"Oof!"
Rose stumbled to her knees as she came out the other side of the Void. The trip had been a bit rougher than usual and she took a second to catch her breath. She'd been doing this for long enough that the accompanying nausea was fleeting, almost perfunctory.
Her physical discomfort was soon forgotten, however, when she felt the TARDIS key warm against her chest. Her stomach clenched with excitement and she took a deep breath to let out in a gust of relief. She'd finally done it. She wasn't just in the same universe as the TARDIS - she was close!
Rose pulled the key from under her shirt with trembling fingers. The gold shimmer surrounding it was the most beautiful thing she'd ever seen. Using the key like a compass needle, she followed it to the TARDIS in record time, scarcely noticing as she tripped over tree roots in her path. She'd landed in some sort of winter forest - the air beneath the trees was still and cold, the crunching of her eager footsteps seeming to reverberate off the bare, solemn trunks in every direction.
The TARDIS herself was nestled in a small hollow under the cover of two ancient pines, and Rose half-slid down the gentle slope, holding the key out like a certain alien always held his screwdriver as she rushed towards the beloved blue box, her eyes clouded with tears. A mixture of excitement and cold caused her to fumble with the lock in her haste, but finally she was inside the console room she'd been dreaming of for three years, lulled by the siren song of home.
The room was silent, with only the hum of the time rotor to indicate life. Rose's spirits fell just a touch at the realisation that her reunion with the Doctor was going to be further delayed, but she pushed the thought aside. She'd waited three years after all, and now she was here in the TARDIS. The Doctor couldn't be far away.
"Doctor?" she called loudly, though she knew the chances of him actually being inside the TARDIS when it wasn't in the Vortex were slim. She called his name again, a few more times, savouring being able to say it in a place where there was a chance he could hear it. When no wild-haired madmen appeared around the corner, she concluded that the Doctor was indeed on a jaunt of this ice forest planet, and resigned herself to waiting a bit longer.
Her heart was pounding, sending blood rushing hectic in her veins. She tried taking deeper breaths to calm herself. It had just been so long… She felt the presence of the TARDIS, a warm and steady glow, and sighed happily, caressing one of the coral struts. "Oh, I missed you too, Dear," she said, and the lights brightened briefly in acknowledgement.
As Rose's emotions settled, she realised that she was voraciously hungry. On any other day, that would be her cue to jump back so she could grab a protein shake from the stocked fridge in the launch room on her way to the Torchwood med bay after yet another unsuccessful jump. This time…
She deactivated the recall function on the cannon with a grin that felt like it might never leave her face before making her way to the TARDIS galley. No more bland protein shakes for her; she felt like celebrating. The habitual check up was looming in her future once the Doctor learned what she'd been up to, she knew that well enough, but she admitted she might not mind so much if it was performed by the Doctor, rather than a doctor. At least this once.
Rose halted just inside the door to the galley with a contented sigh. Home.
With movements that had once been as natural to her as breathing, she'd put the kettle on for tea almost before she realised she'd done it. When she opened the cupboard, her favourite mug was prominently displayed. She took it down reverently, cradling it in her hands, tears starting in her eyes again. A small part of her mind knew how daft she must look, getting emotional over a mug, but the larger part knew that it was a representation of everything she'd lost when she was trapped in the parallel universe.
Shaking her head, she set it carefully on the counter, and discovered with satisfaction that the tea was still kept in the same place. Rose wondered if the Doctor had kept her mug there next to his or if it was the TARDIS' doing.
She looked around as the tea steeped, thinking it slightly surreal how little had changed since she'd been gone. She wondered how long it had been for him, if someone else was travelling with him now. The pristine galley held no clues as to the presence of another person on board. Rose pushed the thought aside with a mental shrug and started to make herself a sandwich. She'd find out soon enough. She hoped he had found someone, though. He was rubbish on his own.
