Title: Dangerous Downtime
Summary: Lancelot gets bored…
Rating: PG-13 (use of the word f)
AN: The darn plot penguin wouldn't leave me alone until I wrote this little ficlet, so I hope you all enjoy. Its just pure fun. You know how our boys can be.
Lancelot was officially bored. They had been settled at Hadrian's Wall for nearly a week now, which was longer than any respite they had ever taken. At first he considered it a luxury, but the restlessness quickly took over. And so, a week after their arrival back, Lancelot was sitting against the outer wall – with nothing to do.
He looked around. He did not feel like drinking till he was drunk, or flirting with all the willing barmaids. He did not even feel like practicing, which definitely was a first.
How come the others had not succumbed to boredom yet? He wondered. They seemed to be having a grand old time, the last he looked. But how come they were not bored yet? How were the able to still find something to amuse themselves with?
Lancelot grinned slyly. They still had something to amuse themselves with. If he couldn't find something to amuse himself, then he would just have to make his own entertainment.
Galahad, Gawain, Tristan, Bors, and Dagonet were all seated around their circular table, drinking and generally enjoying themselves. Lancelot crept to the doorway and listened in, careful not to be noticed by Tristan.
"Gawain you couldn't beat me if you tried!" Bors boasted. Gawain tilted his glass at Bors slightly.
"You wanna wager on that one fatty?" he winked. Bors put on a look of mock indignance.
"Yea why don't you go fuck Galahad and spare us all the trouble of having to look at your face." He countered. Galahad slammed his glass down.
"I would NEVER even think of being with Gawain!" he yelled angrily. The others stopped laughing and looked at him. Galahad smiled,
"He would never be able to handle me." Dagonet's laughter broke the pseudo-tension. Gawain punched Galahad in the arm.
"Handle you eh? You're a little runt. I could easily handle all of you."
Galahad decided not to counter and begin a new debate. Instead he changed topics, reverting back to the original.
"Why haven't you challenged Gawain yet Bors?" he asked, turning back to the other knight. Bors shrugged.
"Haven't felt like it yet." Galahad laughed. Tristan looked up from his tankard.
"Well why don't you prove it to us now then?" he spoke for the first time, entering their conversation. Bors gulped the rest of his ale and slammed his tankard down.
"You know what? I think I will." He grinned, turning to Gawain. "I challenge you to a little game of hide and seek."
Galahad laughed loudly.
"The way you put that Bors makes it seem like the dumbest challenge ever. That's a child's game!" Bors winked at him.
"It's a child's game that Gawain can't beat me at." Galahad could only laugh again as Gawain drained his tankard and slammed it down also.
"You're on!" he responded. Everyone rose from the table.
"It's dark enough out, we'll make our sight the woods near the east wall, past the archery fields eh? Galahad, Tristan, Dagonet, you may come, but you are not allowed to help or hinder in any way!" The three nodded simultaenously. Dagonet looked around.
"Where has Lancelot gone off to? Has anyone seen him recently?" They all shook their heads.
"He's probably off causing his own trouble." Gawain answered as they all rose to leave.
From behind the door Lancelot smiled wickedly before silently stalking off. Oh how right they were.
Bors looked around as they exited the building. Night had come earlier in the evening, making the grounds and woods almost pitch black. The knights looked at each other and grinned, enjoying the heightened sense of danger at the reduced light.
"Give me a few minutes before you start after me." Bors called as his form vanished into the trees. Dagonet silently followed a few moments later. Gawain waited with Galahad and Tristan waited another couple moments before making their way in.
A few yards away, Lancelot snuck into the forest silently, searching for his first victim. He smiled to himself. They were all quite drunk, so this shouldn't be too hard. He was no longer bored. He had found himself something to do. Now, he wanted to go hunting.
Galahad Tristan and Gawain split up as soon as they were inside. Galahad peeled left, snickering to himself, at how silly this game was. He stepped on a twig, but did not think anything of it, knowing he was not part of the game. He hid behind a tree, watching who he thought was Gawain sneak further in. He was about to follow, when someone grabbed him from behind. Instinct kicked in, but he was too slow when they bound and gagged him, and carried him off.
Gawain turned, looking suspiciously in the direction where Galahad was, but shrugged and continued forward. He had to find Bors, and by god he would find that fat bastard.
Bors watched Gawain from his spot behind another tree. He would wait until Gawain passed before following him at a distance. His eyes caught a movement past Gawain, but when he blinked it was gone. Bors shook his head, attesting the vision to his drunkenness.
