BEANIE BABIES
SECTION ONE
The night air was fresh and cool, but I found it stifling. I kept the car doors securely locked, and cranked up the heat. There couldn't have been more than five dinky little trees in the whole field. Everything seemed so level, it could have been a scene from "Little House On The Prairie". Natures night lights shone down upon the grass, for miles, and miles. Normally, I'd have enjoyed how glossy and cute it was, but today, I didn't. Boredom was usually my prison, but today it was my savior. I know I've made some bad decisions, but I don't think I've ever gone this far. They were counting on me! Why did it all go so wrong?
She had just bought new heeled shoes, at some fancy-schmancy department store. Lovely little things, red with black straps, must have been 5 inches high. She looked so pretty in them. Nothing could keep my eyes off her. I could try to focus on those heels, as the scene replayed over and over in my mind. But -I could still see that one single tear, trickle down her face, before she had a chance to motor those heels down the sidewalk with her face in her hands, off to who-knows-where. Leaving me there, to scramble to the safety of my car and drive for miles 'til I came to this place. Where ever the heck it is. I can hardly believe that it was me who ended up wrecking her life forever. I never did this type of thing. It should have been House!
It was all my fault. I should have fixed it. But I didn't.
My mind felt itself drifting back to the moon, set off by a medley of stars. Very eerie, as the moon seemed to be a dingy yellow, in place of the usual ghostly white. What was that called again? Something had possessed me to care. I thought for a moment, and came up with the answer. Harvest moon. I knew that I would never be able to look up at a Harvest moon again, and not see their faces. At least, how they were before. Hopefully.
The whole night I had spent trying to cry. But I just couldn't. Shouldn't I be able to cry when something goes horribly wrong? I feel the sadness, and I have reasons to cry. But, does crying about something change anything? Slowly, I felt my head rise up, and down, crashing into the steering wheel. Even then, I felt no pain. No matter how hard I pounded, tears wouldn't come to my eyes. Silently, I drew my eyelids together, and rested my forehead on the dashboard. Something about the night was creepy, like nature was reminding me what a horrible person I am.
By this time, its too dark to tell what field I've parked in. Not even the crickets dare to chirp. Unsettling silence presses down on me harder than Gravity himself. See, Gravity and I enjoy to have long talks on lonely nights. Seeing as tonight couldn't be any lonelier, I suppose we might chat.
"Gravity?" I called out from my car window, hoping to hear his reassuring voice.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
SECTION TWO
"Cuddy and Wilson are gone, and I'm stuck with the three blind mice all day. Why don't they just close down the place." House seethed, pursing his mouth into a scowl.
How did he get stuck at the PPTH while every one else was at the funeral? Even that had to be more interesting than this place. No patients, nothing to do. And stupid Chase kept beggin to go home. Cuddy had an excuse, it was her mom that died. But, Foreman should be here, even if he had killed Cuddy's nag of a mommy. Hobbling down the hallway, it seemed even the patients were steering clear of House. If it was possible, House seemed more pissed than usual.
"House, we haven't had one patient all day. Can't we just go home?" Chase moaned.
House tried to speed up, but Chase kept up the pace. Chase's tactic: annoy him, a lot. It rarely fails.
"Quit whining you stupid mouse." House snapped, and continued down the hallway.
That was all House could say to keep from cussing out the kid. He would have, but Chase was a little rat who would certainly go whining to Cuddy about how mean House was.
"Mouse?" Chase asked, a bit more baffled than upset.
House was too busy to respond, and made a beeline for his office. Chase didn't get House's thinking at all. House had a job, why did he sulk all the time? It isn't like he missed out on something. Chase shook his head, and power-walked past House's office, and onto the meeting room. A bright stream of light from the florescent light fixture near blinded Chase. But, he didn't make a sound. One foot in front of the other, he pulled himself across the white tile. Cam and Wilson were huddled together against the equally white wall, whispering something.
Cameron let out a giggle, and shifted a bit in her grey fold up chair. Something seemed...weird...about the way her finger tapped on the white table, House had stolen for them from the cafeteria.
"Did I miss something?" Chase asked them.
"Maybe..." Cam teased, turning her head away.
"Oh, c'mon. Tell me Wilson." Chase begged, trying to sound something like an American.
"Well...Should we tell him Cammy?" Wilson asked her.
Chase bent over the table, and cupped a hand around his ear, beckoning an answer.
"Welll...okay then. We'll tell you." Cam managed to utter through her giggles.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
SECTION THREE
"Gravity? Buddy are you here now?" I called out weekly.
My voice was strained, and it wasn't easy talking through the lump lodged deep in my throat. Like I was drunken from guilt, but couldn't quiet keep it all down. But, speaking to someone, couldn't be half as painful sulking alone. Everyone has one person they can trust unconditionally; for me, this has to be Gravity.