Famished as she was, she polished off the sandwich in record time, which kept her from fretting when she'd finished and the Doctor still hadn't returned. To give herself something to do with her hands, she washed her plate immediately and put it away. She was just settling in with a second cup of tea - she couldn't remember the last time she'd let herself sit with a cup of tea - when she heard the tell-tale wheeze and felt the accompanying rumble that told her they were in flight. The Doctor was back!
Rose leapt out of her chair, intending to run straight back to the console room, but before she could move out into the corridor she heard the Doctor's voice, unexpectedly, tantalizingly close, coming towards her.
"You go on and change out of those wet things," he was saying to someone outside of Rose's field of vision as she listened, heart in her throat. His tone was rougher than she remembered it being, though Rose supposed her feeble human mind could have forgotten. "I'll make us a cuppa to warm up."
Well, that answered the question of whether or not he was travelling with anyone. Rose's stomach came alive with butterflies at the thought of him heading for the galley; that any second now, they would finally be reunited.
"Doctor!" she cried happily when he appeared in the doorway. She'd spent so many sleepless nights dreaming of this moment, when his eyes would go wide with surprise and joy before she raced to meet his open arms. Realising she was still frozen in place from when she'd first heard the TARDIS move, she extricated herself from behind the table to go to the Doctor.
It was only then that she realised he wasn't reacting the way she'd imagined he would; in fact, he was barely reacting to her presence at all.
The Doctor gave her a once over, so fleeting she nearly missed it, his expression the picture of disinterest as he ambled over to start the tea. Rose had been expecting at least a hug for their reunion, the way they used to be - it was so natural she'd hardly given it a thought. The urge to run him over was still nearly overpowering, but his unnatural behaviour gave her pause.
"Doctor?" she said again, uncertainty creeping into her voice as she reached out a tentative hand. He ignored her.
Crestfallen, and more than a little hurt, though confusion currently had the upper hand, Rose took her hand back, blinking bewildered tears from her eyes as she realised that something was very wrong with the Doctor. Even in her worst nightmares, the ones where she fought her way back to the Doctor only for him to tell her that what they had never really meant anything, that he didn't want her to come with him again, he'd at least acknowledged her!
Her first, panicked thought was that the jump had gone wrong somehow, that she'd come out as a ghost or something, but her body seemed solid as ever and she'd even eaten a sandwich. A sandwich that, thanks to her restlessness, no evidence remained of. Firming her resolve, she reached for the Doctor again, only for him to step deftly out of reach without even stopping what he was doing.
Rose stared, open mouthed, too stunned even for tears. This was so far from what she'd been expecting it might as well be another bizarro universe. Even with all the time she'd spent telling herself not to get her hopes up, she'd assumed the Doctor would at least be pleased to see her again. To have even that basic assumption called into question… it was worse than finding a London where the skies were filled with zeppelins. It was like waking up one morning only to discover that two plus two now equalled five. It was impossible.
Rose had seen it, in his eyes on that beach, how distraught he'd been, as he gazed at her hungrily, ardently, and now he was acting like he couldn't even see her. Rose couldn't process what was happening, rejection coursing through her, strong and instinctive, even as her mind continued screaming that something was Very Wrong.
"Doctor?" she tried once more, voice thick with unshed tears. "Can't you see me?"
The Doctor didn't answer right away, instead taking down two mugs, his and one she'd never seen, before turning to lean against the counter as the water boiled. It was a position she'd seen him in so many times before, yet it only served to highlight the wrongness of the situation. He was facing her now, and she drank in the sight, taking note of the different suit, the fringe now styled more crazily than ever, the lines around his nose and mouth that hadn't been there before.
"Course I can see you," he said at last, but like he was speaking to himself, and he wasn't looking at her.
She took a step closer without thinking about it, without realising her arm was still out until the Doctor said, "Now remember: no touch. You know it's against the rules." Rose dropped her hand, only to bunch both hands into fists at her sides.
"What rules?" She'd meant to shout the words but couldn't quite get enough air.