Dagonet sat by a tree, whetting his blade, finding he had a fine enough view, even though it was dark, and waited for someone to come running out. He turned at a sound behind him, but saw nothing out of the ordinary, so he turned forward and continued his task. Suddenly his vision went black, and he was faintly aware of someone binding his arms before he lost consciousness completely.
Tristan, being the true hunter he was, followed both Gawain and Bors, maneuvering though them with considerable ease. He even climbed a tree and watched them from above. The trees swayed slightly in his vision, and he made a mental note to never get drunk before scouting. His senses were definitely dulled compared to their usual level, and it was unnerving. But he remembered that he wasn't a part of this game, and thought no more on it as he watched.
Below him a branch snapped, and he glanced down, thinking it was Gawain. When the figure passed beneath him, he settled back and looked in the other direction, waiting to see Bors following. He never made it that far, before someone covered his mouth and an object came in contact with the back of his head.
Gawain searched harder for Bors, looking for any sign of the fat knight, but he could find none to his dismay. He was not about to give up though, for defeat was not in his nature. He glanced backwards when he heard a sound, before walking forward once more.
Bors watched Gawain stop and glance backwards, and quickly stilled himself. He was not about to be caught, no matter what. He waited behind the tree before Gawain was almost completely out of sight. He stepped from behind the tree, and was met with darkness.
Gawain turned once more when he heard a small thump. He saw nothing in the darkness. He thought about turning back towards the forest edge, but his mind knew that Bors would never hide so close to the fringe. So he continued deeper, towards the pond he knew was in a clearing up ahead. Though he could not see it, he had enough sense to know where it was. He tried to be quiet, but it was hard when you couldn't even walk in a straight line.
He cursed softly when he stepped on yet another branch, and promptly tripped over a third. He saved himself from falling by stepping hard with his left foot, causing more noise than both branches did. Just his luck. Gawain continued forward, looking at the ground to make sure he didn't lose his footing once more. There was a tap on his shoulder, and he turned expecting Galahad to have met up with him. He felt something slam into the back of his head and all he saw was darkness; but not before he caught a glimpse of the person.
Lancelot crept to Arthur's door, listening intently to make sure the Roman was not sleeping, before entering. He found Arthur seated on his bed, reading from his bible once more. Lancelot scoffed, and Arthur looked up.
"Reading that thing again?!" he said feigning exasperation. Arthur smiled, sensing the lighthearted mood. Lancelot sat on the edge of the bed, and put his head on his palm, resting his arm on his knee, pretending to pout.
"What's wrong?" Arthur asked, grinning. Lancelot turned, still pretending to pout.
"I'm bored." He answered truthfully. Arthur nodded in understanding. But he felt that something was not right.
"Have you checked for the other knights?" he asked. Lancelot nodded.
"But I couldn't find them. Filthy bastards." He answered. Arthur's brow furrowed.
"I thought they were at the round table. That's where I saw them all last." Lancelot nodded.
"Aye but I checked there and the room was empty." Arthur set his book down.
"Well then, let us go look for them." He replied, getting up, still feeling something amiss. Lancelot followed, not dropping the look of boredom from his face.
Sure enough, the round table was deserted, as was the village bar. Arthur and Lancelot strode out to the grounds, searching all the fields and the rest of the village, but they could find not one of Arthur's knights. He turned to Lancelot, who hadn't said anything the entire time.
"Are you SURE you haven't seen them?" he asked once again, suspiciously. Lancelot quickly whiped the smirk off his face before turning to Arthur.
"What? No of course not. I told you that already." His face was a mask of angelic innocence. Arthur studied him, it was too innocent.
"Where are they?" Lancelot opened him arms, in a gesture of friendship.
"I am not lying. I have not seen them!" Arthur narrowed his eyes, and was about to speak.
"LANCEEELLLLLOOOOOTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" The cry echoed throughout the entire castle, and reverberated off the walls. Arthur and Lancelot looked towards the trees at the same time. In the darkness Arthur could make out the faint shapes of his other five knights. Surely they weren't foolish enough to go in the woods without any weapons? Arthur looked closer and realized that not only did they not have any weapons, but they had no clothes either. He looked over at Lancelot, and Lancelot grinned.
"What? All I did was tie them all up and steal their clothes." Lancelot tried to persuade his captain.
"Where did you hide their clothes?"
"Not far, they are all in my room." Arthur sighed, before a smirk came to his features. Lancelot saw this and he dropped the grin immediately, not liking the look on his captain's face. Arthur turned to the shapes coming out of the trees.
