This is Home
A M*A*S*H song fic
Disclaimer: The characters belong to Fox, and the song belongs to Disney and Switchfoot. For those of you who have not heard the song, you can find it on YouTube under the key words, "Caspian," and "Switchfoot."
I've got my memories
Always inside of me
And I can't go back
Back to how it was
Margaret Houlihan breathed in the fresh air as she stood on the balcony of her Baltimore apartment. This was all a surreal experience for her. For the first time in her life, she was a civilian. No more Major Houlihan; now she was just Margaret. Or Ms. Houlihan. Either one suited her well enough. In just a few days, she would begin her new job as head of the nursing staff at a nearby hospital. Of course, it was a veteran's hospital. The employee benefits had to match those that came with being a veteran of the Korean war, as well as the daughter of Howitzer Al Houlihan. It was the compromise Margaret had made with her father when she announced her plans to settle down in Maryland. Not that she minded. At least it wasn't like the MASH unit in Korea.
She would never forget her experience in Korea. She had changed, possibly more than anyone else in her circle of friends. Frank certainly hadn't changed. The moment she'd stepped off the plane in Seattle, Frank had been trying to get a hold of her. He called her hotel, her parents, and even BJ looking for her. But Frank was in the past for Margaret. She'd never forget him, but she couldn't go back to being Hot Lips—especially not his Hot Lips.
Nor would Margaret forget the other doctors, especially Hawkeye, BJ, and Charles. BJ was a man of great integrity, and she genuinely hoped there might be another man for her that was as loyal and respectful as the one Peg Hunnicutt had snagged. Charles was a very good friend, and was the first one of the "gang" Margaret saw in the states. He had come to Baltimore on some business a few days ago, and had treated Margaret to lunch. Then he'd offered to help her move some of her things into the apartment. It was less than a few hours' work. Margaret didn't own much. But the fact that Charles had offered help with something as diminutive as moving had shown how he had changed. And Margaret respected him for that. They promised to keep in touch.
Then there was Hawkeye. He had been a rival, a lover, a friend, and a brother to her. His was the shoulder she could depend on most to be there when she needed to cry on it; even more so than Colonel Potter's. They had a mutual respect that kept their unique friendship in tact, but each knew that they were never meant to be anything more than very good friends. Hawkeye had taught Margaret more about herself than had anything else in Korea. And he had changed, too. He wasn't the womanizer he had once been. Much to Trapper's chagrin, I'm sure, she thought. She decided she would look up his father's number when she got the chance and see if she couldn't reconnect with Hawkeye.
As Margaret prepared her new wardrobe for her first day on the job, she paused. She was far too organized. The closet could wait. She would take a walk in a park nearby and get to know her new surroundings. As she wandered down the stairs, Colonel Potter's last words to her came echoing back: "I know you've got your career all lined up, but don't forget to have a happy life, too." Potter was right; there were more important things in life than work.
I believe you now
I've come too far
And I can't go back
Back to how it was
Created for a place I've never known
Margaret's stroll took her right through the heart of a beautiful park in the middle of the city. For the first time in her life, she began to feel a sense of belonging. She hadn't known it until now, but this was where she was supposed to be.
This is home
Now I'm finally where I belong
Where I belong
This is home
I've been searching for a place of my own
Now I've found that maybe
This is home
Yeah, this is home
Margaret stopped to rest on a bench near a pond. She watched as children fed some ducks. The kids squealed with delight whenever their offerings of bread crumbs were accepted by the enthusiastic birds. The scene reminded Margaret of the many times Father Mulcahy or Meg Cratty would bring Korean orphans to the 4077th, sometimes for check-ups, sometimes for a party, and sometimes for treatment. Seeing all the pain and suffering that war could cause was incredibly taxing, especially on an army nurse. But the most tragic victims were the children. Perhaps that was why Margaret had always wanted to work in the States.
Belief over misery
I've seen the enemy
And I can't go back
Back to how it was
And I've got my heart set
On what happens next
I've got my eyes wide
It's not over yet
We are miracles
And we're not alone
The kids that played near the water had never known the tragedy of war. The fact that life could come out of those moments in Korea was a testimony to the miracle that was a child. Margaret had seen several births at the 4077th, and now she thought about just how precious each one of those lives was.
