Attempt
Why can't you be like your brother? My mother's voice rang out through my head. We got into another fight. Usually our fights consisted of my mom getting angry at me for not doing my best as I stayed silent or made up excuses. But all of them ended in her frustrated sigh and her famous quote "Why can't you be like your brother."
So I tried, honestly I did. But it was still never good enough.
My marks stayed at an average grade no matter how hard I tried, and if I didn't try it would be below average. Light was so different from me; he could get good marks without trying, no studying or anything. What angered me more was how Light never gloated, not to me not to anyone; he just stayed a perfect, caring, responsible brother. I suppose he is perfect but to take my frustration out I learned how to dive.
Fade
Here I am on the diving board looking at the still water beneath me. It was as if I dived, the water would shatter into a million pieces, letting me fall to oblivion and fade. When I went under the water all problems faded away as I stayed in my quiet place. A place where no comparison would take place, where your level of intelligence didn't make a difference, where you wouldn't have to live up to impossible standards, where you didn't have to exist. More importantly, a place where no one could see your tears.
Struggle
That is until you resurface for air.
It seemed reality would resurface with you; reminding you of your imperfections and your struggles. I always dread the thought of resurfacing; there was no one or nothing to look forward to. Except for one thing; breaking the still water and shattering into oblivion.
When I would get home my mom would always comment on how I should get goggles to stop the chlorine from getting in my eyes. She never suspected, never wondered why I started high diving in the first place; pretty much never cared. But that's just how it went, everyday after school. I always looked forward to the next time I could shatter and fade. But once I found this relief a nagging question always resurfaced as I did; what would happen if I didn't resurface. I smiled a knowing smile, maybe next time…
Relief
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I was thinking of turning this into a story but I'm not sure. I still can't keep up with my Naruto story. That story requires a mood that you have to be in; it requires my full devotion. My interest is fading but I promise I will not give up on it.
I wrote this because I felt incredibly sorry for Sayu. Come on, she deserves some love too. The guy who wrote death note doesn't like girls and he makes them all incompetent, which ticks me off, but I can't do anything about it. Because Death Note is amazing, no matter how sexist. Everyone has there own opinions and I'm not going to hold it against them. As humans we all have a different thought process and opinions, go crazy with them or keep them to yourself. What ever floats your boat.
Weirdest Weirdo