Final spoiler warning! Back out while you still can, everyone!
Duck sighed as she looked at the pieces of white bread on the floor. She also looked at the human who threw the bread. He wore green clothes and had a large nose, plus a fabulous moustache. This fact didn't improve her mood.
Was this all her existence was good for? Eating crumbs off of the floor? It wasn't even brown bread today, so she didn't even have that going for her, it seemed.
She moved further along the park's river, allowing the other ducks that were nearby to devour the bread instead. She wasn't hungry today.
Duck followed the stream for a while before sitting down on a grassy bank near some bushes. She had nothing better to do today, so she decided to reflect on her life.
Surely there was more to living than simply eating stale bread that would have been thrown away otherwise. Whatever it was, however, she did not know.
She was just a simple duck. Unlike the heroes of this land, she did not have the power to change the world for the better like she had always dreamed of doing. Hell, she didn't even have the power to change the pond that she lived in, so to think of making her name known throughout the world was beyond laughable.
Yes, the only things she had to look forward to in the future were crumbs, waddling through water, and, if she was lucky, maybe some involuntary breeding that would even make a Ditto proud. Duck sighed and stared down into the river, locking gazes with the pink face that she shared with the reflection staring back at her. Surely there was something she could be good for...
Suddenly, before Duck could muse any further, she heard something shuffling around in the bushes behind her.
Her first instinct was to frantically FLY AWAY, but before she could, she heard a very familiar sound...
It was the sound of... laughter. Duck's face brightened. It was him!
Amongst all of the depressing thoughts, Duck had almost forgotten the most important person in her life, the one who made all of the monotony well and truly worth it.
Duck felt a paw comfortingly slide across her back as her boyfriend, Hunt, came out of the bush and sat down beside her.
She rested her head on the brown dog's shoulder and looked up at him, brushing aside one of his black ears. "QUACK QUACK QUACK!"
"WAH HAHAHAHA!" Hunt replied, with a wink.
The statement made Duck blush; Hunt had such a way with words...
They stayed like that for a while, each of them enjoying the other's company. After a while though, Duck decided to confess her feelings of feeling inadequate to the world. She was tired of bottling this up all of the time. "QUACK QUACK! QUACK..."
"HONHONHON!" Hunt replied, caringly caressing the fowl's blue down.
She lifted her head and looked into his deep, blue eyes. "...QUACK QUACK?"
He nodded. "FUFUFUFU!"
Duck felt her eyes getting wetter than the stream next to her. Nobody had ever said anything like that to her before...
He continued. "OHHH HOHOHO!"
"Q-QUACK QUACK?"
He smiled warmly. "HYUCK HYUCK!"
"QUACK QUAAACK~!" she replied, lunging forward to embrace the dog she loved. What he just said had never even crossed her mind before, but it was oh-so very true. With this knowledge, she felt like she finally had a purpose in life!
The dog blushed and returned her loving embrace, playfully grabbing Duck's ass. "GAFFAW CHORTLE!"
They continued to snuggle for a few more minutes before breaking it off. Afterwards, they simply sat down, content with letting comfortable silence fill the air.
Suck couldn't help but notice that something was off about her partner, though. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Hunt fidgeting nervously, as if the dog had something on his mind.
After a few seconds, she decided to investigate. "QUACK QUACK QUACK?"
He looked down at the river, avoiding her gaze. "KEKEKEKE!"
Duck rubbed Hunt's back in an attempt to ease his nerves. "QUACHH!"
Hearing that, the pooch appeared thoughtful for a second, as if mulling something over. After a while, he nodded confidently. "JAJAJAJA!"
"QUAKC?" she asked, wondering where his sudden change in demeanour was coming from.
Hunt faced her and clutched her wingtips, gently pulling them into a cupped position.
Fuck was intrigued. Was he going to give her a gift?
As if to answer her thoughts, Hunt knelt down onto one knee and reached behind his back, pulling something shiny out from behind. He placed it into her cupped wings. "EL OH EL!"
Duck gasped sharply as she lifted up the little ring that was shaped like a clay pigeon. Seeing it caused her heart to start pounding itself against her ribcage. Was this... what she thought it was!? "...HONK!?"
"ROLLING ON THE FLOOR LAUGHING MY ASS OFF!"
