Alice Cullen Finds a Bedazzler
"Oh no beary!", I whispered To my plushy pal, Beary Bear Hale .I was backed into a corner squeezing beary to my chest. The wind howled through the empty house sending a chill down my spine. I have to get out of here I thought ,She was coming for me next. Run ,Run, I thought , but to where? Why did I let her do that? I asked myself in my head over and over again. First she got my clothes , then my room and now she would get me. I had to get out of that house.
Run, I must. But to whom? Edward. He could save me. She had already taken down Emmet an impossible feat, and Carlisle would never believe what was going on.
"Jasper, I know you're in here", she called to me. If my heart could beat it would be like a metronome on high. I must find Edward -where is he?
Bella. I need to find her, she'll know where Edward is! But first I have to sneak out of this house going unnoticed or surely she will attack again.
Like a gust of wind I bolted trough the house like lightning, accidentally dropping Beary,maybe she didn't hear me I hoped. I rushed through the woods non stop until I reached Bella's house. I hoisted myself into Bella's window.
"Ahhhh!" She screamed at the top of her lungs. I quickly covered her mouth with my hand.
"Shh!, she'll hear you", I harshly warned her.
"Jasper," she addressed me, "is this about me calling you sissy for talking to that bear because Rosalie started it."
"No" I assured her, "and I don't talk to Beary, I just…. Uhhh… it's none of your business".
"Well then why are you here?, what do you need?" She inquired. "Wait… no.. no please no, I promise I don't taste like chicken, or any other food you happen to be craving right now." What was that delirious girl talking about?
"What?" I asked her in return.
"You're going to eat me aren't you?" She quivered in a frightened voice.
" Of coarse not, I'm looking for Edward. Is he here?"
"Phew", She sighed, "No"
"Have you seen him today?" I interrogated.
"No but he's with you right?"
"No" I informed her.
"Well he did call me and say something about Picking up something from Hobby Lobby for Alice" Bella told me.
"Oh no!", I cried, "What exactly did Edward say that he was getting for Alice?"
"I'm not sure… but I think that he mentioned something about rhinestones", She informed me, naïve to what was going on.
"Noooooo!!" I wailed.
"What's wrong?" Bella asked me.
"It's Alice", I told her
"Is this about that time that I replaced her hair gel with glue, because that was your idea and you know it.."
"No." I interrupted, "and this isn't my fault, this time".
"What happened, is she okay?" she asked me with such care as if Alice were her own sister.
"Well you know as vampires we don't sleep, right?"
"Yeah, but what does-"
" Well" I said cutting her off. "What do you do when you can't sleep?"
"Well if Charlie isn't hogging the set, I watch TV"
" The same for us, you should have seen the fight me and Emmett got into over the remote once, he wanted to watch ESPN but he knew that CSI was on and I just love that-"
"Get to the point Jasper", she reminded me.
"Well there was nothing on TV and Alice is the worst person to watch TV with because she likes to flip and she refuses to watch CSI so Rosalie put it one channel and hid the remote." I explained..
"What channel, was it barney or golf or QVC or-" I nodded at her last guess. "No! Oh no! please tell me she didn't she didn't right? Jasper please!" She begged.
"Sadly, she did" I confirmed her fears.
"What was on special last night?"
"Tons of stuff, Heidi Klum Jewelry, Proactiv zit cream , like we need any of that.. We can't get acne"
"Lucky" I heard Bella mumble under her breath.
"And Rosalie and Alice are practically drowning in jewelry, but the thing that caught her eye was a bedazzler"
" A bedazzler?" She asked her voice dripping with a mixture of relief and non belief .
"A bedazzler" I confirmed.
"What's so bad? So her clothes sparkle now.. It's not like her skin doesn't do that on a sunny day" She inquired, wondering why I was immensely worried.
"Well, I came home after working my night shift at Starbucks and Emmett was stuck to his bedroom wall glued tight by hundreds of rhinestones, not to mention everything sparkled more than our skin in the sun," I recalled.
"You work a night shift at Starbucks?" she questioned, apparently that was the only thing she found unusual about my story.
"Edward was right you need a healthy dose of fear every once in a while, you don't know when to be scared", I told her, surprised at her response to my scary story.
" I'm sorry I just found it unusual that you work and at Starbucks of all places!" she replied.
"Well Seattle is the coffee capital of America, anyways back to my story, She took down Emmett and, well, you know how strong he is, and I got to thinking about who she would go after next, because we were all much weaker and.."
"Edward!" she bawled, almost coming to tears. "No! No! NO! where is he is he okay?" she asked , finally realizing how serious the situation was.
" I don't know how you'll take this , well I hate to tell you, but I haven't seen him since this morning and" I paused, I hated to break the news to her. "His Volvo was .. Bedazzled"
"Noooooo"' she wept. "Not Eddie Bear!!" I looked at her weird. "Humans give their boyfriends cute pet names" She explained.
