So I asked myself why did Dean just suddenly seem to fold and why did he visit Lisa?
This is what the muse came up with, something everybody must have wondered at sometime.
Dean sat staring at the computer screen in front of him wondering how he could be so shocked by something that deep down he always thought might be true. She had lied to him but unlike all the others in his life, she had lied to save him pain, not to cause him it. That made her a saint in his book.
He'd only been looking to see if he could find where Lisa had moved to, had been toying with the idea of going to say goodbye for a few months now. Maybe even tell her how he felt, see if she felt that way too. Just the knowledge that she did would be enough to see him though what was to come. The knowledge that someone, somewhere actually cared about him. Someone who didn't need him in their life but might still want him to be in it.
He hadn't really meant to call up the records office's link for births in Indiana. Hadn't meant to check out the nagging doubt in his mind, or wonder why he hadn't done this sooner. So, it was curiosity, that's all, that had finally got the better of him, causing him to click the link, type in the details.
Still, there it was now. In black and white. The final nail in his coffin. Another reason to say yes. The final reason. Maybe the one that he had been looking for all along so that it wouldn't feel so much like damn well giving up.
The cursor blinked remorselessly at him. He knew what he had to do, he just didn't want to. Didn't want to remove the only proof from existence that he would be leaving behind more than a car when he finally got kicked off this mortal coil. Still, like so many times before, he had no choice.
Reaching over he pulled Sam's little printer from his bag, hooked it up and printed off a copy of the record. He stared at the piece of paper for what seemed like an eternity before Sam's key turning in the door dragged him from his reverie and into action. The printer was gone and the paper pocketed before the door even swung open. Deleting his name from the record he typed the first one he could think of, Siegfried Houdini. He chuckled softly. If she checked it Lisa would get it, know that it had been him. Quickly he saved it, and shut down the browser.
"What are you doing?" Sam quizzed him as he walked over to the table and threw the car keys down, stopping to take off his jacket as well.
"Nothing, just researching a job, lot of demon activity outside of Blue Earth. Think we should go see." Dean found Lisa's address, committed it to memory and killed the page. Bringing up the sketchy reports he'd found he swung the laptop round as Sam pulled up a chair. Dean didn't look up at his brother. "Here, take a look."
Two weeks later
Dean gently brushed the hair from the side of her face, touching a soft, tender kiss to the skin there before he leant in and told her that he knew. Ben was his. The family that he'd wanted for a while now was finally right there in front of him.
He had no choice again though. He had to walk away. If he didn't do as the angels asked now, they'd find him. He was surprise that they hadn't already. His son. His bloodline. Another Winchester. Another vessel.
He couldn't let that happen, no matter what it might, would mean for him. The angels were not getting Ben. He wouldn't let them.
Even if it meant they got him instead.
He crossed the lawn and climbed back into the car, drove for a few miles and then stopped. Pulling the copy of the birth record from his pocket he stared at his name there. It caused a despair in him the like of which he had never known. Dean Winchester – Father. The want in him was crippling.
Getting a grip he rolled down the window and pulled out his lighter, torching what he hoped was the last piece of evidence that connected Ben to him. As he pulled back out on the road, heading towards what he actually prayed was finally the end of it his thoughts turned to his dad.
John had to sacrifice his life so that his son could live. Now Dean would do the same.
Following in his father's footsteps once again.