a/n: yada yada yada; long story short, someone prompted a silly weed-fic and I needed a break from my chaptered fills anyway. as always, reviews and constructive criticism are very much appreciated!
"I love you guys so much," Billy said adoringly, pupils blown wide as he attempted to bodily crawl into Wally's lap at the dining room table. "I mean, like, I just really, really love you guys, and your awesome powers and stuff, even though some of you don't have any powers, 'cause you all work so awesome as a team and you're really good at being heroes and everything! Plus, you're all just kids, like me, which is, like, totally the best part, and you're all so much more fun than the Justice League and your missions are so cool and – "
Wally clamped a hand over Billy's mouth and shot Roy a severely irritated glare. "What have you done?" he demanded.
Roy covered his face with his palm and groaned. "Just be grateful you weren't here when he was 'SHAZAM'-ing everything in the Cave," he said.
"Yeah, I was wondering why the couch had a giant burn hole in it," Wally said, annoyed. "And speaking of, you are going to tell Artemis this was your fault when she gets back, aren't you? Because I am so not taking the blame on this one, and the FIRST thing she's going to assume when she walks in is that I – "
"We're not telling her anything!" Roy snapped. It was bad enough that he was technically responsible for a roomful of minors ingesting ten grams of marijuana via brownie plate; he absolutely refused to give that sloppy replacement archer the satisfaction of knowing he'd messed up so badly. And, mole or not, she'd probably at least tell Oliver about it. "We can cover this up. Nobody has to find out, if we can just get all of them to calm down and stop behaving like...like hyperactive children!"
"Um...I'm not sure it's going to be that easy," said M'gann from the opposite side of the table. She and Superboy were seated apprehensively on either side of a very, very high Kaldur, who seemed to have discovered a variety of fascinating things for the first time in the past hour, including primary colors, subtle differences in alien physiology, and his own fingernails.
"Have...Have I always been able to do this?" the Atlantean asked, awed, as he turned over his hands repeatedly to stare at them in absolute wonder. He suddenly laughed, loudly, and then abruptly stopped. "This will...require more research, I believe..."
"Better him than this one," snapped Wally, jerking his head toward Billy as the boy wrapped both arms around his torso and nuzzled his face into Wally's shoulder purely out of love. "At this point, I'm thinking that the best we can do is save a few recordings for blackmail material, and call it a day."
"Recordings? Are you insane?" Roy shouted, struggling to think of anything that might cow the others into behaving rationally. "You think Batman and the other League members are going to think this is just a joke? No one can find out about this! Ever!"
"Don't worry, already taken care of," Robin called lazily from the next room over. "I disabled all the security cameras, like, an hour ago. I disabled them good. I would go so far as to say that those cameras have never been less abled in their entire camera lives."
For some reason, this sent him into a fit of hysterical laughter. He tried to sit up, muttering incoherently about prefixes between giggles, but he didn't get far before Zatanna impatiently yanked him back down to the ground. The two of them were curled up beside one another on the lounge floor, with the lights dimmed, while Zatanna cast colorful illusions of fireworks and shooting stars over their heads with magic.
Roy adamantly maintained that this was not cool in any way, and certainly did not look like fun.
"Wally," Billy suddenly mumbled into the speedster's shoulder. He sounded tired. "Wally, I just remembered. I'm not...I'm not supposed to do drugs, or any...bad stuff. I promised my parents."
"Uh," Wally said blankly, looking uncomfortable. He glanced to Roy for assistance and received only a halfhearted shrug in return. No help there. "Well, you, you know, didn't exactly know about the marijuana in the brownies beforehand, so that's not your fault. Although eating five of them in a row probably wasn't the smartest idea – not that I've got any room to talk."
"But I promised," said Billy. His voice was shaky and weak, like a kid's. For the first time, he sounded younger than ten years old. "And, oh man, don't tell Batman. Don't tell Batman, don't tell Batman, don't tell Batman..."
Wally glared at Roy. "Great. Now he's freaking out."
M'gann floated out of her chair and gently flew over to Billy, brushing the hair out of his face. It's all right, she said comfortingly through a telepathic link. You haven't done anything wrong. Everything's fine.
Roy groaned again, leaning back in his chair. Behind him, he could hear Robin and Zatanna laughing wildly at nothing at all. Kaldur was pacing around the dining room table in measured circles, pathologically, over and over and over again.
Sighing heavily, Roy hung his head. Stupid brownies. Stupid kids.
They should have known better than to let his sorry ass in here.