A/N – Written for the VAMB Secret Drabble Challenge 2011. First line and J/Cness courtesy of Marchwishes and an awesome read through and thumbs up job from Jesser!
Disclaimer – Still ain't mine…
"Why are your feet on my desk?"
Chakotay, walking into the Ready Room behind the captain, didn't even need to look around her to know precisely the source of her indignation. Suppressing a grin as he slipped through the door, he watched the spectacle unfolding before him in a kind of guilty pleasure; Kathryn, her hands firmly on her hips, was staring down the culprit with her infamous gaze of steel. Q Junior, an enormous, dopey grin plastered across his face, was staring right back, his feet still on the furniture and what looked like a bowl of popcorn cradled on his lap. He tossed a handful of the offending snack into his mouth and chewed it loudly, each crunch serving only to tighten the muscles of Kathryn's back. Chakotay watched with interest, wondering how long it would take the Q to realise that had he been any sensible person, he would already be a gibbering wreck pleading for mercy under the intensity of the captain's gaze.
Shifting uncomfortably as the seconds ticked by and no one spoke, Chakotay's movement attracted the attention of the young Q for just a moment and broke his connection with Kathryn. When he looked back at her, the smile slid dejectedly from his face and his brow furrowed slightly, giving him the unfortunate likeness of his father in a bad mood. He looked once more at Chakotay, who shrugged, and then he was gone without a word, the chair spinning comically and the bowl of popcorn resting jauntily on the desk.
With a sigh of satisfaction, Kathryn moved to sit down. At least he hadn't adjusted the chair; she'd probably have to kill him if he had done that, even if it meant having to find a way to sidestep his immortality. It was only when Chakotay moved to sit opposite her that she even remembered he was in the room with her.
"Thank you for your invaluable assistance back there," she nodded in his direction, her hand sneaking into the popcorn bowl before it disappeared to be used as ammunition against Neelix or something equally as trying.
"You were doing just fine on your own," Chakotay grinned, "You got rid of him without even having to say anything. That's progress, at the very least."
"It's only progress if he gets the message," she smirked darkly, sorting through the pile of PADDs that Q had tipped over, "I still think his father left him here to punish me, rather than to actually help the boy."
"Well, you're making the best of a bad situation," Chakotay said soothingly, moving quickly to the replicator to order some liquid fortitude before Kathryn stopped finding the situation absurd enough to smile and actually had a minor breakdown, those being the only two real options when any kind of Q was hanging around, "The boy is nowhere near as bad as before."
"That's beside the point," Kathryn grumbled, accepting the proffered mug of coffee, "I didn't sign up for parenting when I joined Starfleet."
His deep laugh was perhaps the last reaction Kathryn expected and she eyed him over the rim of the mug as she took the first scalding sip, wondering exactly what she had said that was so amusing. Chakotay had never been exactly lacking in a sense of humour, but he wasn't one to laugh for the sake of doing so. Perhaps, she mused, the sheer presence of Q hanging around the ship had finally driven him over the edge and she'd have to have him confined to quarters for the rest of the trip. That was a horrible thought; she might actually have to start listening to Tuvok's not so gentle suggestions that she go and sleep for more than five hours.
"Did I say something funny?" she asked mildly when his laugh had subsided to a mere chuckle, "Only from where I was sitting, I was just having a good time complaining to my first officer and then he seemed to want me to have him sectioned."
"Captain, what are you to this crew if not a parent?"
She opened her mouth to argue but he cut her off with a gentle sweep of his hand, "Think about it."
"I don't need to think about it, Chakotay. I'm a captain. I make the order-"
Tuvok's chose that moment, in true Tuvok style, to call over the comm, "Commander Chakotay, please report to the bridge."
With a smirk, Chakotay stood up and adjusted his uniform jacket, turning to leave even as he spoke, "I'm not saying it's a bad thing, captain. Just think about it."
-BABYSITTER BLUES-
The rest of a shift and several Q-related incidents later, Kathryn had rarely been happier to see the inside of her quarters. Shedding her uniform, she checked the bathroom for signs of their young visitor and decided to risk the bath she was so desperately craving.
"And anyway," her mind reminded her sarcastically as she slid into the enveloping warmth, "It's not like you haven't shared a bath with a Q before."
Several minutes and deep inhalations of her new lavender bubble bath later, Kathryn's mind was relaxed enough to wander lazily back to her conversation with Chakotay from earlier in the day. Parent? It was enough to make her scoff. She was in charge of a ship full of adults – minus one or two obvious exceptions – and they were all intelligent adults at that. A parent was the last thing any of them needed. There were one or two similarities that she could admit to; their behaviour was under her control, as were the punishments that kept that behaviour appropriate for a Starfleet crew. She also had to be there to help them through personal and professional crises – practically holding the hands of some of them – and dish out praise and commendations when they were necessary.
