Preface
I was suddenly running from something, something that was most likely trying to kill me. I was wrong. The thing was Edward. He was running, and he suddenly caught up. He swept me up off of my feet and held me. Our faces came closer together, and I realized something. It wasn't Edward's face. It was Carlisles. I realized what had happened. Edward wasn't the one I truly loved. It was Carlisle. Carlisle was the one, but he was untouchable.
1. Accidents
I dreamed about Edward every night, hoping that he would come back. He never did. I walked around like a drunk, trying to figure out where he could be... why he had left. I found nothing. On Thursday afternoon, I found myself driving to La Push after school. I didn't want to see Jake, I wanted to do something reckless. A small part of me wanted to die, to leave the pain behind. Never have to deal with it again. I also knew that there was no chance of Edward coming back now. I would most likely live like this forever. Jacob would probably fall for some girl in his school. He would leave me behind gasping for air, falling apart even more. What would be my resort then? Mike Newton? I shuddered, thinking about that. Isabella Marie Newton. I almost swerved off the road. It would be even worse than Edward never coming back, and I was always on Jessica's bad side. I didn't need to inch myself closer to getting murdered by her.
My head spun as I thought of what to do. I could jump off the cliff, stand in the middle of the road and wait to get hit by a semi truck. Those were both too risky, it would take too long. I would have time to change my mind. Before I had a second thought, I decided. I would wreck the truck. I would wrap the truck around a tree, it would be an instant death. I wouldn't feel any pain. I wouldn't miss Edward any longer.
"No, Bella!" Edward. He was speaking to me again. In my thoughts, at least.
"Edward." I sighed, aloud.
"Don't do it!" He growled.
"Yes. You've caused me pain, Edward. I can't stand it any longer."
"No!" He screamed as I accelerated.
I closed my eyes and swerved off the road. My last thought, before my forehead hit the horn. Before the glass splintered my head, before I took my last breath.
"I love you, Edward."
I awoke in a small room. I was laying in a bed, a blanket wrapped around me. A cold, solid hand gripping my battered one. I moaned as the searing pain hit me, My head was wrapped into something, my eyes were almost swollen shut.
"Bella." Someone said.
It wasn't Edward. I realized the voice somewhere, I tried to connect it with someone. I looked closer to my left, a man was sitting there. Golden hair, deep golden eyes.
"Carlisle." I sighed.
His eyes looked weary, his hand gripped mine tighter. I laid my head back on the pillow and glanced around the room more. I was at the Cullen's house, in Alice and Jasper's room. The furniture was moved to one wall, I was in a hospital bed. There was no other noise in the house but my ragged breathing.
"How long have I been like this?" I forced out.
"A week." Carlisle seemed to choke out.
I tried to wrap my head around it, Jake was probably worried sick. And then I realized. Carlisle. Carlisle was here. Where was Edward?
"Where... Where's Edward?" I asked.
"He went to the Volturi." Carlisle whispered.
I gasped and snapped my head up, sitting up at the same time. Bad mistake, my body ached worse than I could imagine. I groaned and laid my head to the pillow.
"The Volturi?" I tried to say.
"Bella, Edward's... dead."
"What? He can't be? Why? What kind of sick joke is this Carlisle?"
"Bella, this isn't a joke. Edward went to the Volturi to die. They killed him. Alice saw what happened, our whole family found out. Edward read her mind. He's gone."
Carlisle removed his hand from mine and stood he brought his face close to mine.
"Bella, honey. I'm sorry. I know how much he meant to you. If he knew you lived... None of this would have happened."
If I lived. If I wasn't stupid and reckless. If I wouldn't have wrapped my truck around a tree, nearly amputating one of my legs.
"Carlisle..." I said.
The tears streamed down my cheeks, My head started to pound, my whole body revolted against me and shot pain at me. I wanted to scream, I wanted Edward. I wanted to erase this pain.
I had only made it worse.
Carlisle got on the bed and sat by me, holding my hand and wiping the tears away with his other. I cried myself to sleep as the hole in my chest grew. It grew larger and my breath shortened. I should be dead. Edward should be alive.
"Are you kidding?" Someone said. I realized the voice right away, Alice Cullen.
I pretended like I was asleep. My eyes stayed shut, but my ears were alert. She talked fastly into the phone, i could hear the worry in her voice. Someone else had been hurt.
"Charlie? A boating accident? Come on Carlisle!" She almost shouted, "Bella has gone through enough already! I mean, Edward's gone, she's almost died... and now her own father?"
Charlie. He had gone on a trip with Billy Black, Harry Clearwater, and Sue Clearwater last week. It was a three-week fishing competition a couple miles away from Forks. The winner - the person with the biggest catch - brought home ten thousand dollars. I snorted when Charlie told me about it, what was he going to buy here? The houses ranged from shacks to what we lived in... besides the Cullen's house. There were a few expensive houses here and there... hidden behind the trees, but Charlie wouldn't get enough for that. Maybe he would buy himself a new car and ditch the police cruiser.