"Our rules," the Doctor replied at once, maddeningly calm, as he brought out the tea.
Rose wracked her brain, trying to think. Had she come too early in his timeline? Was this the Doctor from before they'd been separated, from before they'd become… what they were? But she couldn't remember ever visiting this planet with the Doctor. He'd clearly changed from the Doctor she'd known. And no matter what their relationship had or hadn't been, her Doctor would certainly have been surprised to see her already in the galley if he'd just seen her in the console room. Not to mention, they'd never had a rule against touching, not even after France, not even when they probably should have.
I'm still just an image, he'd said, the words from that day seared into her memory. No touch. A new, horrible thought crept into her mind. Had he… was it possible he'd been grateful for that? To finally rid himself of the clingy human who'd attached herself to him?
The very notion turned her world upside down and she sat heavily, trying to process. But wasn't that just it? She'd fought so hard against getting her hopes up, yet she was still selfish enough that the Doctor not wanting to touch her was incomprehensible.
"I see you've already got yours," he said, sounding for all the world like this was an everyday occurrence as he poured. "That's lovely, you can join us for tea." He still wouldn't look at her.
Rose, feeling hollow, couldn't think of anything else to do but play along, even though she wanted nothing more than to flee the room. Another thought which would have been inconceivable to her not half an hour before.
"Wh-Who're you travelling with now?" she forced out, her voice sounding faint and strangled.
"Don't be ridiculous, haven't I told you about Donna?" He rooted around in the cupboards for some biscuits. "She's still here, seems like she's in it for the long haul, but we've seen how well that usually turns out, haven't we?" His voice remained light, unconcerned, like he was commenting on the weather rather than the worst day of her life.
"Doctor," Rose sobbed, pushed well past the limits of what she was prepared to endure, "Doctor I'm here, I'm really here!" The Doctor put the biscuits down on the table in front of her and she lunged at him, overwhelmed by his scent and nearness, but he stepped back quickly, putting several feet of space between them that, at that moment, seemed more impassable than dimensional walls.
"Nuh-uh," he said, actually shaking his head at her like she was a misbehaving child. He was finally looking in her direction, but wouldn't meet her eyes no matter how hard she tried. "We've been over this. You're not going to get me like that again."
"Again?" Rose burst out, unable to control herself any longer. "How d'you mean, again? I don't understand!" Impossibly, he was smiling, but far from the smile she'd been expecting to see; it was small, and somehow false on his face. The kind of polite smile you wore when you couldn't care less about the person you were talking to. Rose's shallow breaths felt like broken glass in her chest.
"Come on, you're cleverer than that," he said, some of the amusement fading from his voice. "It's been ages since you tried this tack. It didn't work then and it won't work now. I'm onto you."
"Onto what? Doctor, you're not making any sense!" The tears in Rose's eyes now were frustrated, angry tears. She fought to keep them from falling, suddenly unwilling to be vulnerable in front of this strange, distant Doctor. Because what he was saying was in fact starting to make a sick amount of sense that she wasn't at all sure she knew how to fight against.
"Doctor, have you been hallucinating me?" The only thing she could think of to say to convince him otherwise was to reassure him that she wasn't a hallucination - which was of course exactly what a hallucination would say.
The Doctor shrugged. "You of all people should know the answer to that. I assumed, after what happened, that you'd have a whole host of new and exciting things to try but here you are again with the old song and dance. I must admit, I'm a bit disappointed." He was still smiling at her, like someone who'd figured out a trick first and was waiting for everyone else to catch up.
Rose gasped. Anger surged within her, and she welcomed the sensation, since it masked the growing sense of fear. She'd never wanted to slap the Doctor more than in that moment. Maybe it would shake him out of... whatever this was. But she didn't know how this stranger-Doctor would react to that, and as much as it hurt, she had a job to do. She'd give her bloody message first, the one she'd fought so hard to deliver, then slap the Doctor, and then find a way to flee what had become her own personal hell.
