Author's Note: This story takes place in sections: the first is my imagined scene of Killian's reaction following Baelfire's rejection of him in "Straight on 'Til Morning", the second and third are part of the current Season Three storyline's very near imagined future. Some of it is my filling in some missing scenes, but I think most of it is not so far from canon as to be AU, other than the fact that I have ignored adult Baelfire/Neal's presence altogether. I would of course love to hear what you think – either what you have enjoyed or what you think could be improved. Thanks for reading! I still own nothing, just playing in Fairy Tale Land!
"Eyes on the Horizon"
By: TutorGirlml
The Lost Ones' boat slipped silently away into the misty gray darkness of Neverland's waters off the shore. Small vessel though it was, it did not take long for a considerable distance to stretch between Pan's "men" and the Jolly Roger, where Killian Jones stood looking out over the growing space. The burning hatred in Baelfire's eyes when the boy had leveled that last look at him still burned, as if the Dark One's offspring could maintain his glare even across the long stretch of water. Tired, resigned, blue eyes followed the glow of the lantern they had carried aboard the little rowboat until it disappeared from his sight completely. The pirate captain then bowed his head for a moment, bracing tough, weathered hands on the side of his ship and leaning on the old girl's solid, wooden strength for a moment as he absorbed the blow. That boy may have been the ticket to his Crocodile's undoing, but he was also the child of his lost love, the one regret that had tormented her as they sailed all the seas of the realm. He had not lied to Baelfire when saying they had wanted to come back for him, wanted to remake themselves into a family. His offer in Milah's memory had been sincere, but he should have known better than to hope the lad would accept his gesture. He had not expected the rejection to sting so painfully either, alerting him that he had wished for some semblance of a family – and some small echo of his beloved, raven-haired, pirate queen – more than he had let himself believe.
The members of his crew who had been brave enough to remain visible when Pan's perennially teenaged henchmen were on board the ship were smart enough to give their captain his space now. Smee must have made it known to them just whom the boy was, and none of them wanted on Jones's wrong side now that the boy was gone. It wasn't easy to have a mere child shame him with his own life, and the pill was made more bitter with the realization that Milah's own son would willingly become a captive of Neverland's true savages rather than stay a second longer with him, the man his mother had chosen.
Eventually, Killian sighed and turned from the view of the darkened horizon. There was nothing to see but emptiness, and thinking on what could have been would not avail him. Neverland was full of nothing but broken dreams, bad memories, and replaying nightmares. Plodding with exhaustion in his step, Killian made his way below to his captain's quarters.
Divesting himself of the heavy, long, leather coat he wore and tossing it haphazardly over the chair at his desk, he raked a hand absently through his dark hair before sinking to the edge of his bunk. His black mood pressed down, as though resting with a physical weight on his shoulders. He did not know what he had hoped to accomplish. He was a pirate, and no one else would ever see anything in him but a villain. His eyes drifted over to the desktop, where his sketch which had caused so much trouble when Bae found it, still lay unfurled. Milah's precious face gazed back at him knowingly, and he found himself speaking to her likeness in a rasping, defeated voice. "I'm sorry, darling, but I failed you. He's gone."
Killian spoke no more as he unzipped and removed boots, vest, and eventually, his metal hook as well. He lay down, but knew sleep would not come to him this night. Instead, he found himself remembering the day he had sketched that picture of her. She had been leaning against the ship's wheel, head tilted, staring back at him just as intently as he studied her, with laughter in her eyes. It had seemed that the sun was shining more brightly that day than he had ever seen, salt spray had blown off the waves to bathe their faces, gulls had been crying over their heads, and the sea breeze was ruffling her hair; he hadn't been able to remember anything else as perfect in his life before or since. He was just moving closer to her in his mind's eye, laying down the charcoal and paper to caress her cheek, when Bae's final accusation came rushing back to drown out the pleasant vision, "You killed her, pirate!"