My thoughts strayed back to the accident. Was Charlie dead? Sue? Billy? How would Seth and Leah manage without their mother and father? What about Jacob? Billy was the only family he had left besides his sisters, and I couldn't see Jake leaving La Push. The Cullens would have to take in some smelly werewolves. And one appetizing human. I chuckled a little, Alice and the rest of the Cullens heard me. They all appeared in the doorway. I was surprised that they hadn't attacked me yet... Carlisle probably cleaned up all of the wounds before they came back.
"Bella?" Rosalie asked.
"Yeah?" I croaked.
I was surprised that she was talking to me. She probably had something to do with Edward's... death. All of the Cullens glanced nervously to each other. None of them wanted to break the news to me.
"What happened to Charlie?" I asked as Alice stepped forward, grabbing one of my hands.
"Carlisle was working at the hospital today, he saw them. Charlie, Billy, Harry, and Sue." She looked down to her feet.
"Sue was the only survivor." Esme said, just loud enough for my ears to hear.
"What?" I shrieked.
"Bella, I'm sorry. I worked on them the best I could. I tried every technique." Carlisle almost whispered as he walked in.
I burst out in tears. Alice had her arms around me, mumbling something like "You've had such a hard time!" I ignored it. I didn't want to think about Edward, Charlie, Billy, Harry, or Sue. I wanted to sleep. I hoped Carlisle would give me an overdose by accident and kill me. I wanted this unbearable pain to end.
One Year Later
It had been one year since Edward's death. We held a funeral for him, he was 'buried' in an ancient cemetery about two miles from the Cullen's house. We held a private funeral, only the Cullens, the pack, and the Denali Coven came. Charlie was buried next to the rest of the Swan family - that had been dead for almost ten years, in a cemetery near Seattle. He was buried next to Gran. I shuddered, remembering the dream I had so many months ago. Renee cried buckets, Phil comforting her. I tried to sooth Seth Clearwater when his dad was buried. Leah would sit on someone's gravestone a couple feet over, and look away. They were buried in La Push, in view of the ocean. The final funeral was for Billy Black. I saw a few tears streak down Jacob's face. He broke down once he got to his house, the wheelchair sitting alone in Billy's old room. I started crying, too. Jacob's sisters were hysterical. I stayed away from them, they wouldn't let anyone try to comfort them.
It was now May, summer was coming too soon. I didn't have any plans, though. The Cullens gave me Alice and Jasper's room. I refused to stay in Edward's, I didn't want to be reminded of him as I slept. Alice wanted to redecorate... so I told her to have a blast. The one thing I insisted on keeping was the bed and the blankets that came with it. I curled up with it some nights, when I wanted to remember... but when I didn't, there was always a spare blanket laying around somewhere. I tacked a few pictures up on the wall - A few of me and Jacob, charlie, and a couple of my school friends. There were only two of Edward. One was a picture of him and I walking into prom, I laughed every time I saw it. My cast was secured tightly on my leg, I looked like I was about to topple over onto Edward, but he had a good grip on me. His eyes were looking over, into mine, as a frustrated look appeared on my face. The person took the picture at the right moment, his crooked smile was etched perfectly on his face. You could even see the golden tint to his eyes if you looked close.
The second picture was actually found by Alice. She told me where Edward had hidden all of my things. The CD, the airplane tickets... everything. Under my floorboards. I cursed myself out when she told me this, everything had been with me all along. Edward didn't take a thing from me, but himself. It was all there, in my reach. But I was too stupid to find it. The picture was hanging above my dresser, I looked at it every morning, and remembered the moment. Alice had taken it during my birthday party. Edward was leaning over, kissing me on the cheek as I looked up and smiled at him. It was by far my favorite picture. I couldn't stand to look at it.
"Bella!" Alice called.
"Yeah?"
"We're going to play some baseball today, wanna come?"
"Not really, Alice. I just want to hang out around here.
"Ok. Carlisle's staying, too. He's got some work to finish up, so he'll probably stay in his office."
"That's fine. You guys have fun."
"We will." Alice grinned and turned to walk out.
"Wait, Alice." I said.
"Yeah?"
"If someone doesn't loose more baseballs than Emmett, I'm going to throw a fit."
She laughed, along with everyone else downstairs. Nobody had laughed like that, including me, in a long time.
I walked over to my dresser, in search of something to wear. It was only about nine in the morning... and that was early to me. I would be at school, but Mrs. Cope agreed to talk to the principle
and see if I could go ahead and see if I was eligible to graduate. I scored above an eighty on all of the tests, mostly help from Carlisle, Alice, or Emmett. They would sit and help me figure out the problems I couldn't figure out. I decided on the first two things I touched, some loose – fitting jeans and a cream colored tank top. Alice would probably kill me for wearing something "un-fashionable and a disgrace to the world." That's what she said every time. I sighed and walked down the hall to talk to Carlisle. I hoped he wasn't busy, seeing that he was the only company I had now, everyone had already run off to the clearing. I could call my mother... But every time I did, she questioned my choice for staying in Forks rather than going to live with her.
"Hey, Carlisle." I said.
He was standing in the middle of the hallway, staring at the old wooden cross. I remembered what Edward told me the first time I came to the house.
"Hello, Bella," He looked to me and smiled, "How are you today?"