"Oh." I replied, that was more awkward than the time I had told Rosalie that her lip gloss complimented her Prada shoes.
"What about the others, Rosalie, Carlisle, Esme?" She questioned, ending the awkward silence that had engulfed us.
"They're fine as far as I know , Carlisle is working of coarse and Esme and Rosalie are shopping, those girls and their early bird specials." I explained to her.
"Good, we need a plan" she attempted. "Okay, we need some secret agent music, a complicated plan full of unnecessary actions, ridiculous costumes, weird codenames and gadgets that do nothing but look cool" She offered. "Or you could just stop my babbling and say something smart that I would of never thought of."
"Good Plan", I responded and nodded. Just then I caught a slight sparkle in her room. I knew it wasn't me , it wasn't sunny, rather than rainy, the weather in rainiest place on earth , Forks Washington. I was afraid to glance out of Bella's Second story window, I had a bad feeling about what I would see. I peered out anyways to find a bedazzled yellow Porsche 911 turbo pulling into Bella's driveway, Alice insanely staring straight at me.
"Alice.. Oh no she's here!" I yelled while still being careful that she might not hear me. "How did she know I was going to come here??" I asked Bella. She gave me the stupid question look and I got it. "Oh, I forgot"
"Jump on my back!" I commanded her. She edged closer to me and awkwardly placed one arm around my neck and then the other.
"Ummm…. Yeah.. Well this is kind of weird-ish and um.. You're kind of My boyfriend's brother and umm.. Yeah" she reminded me.
"I get it" I told her, "Just think of this as a friend giving a friend a piggyback ride like you do in kindergarten" I improvised.
" Uhhh.. Okay" she said, then something clicked in her head." Hey! Are you saying that I'm like a kindergartener? Cause you're girlfriend is shorter than me!" She responded. Whoa I thought Ed sure knows how to pick the smart ones I joked to myself.
"Let's not tell Edward okay?" She told me.
"Sure. Make sure that you close your eyes, Edward tells me you're afraid of running", I warned her.
"He said wh-"her voice faded as I picked up speed. "where are we going?" She yelled at the top of her lungs hoping that I would hear her.
"Hobby Lobby" I softly replied. I weaved in and out of the trees surrounding Bella's house and came out of the woods behind a large industrious building. Hobby Lobby. After slowing to a halt I let Bella off of my back and walked to the front entrance trying to be as inconspicuous as possible.
"Why are we here?" Bella asked as soon as she regained her breath from the exhilaration of the run.
"We're going to fight fire with fire" ,I informed her.
"Nuh-uh." she firmly replied. "You know how I am around flames!" she reminded me.
I pulled out my cell phone and dialed like lightning, Carlisle picked up after the first ring. I could only hope that he would believe what was going on.
"Hello?" he answered.
"It's me, jasper"
"What Jasper? Did Bella almost set the house on fire again?" Carlisle asked, remembering the little incident Bella had last month.
"Ha! I told you I'm not good around fire" Bella mocked from behind me.
"No, but you have to meet me at the house." I instructed him.
"Why?"
"It's Alice." I said.
"Did she crash her Porsche?, because you know I can just buy her another one" He assured me.
"It's much worse" I replied
"What?"
"Alice uh.. Bedazzled her Porsche, most of the house and now she's coming for me next!!" I practically yelled causing many little old ladies entering the craft store to stare at me. "Young Hooligan" I'm pretty sure I heard one of the ladies mumble. Ha! She was a young hooligan compared to me.
"I understand where your coming from Jasper, and I'll be at the house as soon as I can get there", he said adding his support to my defenses. He hung up and shut my phone and stuffed it back into my pocket.
"Hurry!' I called out to Bella as I rushed through the self opening doors of the store, cold air blowing on me.
Once we were both in the store I rushed off to find a salesperson that could help me, while Bella wandered off into the Picture Frame department for some odd reason unbeknownst to me. Luckily I literally bumped into someone who worked there.
"Hi my name is… uh.." she stumbled to look at her own nametag to figure out what her name was. "Cherry" she dizzily announced before staring into my eyes like I was one of the Jonas Brothers. What Edward said must have been right I concluded in my head we do "dazzle" normal people.
"Uhhh Cherry I have a girlfriend" I announced sending her into a visible state of minor depression. "But I need you to help me find something" I told her.
"Sure, anything", she replied in a trance.
"Where are the bedazzlers and rhinestones?" I inquired.
"In the back, but this guy who's as pale as you ,I think he said his name was Edwin, almost cleared us out of rhinestones but I think there's a pack left", she told me while leading me towards the back of the store.
