Author's Note: And yet another one shot story from me. Hello, guys! Well...summer's almost over for most and for me that means college is coming up in the next couple of weeks. I'm super excited for it, of course, but at the same time...I'm losing my fucking mind. XD That said, I've been turning to my creative muse to pull through the stress and nerves and thus this fic was born.
...I had so many titles picked out for this one, namely bits of lyrics from the song She's My Ride Home by Blue October, BUT, because I didn't want to go that route, I decided to try something different. SO. Transit it is. The reason for it will hopefully be made clear towards the end of this fic!
I hope you enjoy MY FIRST EVER SAIX/AXEL ONESHOT~
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters, the game franchise, or the song used to inspire this fic. ...What more do you want me to say.
Warnings: SEX, language...and general woob.
Transit
I saw the way he looked at me and he saw the way I looked at him. We looked like we wanted to stab the soul out of each other. It was no surprise that we liked to stare from across the room, because that was how it worked—that's how our chairs were arranged. Of course he could have looked somewhere else just as much as I could have, but, no, we would stare at each other...and after we'd stare and listen—or at least in my case hear—we would leave...
And then we'd kiss.
I never felt anything.
He'd push me up against the stone cold walls, face and eyes that of a heartless man...but I never felt anything.
We fucked. Once. ...I never felt anything.
We fucked twice.
And again, because the third time's a charm, right?
Nothing.
It was all cobwebs and dust in those hollow chests of ours and there was nothing that we could do to change that. Sometimes it hurt to think about what we'd been doing wrong. I wondered if maybe my hands weren't going in the right place at the right time, or if maybe he looked at me funny one way or another. What bothered me was that I had no one to blame—not myself, not him, and not even the stiff mattresses.
No, it was no one's fault that I couldn't feel the way I used to feel when life was just a little bit easier; not the easiest, but easier. I could still look at a pretty face and wish I had her wrapped in my arms. I could still see her walk up to her lover and wish he were nothing but soot in my hands. Quintessentially there were certain things I remembered how to feel and that I would be able to feel the slightest bit without me even trying, but this life wasn't easier and certainly not the easiest, so in most cases memories only took me so far.
I was busy sitting, two words you wouldn't expect to be in the same sentence, when my eyes panned over the room and there they caught the faintest flicker of a returned glance. Sure, why not. I'd give him a onceover, a little downplay before we'd actually be able to speak again, and it was then that I knew there would be no speaking after this meeting.
We were going to try again.
Again? I asked.
Again. He replied.
Again. Again and again and again. How many agains were we going to go through before he would finally up and realize that nothing was going to work? But I never knew him to be a quitter, not in this life or a past, so I knew that he would go through as many agains as necessary until he could feel that twinge to break the cobwebs and bring him back to life. Maybe he was selfish, maybe, but I wasn't one to talk about selfishness.
We were dismissed.
"I saw you looking at me."
He glanced over while I strode up beside him, clapping a hand down on his shoulder when I said it. That would never get more than a scowl out of him, but I expected it, so there was no offense taken.
Bitter, "In what way?"
"Same as always."
"There are different ways I look at things."
"This wasn't different. I would know."
"Then there's no need for you to ask about it further." With a shrug he brushed off my hand and I froze in the middle of that bleak and desolate hallway while he carried on. Sometimes it was all nonsense with that guy, and there were honestly times when I wanted to forget him completely, but the horrible truth was that I wanted to feel just as much as he did...and that I would do anything for it. It was like something of an addiction, really, or a curse that all Nobodies had. When options were limited, desperation would rear its ugly head. Now, I don't want say I'm desperate...so I won't.
I waited a while, just watching him walk ahead of me in that usual slow pace, before he called out again and I followed. Hm. Like an obedient dog. Maybe.
...And I was right.
As soon as he pushed open his door at the end of the hallway and we set foot inside...we kissed. Just as always. It was rough and uncomfortable, fast and slow; it forced familiar sounds, mostly out of me—that I will admit—and before I knew it there I was again, up against the wall. The all too familiar coldness, the bleakness, and the faded colors were overwhelming my senses, drowning me, maybe slipping the reigns out of my hands and in turn my mind out of my skull. I wasn't one to accept losing so easily to anyone, and yet with him my body frequently disobeyed.
Disconnected from my transit of thoughts, I arched, wrapped a leg about his other, gasped and all the familiar things our lives had been reduced to.
"Mm," he muttered into my neck, sending vibrations down into the pit of my chest, and as uncaring as it sounded, it still stirred something within those old cobwebs. Disturbing them. Trembling them. Breaking the supporting threads and leaving nothing but a few measly strands to float in the emptiness. In my mind I would tell myself that this meant nothing, and those damage webs—the fragile barriers of my existence—told me otherwise.
"What?" I decided to respond which, really, wasn't a common practice for us during times like this. Amber eyes flickered up at my face, maybe studying the recesses of what was left of the Other upon it, and, as if regretful, he frowned and dragged his knee up the wall and between my legs.
