"Yeah, Dad's not cool," Hal says with a shrug.
"I am uncertain what body temperature has to do with this," Cochise says. This is not the first time that Tom's offspring have brought body temperature into unrelated situations. It is most puzzling.
Hal laughs.
"Tom Mason," Cochise says seriously in the middle of dinner. "There is something important that I wish to discuss."
"Is everything okay?" Tom asks, setting his silverware down.
"I wish to clarify something," Cochise says. "Something that has come up while talking to your offspring."
"Okay," Tom says, very confused.
His offspring appear to be on their guard.
"I do not mind your elevated body temperature. In fact, I quite enjoy your warmth," Cochise explains.
"What?" Tom asks.
"Your children have often said that you are not cool. From their tone, I have surmised that this is not a positive thing. While I do not understand the human obsession with body temperature, I simply wish for you all to be aware that I would never judge your father for being so hot. I find his hotness pleasing, except when it is indicative of a fever," Cochise says serenely.
He is pleased to have gotten this off of his chest. It appears that Tom is also pleased by this news. Tom is smiling widely, looking at all of his offspring.
In contrast, they seem to have gotten several inches shorter.
"You guys are telling Cochise that I'm uncool?"
Hal and Matt look at each other for reasons that Cochise does not understand.
"Hey, not me," Ben says, putting his hands up into a gesture of surrender. "I think you're pretty cool, Dad."
"Nerd," Matt whispers.
"He is actually quite hot," Cochise chimes in.
For some reason, that makes Ben's eyes go wide and he looks to Tom for some kind of assistance. When Cochise looks over at Tom, he is grinning and there is a welcome sparkle in his eye.
"When we said that you're uncool, we meant it in the best way possible," Hal says. "Like, you're so smart and stuff!"
Ben laughs. "Did you just admit you're a big dummy? Because it sure sounds like it."
"Shut up, math geek!" Hal retorts.
"I was just agreeing with you," Ben says.
"Hey!" Tom says. "Settle down. I just want to know about this whole uncool thing."
Matt shrugs. "You know you're not cool, Dad. I dunno what else you want to know."
Cochise rests his hand on Tom's, partially because he is very confused about what is happening. Tom flashes him a look that lets him know that he will inform him about whatever aspect of human culture he is ignorant of. It is a look that Cochise has become familiar with over the past couple years.
They are cleaning the dishes together, the offspring playing in their rooms, when Tom pauses and looks up at him. His grin is as wicked as it has been all night long.
"I'm sorry for stringing you along all dinner," Tom starts, squeezing his arm before picking up the next dish to dry. "I was just having too much fun with them."
"I did not intend to be humorous, simply to tell them how I feel about your body temperature," Cochise says. His hands are busy cleaning dishes from dinner.
"Cool and hot both have different meanings, apart from measuring temperature," Tom explains.
Cochise sighs, wind whistling through his nose. "Your language is frustrating sometimes, Tom Mason."
"But you speak it incredibly well," Tom says, smiling radiantly at him. It makes having to speak English worth it.
"What was I accidentally implying?" Cochise asks, embarrassed.
"When they say I'm not 'cool,' they mean they don't think I'm stylish or fashionable or 'with it.'"
"Wait," Cochise stops him before he can say more, holding out a clean dish for Tom as well. "With what?"
Tom takes the dish from him. "With the times, I guess. That I'm old fashioned, or stuck in the past. Which is pretty true. It's what historians do, after all, spend all their time in the past."
Cochise takes a moment to process what he has been informed of. "That makes slightly more sense than them calling you cool in temperature." He pauses. "What was I saying when I called you hot?"
That makes Tom laugh and he rubs up against him. "You were telling them how sexually appealing you find me."
Cochise presses his lips together. "That explains why they all looked uncomfortable."
Tom presses his lips to Cochise's shoulder. "It was pretty funny. I'm sorry that I left you in the dark, but I didn't know how to clue you in."
Cochise rinses his hands under the water so he can slip them under Tom's shirt to rest on his waist. "It is alright. I know you never had any ill intent and now you have let me in on the joke."
During his time on Earth, others have not always been so kind. But Tom and his offspring have always been good to him. They have always included him in their jokes, and never made him feel bad over misunderstanding.
"I feel like I should apologize to your offspring," Cochise says. "For causing them such discomfort." He would not like to hear about someone finding his own father sexually appealing.
"Trust me, they'll be okay. It's probably better not to just forget about it."
Cochise inclines his head. "I will defer to your judgment."
"Personally, I find you both cool and hot," Tom says, voice becoming sultry.
"That should be contradictory." Cochise shakes his head in consternation.
Tom laughs and starts kissing his neck. "English is a funny language. You're very cool, and very, very hot."
Cochise slides his hands a little lower. "Perhaps we should discuss the particulars somewhere else."
"Dishes can wait," Tom agrees, tugging him towards their bedroom.