This is a bitter- sweet (really sad; so sad I cried while writing it) little one shot that struck me like lightning one night. Isn't it weird how most ideas come at night when you can't do anything about it? Don't you hate it when that happens? I hope you enjoy it.

Disclaimer- I don't own Star Wars or Han and Leia, I just really love them.

Han is remembering Leia's last moments of life, and how he was there through it all. Hence the title…

I was there

"If I had to choose between breathing and loving you, I would use my last breath to say I love you." - Unknown

I was there when they told us she only had so long to live; when she accepted it so calmly, and showed no fear. If I hadn't known any better, I would have said she wasn't afraid, but I did know better. Her eyes, having always been the windows to her soul, showed just how scared she really was. Her hand grasped mine tightly. I could feel her trembling slightly. She had always trembled when she was nervous; just like she did before our first kiss. That kiss seems so long ago. Back then I never dared think of how real the possibilities of losing her were. If I had, I would have spent a lot less time fighting with her.

I was there when she lost all self control; sobbing, saying over and over, "I don't want to die, I don't want to die. I'm not ready, Han. I'm scared!" Who wouldn't have been? Death is an unknown; a path taken without a tale told of it. Between each painful sob, and each ragged breath, she said, "I can't…leave… you. I…can't…" I told her that I would be alright, but it may have been the biggest lie I ever told. I was, and am, anything but alright without her. With Leia, my heart died; leaving nothing but shattered pieces.

I was there when she wanted to be held one last time, so I did, not allowing her to take the journey alone. I vowed to follow her as far as I could; until it was time for her to continue on her own. Where she was going, I didn't know, and still don't. All I know is that she left me behind. I never knew the depth of the phrase, "Till death do us part." No one can imagine it when it is being spoken. Chances are usually good that one spouse will die before the other. To be honest, I wanted Leia to pass away first in peace, hoping I could follow soon after. This pain is something I wouldn't wish on Emperor Palpatine himself. I would, not ever in an infinite amount of years, want Leia to go through this.

I was there when she smiled at me for the last time. She turned her head up to look at me with her sparkling brown eyes. Those eyes always held hope; for the rebellion, the new republic, our children, us. She lifted one hand to touch my face, one emotion outshining all; love. She was beginning to fade. Her face was growing pale; her skin cool. Her breath became faster, and more labored. I could tell she was struggling to hold her hand in place. I took it gently, and placed it on her stomach, where the other was resting. She was fighting death, and as much as I wanted to keep her alive, I knew she was fighting a losing battle. I whispered to her while desperately choking on my own words, "It's going to be alright sweetheart." I had to make her believe it, even though I couldn't believe it myself. She took my words, and let go.

I was there when she took her last breath. In peace, she closed her eyes. I wanted to say something, but my throat had closed at that point. I wanted to see her, but my vision was blurred. My heart felt like it was being stabbed and twisted violently in my chest. I had never felt such painful agony. In her final breath I heard the words, "I love you."

The only words I could form were, "I know."

Thank you so much for reading. If you liked it, I would really love to hear about it. Please leave me a quick review. Was it sad? Did I get it right? It was my first Han/Leia fic so let me know if I did alright?