"Cute kids, huh?"
Margaret looked up from her daydreaming. A rather good-looking man stood before her. He looked for all the world like Hawkeye's old friend Captain Tuttle, and the similarity startled Margaret (though, if she'd thought about it, she'd remember that she'd never actually seen Tuttle).
"Oh...yeah," Margaret said, finding her voice at last. "Are any of them yours?"
The man shrugged. "The little redhead girl is my niece. My brother shanghaied me into taking Maggie and her friends to the park today."
Margaret smiled. Maggie was a short form of her own name. Perhaps she should introduce herself to the little girl. But first, she'd better introduce herself to the man who stood near her.
"Please sit down," she offered, scooting over a bit. The man complied. "My name is Margaret Houlihan, by the way." She extended a hand.
"Well, I'd say it's a must that you meet Maggie, then," the man responded, taking her hand in his and shaking firmly, but gently. "I'm Dr. Jonathan S. Menanger. I work at Reed Hospital."
"Dr. Menanger?" Margaret confirmed. "I was told I'd be working with you frequently. I was just hired there as head of the nursing staff."
"Really? So you're the new head nurse. I have to say, they certainly know what to look for in a nurse." A playful grin spread across the doctors face.
Margaret felt her own face turning red. "Dr. Menanger..."
"Please, call me Jon. I didn't mean to offend you, by the way."
"I'm used to it. The doctors I worked with in Korea loved to joke around. They teased me all the time."
"You were in Korea, huh? Which unit?"
"The 4077th."
"I was at the 151st Evac. I was a captain."
"Really? I was a major..."
With that, the conversation continued onto many other subjects, while Maggie and her friends played happily with the ducks.
And now
After all my searching
After all my questions
I'm gonna call it home
I've got a brand new mindset
I can finally see the sunset
I'm gonna call it home
Over the next few weeks, Margaret got to know the hospital and the nurses under her. She even befriended some of them, and they often enjoyed a "girls' night out." Margaret decided that this time, she wouldn't take her staff for granted. Every now and again, the Major Houlihan in her would come out. But her friends were quick to forgive.
What would have astonished even Hawkeye was Margaret's growing relationship with Dr. Menanger. She worked directly with him less and less as time went on, but that served mainly to reduce the awkwardness that could be present in the room when a doctor and a nurse were known to have a relationship that went beyond working together, or even being friends. Margaret didn't throw herself at Jon, and he didn't stalk her. He was witty, sometimes sarcastic, and a bit of a practical joker—not unlike BJ. But he was always very courteous toward the nurses, and Margaret in particular.
The first time Jon asked Margaret out on a date, she thought she could float to the moon. She felt like a teenager again, and began to act accordingly in the company of her friends (outside the work environment, of course). She was genuinely excited about the whole thing.
This is home
Now I'm finally where I belong
Where I belong
Yeah, this is home
I've been searching for a place of my own
Now I've found that maybe
This is home
Yeah, this is home
Now I know
This is home
Their date proved to be the product of careful research by Jon. He seemed to want to make a good impression on a woman that he knew outranked him, even as a civilian. Margaret completely enjoyed herself. The date ended in the same park where they had met, watching the sunset together. Some things Margaret found herself doing these days, including this, felt a little out of character for her. But she found that she loved it. Perhaps it was the peace of knowing that they wouldn't be driven out of their place by enemy shelling, or another officer shouting orders, or choppers carrying wounded. Perhaps it was the man on whose shoulder she now rested her head. Whatever it was, it was warm and welcoming, and it was better than she'd ever expected from civilian life.
For the first time in her life, Major Margaret Houlihan had found a place to belong.
I've come too far
And I can't go back
Yeah, this is home
AN: Dr. Menanger's first name and middle initial are completely intentional, and whether or not Margaret made the connection to Tuttle's name is completely up to you. Basically I've brought the character to life and given him a slightly different name. Thus I cannot accurately say that I own him. His last name is that of a good friend of mine. I do, however, own Reed Hospital. I didn't feel like looking up the name of a vet's hospital in the Baltimore area. And no, I've never been to Baltimore. My knowledge of that city is limited to the fact that it is in the state of Maryland. And there's a team there known as the Orioles.
For those of you who are Tuttle fans, you're welcome.