THE LEGEND OF ZELDA:

The 'Bring-out-your-dead' Bell of Time

A Note from the Author: Well, if any of you know me, then you'd know that I can't write a serious Action/Adventure without writing some humor along with it. My current Legend of Zelda Story, Hyrule's Final War, is strictly serious (If you're reading it, you haven't seen anything, yet). Therefore, I must write a separate story that is strictly humor. This is that story. 100 humor… and for those of you who've read my other Zelda humor fic The Legend of Kaepora Gaebora, a Oneshot… this should be funnier. I've noticed that there are a lot of fics that are humorous parodies of Ocarina of Time… well, I've enjoyed them. They're hilarious. I hope for this fic to go down as one of the best of them. After this, unlike my other stories, there will be no author's notes at the beginnings of the chapters. I ask that you sit back, crack open a coconut, (You'll understand the pun, later…) and enjoy!!

Note: Unless you are familiar with the aspects of Monty Python, and random commercial Icons, you may be confused, and not get the humor within. If you've seen Monty Python, and the Holy Grail, then you should be all set… Also, Link IS a dumbass in this fic.

DISCLAIMER: I do not own the legend of Zelda, Monty Python, then random commercial Icons, and everything else within, but I do own a Claymore Sword, and it's really big. (Seriously… I do.)

-PROLOGUE-

Once upon a time, in the Land of Hyrule… there lived a boy without a fairy in the forests, blah, blah, blah…

…And we see Link rolling around in his little stump of a bed…

"No… no… why did you leave Mr. Ginger Bread Man…? Why did you leave me alone…? WHY???? WHYYYYY??????" Link exclaimed in his sleep, so loud, that all of hyrule could hear it. Even the dark shady villain of this story from his hideaway…

-Link's Nightmare-

Link was standing outside the gates of Hyrule castle. He had a Spork strapped to his back, along with a piece of bark. A European swallow was flying closely around his head. It was a dark and rainy night… thunder suddenly illuminated the sky. Suddenly, the drawbridge of Hyrule castle opened, and a white horse came galloping by. Unfortunately, Link was a sped, so he didn't move out of the horse's way. He was immediately trampled.

-Squeesh-

Link then (amazingly) got up, and turned around. Behind him was…

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…NOTHING!!!

Link simply scratched his head in confusion. Suddenly the wall five feet next to the completely open gate burst open, revealing none other than…

…The Kool-Aid man, giving a double thumbs-up. (Cue Evil Ganondorf Music) "OH YEAH!!!" He exclaimed in a both loud and very deep voice. Link then looked upon the Kool-Aid man in a horrified expression of fear.

-In real Time, during all This-

"Yo! Navi! Navi the swallow!!" The Great Deku Tree exclaimed. Suddenly, a European Swallow flew out of the tree, and to its face.

"CAW!!" The swallow exclaimed. (What do you want, firewood?)

"Like, Swallow, have you sensed it?" The Great Deku Tree asked.

"CAW!!" (What do you think, dumbass? I was trying to make a nest in your branches, and all of a sudden, you shake madly!!!)

"Tubular. You know, my power is fading, like, because of this giant hole in me… could you go fetch that loser kid?" The Deku Tree asked.

"Caw…" (Fine, but I'll be back to burn you later…)

…The European Swallow then picks up a coconut, and flies through Link's window… while Link is muttering something about a bearded dog; the swallow drops the coconut on Link's face, thus waking him up…

Link grunts, and falls out of bed. The swallow then picks Link up, flies outside, and drops him fifteen feet to the ground. Link's bones crunch. He gets up, and notices that his arm is limp. He begins swinging it around wildly while giggling. A leprechaun with a fairy following it then walks up to Link.

"Link, finally have a fairy, eh, laddie? Oh wait… that's a stupid swallow!!" The leprechaun says, and then falls upon the ground in laughter. Link's swallow then eats the leprechaun's fairy, and begins to gouge the leprechaun's eyes out with its beak. The leprechaun screams in horror as the swallow begins to disembowel him with its beak. He dies in a bloody mess with a look of horror upon his face.

Link then looks upon the bloody beak of his newfound companion, and begins to walk away slowly toward the Great Deku Tree. A leprechaun is guarding the path. "Cannot pass here, laddie! Ahahah!!" The leprechaun exclaims. Navi the swallow then swoops down and begins pecking its beak through the leprechaun's head. "Ah! He's after me lucky charms!!" The leprechaun exclaims, running off, the swallow still in pursuit. Link begins to walk through, and he then hears the faint leprechaun screams. "Part of this complete breakfaaaaa-OW!!! Ahh! No! Nohoho!!! NOOOOO!!!!" (Insert random flesh-tearing noises, here).

The swallow then catches up to Link, its beak completely drenched in blood. Link has a panicked look on his face, but knows that he cannot run away. They soon come to a clearing.

Screen scrolls up (cue Great Deku Tree theme). They see a gigantic tree that has a goatee, and the upper branches form a Mohawk. "Tubular. Finally here, little dudes. Like, the Kool-Aid Dude sent down his bunch of gnarly Spanish Inquisitor dudes, but they kinda ripped through my side, creating this large, not-so-gnarly and very unsightly hole in me, and I'm like, dying. So, could you radical little dudes, like, use the hole to get inside me, and kill off the Spanish inquisition? That would be gnarly." The Deku tree exclaimed. Before Link could say anything, Navi picked him up with its beak, and threw him inside the giant gaping hole in the deku tree.

End of Chapter

Hope you liked it. If you didn't, it will get better. Here are the new character roles so far:

-Link A retard

-Ganondorf The Kool-Aid Man (No wall is safe)

-Mido/The Kokiri Lucky Charms-Obsessed Leprechauns

-The Deku Tree Some kind of Gangster-Hippie (If that's possible)

Until Next Chapter,

Biggoron