Duck felt tears pouring out of her eyes like rain against a camper's picnic, or some other simile. She felt like she was the happiest duck in the world! "QUACKACKACK~!"
Hearing her reaction, Hunt laughed joyfully and scooped her up into a warm embrace. "hue."
She happily returned the hug, kissing him on the lips in the process, despite her beak. At first, the dog seemed surprised, but he quickly melted into the extremely awkward kiss, returning it with just as much vigour as his new, feathery wife.
Suddenly, their romantic moment was cut short by some odd music that wouldn't have been out of place at a hillbilly concert. As they looked around to see where the catchy tunes were coming from, a brown-furred creature who wore yellow shorts and a blue backpack burst out of the bushes while playing a stringed instrument.
"AHM BANJO! GUH HUH!" the strange honey bear yelled in a goofy, southern accent.
A red breegull burst its head out of the bear's backpack immediately afterwards. "And I'm PISSED! D'you know how long we've been waiting to get into Smash Brothers?"
Feeling intimidated, Duck fearfully went behind Hunt, who took a defensive pose in front of her. "MWAA HAHAHAAAAAAAAA-!"
The red breegull angrily pointed a wing at them. "Since the N64 days, you complete twats! And here you are, a dog and bird just cheating their way onto the roster while we have to make do with a shitty racing game starring a stupid hedgehog!"
Duck raised an eyebrow. She and Hunt knew a stupid hedgehog... Heck, the duo had teamed up to fight somebody like that around two weeks ago in a tournament. Her head started to throb as she remembered some of the things that the hedgehog had said back then...
"YOU'RE TOO SLOOW! C'MON, STEP IT UP! SONIC'S THE NAME, 'HERE I'LL SHOW YOU' IS MY GAME! TOO EASY, PIZZA CAKE! SMILE, ELISE, SMILE! GOTTA GO JUICE AND JAM FAST! etcetc."
Duck shook her head to clear away those horrible thoughts. The last thing she needed right now was another migraine.
Banjo frowned at the breegull's earlier statement. "Aww, c'mon, Kazooeh! Ah kinda liked it!" Banjo said, defensively.
"Banjo, it was a piece of shit! We couldn't even use our jiggies to save ourselves against the hoards of Shadow players online!" The bird crossed its arms. "Hell, I'm actually glad we were replaced with Reggae It Ralph and... Motocrossing Laura Croft, or whatever."
Banjo looked offended by her statement. "Kazooeh, that was Danica Patrick! She's mah waifu!"
"...I've lost all respect for you," the bird said, shaking its head sadly.
"SHIT, I'M RUNNING OUT OF LAUGHING ONOMATOPOEIA!" Hunt said, trying to maturely get everyone back on track.
The bird looked very ticked off all of a sudden. "...I'm a chick, not a dude! Oh, that is it!" The bird harshly tapped Banjo on the head with her beak. "C'mon, Banjo! Let's banish these dummies to Planet Playstation All-Stars so we can finally grab that spot on the Smash roster!"
"Okay, Kazooeh! GUH HUH!" the bear said, stepping towards Duck and Hunt, his arms outstretched.
Hunt pulled out an explosive can in an attempt to deter Banjo, but the bear simply smacked the barrel into the river with his banjo.
Now worried, Hunt turned towards Dick and pointed towards the stream behind him. "NOISES OF AMUSEMENT!"
Duck considered it for a second, but only for a second. There was no way she could leave her beloved behind! "QUACK CRACK!"
Hunt hesitated at first, though he eventually nodded in agreement. "XD"
Duck smiled and flew onto his back. No matter how tough or scary the competition was, she would never FLY AWAY. She wanted them to face any and all dangers together, as a couple.
Not wasting any more time, the bear and bird went on the offense, leaping towards the dog and bird. Hunt was ready, however, as he rolled out of the way at the last moment, allowing Duck to peck Banjo up the arse.
"Guh wOAHHhHhHHH!" the bear screamed, clutching at his buttocks to ease the pain.
Hunt gave his companion a congratulatory smile. However, it was too early to celebrate, as the breegull inside Banjo's backpack started shooting eggs at the duo!
