A/N: The plot bunny bit me! This is definitely AU and is centered around our lovely pair, Qui and Obi. Feedback is very welcome. :)
Summary: Qui-Gon has loved his impish apprentice, but he realized that his love for the boy has changed slowly over time. Now, at the height of political upheaval in Naboo and with visions of impending death, will he reveal his true feelings to Obi-wan before it's too late?
Rediscovery
Part 1: Abyss of Memories
The Sith stood before him, his eyes as dark and relentless as his hatred for all Jedi, especially the Jedi Masters. The dual amber blade was clutched in his right hand and Qui-Gon Jinn knew that he was about to attack. His opponent darted quickly at him, hoping to catch the Jedi Master off guard with his speed. It almost worked, except Qui-Gon had anticipated his move and brought his lightsaber up in front of him to block the oncoming attack. The Sith easily parried the block though and spun his lightsaber around, knocking the Jedi's away. He kicked the Jedi Master and having penetrated his defenses, impaled the Jedi Master with his weapon. The agony! Qui-Gon had seen this coming so many times, and yet each time, the agony was anew, different, and more painful than its predecessors. He could see his apprentice's distraught face and he could see himself reflected in his apprentice's green eyes. The anguished expression twisted his heart and as he fell to his knees, he wished that he had told him how he felt about his imp. The screams of the apprentice, of the boy he adopted, of the man he grew to love as ages past, echoed into the dark abyss into which he fell.
"Qui-Gon!"
Hands roughly shook his shoulders and his eyes snapped open at the dream's abrupt end. Again, he saw his apprentice's anguished expression, but this time, it was not because of his death.
"Master! I heard you screaming! Are you all right?" Obi-Wan asked earnestly.
At first, Qui-Gon Jinn was struck speechless, still dazed by his dream and trying to adjust both his mind and body to the reality, the one in which he was still alive in, with his beloved Apprentice.
"Master?"
"I'm fine, Obi-won," Qui-Gon replied and he took in deep breaths to slow his hammering heartbeat and to compose himself. Breathe deeply. Think only of the Force... Once his heartbeat slowed to a reasonable rate, he opened his eyes and found his apprentice still at his side, a worried expression on his face.
"Really, I'm all right. Now, please, you must return to your room and rest for tomorrow."
Obi-Wan's face took on that stubborn look that clearly told the elder Jedi of what his apprentice truly thought and Qui-Gon sighed heavily, placing a gentle hand on his apprentice's shoulder. He marveled at the sudden heat emanating from his Padawan's body but he had detected no sign of sickness or malingering. Perhaps Obi-Wan had always been hot and Qui-Gon shuddered at the ominous feeling that he might be feeling those hands around him upon his death.
"Master, I must decline to obey your request just this once," Obi-Wan declared, his tone brooking no argument from the Jedi Master. He chuckled at the surprised and somewhat stunned look his master's face had before being smoothly taken over by one of authority.
"It is not just this once that you have esteemed yourself to find alternatives to my requests," Qui-Gon gently admonished the young student but a smile lessened the harshness of his tone. His eyes closed and he focused his centre of being with the Force before opening them again only to find his apprentice gone and Qui-Gon wistfully felt the absence of his apprentice's warmth. However, the training bond they shared tingled with the Apprentice's presence and Qui-Gon had discerned his apprentice's location in the bathroom. Noises of the toilet flushing and the tap being turned on and then off seemed to be rather loud in comparison to the quietness of his large suite, a privilege given to any surviving Masters, its numbers rather small when compared to the numerous Padawan's and initiates in the Jedi Order. A door opened and Obi-Wan walked out, a small white hand towel draped across his arm. The light surrounded his apprentice in its soft glow, enveloping the lithe body like a halo. How beautiful this young man is! How the Force itself seemed to weave its essence around him. Even with eyes opened, the Jedi Master could easily see the ebbing flows of the Force weaving around his Padawan in colours of blue and green.
Obi-Wan, concerned with his Master's dazed appearance, quickly walked to him and before his Master could protest, laid a gentle hand on the broad forehead that, along with his broken but elegant nose, gave his face an authoritative but serene and handsome look.
"Master? What is it?" He had asked him, not liking the dazed expression on Qui-Gon's face. The eyes suddenly looked rather focused and saddened as well. A pair of hands clasped his and brought it closer to his chest. His Master appeared to want to say something to him, but no words were said. Instead, he rose out of bed with the grace suitable for one learned in the arts of war and the Force. Obi-Wan could only watch Qui-Gon's figure leave the room, unsure of what exactly occurred between them.