"The stars are going out," she announced at last, voice hard. "That's what I came here to tell ya. And I thought maybe you might want to help with that, but I guess I was wrong."
The Doctor paused. A pregnant silence stretched between them, punctuated only by Rose's breaths. She scarcely dared hope. Had she finally gotten through to him?
"Well, that is certainly a new one," he drawled at last. "Completely impossible, of course, stars just don't go out, but never let it be said that you don't deliver."
"Doctor!" Rose couldn't believe it, couldn't believe that this was the man she'd been trying to get back to, this man who could be so cavalier with (her heart) the fate of the multiverse hanging in the balance. It had been a long three years, as she'd be the first to admit. She'd changed, she knew she had. But the man standing in front of her wearing blue and a detached expression had changed so much as to be unrecognisable.
Or, a little voice whispered insidiously in her ear, has it been so long that you polished all those memories of yours to a rosy glow, distorting how much you meant to him? Was she truly that self-centred? She'd abandoned Mickey, leaving his heart, his life, in tatters. She'd left her family; her mother, her little brother, and thrown herself into this quest that she knew full well was incredibly dangerous. For the sake of the multiverse, yes, but on the back of technology that had been developed for purely personal reasons.
Rose was suddenly confronted with a side of herself she usually tried to ignore, and didn't like what she saw. Why else would the Doctor be refusing to let her touch him? And without touch, how on earth was she going to get through to him? Especially since it didn't seem as though he even wanted her to prove herself.
Ears ringing under the pressure of her rising desperation, she took another step closer to the Doctor, knowing now it was a threatening gesture, and intending it as such; a last-ditch effort to reclaim the life she'd thought she'd lost. "Doctor," she said again, her voice dangerously calm, "I'm here. I'm here, and I'm real, and I'm going to prove it to you."
The Doctor took a slow step back, composure still unshaken, and shook his head at her again. "You're not real. You never have been."
That stopped Rose in her tracks. "What."
She honestly had no idea what she would have done after that, had a vibrant ginger woman not entered the galley a moment later.
"All right, Spaceman, where's that cuppa you promised me? Dunno why you always insist on bringing me to these frozen places, say what you will about that resort but at least it was -" She paused, taking in the tableau before her. "Doctor, who's this?"
The sound of the Doctor's mug crashing to the floor broke the sudden silence. He ignored it completely, whirling to face the woman. "You mean-? Donna, you can see her?" The words crowded each other in their hurry to reach the air. Rose remained frozen, staring wide-eyed at the two of them.
"Well of course I can see her! She's even got a cup of tea which is more than I've got - thanks by the way - but what I want to know is, where did she come from? I haven't been gone that long, and you told me that planet was uninhabited! Have you been hiding her somewhere?"
She spoke very quickly, not giving the Doctor a chance to get a word in edgewise, as he opened and closed his mouth like a fish. Rose would have laughed if the situation hadn't been so dire.
"Donna, I need you to do something for me," the Doctor said, very quietly, emotion finally breaking in his voice. "I need for you to go over there, and touch her."
"Is there some reason you can't do it yourself, alien boy?" Donna retorted, but the earlier fire was gone from her tone in the face of the Doctor's desperation. It was telling that it never occurred to either of them to make a joke about his wording. He was already shaking his head before she finished.
"You've never been able to see her, before," he explained, to the utter bewilderment of both women. He raked his hands through his hair as he spoke and Rose wished she were in a position to better appreciate it. "So maybe something's changed, maybe… I don't know, Donna, could you just do it for me, please?"
Rose was startled by the genuine note of pleading in the Doctor's tone. Apparently the woman - Donna - was too, because she nodded wordlessly, stepping past the Doctor, who watched with such a banked intensity in his eyes that it transfixed Rose to the spot.
"This all right?" Donna asked softly, indicating her intention to touch Rose's shoulder. Rose nodded, wordless. Donna placed her hands on Rose's shoulders and the Doctor inhaled sharply.