Was it true? Had it all been his fault that she lost her life? No, it was the Crocodile! That demon had crushed her heart with his own bare hand, and then obviously been too cowardly to tell his son the truth. Killian tried to convince himself that he hadn't hurt Milah; he had finally set her free, allowed her the adventure she'd always longed for. She had been happy on the Jolly Roger, as much a pirate as any of them. Closing his eyes, he tried to will himself into a dreamless sleep, though he knew it would prove fruitless. He did not find reprieve until the wee hours, when the candle on the nightstand guttered out completely and bathed the cabin in solid darkness.
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Now, as he allows himself his first real, relieved deep breath since setting foot on Neverland's soil again with Emma's rescue party, that long ago rejection shoves its unwelcome way back into his consciousness. Pan is gone at last, evaporated by Emma's mysterious "pure love" powers when she had wrapped herself around Henry to prevent a shadow ripping. The gash slowly leaking blood over his left eye recalls the rough go of it the rest of them had weathered keeping the Lost Ones at bay so Emma could do her bit unhindered. However, once their leader seemingly imploded with a soul-chilling, echoing shriek and a thick roll of black smoke, they had turned tail and fled – those that had not already been felled by he and Charming's swords, Snow's arrows, and Regina's fireballs, that is. They have not seen 'Stiltskin since he vanished from the ship, and Killian cannot say he will be sorry if the Crocodile stays away forever. His sword drops with a clatter to the ground from nerveless, exhausted fingers as he catches his breath and then focuses on Swan checking her boy over for injuries. Her joy and relief nearly radiate off her, even if she seems nervously unwilling to break physical contact with Henry for a second. When she meets Killian's eyes over the boy's head, it shocks him like an electric volt and he cannot look away. Her mouthed 'thank you' sends his heart fluttering like some naïve schoolboy, in a way it has not responded in a very long time.
After a few minutes, time seems to come unfrozen, right itself, and move forward again. Emma releases Henry long enough to allow him to run to hug his grandparents and Regina. The lad is gleefully making the rounds of his family of rescuers, and then he turns to Killian, curiously tilting his head to study the pirate captain.
Killian feels his breath catch, not able to draw in air fully, feeling that here he is standing in front of another young boy, being weighed and measured and sure to come up lacking, as he had with this very boy's father all those years ago. He cannot speak – his mouth suddenly goes dry – and it strikes home for him in this moment just how much he does want to be a part of something. This is his chance, if he can just hold onto it.
Emma moves to join them, a twinkle in her eyes and a healthy, pleasant flush to her cheeks which has been missing since Henry was taken from her. She lays a hand on Henry's shoulders and gestures to their captain. "Henry, this is Killian Jones," and here she pauses to smirk mischievously at the pirate, arching an eyebrow as he so often does and tossing his own old jest back at him, "or as he's known by his more colorful moniker -"
"Captain Hook!" Henry yelps in excitement. Without any further hesitation, Henry bounds across the rest of the space between them and wraps his arms around Killian's waist in an exuberant hug that completely catches the erstwhile former villain off guard.
It was a more enthusiastic and positive greeting from the boy than Killian had dared to hope for. His good hand finds its way to the top of the boy's head to ruffle his hair affectionately, and his eyes linger on Henry's small form gratefully for several seconds before rising to shoot Emma a lopsided and hopeful grin. It is shocking how definitively a gaping rip inside, which has ached painfully since another boy tore it there in hatred, can be felt filling in and knitting closed with Henry's welcome.
Eventually, Emma's son does step back a bit, tipping his head back to look up into Killian's face with a furrowed, thoughtful brow, very reminiscent of his mother. "But aren't you a villain?" he questions seriously, as if muddling through what stands before him versus what he thinks he knows.
"Aye, that is how people usually see me," Killian allows, giving the boy a nod of assent, and then a smile to show that he has taken no offense. "That is not necessarily who I want to be, however."
Henry nods sagely, as if he completely understands, and Killian can see what Emma has already learned. Henry is a quick study and wise beyond his years.