Slowly, my hand began its travel up to the little clicker to open the door I could almost hear the chugging of "The Little Engine That Could". "I think I can, I think I can". It took more mind power than strength, but I thrust open the door. Once again, beckoned my friend to appear from thin air. Yet again, I heard no response. Its all a little confusing, Gravity is usually always there for me. The moon glared down at me, tempting me break loose. To hurt someone- again. To inflict more sorrow on the ones I've grown to love.
"I've scared away even my best friend. Not even Gravity cares after what I did." I moaned, and sank to my knees on the grass, even the bugs dared not come near me.
"No, no. Gravity hasn't abandoned you. Not yet at least." came a voice, from behind me, loud and thick, words creamy like caramel.
I don't bother to turn around. Moonlight illuminates the silver rivers, rushing in waterfalls down my pale cheeks. The hands, attached just barely to arms- they tremble, searching for shelter from the earthquake coursing through my body. I'll crawl into my little shell, I'll be a turtle on the prairie. He's taunting me, he wants me to turn around, show my fragile face. A joke more than cruel! A crisis tugs at my conscience, I walk a tight rope, and I'm frozen in place, trying to keep my balance. Only half way across.
"You came for me. How come?" I asked quietly, restraining the sobs, ashamed of contortion of my face, the grimace of sorrow.
"Aww, you know me, I can't stand to see you like this. It really was just an accident. You shouldn't be so hard on yourself." Gravity consoled, but I don't want pity.
I have no need for anyone to tell me that what I did wasn't wrong. My shirt, soft, like a teddy bear. I feel the need to hug it, and rock him back and forth. Let him gaze upon the fair, yellow moon, which seems to be transforming to her face, each time I allow my eyes to reach it.
Just then, the sobs came pouring out. Why did I have to destroy something so delicate? She doesn't deserve what was inflicted on her. The most beautiful woman I've ever met, and I wrecked her forever. Moonlight streamed across my face, but I buried my head in the cool, dewy grass, escaping her sight. Comforting, but no match to the hurt.
"Shes an orphan now. Thanks to my one careless mistake! I let everyone down. It wasn't supposed to be like this. I can't face them anymore." I tried to explain, keeping my eyes shut tight, still rocking myself.
"You're feeling sorry for yourself. It isn't like you can change the past. But you can help Cuddy. She's got to be worried sick about you! Go to her." Gravity begged, whispering other soothing words into my ear.
"She wouldn't want to see stupid me. Who wrecked her life." I wont stand for sympathy, it isn't me who should be granted sympathy. I'm the enemy.
"You never wrecked her life."
"I killed her mother! What else do you call that?"
"You made a mistake. Apologize. At least try. Don't run away like last time, you don't need to start another life, Harry."
"MY name is Wilson now! I told you. Maybe you're right, maybe she is worried. I have been gone a few days. Maybe I can go back."
"Thats my boy."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
SECTION FOUR
Chase was craned over the table, ear cupped to ear in anticipation. Cameron seemed not herself today. A bit more giggly than usual. But why should Chase care? His work mates were finally being nice to him! He felt his fingers twitching in delight, and his mind was racing with ideas.
"You're completely sure you wanna know?" Cam taunted, settling back into her chair, and batting her eyelashes.
"YES!" screamed Chase, stomping down his black, leather shoe, and giving the green striped tie 'round his neck a tug.
"Okay, just a second." Cameron assured, waving a perfectly manicured nail at Wilson.
With just a small gasp, Wilson bobbed his head up and down. Twisting in his seat, he drew the blinds closed. Gaze returning to the door, he was satisfied that it was closed. A go-ahead thumbs up to Cam, and he leaned into their little circle.
"Okay, get this," Cam began, stifling a fit of giggles,"House talks to his..."
"Hello kiddies, Daddy's home!" came a voice of mock excitement.
"AUUGHH, don't do that!"
"Sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt your little playdate."
"Sheesh."
House grabbed a vial off a shelf, and the left the room. The remaining occupants of the meeting room were breathing deeply to catch their breath. Sometimes, House just didn't get it.
"So, tell me, what does House talk to?" whispered Chase.
"Beanie babies. He calls them Timmy, Tommy, and Tammy." Cameron whispered back.
"Yeah right." Chase shrugged it off, they were playing another trick on him.
"Its true!" Cam explained, bursting into laughter.
Of course, Chase joined in, as did Wilson. What a glorious sight, three brilliant doctors, rolling on the floor laughing. But what could be better than that? All three of them attempting to talk at the same time, of course!
"House!"
"Beanie Babies!"
"COMPLETE PHYSCO!"
