taunts he'd always been faced with. Dougie had always been bullied, ever since his first day of pre-school. It wasn't his fault, he was just always different to the other boys with his short height, his slight frame, fragile, angelic features, longish golden locks and clear blue eyes. He used to be able to shrug it off though. When he had friends and they didn't know they were right when they called him degrading names such as faggot.
It was getting to Dougie now. For the past few weeks he hadn't eaten properly and was now even smaller and skinnier than he used to be, his bones sticking out prominently. He gazed down at his thin wrist, the scarlet blood dripping from the numerous cuts down his porcelain skin. He didn't want to cut, but he needed to. It was the only thing other than his eating he had any control over. Cutting made him feel better. It didn't even hurt anymore.
Dougie sighed. This was stupid. Life meant nothing to him anymore. He had no friends, his family no longer cared and not even cutting himself hurt. Dougie wanted to feel again, but at the same time he just wanted to slip into a deep nothingness that would never end. Slowly, as though in a deep trance he stood up, his attention being vaguely caught by the vivid red against his pale white skin. Shaking his head he moved dream like through the room, down the stairs and out the door. He drifted along like this for a while, not thinking, not knowing where he was going, ignoring the worried glances of passersby. Eventually, after what felt like years but also no time at all, Dougie was stood on a bridge. He sighed a deep sigh of relief as he realized what he had to do.
Slowly, carefully, he stepped up onto the side of the bridge, holding onto one of the concrete posts securing it to the ground. He gazed down steadily at the rushing waters below. He wasn't scared. He contemplated how easy it would be just to take a step off of the bridge and fall into that churning blackness. It would make it easier for everyone. His friends wouldn't care anyway and his family wouldn't have to be ashamed of their gay son anymore. Little did Dougie know his knight in black skinny jeans was coming to save him.
Danny was walking home along the bridge. He usually wasn't out this late, but he'd had to stay behind after school to finish off some science coursework. Urgh. Coursework was the bane of his life and he hated it. Luckily, this was his last piece.
Danny was so lost in his thoughts of school, his friends and what he'd when he got home that he didn't notice the figure on the bridge until he was right beside it. When he did catch sight of it, his breath hitched in his throat. This couldn't be good. Danny hurried forwards until he was right next to the figure. He could see it was a boy now. A skinny boy, dressed in over large clothes with his sleeves rolled up, revealing blood stained arms. His golden hair was flying in the wind and he was gazing down at the water below with such a peaceful expression on his face. Danny knew it couldn't be good. He had to proceed carefully and get this boy down before it was too late. Danny took a deep breath. He'd never been so terrified in his life.
"Excuse me" Danny called softly, scared he'd frighten the boy and make him fall of f of the bridge. The boy's head whipped round at the sound of Danny's voice. Danny's breath caught in his throat again. This boy was beautiful. Danny had never seen someone so perfect. Danny knew right there, that he had to help this boy down and get to know him.
"What?" the boy called shrilly. Danny coughed and spoke again.
"C'mon. Come down from there. I promise I'll help you, take you home, whatever just come down from there. There's got to be something good in your life that makes it worth living. Come down from there and I'll show you how good life can be. Please, just don't jump" Danny was floundering; he didn't know what to say to make the boy get down. Luckily, it seemed to be working. Danny extended a hand to the boy and he hesitantly took it. Danny helped him down.
"I'm Danny" Danny smiled, hoping this boy would want to get to know him.
"Dougie" Dougie whispered brokenly.
"C'mon. Let me take you home" Danny said and was shocked when the boy -Dougie –visibly flinched at these words. He gazed at the boy and found his arms covered in fresh red blood oozing from numerous cuts. They were obviously self inflicted. Danny felt his heart start to break at the sight of the boy and knew that he'd do anything, anything to make this angel better again.
"No, I can't go back there. You don't understand, they don't care. They hate me" Dougie cried, tears starting to form in his eyes.
"Come back to my house then" Danny had told him simply.
Holding my last breath
Safe inside myself
Are all my thoughts of you
Sweet raptured light it ends here tonight
Dougie chuckled, a bubble of laughter that rose up through him and filtered through his lips. Danny smiled and looked over at his boyfriend.
"What's so funny Dougs?" he asked.
"I'm just so glad you saved me Danny" Dougie told him, snuggling further under his arm. Danny nearly felt his heart break with happiness. He had saved Dougie, ever since that day when he'd taken him back to his house. Danny's family had adopted Dougie as their second son once Dougie had explained the whole story. Dougie even transferred to Danny's school and made a whole new set of friends who accepted him for who he was, and accepted his and Danny's relationship. He hadn't seen his old family and friends in over a year, and quite frankly didn't ever want to see them again. Danny placed a chaste kiss on the top of Dougie's head.
"I'm glad I saved you. You're so brave Dougie, and so beautiful. I love you" Dougie smiled happily at his boyfriends words.
"I lov-" Dougie's words were cut off by the sound of a gunshot wrenching apart the still summers air. A bloodcurdling scream followed. Danny froze in shock when he realized it came from Dougie. The younger boy's body fell limp in his arms.