Two things haunted the Jedi Master as he walked around the Jedi Temple of Coruscant. His dream and his apprentice's expression of deep concern, and something more. He was one of the few who could see the future in sleepless dreams. His former Master, Master Yoda himself, also sensed the future but also its many possibilities as well. Always in motion, the future is, is what Master Yoda would say to him many years ago, when Qui-Gon himself was a Padawan. Unfortunately, Qui-Gon knew intuitively that his auguries of his demise were set in stone. His whole being felt that way and he was grieved that he would eventually leave his apprentice, his impish Padawan to the unpredictable events of the future. Obi-Won was certainly more than ready for his trials for he had proved himself capable both to him and the Council long ago of his mettle in battle and skill in diplomacy. His disarming smile break through the majority of the politicians and major war leaders of various planets both had visited on their missions. The katas he performed on a daily basis were very pleasing to the eye and to the spirit of any witnesses. In fact, it was just that what drew him to his apprentice in the first place, a long time ago from Qui-Gon's perspective.
He had just returned from a harrowing but successful negotiation with the King and Queen of Iniale, a small planet in the J'sienn system. The Force was quite strong on that jungle-infested planet but xenophobia was more powerful and potent than he had ever observed. The royal duo had just ascended the throne in a troubled time, when the masses clamored for equality amongst the poor and the rich. The previous ruler was an absolute despot, his rules and limitations choking the trade and lifestyle of his denizens. He felt waves of anger and fear that overwhelmed its own populace and he made it even worse by appearing, on the monarchy's request. Fortunately, the son of that despotic tyrant overthrew his father in a bloodless coup with the help of the loyal public but of course, several guilds wanted to persevere their own self-interests in the awakening of a new ruler. The Jedi Master managed to soothe the ruffles on both sides and the planet had a constitutional monarchy in which the Royal family ruled along with a Parliament that consisted of the heads of all the major guilds on the planet. However, venal lobbying was prohibited; in fact, if caught, the criminal would find himself a head shorter than everybody else. Thus, when he came back to the blue planet of Coruscant, his nerves were almost stretched to their limits, a marvelous feat even for the legendary stoic Jedi. He hid it well though not well enough from his own Master.
Upon his arrival, the respected green being waddled up to him, his form deceptively relying on the wooden cane he used. The tall Master bowed in deference to Yoda, whose ears perked up in response to his Padawan's politeness.
"Come back from your mission, you have," Yoda remarked, a sense of pride hinted in his tone.
"Yes, Master. The negotiation was successful and the Vislak were content with the arrangements."
"Good, that is. Much cooperation from them, we need. A request, I have for you, young Master," Yoda continued walking through the promenade, acknowledging the bowed heads along the way. Qui-Gon's long legs immediately adjusted themselves to the pace of Yoda.
"Yes, Master? Please, say not that I have to choose another apprentice."
The tall Jedi's remark earned him a sharp jab on the leg, but Yoda's smile lessened the blow somewhat.
"Chide you, I should. Save that for another day, I will. And yes, choose another apprentice, you will."
"Please, Master Yoda. I do not feel ready nor am I capable of taking another Padawan, especially, not after..."
The sentence trailed off for Qui-Gon's memories of his failed Padawan invaded his mind ruthlessly. The slender Xanatos with pale skin and dark blue eyes appeared before him, his serious expression on his proud face. Xanatos was his Padawan for ten years before his betrayal that still depresses his Master to this day. His last mission was a solid failure, when Xanatos succumbed to his father's seduction of power and greed. If Xanatos had resisted, then he would have been a Knight, worthy to be at his Master's side. The pair were not just Master and Apprentice, but also lovers. Their relationship, although frowned upon by the Council and especially by Yoda, had a strong base but it wasn't strong enough to resist Xanatos' familial bond. That betrayal was evident enough of its weakness and Qui-Gon fervently wished for an alternate path to his current predicament. A path in which both were respected Knights and equals in bed.
"Your bond with Xanatos, severed it was. Not meant to be, it was."
"Yes, Master Yoda,"
Qui-Gon's head bowed slightly, an only indication that he was upset by Yoda's observation of the ever changing Force.
"A group of initiates, today there is. See them, you should. A Padawan, you will have." Yoda's eyes had that mischievous glint and Qui-Gon couldn't help but wonder why Yoda was insisting on this. He sighed heavily, knowing that he couldn't deny his Master.
"First Kata, they will perform here," Yoda stated and he stopped suddenly, bringing the taller Master to a halt. Both pairs of eyes looked unto the scene of a small group of very young boys. Most of them were in their 10 to 12 winters. A pair of boys caught his attention for the largest of the two was almost pushing the smaller one out of the way, clearly showing off his skill and might. The black-haired male youth did perform his kata nicely but his eyes were riveted to his smaller companion. He had seen this one before, on Bandomeer during the turmoil of the Culling, when young children were kidnapped and used as sacrifices to the false gods of that planet. This boy was three years old at that time, but he had saved the Jedi's life once.