Deeply, almost in a tone I could call comfortable, he followed this odd practice of responding. "What do we do, Axel?"
I paused, trying to understand what he meant. So ambiguous. Of course, having a knee rubbing against the expanse of my inner thighs made coming back with anything increasingly difficult to do, so, with as much composure as I could muster, I sighed and then shook my head. "We work for ourselves."
He might have smirked softly against my jaw at that. "Meaning?"
"Don't make me relay our plans right here, Saix," I said, incredulous. "You're the one that always says the walls have ears."
"Always? I beg to disagree. That was long ago."
I scoffed. "What's up with all the small talk anyway?" Saix—he—only placed a chaste kiss on the shell of my ear. "That doesn't answer anything." I was beginning to feel let down, to be frank. This wasn't like him, though I did have to admit that gentleness had always been part of our sessions even if it only lasted a moment. I never bled, I never came close to death, and he never gave us a reason to be evicted in the middle of the night. Admittedly, though, I never gave him the reason to attack.
I didn't understand it, I didn't know if I wanted to...and yet—
"That's right," he suddenly breathed in my ear which sent a pleasurable tremor along my shoulders. "We work for ourselves. Leave nothing for anyone else."
"That's what a Nobody is...right? Selfish." It was hard to breathe. Hard to speak.
Saix hummed softly and pressed his knee more firmly against the front of my pants. "Though I wonder...who will be there to protect us from ourselves?"
...Caught off guard by that statement—more so by the sheer thought of it than the way it was spoken—I left him a window of opportunity to strike. To strike, to strike, to strike. I was the snake, he was the captor. Not my prey and not my subject of affection. He was only someone who held the keys and stole those damn reigns when they'd topple free from my grasp.
Who would be there to protect us from ourselves? Who. Who...
"Wh-who?" My question was made easily indistinguishable when a shuddering groan escaped my throat. He had most of the answers, though he rarely gave them. No. Saix...really only provided the answers that would promise to keep me here. With him. "Hn..."
Soon his gloved fingers, much colder in comparison to the rest of my body, palmed over the front of my torso and swiftly unhooked the latch to the metal chain dangling across my sternum. The piece jingled and rang, mixing in with our heated pants and heavy sighs, and soon the sound of thick leather—my coat, his coat, his gloves, my gloves—dropping at our feet accompanied our strange arrangement. I wanted, more than anything at that moment, to forget, but not just any one of my memories. No, I wanted to forget that we'd ever tried to find a purpose between ourselves—to seek what we used to have in this worthless excuse for a life—because it was ridiculous and laughable. How could Nobodies care about what they used to have?
...My body was changing rapidly under all this immense pressure. Left, right, up, down—Everything from head to toe was exploding from sparks to flames in the wake of Saix's touches, his lips on the front of my neck, cool teeth grazing over stiffening nipples and damp skin. He breathed and barely said a word even when, in some miraculous feat of strength, I was seated in his lap with legs hooked about his waist and arms around his neck. Saix's hair tickled and his tongue felt sharp, harsh on my shoulder, but still my hands wove through the soft tendrils and massaged into his scalp to hold him there...always hold him there.
Always, always, always...
"...You."
"Axel?" he asked as he began to step towards the bed.
I regained enough composure to respond. "You'll...be there...won't you?" You'll protect us. Won't you?
...At that the gentleness returned and I found my body crawling with bumps as I was laid down on the freezing bed sheets. It wasn't anything I was used to—at least not in this body—but in the past...Saix's gentleness was a constant. Isa's gentleness, that is, was always there. His eyes locked onto mine as soon as he positioned his body parallel to my own and for once, maybe twice, a subtle smile touched his lips.
I didn't know if I should have been scared or not.
...Saix never answered my question. Hands worked expertly on my pants once more, kneading, thumbing, torturing—All so gently and it threw me off course. Brows furrowed, I shut my eyes tightly and dug my fingers into the sheets, threatening to tear them apart at the seams if he didn't stop being so unfamiliarly familiar. I didn't want to remember this. I wanted to forget.
But Saix was persistent.
"Suck," he quietly instructed—not ordered—after tapping two fingers against the plush of my lower lip. I wasn't his bitch, or so I liked to tell myself, but I was growing desperate to finish and forget sooner than later, so in both digits went, wrapped by my tongue and laved gratuitously with a thin coat of saliva. This was probably one of the rare moments when I could control him for once. The way those eyes devoured me meant that I was doing something right and so long as his fingers were in place, well, I had the upper hand.
Of course he had to be a smart one and bury his free hand into my pants to pull out my fully erect length and press his thumb against the slit, making me writhe and bite down on his index finger. Saix didn't seem to mind it, and perhaps instead he was concerned because he dragged the soft pad of his thumb over the head instead to make the pleasure come...slowly.
"Knock...it off."
