Picture perfect memories, scattered all around the floor.
Blair sat on the floor, mascara running down her face as she took in the moments and memories that littered her bedroom floor. Pictures. Ticket stubs. Jewelry. Clothing. She took a deep breath as she took it all in. She reached down and picked up a picture from the floor. Seeing the smiling couple in the picture, a new round of sobs racked through her small body. She thought back to the day that this picture was taken, it was one of the many charity events that they happened to frequent, but for the life of her, she couldn't remember what the charity was. She was wearing a beautiful red, floor length, backless gown and the man standing next to her wore a sleek black suit and a matching, red bow tie. The picture was taken without their knowledge, perhaps by her beautiful, blond best friend, or maybe his doting step-mother, Blair couldn't be sure. In the picture they were slow dancing. Blair had her arms wrapped around his neck and his were wrapped securely around her waist. They were both smiling in the picture, well Blair was smiling, Chuck was smirking. Their foreheads were pressed together, their eyes sparkling. They were in love and it was beautiful.
She took a moment to wipe the tears from her eyes and set the picture down. Next, she picked up a silk, plaid scarf. A new wave of tears began to surface as she took in the memories. She cried out as she gathered the silk in her hands and pressed the scarf to her nose, inhaling the scent that was still Chuck. She brought the scarf down and began moving the soft material through her fingers, searching for something. Finally, a small piece of glittering silver caught her eye. She let a few more tears fall thinking back to the time she stole the scarf from Chuck's closet and quickly stitched the small silver heart to the scarf. A week later, Chuck showed up at her penthouse with the scarf in hand and a giant grin in place.
"I can't believe you did this without me knowing, Blair!" He quickly kissed her on the cheek.
Blair smiled up at him, "I gave you the real thing without you knowing, so I figured, why not?"
Chuck just laughed and lifted her small body into the air for a tight hug. "I love you, you know that?" Blair whispered.
Chuck only nodded, "I know." Blair knew he couldn't bring himself to say those three little words back quite yet, but she knew he'd get there. He didn't need to vocalize them for her to know that he loved her. "You know how much this means to me, don't you Blair?" Blair could only nod, "Then you'll understand if I want you to keep it?"
Blair's eyebrows jumped up, "What do you mean?"
Chuck laughed quietly, "I don't mean your heart, Blair. I mean the scarf. I've worn this scarf for years now, everyone knows it's mine. I want you to have the scarf because I want you to wear it." Blair beamed up at him as Chuck wound the scarf around her neck and kissed her softly on the lips. "I want everyone to know that we belong together, that you're mine. And I'm yours."
They spent the rest of the night celebrating in their own way.
The next morning, after Blair had walked Chuck to the elevator and kissed him goodbye, she held the scarf in her hands and for the first time since she had sewn her heart pendant to it, she glanced at it. She ran the pendant between her fingers and was slightly surprised when it felt rough, rather than the smooth texture she remembered. After further investigation, she found the words, "I love you. Forever. C" engraved on the heart. Her heart sped up and tears came to her eyes. Seeing those four words meant more and said more to her than hearing them ever could.
As Blair relived the precious memory she placed the scarf once again over her mouth and let out a muffled sob. She missed him, but she didn't love him anymore, she couldn't love him anymore. She hated him. She hated the way he had treated her for the past three years, she hated him for all of the times he hurt her, she hated him for turning her into the person she'd become. Most of all she hated him because she just couldn't bring herself to hate him, and that hurt most of all. She picked herself up from the floor and walked the few steps to her queen size bed. She reached to her bedside table and picked up her phone, turning it over and over in her small, delicate hands.
Reaching for the phone cause, I can't fight it any more.
She struggled with her emotions. She would dial his number and quickly erase it. She hit number one on her speed dial and pressed "end" before the ringing began.
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind.
This bed itself held too many memories of him. She wished she could gather up all of the things that reminded her of him and burn it all. She'd find comfort and closure in the warmth as it hit her skin and then she'd never have to worry about crying over him again. She'd have to re-think her bonfire though. If she watched everything in the world that reminded her of Chuck go up in flames, she'd have nothing, absolutely nothing, because her world was Chuck…or at least it had been.