The eyes of that remembered youth suddenly locked unto his and something inexplicable was felt within his own spirit. A recognition of its other half, a sudden yearning to take this boy into his arms and protect him from the wickedness of man and other beings. Yoda must have felt this too for he nodded solemnly and clapped his hands, congratulating the initiates and telling them to go to their assigned masters. All but one was left and it was that same youth again, his eyes uncertain and his disappointment was clear from his body language. The glassy eyes and the slouched posture proved his sadness at not being chosen and Qui-Gon suddenly found himself kneeling before this boy, taking the small hand into his rather large one.
"Your name is Obi-Wan, if I remember it correctly."
A nod confirmed his statement and the small body visibly trembled. Qui-Gon smiled and it seemed to calm the boy enough for him to ask a question.
"Will you be my Master, sir? No one else has taken me." The high-pitched tone was melodious to the Master's ears and Qui-Gon knew that the deep timbres of voice would soon replace the almost girlish tone young boys have until maturation. The doubt, the uncertainty of his willingness to take another Padawan was utterly replaced by feelings of rightness in the Force and Qui-Gon knew that he was meant to be with this child. His cerulean eyes gazed softly at its green counterpart and he stood up, taking the boy's hand firmly in his in answer to the child's question.
Other Masters and initiates were quite astonished at witnessing a rare scene of the stoic Qui-Gon taking an apprentice. His oldest friend, Master Windu, just stared at the two and only looked down at Yoda when the latter gently hit him with his walking stick.
"Master Yoda? How could this happen? Obi-won is almost too old to be a Padawan." Windu protested to the green being.
"The way of the force, we must not question. Need this, Qui-Gon does. Much healing, this child can bring."
Not wanting to earn another slapstick to the leg, Master Windu just looked on as the Masters and their assigned Padawans went their separate ways to go to their apprentice's rooms and help move their belongings into the Masters' own suites. Only Yoda was left to observe the diminishing silhouettes of his Padawan's and of his apprentice. His eyes twinkled at sensing the positive eddies of the Force that surrounded the unknowing pair and Yoda felt that Qui-Gon's healing had already started.
Yes, Qui-Gon remembered that day. Yoda's soft pushing into him taking in another apprentice led into something astounding and invaluable to the tall being. The years spent training his Padawan and going on numerous missions only strengthened their Master/Apprentice training bond, even with the confrontation of his former Padawan, the fallen Xanatos. I didn't fail you, Master. You failed me, both you and the cursed Jedi Order. Those were Xanatos' last words to Qui-Gon before thrusting himself to the fiery chasm of the volcano.
The despair, that terrible ache at his former Padawan's death only renewed the distraught memories of his betrayal and Qui-Gon almost succumbed to his own demons. The fear of failing his current one, of losing Obi-Wan to the Dark Side of the Force overwhelmed his senses so strongly, he had failed to realize the suffering of his Padawan. To notice that his Padawan was hurting solely because he was. The shields he had erected immediately following Xanatos' fall stood firmly against any mental prodding from anyone, except Yoda and sometimes Mace Windu. They were weakened during his time with Obi-Wan but solidified again between him and Obi-Wan in the aftermath of Xanatos' suicide. Somehow, Obi-Wan managed to breach his defenses and bring his light into Qui-Gon's world of despair and agony. It illuminated every dark corner of Qui-Gon's mind and the demons fled from the light, leaving only an exhausting Master and an even more tired apprentice. How could he have survived that terrible time of his life without his beloved apprentice? That same person who bore his burdens willingly and gave him the strength to survive two major tragedies of his life, the deaths of his failed apprentice and of his closest friend, Knight Tahl. Fear leads to anger; anger leads to hate, and hate leads to suffering. It was fear for his beloved friend that led to anger with her murderer and then the suffering of hunting Balog down, of wanting to kill him. Both Obi-Wan and Tahl stopped his conversion to the Dark Side of the force and he was horrified to know what he almost done, a clear contradiction to the teachings of the Order. He almost killed Tahl's murderer, not out of justice or even self-defense, but out of revenge to satisfy his own selfish desire to avenge Tahl's death.
The Jedi Master was so immersed in his thoughts, he did not see the Jedi Master walking towards him, clearly with a purpose of speaking with him. His name was called out and Qui-Gon Jinn knew whose voice it belonged to.
"Qui-Gon," Mace called, his deep baritone voice that would have aroused his friend earlier in their relationship.
"Yes?"
"Yoda would like to see you in the Council chambers," Mace told him, the tone of his voice that brooked no argument from his friend, no matter how close they were.
"I will be there shortly," the Jedi Master said, already heading in the way that would lead to the Council's room. Mace Windu wistfully stared at Qui-Gon's erect back, knowing all too well the cares and worry that would have slumped anyone else's posture. When the Jedi Master's form disappeared behind a red wooden door, Mace Windu continued walking along the pathway to the Training Grounds to meditate and stretch his body. He will have to have a private word with his friend about his incessant brooding after the meeting with Yoda.