Opposite Sides of a Wall
Disclaimer: Don't own Seifer or Zell or FFVIII.
Warnings: Pretty much a random idea in my head from a year or two ago that managed to be solid enough to fix up.
.........
It was his deepest secret. He knew who was behind the wall. He knew exactly who it was he heard in the night screaming or yelling. Zell never said a word about it.
Seifer had been admitted into garden- and after a year to himself he took it, finally gaining his place as SeeD. The public believed Edea and Seifer were clones the sorceress had created while the two were in jail- with Adel as the sorceress. It made a twisted sort of sense. Seifer had seemed to adjust well, even. But in the night Zell knew it was a different story.
The martial artist first awoke to the screams the third night of garden. He had hated the idea of having their rooms next to each other- Seifer's room was next to the bathroom, as well- and Zell had been going to complain to Squall first thing in the morning. Then screaming had ceased and Zell listened to sobs.
It was the same tonight. His body knew when to wake- and then the screams came. Yelling and cursing and Zell wondered why no one else heard it. He quietly began his ritual of whispering "It's okay," to the wall, the cold paint on his lips a strange sensation. He tried to be as quiet as possible, just waiting this out. An agonizing fifteen minutes later, Seifer was in silent tears. Only the jagged breaths gave Zell any indication of what was going on. Fearful Seifer could hear him, he lay back down, his heart going out to Seifer. Sure, he never really liked Seifer all that much. Seifer was a jerk and an asshole but he had suffered. Zell knew a little of what Seifer had been through. For the most part, though, Zell could only imagine. To hear Seifer like this was heart wrenching for anybody, and the tattooed man didn't wish it on anybody. Or maybe he was just soft.
"Goodnight, Seifer," he whispered into his pillow, trying not to be heard. Seifer'd never let it rest if he knew. As soon as Zell fell asleep, his ears heard a sound like, "Goodnight, Zell," but his body was no longer listening.
…………
It had been the worst week ever, Zell decided. First, there was that mission to Esthar which had messed up his inner clock. Second, Seifer was still being an ass to him just about everywhere and third, he'd finished training and was sore and had pulled a muscle in his leg. The fact that he'd started having inappropriate dreams was just icing on the cake.
Wincing as he stepped out of the shower, he pulled on his clothes and moved to the bed. "Our own rooms, my ass," he uttered. "Still just as small." He pulled out a CD player and left his leg with a cold-hot patch and shut his eyes. Thoughts were coming to his head; evil thoughts of trying to gain a massage from the bully. Zell sighed, hands digging into his pillow. These thoughts had to stop. They weren't going to lead anywhere but hurt.
His thoughts trailed to the library girl. He still didn't know her name, and wasn't sure how to tell her he wasn't interested without breaking her heart. He liked guys; but as far as the public was concerned it wasn't their business. Women were just awkward- give him men any day. At least they were easy to understand. Solitary, like Squall. Player, like Irvine. … Or like Seifer.
Groaning, he sat up. He was going to have to move from this room. It was nothing but trouble. He shut his eyes.
"Zell," came Seifer's statement, swinging the door wide open, "I want you."
"Damn right, ya do," came Zell's response, pulling Seifer into the bed. "You know why? 'Cause I'm irresistible, baby." He quickly took to the task of unclothing Seifer, who was doing the same to him.
"I want to just hold you," came Seifer's sudden reply. "If only for a night."
"All night, you romantic," Zell shot at him. "Shut up and let's do this." He placed Seifer's fingers in his mouth, sucking on them like a lollipop.
"Why do you care so much for me?" came the question, and Zell sighed, letting the fingers fall from his mouth. "Damnit, Seifer, we're fucking! We aren't having an in-depth relationship analysis right now!"
Seifer nodded his agreement, fingers suddenly penetrating Zell. Zell gasped. "Don't stop," he whispered. "Don't you dare stop this or make me think during this."
"Fine by me," Seifer whispered back at him. "My Zell."
…………
Zell woke up sometime later, body refreshed but mind still working. Besides, his leg still hurt and it was 2:48 am.
He turned the CD off. Seifer should be screaming soon.
As if on cue, there was a yell and then sudden silence. Sobs emerged, frightened sobs and finally, Zell decided to confront the problem. "Seifer," he said, loudly. "It's been months now. Do you want me to come in there, or will you be quiet?"
The sobbing stopped suddenly. "Keep them…away," came the reply. "Tell them… to stay away."
"Okay, Seifer," Zell told the man. "They say they'll go away for tonight."
"Okay," came the weak reply, and Zell listened to Seifer fall back asleep. He kissed the wall softly. "Good night, Seifer. Sweet dreams."
…………
The next day Seifer knocked on his door. Zell opened it, unsure if Seifer remembered the night conversation or not. "What?" he asked.
"Are you busy?" came the question, slightly out of place. "Fuujin and Raijin are out on a mission, and I want someone to watch a movie with 'cause it's no fun being by yourself watching a movie." The expression was pained, as if Seifer was trying not to insult him.
"Actually," came Zell's words, "I was gunna go out an' train. You wanna come?"
"You've been training all week," came Seifer's reply. "Who are you trying to impress, Chicken? You look like shit; take it easy for a night."
"I'm not a chicken!" came Zell's words, though less angry. It was the first of the old Seifer he'd seen and he crossed his arms. "Promise you'll stop calling me a chicken, and I'll watch that movie with you."