"Rose?" It was a puff of air, a battle cry, and it hung trembling in the air between them before Donna spun around.
"Rose? You don't mean... this is Rose? That Rose?"
The Doctor was gripping the counter so hard he was like to shatter it, and looked to be on the verge of tears. "You could touch her. Rose… you're real. You're here."
All of Rose's earlier anger had evaporated once Donna entered the room. Hearing the Doctor say her name made her realise he hadn't used it once, the whole time they'd been talking. A retort was on her lips - that's what I've been trying to tell you! - but she couldn't find the will say it to this Doctor who looked as liable to shatter as the countertop he clung to.
"Yes, Doctor," she said, her voice somehow gentle and assured despite her racing heart, "I'm here. I'm real. I came to find you. What's all this about?" The comments the Doctor had made presented Rose with a terrifying image, and she just needed her Doctor in her arms to reassure them that the other was all right.
"I kept seeing you everywhere," the Doctor was saying, looking to be on the verge of panic as he nearly cringed away from Rose's slow advance, and Rose felt her heart fracture. "You were everywhere, and eventually I just stopped looking. I couldn't do it any more, Rose, I just… I couldn't."
"Doctor," Rose said in the same quiet tone. "Doctor, look at me." His eyes snapped up to hers as if all he'd been waiting for was her permission. The raw emotion she saw in their depths had her reaching out before she could think better of it. When her hand touched his cheek, the Doctor choked back a sob, leaning into her caress the way it should have been, that day on a desolate Norwegian beach. Rose waited until he looked at her again, finding a smile to give him. "Hello."
The Doctor let out a low sound, and suddenly she was in his arms, being held so tightly she could hardly breathe. Rose clutched him tighter. Home. This was home. She felt tears on her face, and couldn't tell whether they were the Doctor's or hers. The Doctor kept a whispered litany of Rose's name under his breath. Both of them were shaking, entwined so tightly Rose didn't know whose legs gave out first, but somehow they ended up on the floor pressed against the cabinets.
It didn't seem as though the Doctor had any intention of letting her go. A new word had entered his ceaseless repetitions, and it was 'sorry.'
"Shh, Doctor, it's all right," Rose murmured, stroking his hair. He shuddered, pressing closer, taking deep, shaking breaths.
"No, Rose, it's not all right," he said at length, speaking into the junction between her neck and shoulder. "You made it back, after so long, only to have me treat you like that… You deserve an apology at the very least, entity or no entity."
Rose pulled back the slightest amount possible to see his face. "What entity? Doctor, what's happened to you?"
The Doctor wouldn't let her move away, pressing his ear to her chest, over her heart.
"Planet before last," he replied, sounding like the words were being pulled from him. "I took Donna to Midnight. I encountered an entity on a tour bus… It got inside my head, taking over my mind…" Rose gasped, clutching him to her.
"Oh my God! Doctor, what did it do to you?" Then, in an attempt to lighten the mood, she continued, "And you say I'm the jeopardy friendly one?"
The Doctor huffed, and Rose felt a shot of warmth. At least it was something.
"It didn't… start then, if that's what you're asking," he said, and some part of Rose was amazed at how open he was being, tried not to see it as further evidence of him not being himself. "But it made the visions go away for a bit, and when I saw you again…" He squeezed her so tightly she could feel her lungs protest, yet it still might never be enough. "I thought it might have made them worse. Rose, I'm so sorry. I spent so long trying not to get my hopes up I forgot what hope was."
"Doctor…" Rose found no words to say. She rested her head on top of his, noting vaguely that Donna seemed to have made herself scarce and silently thanking her. "I'm here," she said at last - the words served to reassure her, too, and she would say them as many times as necessary. "I'm here, and you're here, and together we're the stuff of legend, yeah?" The Doctor made a sound, muffled against her arm, that was either a sob or a noise of agreement. Perhaps both.