"I'm fine. A little sleepy. You?"
"If vampires can get headaches, then that's how I am." He chuckled.
I laughed along with him as his eyes darted back to the cross.
"Do you miss him? Your dad?" I asked.
"Sometimes I do. I still don't agree with his ways, though. Killing careless people on the streets if they had one slight characteristic of what he thought a vampire was. It's just not right. Although, nobody really knew what the vampires really looked or acted like... I'm sure I made the mistake a few times, also."
"Everyone has to make mistakes sometime in their life." I shuddered, thinking of what I had done.
"I'm sorry Bella. I couldn't have saved Edward... he just made the ultimate decision, to end his life. He truly did love you, you know."
"If only I could tell him the same, now."
Carlisle put an arm around me.
"Someday you'll be reunited. Someday, Bella."
We stood in silence for a moment, both of us looked back to the cross. Maybe there was a slight bit of hope.
"Does that mean that I'll never have a chance of being immortal?" I asked.
"You still want to?" He asked.
"Sure. I mean, I don't have any limitations now. Edward's not here to... stop me. I won't have to worry about Charlie. Renee isn't too worried about me now."
"I suppose we could, Bella. What about Jacob? You haven't heard from him in a long while. And the treaty is still there. We can't bite humans."
"I forgot about that." I mumbled.
"There has to be a loophole somewhere along the path, Bella."
"There has to be." I repeated.
He brought his arm off of my shoulder and smiled, turning to his office.
"I have to finish up a paper, then we can go talk downstairs," He grinned, "I'll make you some lunch today."
I nodded and walked downstairs, he would probably be finished with the paper in about a minute or so, considering what he was writing about he probably already knew. No research needed. That must be nice. Sure enough, he was down in about two minutes.
"So, Chinese? Italian?" He asked.
"Definitely Chinese." I grinned.
"Alright. Lets see... We've got orange chicken, egg-rolls, rice, and shrimp."
"Perfect."
I watched as Carlisle cooked everything. I offered to help, but he wouldn't let me. The meal was done in about thirty minutes, right as the storm started to get bad.
"Looks like its really picking up." I said as I turned to watch the rain thrash against the glass walls.
"It does look pretty bad." Carlisle said.
He filled my plate with rice, orange chicken, egg rolls, and shrimp. It looked delicious.
"Are you going to eat any?" I joked as he put the plate in front of me.
"Sure, I'll try some." He laughed.
"Carlisle, this is wonderful." I complimented as I took a massive bite.
"Thanks." He grinned and pulled the chair in front of me out, then sat in it. I heard a loud boom outside.
"Bet that was Emmett." I said.
"Probably. That was extremely loud."
I finished my food and got up, taking the plate to the sink and washing it off. I made sure to put it in the right spot, so Esme wouldn't have any extra cleaning to do. She constantly cleaned when she wasn't reading or talking to anyone. I helped her out most of the time, to keep myself busy, but she could have even Emmett's room cleaned up in about two minutes. That was a record. Carlisle moved to the living room, so I followed him and clumsily sat on the couch beside him.
"Any movies you would like to see?" He asked.
"Your choice, Carlisle."
"Alright. Hmm... I've seen the classics about a dozen times already. How about this one?"
"Sure, it sounds good."
We settled for a documentary on the earth, and all of its living things. It seemed boring at first, but I soon got involved with it. I could tell that Carlisle knew about all of it, because he sat and pulled at strings on his shirt the whole time. He was very under-dressed today, I had never seen him in a pair of jeans. He was probably taking a day off from his usual clothes, considering Alice was probably going to be gone for a couple more hours. Half way through the movie, I fell asleep.
I was suddenly running from something, something that was most likely trying to kill me. I was wrong. The thing was Edward. He was running, and he suddenly caught up. He swept me up off of my feet and held me. Our faces came closer together, and I realized something. It wasn't Edward's face. It was Carlisles.
"Bella?"
"What?" I gasped as I woke up.
"You fell asleep... you were jerking around and muttering something." Carlisle said.
Suddenly, I felt the hole in my chest reappear. For the past eleven months, I had patched it up piece by piece. It broke open then, sending me to tears.
"Bella, honey. What's wrong?" Carlisle urged.
"Edward... he was there, in my dream. But it wasn't him. It was..." I sobbed.
"Who?"
I decided I was going too far. Carlisle hugged me and I buried my face in his shoulder, soaking it with my tears.
"Shh, Bella. It's ok." He said.
I sat like that and cried for at least an hour. Once I lifted my head up, Carlisle was looking at me with worry in his eyes. I suddenly realized. Edward wasn't the one I truly loved. It was Carlisle. Carlisle was the one, but he was untouchable. He already had Esme. I couldn't tell anyone about this strange dream, it would ruin everything.
"Who was in your dream, Bella?" He asked again.
"Jacob." I lied.
"I'm sorry, honey. Everything will be fine. Just go get some rest, sleep it off. You'll be fine."
I stood up along with him and hugged him.
"T-thanks, Carlisle." I stammered.
"Your welcome." He whispered.
He couldn't see the look of terror on my face as my heart beat sped up in my chest. I hoped he didn't notice.