Hunt took out his officially licensed Nintendo Zapper™ peripheral: orange edition and shot down all of the eggs without skipping a beat. Afterwards, he aimed for the breegull, an act that reminded Duck of the days long ago when she and Hunt were still enemies. Days which have long since been made up for, thankfully.
The dog never managed to get another shot off, however, as the bear suddenly rolled forwards and slapped the officially licensed Nintendo Zapper™ peripheral: orange edition out of his hands and into the river!
Duck was starting to get worried; their opponents were very tough indeed. Hunt seemed awfully calm about the situation, however. Did he have a plan up his sleeve which Duck didn't know about?
After dodging another egg, which delightfully came out of the breegull's butt this time, Hunt pulled out his mobile phone and began to call someone.
Seconds later, somebody on the other end answered the call. "Hello, this is the Microsoft helpline, how may I help you?"
"LAUGHTER SYNONYM!" replied Duck's canine husband, explaining the situation at hand.
"Oh, I see... I'll send someone over right away! Thank you, sir," the person on the other end replied before hanging up.
Literally just seconds later, a large, blue object that was reminiscent of a UFO flew overhead, stopping in midair once it drew closer. Duck couldn't fully make out what the large pattern on the bottom of the aircraft was, due to the sun's glare, but she could tell that it kind of looked like... the front half of the letter R, but golden? She didn't really get it.
Its doors opened, and lots of cowboy bandits jumped out all at once, using jetpacs to slow their decent. Once they landed, they all pointed futuristic pistols branded with a 'Gemini' logo at the bear and his cohort.
Then it occurred to Duck. These weren't just cowboy bandits... they were game designers.
"Guh oh! It's da fuzz, Kazooeh! Dey're here t' put us back in the 360 Box!" the bear exclaimed, sounding terrified beyond belief.
"Oh, screw that! Time to leg it!" the breegull yelled before flipping the bear over so she could carry him with her own two talons. After that, they made a hasty retreat.
"You won't escape us this time!" one of the cowboy game developers yelled, hot in pursuit of the two fugitives while firing his gun in the air. "You're gonna be a character in our next Kinect sports game along with the squirrel, and you're gonna bloody like it!"
It didn't take long for the other game developers to join the pursuit of the two creatures, using nothing but their keen killer instincts to stay on the duo's trail.
Assured that they were in no more times of danger, Duck and Hunt collapsed onto the same grassy bank that they had rested on only minutes ago.
"YOLO!" Hunt said, trying to make light of the situation.
Duck giggled, but sighed afterwards. She felt completely drained. "QUACK QUACK..."
"GIGGLE TEE HEE HEE!" Hunt complimented, stroking her wing affectionately.
"QUACK? QUACK QUAACCKK~" she replied, touched by his comment.
"Let's fuck."
"Okay!"
And then they shagged each other blind because I got bored of writing. THE END, GG, GOODNIGHT X
Finished: 12/09 (September)/2014
Word count: 2069
VGS2's pointless notes: OOPS! I forgot to make the fic funny. Laugh Out Loud, oh well!
Still, I can't believe my first ever completed fanfiction is about the fecking Duck Hunt Dog wanting to bone waterfowl. I've officially jumped the shark on shipping.
That being said, I'll bet that bloody duck turns out to be a drake, or something. If so, then feel free to change all the pronouns!
In fact, it most likely is, seeing as male ducks usually have green heads (much like the sm4sh duck, though with pink instead of green in that case) and the girls are just brown and boring. Unless they're those weird, white ducks which scare and confuse me with their bizarre, alien ways that defy all British logic. #duckracism
Anyways, all rambling aside, I hope you enjoyed the results of my descent into madness after seeing the sm4sh roster!
It's probably the worst fanfiction of all time, but I literally just pulled the plot out of my anus as I went along, all just so I could say I was one of the first DucHun shippers, so heyho.
And yeah, I know that Hunt's a shite name and the dog's real name is (probably) Mr. Peepers, but c'mon now... Mr. Peepers? What is this, The Binding Of Isaac: Rebirth™ which is coming out on November the 4th for Steam™, PS4™, and PS Vita™? Seriously now.
Welp, in any case, thanks for reading, guys! You're da bes! Buh-bye!
No ' Next up:' because fuck that noise.