But none of that made her a parent…did it? Chuckling a little at the absurdity of the thought, she began to wonder if that was such a bad thing to think of herself as, at least privately. It wouldn't do for the crew to know that she had such a quirky idea of her role towards them, especially Tom Paris, but it was kind of sweet to…
"Damn you, Chakotay," she thought, stepping back and catching herself warming to the idea, "Damn you."
Fighting to keep that attitude towards her first officer, she glared at him menacingly all through the dinner that he joined her for after she was finished in her bath. For his part, he seemed oblivious to her attempts at intimidation and she would have almost believed the act, if it weren't for the deliberate way in which he ate his meal. He knew she was mad at him and was waiting for the moment when she would announce herself. Typical Chakotay.
"Why did you have to put such a stupid mental image in my head?" she said suddenly, pointing threateningly with her spoon, "I can't stop thinking about it!"
A slow, easy smile spread over his face as the final piece of the puzzle slotted into place, and he shrugged.
"It's just something that B'Elanna said to me once, back on the Val Jean. I was sceptical too, but I resigned myself to it once I had thought about it for a while. Kind of endearing, don't you think?"
"I am a captain!" Kathryn declared, "I am not here to look after these people. I'm here to lead them."
"As any figure of authority would lead a child," he reasoned, the grin on his face bordering on obscenely happy with himself, "Whichever way you look at it, there's no getting round it."
He had her backed into a corner; there was no way of out-thinking him when Chakotay was in such a mood and Kathryn knew it. Stabbing moodily at the chocolate mousse she had ordered them for dessert, she waited for Chakotay to speak again. If she could rely on him to be this pedantic, she could also rely on him to take pity on her and try to soothe her frazzled nerves. He'd know that he had inadvertently belittled her position as a starship captain. She didn't have to wait for long.
"Just think, Kathryn," he said warmly, reaching across the table and patting her free hand comfortingly, "If you ever have children, you'll have all this experience to draw on."
He wore a gently mocking smile as he spoke, but she knew that he was trying to make up for irritating her, and that he meant what he said in the best possible way.
"I guess no child will ever test my patience as much as Neelix and Tuvok can do," she nodded, "Or pull a prank quite like Tom Paris."
"Exactly," Chakotay said, "Or need as much covert parenting as Harry or Tal Celes. Or Seven. You're an expert at looking after people who don't think they need it."
"And no teenager will ever be able to top B'Elanna or the Doctor for irrational anger and sarcasm," Kathryn mused, warming quickly to the idea. Chuckling to herself, she plucked up her glass of wine and made for the comfort of the couch, sinking down into the deep cushions that she had replicated over the years. Chakotay hurried to finish his mousse and then, grabbing his own wine, moved to join her. She was still smiling, but there was a slight wistfulness in the way she gazed at his face. He sipped his wine and waited.
"Do you want children, Chakotay?" she asked suddenly, adding as an afterthought, "If you don't mind me asking."
"I don't mind," he said, "And yes, I do. More than anything."
"You'd be a good father," she nodded, "But until today, I've never even thought of what it would actually be like to be a mother. Is that bad?"
"Not at all," he shook his head fiercely, "But did you want children before today?"
"Yes. Yes, definitely. I've just never actually thought about how much work it would be. Isn't that ridiculous?"
"You've had more important things to think about. No point worrying about something until you actually have to."
"I guess you're right. Between you and Q, you've managed to put a spotlight on a rather gaping hole in my plans for the future. My mother would applaud you," Kathryn quipped, sipping her wine, "You've achieved in forty eight hours what she hasn't been able to in my entire life."
"At least one of the Janeway women appreciates me then," Chakotay moved slightly to burrow between two of the larger cushions and, at the same time, lifted another to protect himself from her attempted blow to his head. She was laughing, at least.
"You'd better watch yourself," she said playfully, "The Janeway women have a little trick up their sleeves to prevent the parenthood plans that any man who crosses them might have. It's painful at best. I'll leave the rest up to your imagination."
His eyes wide, Chakotay pointedly downed the rest of his wine and aimed his best winning smile in the captain's direction. She visibly softened and moved to sit beside him.
"So you think I'll make a good parent then?"
"The best."
"So. Who do you have in mind to be the mother to these children that you're planning on having?"
With a wicked grin, Chakotay turned and whispered in Kathryn's ear. It was her turn then for her eyes to widen.
"Oh…"