For me it happens all the time.
In a moment of weakness, she dialed that familiar number once again and she waited through all of the rings until finally his voicemail picked up. She sobbed even louder listening to his voice on the other end. She heard the resounding beep and took a deep breath.
It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now.
I said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now.
And I don't know how I can do without, I just need you now.
Blair hung up the phone and cried a little harder for the pain she couldn't control and the love she didn't have. She gathered the scarf into her hands, pressed it to her chest, and she lay in her bed and she cried.
Another shot of whiskey, can't stop looking at the door.
Chuck sat at the palace bar, a shot glass in his hand. He'd already had a few too many, but he lifted his hand to the bartender and ordered another. He relished the burn as the cold liquid flowed down his throat. After downing his fourth shot, he shook his head as the burn set in. He ordered another without hesitation. He'd tried to drown his sorrows over losing Blair in Eva, but even that proved to be unsuccessful. Now all he had left was this hotel, the one reminder of everything he had ruined with Blair. Sleeping with Amelia and leaving Blair to fly to Tuscany alone. His uncle. Jenny. Everything bad that had happened to them had happened in this very hotel. He downed another shot to rid him of the memories.
Wishing you'd come sweeping in the way you did before.
Chuck smiled remembering one of the very first memories of his intimate relationship with Blair. It was one of the following days after they had had sex for the first time in the back of his limo and Chuck had vowed that if Blair wouldn't be with him, she could be with no one. That day he had been sitting in his suite at the palace drinking his scotch, when the door burst open and an infuriated looking Blair Waldorf barged in.
Chuck smirked at her, "Waldorf."
"Bass, I hate you. The other night meant absolutely nothing to either of us, why in the hell are you trying to sabotage my relationship with Nate?"
Chuck smirked at her words, "Tsk tsk, Blair. That is where you are wrong. I quite enjoyed our little rendezvous in the back of my limo the other night. And by the way you were screaming my name; I'd venture to say that you enjoyed it too."
"You're disgusting, Chuck." With that Blair turned to leave but before she could reach the door Chuck was on his feet and had grabbed Blair's wrist. He quickly spun her around and pushed her back roughly against the door. He stared into her eyes and then crashed his lips to hers. She fought weakly against him for a few seconds until stopping all together and melting into his lips and embrace. It wasn't long until he brought his hands down to the backs of her thighs and encouraged her to wrap her legs around his waist. She quickly jumped and wrapped herself around him. He then carried her to his bedroom, lips never leaving one another's and both kicking their shoes off on the way.
After a few hours, when Blair had thought Chuck was finally asleep, she quietly walked around the room gathering her belongings. Unbeknownst to her, Chuck lie wide awake, watching her get dressed. She jumped when he called her name before she left his bedroom. She looked over at him, "Chuck, I thought you were asleep."
He only shook his head, "You know you don't have to leave, Blair."
She responded with a scoff, "Yeah? And what else would you suggest I do, Chuck? Stay and cuddle?"
"That wasn't the word I was going to use, but yeah. Feel free to stay and 'cuddle,' Blair" he replied with a smirk and a suggestive wink.
She left him with an eye roll and a, "You're disgusting, Bass" thrown over her retreating shoulder.
He laid in bed that night thinking that something must be wrong with him because Chuck Bass never asks a girl to stay, and Chuck Bass certainly does not cuddle.
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind.
He'd only declared war to find out if she still loved him. Scheming and manipulating had always been their thing. But, she had yet to fight back, so he was beginning to believe there was no future for them. What he wouldn't give to hold her in his arms one last time.
For me it happens all the time.
Chuck picked up his phone from the bar, seeing he had one new voicemail. He ignored it; she wouldn't have called him anyway. He figured she wouldn't pick up if he called right now, it was late, and she was probably sleeping. He dialed the only seven numbers he knew by heart and waited through the rings. He figured he'd hang up right after he heard her voice recording. When he finally heard her voice, he found himself taking a deep breath.