"We'll figure it all out," Rose continued, again more for her benefit than his - somewhere the stars were still going out, after all - but she thought the Doctor could do with hearing it too. She waited for his tentative nod before rubbing bracing circles on his back, preparing to pull away.
"First, though, let's get you taken care of, Doctor. Because it sounds like that resort wasn't that long ago, and I know the way you like to throw yourself back into things. Will you… will you let me do that for you?" She held her breath, afraid he would demur. Rose hadn't realised until she said it how much she needed this for herself as well, a step towards the way they used to be, taking care of each other after an adventure. She fought fiercely against the insidious thought that he wouldn't want that from her any more, telling herself that it hadn't been the Doctor talking, before.
"Oh, Rose." The Doctor took a deep breath. He pulled back to look at her, and Rose tried not to associate being able to breathe with feeling bereft. "I missed you," he said solemnly, eyes never leaving hers. She forgot how to breathe again; had somehow, impossibly, forgotten the power latent in those eyes, the way his gaze had always managed to unstitch her. She made a helpless sound low in her throat.
"I missed you too, Doctor. So, so much." The Doctor sighed, giving her a final squeeze before releasing her. They helped each other up, efforts made awkward by their mutual reluctance to keep anything less than maximum contact between them. When they finally managed, they smiled sheepishly at each other, but neither seemed ready to make the first move. Rose stroked her thumb over the Doctor's pulse point, revelling in the feel of the feather-light dual cadence.
"So? Tell me what you need, Doctor," Rose said at last, when he made no further sign; though she could certainly relate to wanting to drink in the sight of him as much as possible.
"Well," he drawled, running his free hand through his hair, and her breath hitched to see those quirks of his she loved so much for real, rather than in memory. "I suppose I could do with another stint in the Zero Room. I might not have stayed there for as long as I should have, last time."
Rose rolled her eyes lightly at him, but declined to comment. "How 'bout some tea? Would that help? You smashed your mug."
He shrugged, carefully stepping around the pieces as he led her from the galley. "I'll fix it. Later. And I'll have the TARDIS send some tea up."
"What's the Zero Room?" Rose asked as they went hand in hand down the corridor, and it was almost like nothing had changed, only everything had. The Doctor looked a mess, and Rose knew she wasn't much better, residual aches from the jump that she strove to hide from the Doctor making themselves known after the initial rush of emotion had died down, their hands gripped between them much more tightly than before.
"It's sort of like a sensory deprivation chamber for Time Lords," the Doctor explained, not really looking where he was going because he was watching her. "Inside, you're cut off from the random electrical and radiological impulses from the rest of the universe. That makes it ideal for neurological healing since I don't have to keep up even my basic telepathic barriers to screen all that out."
Rose considered what he'd said. She'd known the Doctor was a touch telepath but she'd never thought much about what it actually meant to be a telepathic being; the Doctor rarely mentioned it. "Do you use it often? Only this is the first I've heard of it."
"Not with any great frequency, no," the Doctor said slowly, like he had to think about it. "I used it most often in my first incarnation, while I was getting used to being away from Gallifrey's telepathic centre. The regeneration from my fourth to my fifth incarnation was a bit rough so I used it then, too."
"Rougher than your last regeneration?" Rose asked, before she could stop herself. She still remembered the hours of fear when she hadn't been sure the Doctor would ever wake up. The Doctor stroked his thumb over hers.
"None of my regenerations have really been easy," he admitted, as they turned a corner. "Regeneration is supposed to happen within a low-grade telepathic field, with another Time Lord present, and sufficient time afterwards to rest." He shrugged, favouring her with a small smile. "I've never had that luxury."
Suddenly Rose wanted to hear about all his past regenerations, his past adventures. During her time in Pete's World she'd realised just how little she actually knew about the Doctor's life. Before she'd been trapped, she'd always felt as though there was time to get to know those things. Now she was back, and intending to stay that way, but she would never again take their time for granted.