"He's right here!" he shouted, pointing to Lancelot and stepping out of the way. Lancelot blanched at the sight of five knights all running full sprint towards him, regardless of their lack of clothes. He took off running faster than Tristan's hawk could fly. Arthur laughed and watched them give chase.
"LANCELOT! STOP RUNNING AND LET US KILL YOU LIKE A PROPER KNIGHT!" Bors called out once more.
"When I get my hands on you! You won't be enjoying pleasurable company ever again!" Gawain shouted.
"I'll help him make a eunich out of you!" Galahad called after Gawain finished.
Dagonet and Tristan were too angry to speak. They were both angry at being bested. One for his strength, and the other for his tracking skills. Lancelot saw them close on his heels as he passed the pond on the outskirts of the archery field. They were close, too close. He sped up and turned to face forward again. To his dismay, he found Arthur directly in his path, and he was unable to stop his sprint. Arthur sidestepped and neatly tripped Lancelot as the knight passed, using Lancelot's momentum against him.
The other five were on him in seconds.
"Guys come on it was just a joke!" Lancelot pleaded from where they pinned him. The other five looked down at him and grinned evilly. Tristan leaned closer.
"Well then, the joke's on you FRIEND." Once more Lancelot blanched as they all bodily picked him up and carried him towards the pond.
"Guys come on I didn't mean it! I was bored! I didn't mean it!" Galahad laughed sadistically.
"Don't worry LANCELOT, we won't mean what we're about to do either." Gawain nodded and punched him in the gut to stop his incessant rambling.
"Oh it will be nice to finally see that cocky grin whiped off your face for once." Bors spoke gleefully. He turned to Arthur and whispered something to him. Arthur nodded and gave Bors his cloak. Bors relinquished his hold on Lancelot and took to cloak, wrapping it around him and making his way back to the village.
"Where is he going?!" Lancelot cried, his voice a tiny squeak. Gawain cuffed his shoulder and winked.
"Oh you'll see now won't you." For the third time that night Lancelot blanched. It was a new record.
They carried him over to the pond, and Lancelot had the nagging foreboding that they were going to throw him in. But they dropped him at the edge, to his relief. Tristan leaned down and grinned slyly at him.
"Time to return the favor." They grinned as he was stripped of his clothes. They threw his clothes into the pond, much to his protests. He tried to fight them off, but they returned the favor, and he felt someone hard hit the back of his head, and all he knew was darkness.
Lancelot woke up to someone patting his cheek. He looked up and saw Arthur, and thought it was all a dream, but then the others, with their sly faces came into view, and he realized it wasn't. Bors leaned down.
"We felt you had been asleep long enough. Time to get up." Lancelot tried to shake off the slight headache he had from being knocked out. Dagonet and Gawain grabbed his arms and pulled him upright. He stumbled, feeling something wrap around his feet. He saw that they were almost in the village, giving them now enough light to see. At least they had enough decency to give him a cloak so he wouldn't have to go walking naked through the village. He looked at the others. Apparently Arthur had told them where their clothes were hidden, as they were all no longer nude.
He tugged at the cloak, not liking how tight they had tied it across his chest. Galahad laughed at Lancelot for his actions. Lancelot glared at him, not understanding what was so funny. They led him into town, and he immediately caught the attention of every villager, man and woman alike.
They all tried to hide grins behind their hands when Lancelot passed. Lancelot once more tripped over the fabric, and almost fell flat on his face, but Dagonet and Gawain still had his arms. They led him to the stables, where Arthur met them again. He was carrying a very polished breastplate. They made Lancelot stand in the middle of the stables, before Arthur came up to him still carrying the armor. Arthur stood in front of him, barely concealed laughter on his face. Lancelot crossed his arms, clearly not liking the fact that everyone was laughing at him.
"And just what is so funny?" he asked finally. Arthur could only shake his head before holding up the armor so that Lancelot's reflection showed.
Outside the stables, every single person stopped when they heard the shrill scream that emanated from within.
Lancelot's eyes were wide as he stared at himself, wearing one of Vanora's very familiar - dresses. They had even done his hair for him, tying bits of ribbon where it would stay. Bits of dye adorned his face, so that his eyes were tinged blue, and he had red on his cheeks. The others laughed so hard at his reaction, rolling on the floor before getting up and vanishing from the stables.
Lancelot scrambled out of the dress as quickly as possible, finding his spare set of traveling clothes in the stable with his horse.
He walked out, furiously scrubbing his face to remove the dyes.
Lancelot was no longer bored. He couldn't be bored.
This was war.
Welll I hope you guys liked it. I enjoyed writing it, since there aren't too many just for fun pieces out there.
MLA
Shauna