"That's good." With that he slipped his fingers out from between my lips and after bending forward to capture my mouth with his own he began to free my legs from each pant leg. Tch.
"I hate...how you—hah—think I'm so easy. Shit."
"You're joking. You're the most difficult person I've ever known, Axel." And he smiled...again.
"I have you to blame for that."
I pushed him onto his back and proceeded to grind my naked self against his concealed cock. Of course Saix was as impassive as ever, but it wasn't like I needed his approval to get off. I was adamant about this being a selfish and arrogant desire. Serving myself, that's all it was; giving myself those few minutes to reach a satisfactory high before coming back down to the grim face of reality. But the more I pressed and groaned, threw my head back and twitched when his hand began to pump my sensitive flesh, the more I realized that I was more aware of Saix than I had ever been when we'd engaged like this before.
He grinned again. "Good?"
"Yeah." I wanted...so much more than just a game with Saix, though I never could admit something like that to anyone. Admitting it to myself was hard enough. I wanted everything we used to have and everything we used to be. I wanted the laughter and the comfort. I wanted the trust and the unadulterated support we would give just for the sake of keeping each other near. It was all poetic nonsense, especially to a heartless being, and yet...they were thoughts that frequented my mind.
It wasn't long before Saix's hands found purchase on my hips and he began the steady process of positioning us properly. Normally he would have thrust in without a moment's hesitation, but at this moment he waited, rubbing the warm head of his length around my entrance, making it twitch and ache in anticipation. Loose strands of dampened red hair fell away from my face when I rolled my head back to curse at the unresponsive ceiling above, and it seemed that that was all it took for him to push up and pull me down into his lap.
"You—"
"Me?" he questioned, thumbs hooking into my hip bones while I started to adjust to the pain.
I curtly nodded once. "—Bastard."
Saix scoffed, dismissing it, and without another word started an easy paced momentum between our bodies. Skin slapped against skin, the bed shook and creaked. I just clung onto the mattress as if for dear life, body bowing towards him, beads of sweat rolling down onto his toned torso, muscles straining and aching for any form of relief. Damn him for not using those fucking...fingers.
Pretty soon, though, I had to admit that he was doing well to uphold his promise of keeping me in line. Soon Saix's thrusts grew faster and harder, slamming deeper and deeper inside of me until he attacked that sensitive bundle of nerves that set a chain reaction of nerves to combust across my body. I arched and moaned, languidly demanded that he hit that spot again, and each time he struck the closer I was to falling over the edge.
The closer I was to forgetting.
"H-harder..."
"Yes."
"Faster...!"
"Mm."
"I—"
Even if you're a small part, you'll always be a part of my memory.
Heh. I'm flattered.
"I—Fuck it—I-Isa!"
"...Lea."
I came first, sending ribbons of thick liquid across my stomach while I forcefully pushed down and rode out my climax in Saix's lap. He followed without a sound. No, nothing more than that name uttered deep in his throat. I felt cold, spent, and even if I wanted to forget, even if I wanted to leave the memory of this behind, I knew that I wouldn't have it in me to do it.
Not now at least. Maybe...never.
With a grunt I pushed up on my knees and left his release to drip messily down my thighs and onto the bed before I started to move to pick up my clothes that had been disregarded onto the floor. However, it wasn't so easy getting up and leaving this time around because before I could lift a leg or blink an eye...Saix's hand was on my face, cupping my cheek and holding me there for reasons I didn't understand.
Did I...want to understand?
"Wh—"
"We will reach the end, Lea."
Frozen, I stared...and my expression softened.
He sat up then and proceeded to rake that same hand upward, following the curve of my jawline up to the back of my head. So gentle, so gentle...gentle.
"...It will be you and I in the end."
I lowered my gaze to settle on the empty space between our bodies. It'll be us in the end, he said. Just me. Just him. Together. Set fire to everyone else but each other and bury all opposition, all the bodies on our way home. Just you and me. Always?
"I don't know," I finally said, calm yet trying hard not to show off my uneasiness. Of course, being Saix, he knew when I was putting up a barrier so, as if to shatter it all over again, he broke that distance and left our foreheads to touch and connect.
"So let's not stray. Be by my side."
"...Only if you will." So answer my other question.
Will you be there?
Saix paused before returning, softly, "I will take you home."
WHOOPDEEFUCKINGDOO. 8D I feel...pretty ok with this ficlet, to be honest. I'm a huge fan of this pairing, yes, but I do feel that I'll need more practice in writing them better. So, that's right. Probably more of this pairing to come. XD Of course Axel and Roxas are not forgotten and I will do my best to give them the spotlight too. But, you know, every now and then it's good to have a change, and if you really look at it, Axel and Saix's story deserves more attention.
I mean. How heartbreaking.
I hope you enjoyed this MASS OF SAD and, oh yeah, belated Akuroku and AkuSaix day, guys. :3
I'll be reaching for the stars with you,
kokoro77