"Ah, and it seems like the old girl's moved it closer for us!" the Doctor exclaimed, as he caught sight of a nondescript door, patting one of the roundels in thanks.
"And I can go in there with you?" Rose asked hesitantly, squeezing the Doctor's hand in query. "It's safe for humans?"
"Completely safe, and I'm not about to let you out of my sight, Rose Tyler," he said, his voice lowering as he spoke until it was almost a growl.
She smiled at him. "Good."
The Doctor pushed open the door, relaxing almost immediately as he stepped across the threshold. "Ah, that's much better," he sighed. "Close the door for us, Rose?"
She did so, feeling as though she'd stepped into a soundproofed room but without the oppressive undercurrent. "It's so peaceful," she said, looking back at the Doctor.
"That it is!" he agreed, already sounding more like his old self as he took a deep breath. Rose imitated him, surprised by the delicate aroma she could sense despite the room's clinical demeanour.
"Smells like… roses?" she guessed, unsure of the word until she spoke it, and when she did her eyes widened. The Doctor nodded, pulling her closer to him.
"It always has, since the very first."
Not sure what to make of that revelation, Rose remained silent as she walked with the Doctor further into the room, where a tea service was set for two, divesting herself of her heavy leather jacket and boots as she went.
Aside from the room's scent, Rose could also hear something: a haunting, ethereal melody that hovered just above the range of being audible. It was beautiful, and she intended to ask the Doctor about it, but he was already pouring them tea, not seeming to pay it any attention. She thought it might be like the ambient soundtracks she often heard playing in the various spas the Doctor had taken her to, designed to promote relaxation.
The Doctor pulled her down to sit shoulder to shoulder and passed her cup over. He took a long sip of his own tea, Rose following his every movement. He closed his eyes, but not before pulling her as close as physically possible. Rose didn't mind this in the slightest and nestled deeper into his side.
"I'm so glad you're here, Rose," he said quietly, rubbing absent circles on her shoulder. Rose wanted to cry upon hearing those words from him so plainly after the upheaval of their reunion, but it seemed the atmosphere of the Zero Room negated all such emotions. She squeezed his knee instead and he squeezed her tighter in response. "I really am rubbish without you. I know there are all sorts of things we need to talk about, like how you managed it and every single thing you were up to in Pete's World, and I'm sure you've got questions of your own. We'll get to all of that, very soon. I promise."
He turned her head gently to face him, meeting her eyes so she could see his sincerity. "But right now, I just want to hold you for a bit. That all right?" His expression made it clear he doubted her response, in light of his recent actions.
If Rose was being honest, she did harbour a certain amount of residual reluctance. She'd just been so confused. But the relaxing effect of the Zero Room and her own need made it easy to ignore. She'd get her answers. He'd promised. For now, at least, she and the Doctor were on the same page. It had been a long, lonely three years. It would be nice to forget the concerns that she'd been carrying and just be, safe in the arms of the man who meant so much to her, regardless of what happened afterwards.
"Yeah." She nodded her assent into his side, wrapping her arms around him as best she could despite the awkward angle. She didn't miss the grateful way he immediately curved around her, nor the last bit of tension she felt leave his body.
After the stress and the pain of the dozens of failed jumps, the effort of keeping her desperate hope alive, Rose allowed her mind to drift, lulled by the Doctor's nearness and the dreamlike melody. She thought she might have fallen asleep, but it seemed the Zero Room blocked those impulses also. Rose didn't mind. She didn't want to miss a second of her time with the Doctor, and was content with her tranquil daydreams. This sojourn had been intended for the Doctor's benefit but Rose admitted to herself it was probably a good idea for her, too.
Eventually, the Doctor stirred, his cool breath ruffling her hair. She shivered, blinking up at him, feeling comfortably disorientated as she pulled her scattered thoughts together, the way she would after a long nap.
