CHAPTER 1
Sara stood in the shower with the hot water running over her.
All she wanted to do was get him off her.
Now she had an idea what a rape victim felt like.
She had not been raped, she had just had sex.
From the other side of the door she head his voice, "Why did you get up so fast? Come lay with me."
"Go home," she said, "Get dressed and go home."She heard him mumbling to himself and then she heard the bedroom door close.
She wrapped a towel around herself and looked out the window in time to see him pull away.
She sat on the bed, face buried in her hands close to tears."What is wrong with you," she said to herself."You wanted it, hell you even asked for it.
Why do you feel so dirty?"She jumped form the bed when her hand felt the leftover of the sex act on her sheet.
Quickly she stripped the bed and threw the sheets in the washer.
She opened the window to get the smell out of the room, then she took another shower. She scrubbed herself almost raw before getting out, she made the bed and fell into it.
She hated herself, she hated what she had just done.
That night at the lab she ran into Catherine, "How was your night?" Sara just grunted and walked away, she did not want to talk about it.
She plopped on the sofa in the break room and picked up a magazine. She was not reading it, she just did not want to talk to anyone.
Grissom came in with assignments, "Good," she said to herself, "Work. Something to get my mind off yesterday."
"Warrick, you and Nick have a 419 in Seven Hills," Gil said to the fella's handing them a paper.
"Catherine, I want you to go to the hospital and process a rape victim. Sara, you are with me. We have a decomposing body in the Red Rock area."
"Aren't you lucky," Nick said smiling as he left, "Bugs and decomp."
"Decomp would be better them what I was smelling," she told herself.
"Catherine told me you went out last night," Gil said making conversation on their way to the scene. "How did it go?"
"Catherine has a big mouth," Sara said making sure he know that the subject was to be dropped.
Gil just looked straight ahead, something was bothering her but he did not know what.
He thought they knew each other well enough, he thought she knew she could talk to him.
Sara just sat staring out the window. "Maybe he was just the wrong man," she said to herself.
"You should never sleep with someone you just picked up in a bar," she mumbled to herself she could not even remember his name.
"Excuse me?" Gil said thinking she was talking to him.
"Nothing," she said, "I was just talking to myself."
Chapter 2
Gil did not date much but he found this lady fascinating so he asked her to a movie and dinner.
The evening went well he thought, the food was delicious and the movie outstanding. They were standing outside her door talking, the next thing he knew she was kissing him.
He backed away. "I thought this is what you wanted," she said running her hand down his arm.
At first he thought it was but now he was not sure. "Well I uhm….." he stuttered."How about a drink?" she asked. That he excepted.
They sat on her couch, she moved a little closer to him and laid her hand on his inner thigh, very close to his crouch. He tensed up.
"You are not a virgin are you?" she asked. "No," he said, "It is just that……."
Before he could finish what he was saying she was kissing him, touching him through his trousers.
He knew he should not but he was fast developing an itch that needed to be scratched. He let his hormones over power his common since.
She left to use the restroom, he zipped and left the house. It was the first time he had ever had sex with his clothing on and the first time he ever felt it was not the right thing to do.
On the way home he chastised himself for what he had just done and vowed it would not happen that way again.
His phone rang, it was her. "Where did you take off to?" she asked. He said something about needing to get home and ready for work.
"Will I see you again?" she asked. He said he did not think so. "Hey, I got what I needed," she said. "No big deal if you don't come across again, there are plenty of others out there."
That was when he knew he should have controlled himself. Something his uncle said to him a long time ago came back to him.
They were having the "birds and bees" talk when his uncle said, "Never just have sex, always make love. Sex without love is pointless, it may stop a need but in the long run it can't make you happy."
That was when he knew that he needed love not sex, that was when he knew he needed Sara.
Gil sat on his couch thinking about Sara, it was strange how she kept coming into his thoughts.
He remembered their meeting in San Frisco, he thought she was so beautiful.
"That's enough of that," he scolded himself. "You are her supervisor and 15 years her senior." It would be - what - he could not even think of a word to describe how obscured him even attempting a relationship with her would be.
Anyway, she could never care for him, she had all those other men.
It was two weeks later when he knew she would be the only one for him.
He had cut his hand while they were out on a case. Her touch was so tender as she cleaned it and dressed it.
Her hand was so soft, her eyes so beautiful, her smile so sweet and her voice sounded like that of an angel.
He was amazed that he had not seem these qualities in her before.
It was as if he was looking at her for the first time.
He looked at her and seen love. He had to have her as his, he just did not know when or how.