iMikeTunes
The first time it happened Mike blamed an over excited Spider, copious amounts of alcohol and boredom.
Not that it was easy - experiencing boredom whilst intercepting, raiding and invariably being taken hostage by the scum of Australian waters - yet it amazed the captain, after 23 years of solid service in the Navy, that the bright young minds of his current crew could swing from such intrepid voyages to fits of alcohol induced insanity, so quickly.
Perhaps it could have been avoided, he supposed, if they hadn't been let out on shore leave quite so often.
But then when was he to get his peace.
"Psst."
"…"
"Bomb!"
"What?"
"Captain's not in his cabin!"
"So? You go in there and you'll be off Hammersley faster than Buffer slammed those shot earlier tonight."
"Yeah, whatever. Haven't you always wanted to know what he's got in here?"
"No, idiot, I haven't."
"Oh, come on. You've never once wondered what the old man reads or listens to, or where he's stashing the picture of his girlfriend."
"The CO doesn't have a girlfriend. Everyone knows that."
"Hey, hey. No need to roll your eyes Miss Priss. How bout we just take a look at his iPod, find out what the oldies are listening to these days."
"He's not that old…"
"What ever. You in?"
"I was never here."
"What?"
"…"
"Hey! Bomb! Don't leave me here…"
The next day Mike awoke to the sounds of Spider's voice blaring across the speakers.
"And this next tune comes directly from the captain's Top 25 Most Played."
"You can dance, you can jive, having the time of your life. See that girl, watch that scene, diggin' the Dancing Queen. Friday night and the lights are low, looking out for a place to go. Where they play the right music, getting in the swing. You come to look for a king…"
It took three days to stop the crew snickering behind his back.
Needless to say Spider was scrubbing toilets much longer.
The second time Mike had to claim some form of responsibility. After all, the music was his idea. It had been a long day, not a dangerous one by any standards, but one that left morale low and voices dragging. The request for some R & R had come initially from Kate – and on days when he was particularly grumpy he liked to blame her for the whole incident – so when the call had come through from NavCom that they'd be escorting passengers the following day Mike had decided to drop anchors and get the barbeque sizzling.
It was around the time Bomber announced snags were ready that all hell broke loose.
"Hey, ET, go ask the boys on watch to put some music on over the loud speakers."
"You sure boss?"
"Yeah, surely someone's got something good to listen to round here!"
"Righto. You hear that Buff, got to get some music going for the CO to groove to."
"We really want to see that mate?"
"Hey, you reckon he'd notice if we stuck some of his music on?"
"I'm not listening to ABBA again mate, not even if you paid me."
"Nah you idiot, we'll just stick the thing on shuffle and see how long it takes him to notice, ay?"
"…"
"Aww come on Buff, live a little. The X will never notice you over him if you don't have some fun!"
"Piss off! Yeah you better run mate!"
Mike was deep in conversation with Kate when ET's giggles came over the loud speaker.
"The CO asked for some music, so we delved through the archives and brought up an old friend of his. Something to take you back to the good old days sir, courtesy of Mr Sinatra."
"I won't dance, don't ask me, I won't dance, don't ask me, I won't dance, Madame with you. My heart won't let my feet do things that they should do."
20 odd pairs of amused eyes met the captain.
"You hold this?" he asked Kate quietly, sticking his cup in her surprised hands.
"Where are you going?" she called after him, watching him storm off.
"I'm going to kill ET!"
He had no explanation for the third time.
"Sir, we've been up for almost 48 hours. Spider's taken to running his eyes under the tap in the Galley just to stay awake and Charge is snoring."
"M'not…"
"I know Nav, we're all dead on our feet, but the message said the attack would be within 48 hours of us receiving the USB."
"Yeah, well, 48 hours is almost up."
"I know X…"
"Maybe we should listen to that message again sir, might be something we missed the 50 other times."
"If you want. RO?"
"…"
"RO!"
"Hmmm…
"Robert!"
"Yeah, what? Sir? Sorry, must have…you wanted something?"
"Plug that USB in again, X and I want to listen to it."
Mike heard as Robert's head dropped against the desk, his hand flopping to the side to grip the USB cable.
A dead silence fell across the bridge as all awaited the chilling voice of their opponent.
Instead the lyrical notes of a tin whistle echoed through the silence.
"Sir, that's not…opps. Wrong cable."
"Every night in my dreams, I see you, I feel you. That is how I know you go on. Far across the distance, and spaces between us, you have come to show you go on…
Near, far, wherever you are, I believe that the heart does go on. Once more you open the door, and you're here in my heart, and my heart will go on and on…"
Much to Mike's horror, no one could be bothered to stop it.