Sometimes, Cam was glad to have House as a boss. Even if he is a total wack job. Despite fearsome effort, she couldn't control the laughter, that seemed to pour straight out from her soul. Ideas popped into her head. Black mail! Tapes!
"You can always tell when a beloved friend has died, with the doctors at the PPTH. All of the doctors fall to the ground laughing. C'mon guys, you're messin' with my reputation." snarked a familiar voice.
The laughter ceased. How would they explain this one?
"Come one guys, tell me the joke. I'm all curious."
------------------------------------------------------------------------
SECTION FIVE
"Wilson is it? What was wrong with Harry. That's what your mother named you." Gravity gravely asked.
His eyes burned into my skull, piercing my conscience. Somehow, the wind didn't affect him, my hair whipped in the breeze, but he stood there, frozen. Blonde locks must have been held down with heavy duty gel. Not even his lime green jacket ruffled with the wind. Staring down into mine, his eyes were a blue. He was sort of a taller, buffer, smarter version of Chase.
Why should I tell him my secret? He already knows the basics of why I want to be called James Wilson now. Falling to the ground, I pulled my knees up beneath me. My eyes begged him to drop the subject, but his eyes didn't oblige. I would have burst into tears, yet again, but I had cried myself dry.
"You know." I whispered, hoping he wouldn't try to pull it out of me.
"Yes, I do. But I don't think you know." Gravity replied, shaking his head from side to side.
Gravity had been there through the whole ordeal. He needs to get over it, Wilson is who I am now. Harry died a long time ago. Or at least, that's what I tell myself. Right? Harry was I was as a child, but he died. I think.
"I know exactly why." I whispered again, trying to convince myself.
The memories were so forlorn, and lost. Accessing them was like...looking for a grey sweater, stuck in the bottom of bucket, filled with broken, blue tinted glass. It sounds odd, but it couldn't be more difficult.
"You want to believe that. You can't just run away every time something bad happens to you Harry!"
"Stop it! Don't call me that!"
I could feel my legs, pumping across the field. Tightly shutting out the light of the Harvest Moon, I spun my head from side to side. Why should I look back? He turned on me, just like all the others did. It wasn't long before my hands were ripping at the car door. Nobody understands. They all don't understand.
The silver key flew into the ignition, a snapping sound from my wrist when I gave it a twist. Nothing. Another twist. Still nothing. Eyes flew around to the fuel gage. Empty.
"I'm...stuck."
"Maybe now that you're stuck, you'll talk with me."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
SECTION SIX
"We found a-a..." Cameron began, eyes darting around the room, hoping for some shred of inspiration.
"A rat in the toilet!" gushed Chase, savoring the look of relief crossing Cam's face.
"A rat. You expect me to believe that you were rolling on the floor laughing... 'cuz you saw a rat?" House asked, narrowing his eyes.
"It was really cute." Chase meekly offered, almost as a question more than a fact.
"Oh, I bet. Now, have any of you seen my tennis shoes?" House asked hopefully.
An uneasy feeling settled over the doctors. They were still sitting on the floor, but they had learned to suppress their nearly uncontrollable laughter. Chase scooched under the table, hoping to whisper something to Cam. But Cameron was rummaging through a bag on the table, and produced a pair of shoes.
"Thank you Cammy."
"You're welcome, sir."
House raised an eyebrow, since when did Cameron call him "sir"? His doctors must be stricken with some sort of grief for Cuddy. Or they were glad she was gone. Possibly both.
"Sure...We'll go with that."
Sensing their uneasiness, House rushed from the room. Attempting to ignore the doctors sighs of relief as he exited, he slipped on his shoes. Leaning against the clean, sterile white wall, House begin to think up ways to waste away the day. Maybe, he could put another rat in the womens bathroom. Or would that be an abuse of power? Scuffing his shoe against the blue-grey carpeting, he jumped a little. Footsteps padding down the hallway.
"House, baby. Why did ya'll leave me that way."
"Gloria!"
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
SECTION SEVEN
"Sunrise is nearing, you know that even I must depart." Gravity warns, scrunching his face up toward the impending arrival of the sun.
Even the best friend I have is no use to me when something important is to be done. Hours I've been here, endless tinkering with a shoddy engine. I feel as though I'm a vampire, that if sunlight were to catch my fragile, pale skin, I'd boil to a crisp. Have I become little more than a coward? Have accomplished nothing?
No, I've accomplished more than nothing. So far, I've raked deep cuts in the hearts of ones I love. Whenever I meet a woman, and truly come to love her, inevitably I destroy her.
Come now, you have such vile luck; even you should have known this was inevitable.
The grass blows in great strides on either side of the road, darting through the fields, playfully rustling the flowers, and upsetting long wisps of grass. Through the faint glimmer of sunlight, I can make out a grey-green color, seeming to consume the prairie. The sky remains the color of murky lake water, warming up to its natural ocean blue. Yet, my heart refuses to warm. Like a lump of old steel, a rotting scrap behind a car factory, left forever and forgotten.