I'll miss the winter
A world of fragile things
Look for me in the white forest
Hiding in a hollow tree
I know you hear me
I taste it in your tears
Danny started to cry as he realized what had happened. He slowly laid Dougies slight frame on the ground and carefully, frantically tore the already bloodstained t-shirt off as he looked for the bullet wound. Spotting it, he tried to apply as much pressure as possible with one hand whilst fumbling in his pocket with the other, trying to find his phone. Once found, he placed an emergency call, begging for an ambulance. When he was done with that he collapsed over Dougie's barely breathing body.
"Please stay with me Dougs. Don't leave me. I don't know what I'll do if you die. Dougs, stay awake. DOUGS DON'T LEAVE ME" Danny pleaded and shouted, slapping Dougies face in an attempt to keep him awake.
"Danny" Dougies voice was weak, but it was there. Danny sat back slightly and stared at the pale boy, tears making their tracks down his face.
"Dougs, please"
"I'm sorry Danny" Suddenly Danny felt a shadow fall over them. He gazed up and met the eyes of a bigger man stood above them, still wielding the gun.
"Fags" the man spat. Danny sat frozen in shock. This was the man who shot his soulmate, just for liking the same gender. Danny wanted to rip him into little pieces, but couldn't move. "People like you shouldn't be allowed on the streets. You're monsters, abominations. Society shouldn't have to deal with you" the man finished his cruel speech by spitting on Danny, and then he ran. Danny watched his retreating back before Dougies voice tore his gaze away.
"Danny, please. Let me go. I love you, but I have to go. I'll never forget you" Dougies weak speech tore Danny's already broken heart into even more little pieces.
Holding my last breath
Safe inside myself
Are all my thoughts of you
Sweet raptured light ends here tonight
"I can't Dougs" Danny sobbed, his tears falling onto the pale boys cheeks and mingling with Dougies tears. "It's selfish but I don't want to let you go. I know you're in pain, but you can't leave. You're my everything, what will I do without you?" he asked helplessly. Dougie slowly, painfully reached an arm up and stroked Danny's cheek.
"You're amazing Dan" he said quietly. "You saved me when I had no one and nothing. I was ready to end it all then, leave the world. But you came along. I'll never forget that look on your face when I first turned around. You're the most fantastic person on earth, and so brave and strong. I don't want to leave. But it hurts so much. Please Danny, let me go. I know you'll be able to move on, you're strong Danny. Please let me go. Don't forget about me, but don't let me hold you back. Go out there Danny, become the amazing person I know you will. Don't be afraid to fall in love either."
"Please Dougie" Danny sobbed brokenly.
"I'm sorry Dan. But I have to go" Danny nodded.
"I understand. I'll never forget you Dougs. You're an angel to me, I've thought that ever since I saw you on the bridge. I'll never understand why your family and friends left such an amazing person. I love you Dougs. But I'll let you go now" Danny held Dougie close one last time and kissed him on the lips, reveling in that taste that was simply Dougie, enjoying it for the last time. He deepened the kiss and then pulled back, staring into the depths of Dougies blue eyes.
"Thank you Danny" Dougie whispered.
"S'okay Dougs. Don't worry. You can leave now. You'll be out of pain soon"
"I'm scared though Danny. I'm trying to be brave but I'm so scared" the heartfelt whisper wrenched Danny apart. He held the small boy close and tried to soothe him.
"It's okay Dougs. Don't be scared. You can do it. Just let go and drift away" Danny gazed into those eyes, willing Dougie to just let go and be free of pain. He didn't want Dougie to go, but knew he had to. He also knew he himself had to help Dougie through it.
"I'm so scared. I don't want to die Danny. We're still so young" Dougie suddenly cried. Danny could feel the younger boys terror, so different to his earlier bravery.
"I know Dougie. But you're gonna be in a better place soon. Just let go" Danny could feel Dougie slip further and further away. He soother him further. "That's it, just let go"
"I love you Danny" Dougie whispered one last time, before he inhaled his last breath.
"I love you too Douglas Lee Poynter, and I always will" and with that, Dougie slipped away forever.
Closing your eyes to disappear
You pray your dreams will leave you here
But you still wake and know the truth
No one is there…
Say goodnight
Don't be afraid
Calling me, calling me as you fade to black
Danny placed one last kiss on the still boys lips. He laid him carefully on the ground and then let go.
He sobbed and sobbed, collapsed over Dougies body. He was screaming. The beautiful summers day no longer looked the same. He hated the sun, hated how it was still shining so happily when the reason for his being, his soulmate, the person he loved like no other had been viciously torn away from him by an ignorant, prejudiced man with a gun.
Sirens tore the air apart as they screeched up to the scene, but Danny no longer cared. They were too late, Dougie had already gone. Danny felt himself getting taken away from Dougie, but he kicked and screamed and fought. He didn't want to leave Dougie. He'd promised he'd be there for him, and he couldn't leave now. He heard them plead for him to step away so they could take care of Dougie but he ignored them. They were too late.
Dougie was gone and the world was a black place.
Holding my last breath
Safe inside myself
Are all my thoughts of you
Sweet raptured life, it ends here tonight
Holding my last breath
A/N SO YAH. Hope you enjoyed this slightly weird, depressing fic.
Reviews make Danny happier, and we all want that :D
LOVE. REVIEW. YAYA