There was no doubt in Mike's mind that the fourth time was entirely Kate's fault; the glare she sent him as he refused her pleading to lead the shore party instilling a large amount of fear in his heart.
He wasn't certain that Charge wasn't in on it as well.
"Bastard."
"Umm, ma'am? Is there a reason you requested my presence?"
"You're my alibi. If he thinks I did this you're to tell him that we were going over plans for engine maintenance or something. I don't know, be creative."
"Ahh, but Ma'am? You are doing this."
"He can't know that!"
"Why?"
"Because. Just, please Charge, or I'll tell him the real reason the Bow thruster wasn't working last month."
"You wouldn't dare."
"Watch me."
"Evil woman."
"He started this. Bastard."
It was refreshing, he realised with a grin, stretching his legs on shore. Plus it was always an added bonus if a pretty woman was involved.
"Have a nice time on shore?" asked the X, appearing erringly behind his shoulder.
He nodded once and smiled brightly, pleased that their disagreement of earlier seemed to have dissipated.
"Good. Oh, by the way there's a message from Commander Marshall waiting to be played to the crew over the loud speakers."
Mike crinkled his brow in confusion, shrugging before hitting play on the message Charge was holding out to him.
"When you're feeling sad and low, we will take you where you gotta go. Smiling, dancing, everything is free, all you need is positivity. Colours of the world, spice up your life, every boy and every girl, spice up your life, people of the world, spice up your life. Aaahh!"
"What on earth…" he breathed in bewilderment.
Swain, who was rapidly losing his battle with the giggles, glanced at the CO.
"Didn't know you were a Spice Girls fan Sir."
He couldn't help but blame himself the last time.
He'd taken to hiding his iPod in different locations, sometimes under his rack, other times between his clothes, and for a peaceful three weeks the little gadget had managed to stay in his cabin, away from the prying ears of his crew.
It was on a particularly dreadful nights watch on the bridge that he found himself in need to some music, the aching silence echoing around him as the clock ticked over to three am.
He hadn't seen another soul since at least 1 and as he glanced around he realised the chances of anyone wondering by at this point were minimal.
He wasn't sure why he'd got stuck with the night watch, only that when his name had come up on the roster he hadn't been bothered to argue for his rights as Captain.
For a brief second he contemplated just how angry the X would be if woke her to take over a minute whilst he retrieved his iPod.
He sighed in resignation; her anger wasn't worth relieving his boredom.
It wasn't so bad, he tried to convince himself, the bone aching weariness that came with sitting in the same position. He ran his fingers across the many buttons scattered across the bridge, felt the metal beneath his fingers and smiled softly.
Minutes later he was sat propped in his chair, feet up as he willed his eyes to stay open, lyrics spilling from his lips as he gave into the urge to sing.
"When I was a young boy, I wanted to sail around the world. That's the life for me, living on the sea. Spirit of a sailor, circumnavigates the globe. The lust of a pioneer, will acknowledge no frontier. I remember you by, thunderclap in the sky
Lightning flash, tempers flare, 'round the horn if you dare."
His foot tapped incessantly to the beat, and as the chorus built up he couldn't help but clap and twist along.
"I just spent six months in a leaky boat. Lucky just to keep afloat."
It was freedom, he realised, singing along loudly, no one else to hear him, whilst the roll of the ocean welcomed him below.
"Aotearoa, rugged individual. Glisten like a pearl, at the bottom of the world.
The tyranny of distance, didn't stop the cavalier. So why should it stop me…"
He near fell from his chair as the phone rang to life, startling him from his song.
"Ahh, hello? Captain speaking?"
"Sir. Check the button for the In Cabin Intercom."
Mike's cheeks flushed a steady shade of pink before he felt his stomach knot tightly. The button was flashing green.
"Everyone heard. Didn't they."
He heard the X sigh sleepily on the other end.
"Unfortunately, for us, yes, we did."
The next morning Mike stepped wearily onto the bridge, noting with growing dread that the vast majority of the crew were mustered there. From the smiles they wore he knew he was in for it, perhaps they'd found were he'd stored his iPod last night.
"Morning…" he ventured, rolling the last of his sleeves to his elbow.
He expected to be yelled at, expected the humiliation of listening to whatever dreadful song the crew could dredge up from the depths of his iPod.
What he didn't expect was for them all to start swaying, singing loudly.
"Ah c'mon Capt'n Mike, let's forget and forgive, there's a world to explore, tales to tell back on shore!
We're spending six months on a Patrol Boat, lucky just to keep afloat!
Your crew's love can be cruel, don't be fooled by our jibes, there's a wind in our sails. Hammerlsey will protect and prevail.
We're spending six months on a Patrol Boat, Lucky just to stay afloat!"
He'd never felt more loved.