"Please, don't leave me. I'm still lonely." I beseech, writhing my eyes across his face, searching, pleading for compassion. I cannot go on alone.
"I have no choice, but fear not friend. I trust that you will make the right choices." with that, and no more than a forlorn glance, he strode across the prarie, and was gone.
My stomache churns like fresh-made butter, thrust into a hot griddle. Squinting my eyes at the dingy engine, I could make no sense of every part of which I grasp in my frail, incapable hands. A winding maze with endless corridors, a puzzle of which I've no idea how to solve. Tears of hot frustration sting in my eyes.
"Who am I kidding? I don't deserve the luxury of a car. I'll walk home."
I'm an idiot. A fool, with nothing more to do than hope to save a dying friendship, pacing down a country road. Searching for a house with a phone, or at least internet connection.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
SECTION EIGHT
"Gloria, I haven't seen your face in years." House exclaimed, taking a few cautious steps back, searching her face for the tell-tale deceptive eyes, he'd come to recognize.
Yet, her face was bland as could possibly be. Adorable, certainly, yet still bland. How could another woman come back to haunt him? Or even, to save him? She looked so tempting, sporting her usual far-too-short denim skirt, and tank top. If he could recall, it was the exact same she had worn, the day she disappeared.
"Honey, you ain't gotta be afeared o' little ol' me. Just a comin' back to haunt ye." she answered, in her thick, western accent.
Oh, how a woman loved to arouse a man. Playing the same tricks, time and time again. Embezzle every ounce of dignity he has stored within him, and then take off with some cash. It'd be easy. As long as he was still as ignorant as the last time she'd talked to him.
"There's that same voice of yours. I half expect to get run over by a horse when I hear that sound." House jokesd hunching forward, resting his arms on his cane. What if she had only come back to harvest more of his precious dignity, and smash it to the floor?
"An them silly blue eyes o' yers. How come yall didn't write to me?" she asked, flipping around her curly blonde hair.
Ten years, nearly to the day, since House had seen Gloria. Yet, she barely seemed to have aged a minute. Not a single wrinkle, and her cheeks were still as full and rosy as ever. She kept her lips a hot pink color, which she claimed accented her dimples. Very much, did she resemble a curvy pear, House's favorite fruit. Plastic surgery, no doubt.
"I would have, if you had cared to leave your adress, or anything at all before you left." images jolted through House's memory. Never again, could he hope to trust such a woman.
"Well yall just shoulda asked, now why don't ya." she snapped, spite stinging through her words. Who was he to refuse her?
"If you came only to remind of the past, I've nothing to say to you."
A creaking sound, and pungent odor arose from directly behind House. If House was luckier than he had been in years, this could possibly be a skunk. Or some other freakishly large rodent. Yet of course, House's luck had washed down the drain, along with everything else he held dear. All thanks to this woman.
"Gloria! You came back!" Chase squealed.
"Of course I did! Ooh, look how big and...uh...handsome you got." Gloria choked out. Apparently, soap had gone out of style in the last ten years.
"I know. You're still as pretty as ever."
"I got a present for my lil' babies."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
SECTION TEN
Gravity has undoubtedly forsaken me.
My dignity is slipping like grains of sand,
Through my weary, blood stained fingers.
Worst of all,
The aching in my head.
How many miles have my feet listlessly dragged themselves across? My car faded into the horizon hours ago. The sun laps at the ragged road, threatening to set it ablaze. Air is sullen, and still, like just after something terrible happened. Nobody wants to admit it. The occaisonal cloud, manages to scud across a weary sky, rushing away from me. Not even the wind will grace me with its presence.
Oh, you silly little boy.
Gone and changed your name? Why don't
You admit you're jealous? Of them scudding clouds
They know where they're going.
So far ahead of you.
Pools of water play out before, but not a drop of water could stand the heat, to trickle down my parched throat. My entire body is a deep reddish color, no thanks to that pesky sun, glaring down at me from the sky. Give me liberty, give me death, but lord o' mercy, decide for yourself in haste. Slow torture surely befalls me.
A hot pink blob seems to be floating despondently in a puddle, miles ahead. Who ever heard of a pink mirage? My eyes must be full of searing holes. Nearly as much my aching mind, and burning conscience. Have I not been punished enough?
You know so very well who's been playing tricks on you.
What color was that dear woman's hat? Don't you dare pretend
That you didn't even know. Because even a broken heart
Has a mind of thought. Take that away with you dear.
Cuddy's mother's hat was hot-pink. She was a girly-girl, even in her old age. How could I have abused their trust?