"Don't let him fool you, kid," Emma adds in a wry tone, still smirking at Killian over Henry's head. "He's a lot less fearsome than his reputation claims. He gave us the last magic bean to follow you, sailed us here on the Jolly Roger, and has been our guide to the island. We have you back now in large part due to his help, and that's good enough for me." She clearly had meant to jibe at his legendary, irresistible pirate persona, but emotion has crept tremulously into her voice toward the end of this pronouncement, and if he didn't know his tough, impervious Swan better, he would swear he can see the shimmer of unshed tears in her eyes as she gazes at him.
Killian doesn't let his gaze leave hers for even a second – the gratitude and something more that radiates off her and into his soul is intoxicating. He wants more of it, never wants to cause her eyes to return to the looks of suspicion, mistrust, and possible dislike which they used to hold for him. His heart, which he had been sure was twisted, blackened, and damaged beyond repair, swells at the feeling of belonging he is experiencing. It's all he can do not to pull Emma to him, kiss her senseless, and never let her go.
Henry just smiles at them both, happy to be safe and back with his loved ones, but the other members of their party don't miss the way the Savior and the Pirate can't seem to look away from each other as the moment stretches on. Charming looks surprised and a little troubled by the development, Regina looks disgusted, and Snow looks smugly amused – as if she had known all along.
If he were not quite so cynical and jaded, Killian would admit that the very air around himself and Emma is practically vibrating, and all of the others have faded away completely. He had finally come to the conclusion that a place and people to belong to were more than he deserved, but apparently – once he had given up – things have now turned around for him. At last managing to break free of Emma's magnetic hold, he tries to look at Henry as well when he answers her praise. "Perhaps I decided to take your mother's advice, lad, and be a part of something bigger than myself." He draws in a shaky breath and can't help how his grin stretches wide when she blushes and ducks her head at his next words, "Maybe I just needed reminding that I could."
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They waste little more time getting back to the beach (where Henry's eyes widen to the true size of saucers upon seeing the Jolly Roger from his book of fairy tales), stepping aboard the ship, and putting out to sea before Pan's forces can regroup. Henry is practically bouncing up and down on the deck in excitement; his eyes are alight in such an enchanting way that neither captain nor anyone else on board can help being caught up in his joy. Killian finds himself wondering if Emma's eyes have ever reflected such innocent wonder and happiness, and some unbidden part of him silently makes it his new mission to bring that look to her face.
Eventually the small group on his boat retreats below deck to find food to prepare and to discuss strategy for how they can get back to Storybrooke. Killian opts to stay at the helm: to feel the salt air in his face and rushing through his hair, to watch the color of the sun setting majestically on the horizon, and to celebrate the fact that they are leaving Neverland behind at last, with Henry in tow. He doesn't know just how welcome he will be at their little planning summit, or in fact, how welcome he is back in their real world home, but for the first time, he finds himself wishing to go somewhere for itself and not just to move a step closer to revenge. If they will still have him, he hopes they will find a way to travel ship and all; he doesn't know if he can leave the old girl now, after all of their voyages together.
He is mulling this over and enjoying the evening at sea when he hears soft footfalls behind him. Turning to glance over his shoulder, Killian sees Henry curiously watching him steer the ship. A humored smile sneaks over Killian's face, dimpling his scruffy cheeks. The boy obviously has a bit of the sea and adventure in his blood – again, just like his mother. Killian can sense that Emma is there as well, lingering somewhere out of sight, due to the prickling sensation of his hair rising on the back of his neck in anticipation, as it always does in her presence. It goes without saying that the lass does not want to smother her boy and is trying to give him some space, but she can't quite stand to let him out of her sight yet either, so she is trailing him like an inconspicuous shadow. He cannot ignore the frisson of interest shivering throughout his insides at her nearness, yet he doesn't acknowledge that he knows Emma is there, and focuses on Henry, beckoning him closer. Killian steps back to allow Henry past him to the helm, knowing without a doubt that this is exactly what the lad is hoping for.