"Here we go, now if you're just using this on garments you'll want Auntie Beady's Bedazzling Beader", Cherry taught me, pointing to what looked like a sewing machine, but where the needle should have been there was a plastic stick ready to punch down a rhinestone. "But if you need to apply a rhinestone to something like a wall or something else at a difficult angle you'll want the bedazzleinator five thousand" she pointed to the device. That was my kind of bedazzling power! It looked like a sky blue water gun with the words bedazzleinator five thousand printed on one side.
"Say," I asked. "Could you shoot somebody with this?"
"Yeah!!, at the staff Christmas party we had a bedazzler fight and it was sooo-"
I lifted my hand to hush the babbling underpaid college student. "I don't really care I'm in a hurry so I'll take one of those bedazzlers and all the rhinestones you can get me!" I ordered.
"Cherry to checkout counter three" the loudspeaker blared.
"Yes sir! I'll ring you up at counter three!" she said grabbing the gun off the rack and picking up a supply of rhinestones. I ran off to find Bella.
She was in the Picture frame department comparing two sterling silver frames.
"Which one do you think Edward would like better?" she prompted me when I found her.
"Let's go", I announced.
"But I didn't find anything for Edward for our two month anniversary!" she protested.
"We're going!" I demanded her as I strided towards checkout counter three. Those old ladies that had called me a hooligan were taking their good sweet time checking out. I guessed it was because they knew I was behind them. When it was finally my time to check out cherry took her time ringing me up so that she could strike up conversation. "So I was thinking maybe we could hang out some time" she said intending for it to be a bit of a question.
"Sorry Cherry I have a girlfriend", I reminded her. She then shot a nasty look at Bella. "Thank you though" I said grabbing the plastic bags and handing her a roll of cash. Cherry quickly counted the money I handed her and replied, a bit less cheerful than before, "Thank you for shopping at Hobby Lobby , have a nice day".
We walked to the back of the building where Bella climbed on my back again and we set of into the forest again this time destined for my house.
The big white house that I lived in came into view. I could already tell that Alice had gotten to most of the rooms in the house because I could see them sparkling in the sunshine. I let Bella off of my back and we slowly walk to the front door. I pulled the bedazzle gun out of the plastic bag and loaded it with rhinestones. I was ready.
I heard Carlisle pulling up behind us as I pulled open the huge front doors, heading to the battle. Alice was standing at the top of the staircase giving me the most devilish grin I had ever seen.
"I've been waiting , Jasper, and Bella how nice to see you too!" she cackled in and evil voice.
"Eep!" I heard Bella cry out beside me.
"Sorry Bella!" she announced. Pow! She fired the bedazzler and hit Bella square in the chest.
"Ahhhh! I'm hit!" she cried after falling to the ground.
Carlisle ran in and knelt down beside Bella examining her to make sure that she was okay. He suddenly fell over after also being hit by a rhinestone too.
It was down to me and her.
Dramatic pause.
"Ahhhhhhhhh!!" I gave my battle cry and charged on Alice, dodging rhinestones left and right. One shot. That was all I had, I couldn't keep up the dodging thing, she would shoot me at point blank at any second now.
Everything was in slow motion a stone lightly grazed my ear and then I fired. Pow! Alice fell over in defeat. I took both bedazzlers and smashed them with my bare hands. AI looked around the dark , creepy house, with a couple of months of vigorous rhinestone removal things would be back to normal at last.
"Bella!" I heard Edward cry as he rushed down the stairs, from his room, and picked her up in his arms. "Are you all right?"
"Yeah, I'm just shiny" she replied.
"Now do I dazzle you?" He asked her I giggled to myself, Edward was covered in hundreds of rhinestones head to toe. Boy how I wished they would take all that stupid lovey dovey stuff out of the house.
"Yes" she answered her rhinestoned boyfriend, beginning to giggle uncontrollably.
"We're baaack!", Rosalie announced as she walked in the front door, carrying at least ten bags on her arms. "Ah! Alice!!", she screamed in fury after seeing the mess Alice had made. She angrily chased Alice up the stairs.
"Honey, you're home!", Esme told Carlisle following Rosalie in the front door. "Alice told me a new way to shop, it's called QVC!!" she excitedly told him
"I'll have the credit cards cancelled" Carlisle whispered to me.
Edward started walking to his room, Bella following him, and told us, "While I was at Hobby Lobby getting some rhinestones for Alice I found these.." he opened his bedroom door and I saw nothing but garden gnomes as far as the eye could see.
Crap. The only thing worst than a sadistic vampire is a vampire with a hobby! I suddenly noticed Beary's head on the ground. Oh no my precious beary boo!! I thought.
I turned to find Emmett, now freed from his rhinestone bondage picking some fuzzy brown material out of his teeth.
Nooooooooooo!!
The End