Falling into the dark
She was in the dark; she couldn't feel like breathing anymore. She was back at being lonely and all by herself. A continuity of events and bad decisions had led her to her to her current situation. Alone in her huge bed, she was rethinking for the million time the past months since she ran away to Maluku, just to ran away from her feelings and her happiness. She couldn't do like she didn't have any anymore. Everyone knew.
Booth was with Hannah, which was her fault; a year before when she turned down his love declarations she felt like it was the best situation for everyone at the time. But a year went by and he moved on. They used to be everything for each other and now what? They where some colleague, with nothing else, like nothing ever happened and she felt terrible. It took her a full year to realize how much he meant to her, how much she wanted a future with him. But he was with Hannah and it was ok. She deserved it.
But in this self punishment she also turned down every friendship she had, feeling like she didn't deserve happiness anymore. She knew it hurts Angela. She knew it. But with the news that happened to Angela and Hodgins she didn't wanted her best friend to worry about her anymore, she had to take care of herself. It's not that she was jealous of her best friend, it's just that she felt outcast & like she was too much.
And with the time, she stopped her self-esteem comments, she stopped driving crazy everyone at the Jefferson, she suddenly started to lose weight, a lot of weight, she didn't talk to anyone, leaving early and she changed her look.
She just wanted to be perfect for him, willing to do anything to make him realize how much she was miserable without him. How much she regretted her behavior.