Seifer's eyes didn't light up, he just nodded and Zell invited him in. "Did you want to bring anything, or are we going over there?"
"Come over, then. I didn't drug anything." Seifer left, and Zell sighed. This was awkward. He'd agreed mainly because he wanted to sleep that night- he noted the nightmares diminished when friends came over. And he had wanted an excuse to relax, now Seifer was offering it to him.
Zell left, locking his door and taking two steps to the left to enter Seifer's. "Seifer?" he called in. the room was lit and somewhat cheery. Seifer had placed the TV on the top of the wall, best viewed when laying down. They weren't big rooms, Zell remembered. Seifer must have been in the bathroom. "Kay, then, I'm taking the bed!"
Seifer moved out of the bathroom. "It's a queen," he sighed. "We can share the bed."
"How'd you get a queen?" came Zell's question, but Seifer was putting in the movie with his stupid tall people arms of his.
"Bought it," came Seifer's reply. "before the war. Thought I'd sleep with lotsa Seed members."
"Oh?" came Zell's reply. "So you are trying to sleep with me. I knew it, Almasy, and it won't work." Seifer turned around, all serious, but the grin on Zell's face slowed him down. Zell was joking.
"Maybe I did," came his half-joking reply. "It's a porno, so I've got you. You'll be begging for me within 15 minutes." He sat on the bed.
"Is it really?" came Zell's serious voice, and Seifer sighed.
"I'm feeding your own joke back at you. It's just the sorceress and her knight." Sefier pushed play, and the movie started. The two sat in silence for a while, Zell trying not to bounce around, but finally, he started twitching his toes. Seifer sighed. "Stop that."
"Not until you tell me what's wrong," came Zell's reply. Laguna battled some other man on the TV screen. "You seem so tired, now. You don't even hand me speeding tickets anymore."
"I'll get over it." Seifer shifted slightly, and poked Zell's feet with his toe. "Now stop that and watch this movie."
"I can't stay still for long," was Zell's excuse as Seifer scoffed at the obvious. He sat for a while more, until an idea popped into his head. He blushed and suddenly turned away from Seifer.
Seifer noted. "Hey, what's wrong? Are you sleeping?" He sat up. "This is some way to watch a movie, chicken, we aren't even halfway done!"
"Sorry," Zell replied, turning over. Seifer inhaled deeply; the blush made the other man look adorable. Seifer hadn't been planning this. "I just had a thought, that's all."
"What kind of thought?" came the question, and Seifer lay back down.
"I had a friend call this the ultimate make-out movie, once," came Zell's admission. There was an uncomfortable silence.
"I wouldn't make out with you, so don't worry. This is purely an out of loneliness thing." Seifer turned and while Zell seemed hurt, he smiled through it and waited another five minutes before asking his next question.
"Seifer?"
"What?" Seifer closed his eyes in annoyance.
"Are you all right? With your nightmares and all?"
The concern was obvious on Zell's face but Seifer tried to ignore it. "If you have a problem, Squall will move you, you know."
"You'd still have them," came Zell's response.
"I don't want to have this discussion. I appreciate your concern, but I'd rather make-out than talk about them." The two fell into silence again, watching Laguna try and stab the ruby dragon with the gunblade. Seifer felt a sort of remorse. This film is what made him choose a gunblade for his weapon and it still reminded him of a time before, when he'd rather tease the chicken than watch a movie with him. He wasn't sure when he'd considered chicken one of his buddies; but Zell had been soothing his nightmares away for the past weeks and Seifer wasn't sure how to show appreciation. At the time of the nightmares, he'd do anything, but afterwards, while not anything he still wanted to thank Chicken without thanking him.
It was complicated.
Seifer was so lost in thought he didn't realize than Zell was moving over him until Zell's body weight pressed down on his. "Wha?" he asked shamefully liking Zell's legs over his own hips. Zell wasn't much for words- he just started kissing Seifer, light at first. When Seifer responded with a deeper kiss, the two managed to sit up and it became a battle for who was controlling the kissing. Finally, as Zell fell back on the bed, his arms around Seifer's neck Seifer declared, "I win."
"Keep kissing," Zell demanded and Seifer complied. When the movie ended they suddenly pulled away from each other, as if nothing had ever happened. Seifer turned off the TV and Zell sat up, stretching. "That was fun," he remarked, suddenly catching Seifer's gaze. "Seifer?"
Seifer shook it off. "Thanks for coming," he stated. He wanted to add Zell was welcome to stay, but he couldn't form the words.
"If you ever want to talk," came Zell's words, but suddenly he froze, laying back on the bed. "Umm…"
Seifer was standing over him. "Did we just make out?" came his question, and Zell just shrugged.
"I guess," he replied.
"Why?" came Seifer's question as he also flopped onto the bed.
Zell shrugged again. "'cause it felt right. I mean, I just felt like doing it. Same way I feel like yelling at-"
It was Seifer's turn to start the kissing.
…………
When the darkness came, Seifer rolled over to cradle Zell in his arms. The martial artist had never been good at explaining his emotions, and he sighed, his own eyes falling shut. Slowly, in the reaches of his mind he could feel a call, and he climbed in and hugged the blonde tightly, never admitting his fear to himself. He used Zell's breath to drown out the screams and let Zell's heartbeat take him to dreamland. For once, he slept peacefully.