Henry nods, a smile splitting his face and causing his eyes to gleam still brighter than Killian has yet seen. He steps right up next to the pirate captain, looking to him expectantly for instruction and not seeming to feel the least bit intimidated or frightened. Even that small act of acceptance on Henry's part touches him in a profound way, healing another small bit of his psyche that has been wounded for ages. Smiling encouragingly, he stands behind the boy, placing the child's small hands in position on the wheel, giving him some basics on steering and directions, then stands back, allowing Henry to experience the feel of the Jolly Roger's power literally beneath his young fingertips for the first time.
Killian cannot help the swell of pride that washes over him when Henry takes to the wheel like he was born on a ship. The lad's cheeks flush, his hair ruffles in the wind, and he even seems to stand taller, completely engrossed in the way the ship slices through the waves. Killian knows that he has nothing to do with the boy's natural enthusiasm and intellect, but it is so easy to care for and marvel at Henry and want to keep him close, to protect his good, pure, believer's heart.
"Are you going back home with us?" Henry asks suddenly, interrupting Killian's muddled thoughts.
Killian quirks an eyebrow in curiosity at the boy, studying him for a moment and trying to discern what Henry wants his answer to be. Does the lad truly wish him to stay? Finally, he decides that he can only be honest with the child. "I would like to, aye."
Henry nods, seemingly satisfied with that answer and wordlessly understanding that there may be more to the decision than just what the pirate would like – striking Killian again with how clever and intuitive he is. Neither of them says anything more, but the silence is comfortable and pleasant as they both look to the horizon and sail on in peace.
Without doubt, the sky spreading open overhead, the stars just coming out to twinkle and wink above them, and the sound of the waves splashing and rushing against the ship's hull are soothing. Killian knows now that he never wants to leave these people who have restored purpose to his life and given him something to care about beyond retribution for Milah. Yet, as always, he almost convinces himself that he could be as close to happy as he's ever been as long as he has his ship and the sea.
The quiet and restful calm stretch long enough that Killian is almost startled to glance over and find Emma is at his side. It seems that she can be as silent and stealthy as he is when she wants to be. She reaches out to tousle Henry's hair lovingly for a moment, the intense adoration on her face for her child making Killian that much more enamored of her. If only she herself, and he too, he thinks sadly, could have grown up with such devoted parents. She might not have always been there for her boy physically, but she has always loved him fiercely and has just fought to save him from a powerful foe. The boy surely can never doubt his mother's love – and Killian can personally attest to how important that is.
These two standing here on the deck of the Roger with him feels right – Emma and Henry make him feel like a support, a protector, even a partner. It has been so long since he experienced anything close to the kinship of family that Emma and Henry spark within him, and he is not sure he can stand it if he has to let them go. In a startling, somewhat frightening moment of clarity, he knows that he would dock his ship in Storybrooke and follow them anywhere, but he must first know what Emma is feeling.
She doesn't speak for a long time, and they both continue to simply watch Henry at the wheel. The air is crackling with that pleasant tension again, while both wonder what the other is thinking and neither admits to it. As the minutes trickle by, Killian glances over to study Emma's profile. He finds the ghost of a mysterious smile quirking the corner of her perfect mouth upwards. He starts to question her, but swallows the words, not wanting to disturb the hush between them. It is then that he feels her soft, warm fingers ghosting over his hand, eventually taking it and intertwining their fingers.
He looks down at their joined hands resting on the ship's rail, marveling at the sight and at how perfect it feels. When she does finally speak softly, he cannot believe the honesty – and vulnerability – he sees in her eyes. "Do come back with us. I want you to. It should be all of us returning to Storybrooke or nothing."
His grin broadens and he throws her one of his trademark playful winks. "You two do need someone to keep you out of trouble," he teases, but then his voice grows serious and he lets his ice-blue gaze latch onto her green one, making sure she can see it is much more than a joke to him, "and I may be just the pirate to do that."
He raises their joined hands to his lips and lightly kisses her knuckles, never breaking the eye contact between them. The way her eyes light up stirs his soul and makes her whole face shine brighter than the full moon glowing on the horizon. He nods once, letting her know the decision he has made, and accepts the fact that he will accompany her – his new family – anywhere.