Disclaimer: My name is Karissa. Not Tamora.
A/N: If its not already obvious, these stories are not related unless indicated. This is a two-shot and the following chapter is a continuation of this. Enjoy!
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Nealan of Queenscove
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I sighed deeply. Looking down at my ink stained tunic, I realized how distraught I was. She's going to be there. I thought distantly. Much to my disgust, my elbow fell right in a container of ink. I didn't care. To think of all the conversing I do, and to think of all the arguments I've blindly defended, I'm speechless when it comes to her. And yet I'm only meathead.
I looked down in disdain at a piece of parchment that sat comfortably by my left hand. I picked it up, and reread what I had tried to say:
If you never come to me
You'll forever be a distant memory
I'm on my knees empty
Out my window the light goes dark
Your eyes haunt my dreams
I'm on my knees empty
It was unworthy, and I knew it. It was one of the reasons she would never see it. She deserved better.
I got up from my desk and took the paper with me. I paced the floor, gasped and fell on my bed, crumpling the paper as I did so. It was no use. If I were going to tell her, it would be from my own mouth. I didn't have such nerve but I was determined to try. I guess I'm just scared. Not of telling her, but of what her reaction might be. How do I know she's not like the old Alanna? Afraid to love. How do I know she would have feelings for me? I couldn't risk it. She's my best friend! What if I hurt our friendship? Is it worth it?
I couldn't help but think like that. It's my nature. Gods knows if she saw me now. She would smile quizzically and ask if I ate my vegetables. The only reason I don't, is so she'll remind me. She'll say I'm a swoon, always wanting the court game. I smile at her naïve innocence. My thoughts kept wandering until I refused to listen. They just came stronger.
I pulled myself off my bed and starred at the tunics folded on my chair. It was time to serve in the great hall. She would be there. Getting up, I found the tunic I was looking for. It was of a brilliant pale green that emphasized my eyes. She might notice. She always does. There was hope in that. My lady does notice when I wear something nice, since she's forever picking at me to straighten my tunic.
I took off my blotted tunic and replaced it with the new one. I had a good build, being eighteen and all. My muscle tone was excellent for my height and I was rather proud of my build.
I finished getting dressed and walked out of my rooms. Serving duty calls.
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As always, she was there. Doing her duty as a page as well--better than any of the other boys. I eyed her for most of the serving period, only taking my eyes off her when asked on by an overlord. I noticed, early on in the evening, that I wasn't the only one taking interest in the lady page. Cleon of Kennan looked very much like me, somewhat to my dismay. She doesn't realize it. I thought with a small grin and a tinge of jealousy.
She looked brilliant with her crimson tunic and ivory breeches. Her hair was just long enough to brush her shoulders gently. Her eyes were humorous, confident, and reserved. She was definitely a show, even if she couldn't see it.
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After the banquet, I walked back to my rooms, day dreaming as usual. Just my luck, I ran into a lady wearing a crimson tunic and ivory breeches.
"Well hullo, muse." I said, my voice in its normal ironic tone. She shook her head, and shoved her elbow into my side. I was practiced with her, and it was as if I was the bland Yamani. "You look vibrant today." I commented dryly.
She smiled up at me. "You could say that, I suppose. I'm going riding – you can come if you want." She offered genuinely.
I scoffed. "And stand within a mile with that insubordinate mount of yours? Never – though thanks for the offer."
She nodded. "Your too busy dreaming of everlasting love, I know." She said, rolling her eyes.
I smiled, though not willingly. She was everything I would ever want – and yet I couldn't risk it. I had her as a friend. Was it selfish to want more? Maybe it was.
She left then, and I watched her as she walked down the hallway, until she was out of sight.
Then again, maybe it's not too much to ask. Maybe – it's just hard to ask.
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~Karr
"The Last Name"Cheers.