It's a quarter after one, I'm a little drunk and I need you now.
I said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now.
And I don't know how I can do without, I just need you now.
Blair shakily got up from her bed and headed to the bathroom. She pulled a hair tie from one of the drawers and turned the faucet. She stared at the running water, somehow finding the fluidity of the water mildly irritating. She sighed, tied her hair back and knelt by the toilet. Staring down at the calmness of the water, she thought about just how long it had been since she had made herself sick.
I guess I'd rather hurt than feel nothing at all.
Chuck stumbled out of the palace front doors and ordered Arthur, his driver to take him to Blair's penthouse. Sure, he was drunk, but once and for all he was going to win this war. The ride up to Blair's penthouse was not nearly long enough, because when the doors opened, Chuck found himself still not knowing what he was going to say. What he was going to do.
Looking around downstairs, Chuck did not find Blair, so he quietly walked up the stairs. He concluded that she must be sleeping because every light in the house was off. He sighed in relief; he'd be content just watching her sleep. He'd watch her sleep for an hour or so, and then he would sneak out, she'd never know. He was surprised when he found her bedroom door wide open and the light off. His eyes quickly went to her bed, not finding her there, his eyes searched around her room. They finally landed on a small line of light escaping beneath the closed bathroom door.
His heart immediately sped as he hurried to press his ear to the white door. A million thoughts raced through his head. It had been so long since Blair had had an episode, since she had promised both herself and Chuck that she would never again put a finger down her throat to induce vomiting. The worst case scenario instantly came to mind and he pictured her kneeling beside the toilet, fingers down her throat, believing she would never be good enough. What he heard was possibly even worse than vomiting. Blair was crying, no she was sobbing. Chuck stood there leaning against the door, not really knowing what to do. He now felt entirely sober which broke down the iron cage he'd built around his heart. In that moment, he allowed himself to face reality. He loved this girl. He loved Blair, and he would do absolutely anything in his power to make her his again. Taking a deep breath, he placed his hand on the door knob and turned it.
Blair's eyes immediately met his. His heart broke at the sight before him. Makeup staining her precious cheeks, hair matted back in a pony tail, fresh tears falling from her beautiful eyes. He silently said a prayer of thanks to whoever was out there as his eyes shot towards the toilet. No puke.
He rushed to her side, picking her frail body up from the tile floor and cradling her to his chest. As he carried her to her bed, he silently kissed the fallen tears from her cheeks and set her down beneath the covers. He then removed his shoes and jacket, pulled back the blanket, and crawled into Blair's bed. He immediately enveloped her in his arms and tucked her head into his shoulder. He untied her hair and began smoothing it back from her face, quieting her cries. He placed a single kiss to her forehead and just held her.
Having Chuck next to her sent Blair's heart racing. She basked in the comfort that only his arms could bring and as her sobs began to subside she brought her eyes up to meet his. She opened her mouth to speak but was met with Chuck's finger against her mouth, stopping her.
Chuck grabbed Blair's hand and placed it to his chest. "I've hurt you so many times, and I know that it will be one of the hardest things that you ever do to forgive me, let alone me forgiving myself. But, I love you Blair. You are the first, last, and only woman I will ever love, so even if it takes the rest of my life for you to forgive me, I'll do it. I will earn back your trust. I will earn back your love, but until then, please know that I love you, I never stopped."
Blair smiled with eyes full of tears as she shyly nodded her head. She closed her eyes as Chuck's thumb met her cheek in another attempt to dry her tears. He spread his palm over her cheek and gently ran the pad of his thumb back and forth. His eyes grew in surprise when she brought her small hand and placed it over his much larger one, leaning into his touch.
She smiled as she whispered, "I love you. Forever."
It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now.
And I said I wouldn't call, but I'm a little drunk and I need you now.
And I don't know how I can do without, I just need you now.
I just need you now.
Oh baby I need you now.