"Thank you, Rose," he murmured. His face broke so easily into a soft smile it was like watching the sun rise. She mirrored his expression past the tears the Zero Room kept her from having, feeling like she was finally in the presence of her Doctor.
"How long's it been?" she asked blearily, voice rough from disuse. A tiny frown intruded between his brows then and she wanted to smooth it away, except that she was so comfortable and didn't feel like moving.
"It's been ages, Rose, you must be knackered," he said, the corners of his mouth turning down. "You should've said something earlier, I'm sorry."
"Still rude and not ginger," Rose teased, feeling lightness suffuse her chest. "'S alright, Doctor, this was nice." She felt like she ought to be preparing to move, but also wanted to prolong the contentedly fuzzy feeling as long as possible.
"Again, it's not all right. You're exhausted. Come here, Rose." With absolutely no effort Rose could discern, she was scooped up into his arms. It was a good place to be. She felt the moment they left the Zero Room, because the song quieted, her body felt heavier, and almost immediately she began to fall asleep.
"You can sleep if you want," the Doctor told her, his gentle voice vibrating through his chest.
"'M not tired," Rose protested, stifling a massive yawn. The corner of the Doctor's mouth turned up in a smirk. "Jus' comfortable." His expression softened again. His eyes were like molten pools, boring into hers.
"Good," was all he said, nudging open a door with his foot.
Rose shifted her head the slightest amount necessary to look around, and was surprised to see the walls of an unfamiliar room. Apparently the Doctor was too, because he stopped short. Butterflies woke in Rose's stomach at the thought of the Doctor having taken her anywhere other than her own room.
"You takin' me to bed, Doctor?" she teased, her brain-mouth filter apparently compromised.
"Yes, yours," the Doctor growled, shifting from foot to foot as though weighing the merits of a quick retreat. "Supposed to be, anyhow, but apparently the TARDIS has other plans."
Rose felt a rush of sleepy gratitude towards the ship. "Smart girl, our TARDIS," she drawled, and felt the Doctor's breath hitch before she heard it.
"Rose, you can't mean…"
"Doctor…" she groaned, twisting to look up at him. "I'm just gonna sleep. You should too." She held her breath, not daring to be any more direct than that but fearing her intent might be misunderstood.
"You're saying you want me to… stay with you?"
"Mhm." Rose couldn't hold back her yawn this time. "I've been saying it this whole time, Doctor. It's all right. Listen when I tell you things." Once again a failure of the brain to mouth filter. There was a wealth of history hidden in those words, and the Doctor's arms flexed involuntarily.
His voice trembled, but he kept it light as he replied, "Oh, and you're one to talk. Need I remind you about Rule One?"
"Don' wander off," Rose recited lazily. "Unless you're bored. Or you feel like it. Or to save the designated driver from being too clever for 'is own good."
The Doctor huffed a laugh. "In that order, too, I don't doubt. For now, however, it's bedtime for the human."
"An' the Time Lord?" Rose pressed, already feeling sleep settling around her ahead of the cloudlike duvet.
"Yup, and the Time Lord," the Doctor answered, toeing off his trainers at the same time as he pulled his tie from around his neck. "Now hush."
Rose heard his jacket slither to the floor - her eyes had fallen shut of their own accord. She felt the dip as the Doctor climbed in beside her and instinctively snuggled closer. The Doctor hesitated only for a moment before pulling her against him. Rose drank in the steady thrum of the Doctor's heartsbeat under her ear, that had once been as much a part of her life as the sound of the time rotor, or the steady background hum of the TARDIS in the Vortex. She hummed her total contentment and the Doctor's grip tightened in response.
"Doctor?" she said, hovering on the edge of oblivion.
"Yes, Rose?" Rose felt, rather than heard, the Doctor's response, and she grinned.
"I'm home." The Doctor's breath stuttered and he pressed a feather-light kiss to the top of her head that Rose didn't think she was supposed to notice. As she dropped off, his voice soothed her into sleep.
"Welcome home."