A/N: This took me forever. I hate Amy.

Pride and Envy

She always had been terribly envious of Mort. Just being around him was horrible for her; he always seemed to have a certain air of confidence about him that she had never been able to duplicate. He didn't seem like anyone special in normal circumstances-certainly not when he was talking-but when he was writing, it seemed as though he was a completely different person. A person who couldn't care less about her feelings, her life, her heart or her ambitions… But she envied him anyway.

The reason for the divorce had been pride. She had wanted to tell Mort about Ted, but she wouldn't let herself. She felt, for once, that she was finally better than Mort. She finally knew something that could completely tear his life apart, and she wasn't about to reveal it that casually: "Oh, Mort, I forgot to tell you before; I've been fucking another man!" She wanted to wait for the right moment, the moment that would completely crush him like he had been crushing and strangling and drowning her all of those long, long years. She wanted to hurt him so badly that he would come begging for forgiveness, crying and disheveled, finally leaving his notebook and pen behind. And she would grant him that forgiveness, she had always told herself. She would allow him to move back in and kick Ted to the curb if only he would stop writing. His stories were his mistresses and Amy had always been second-best.

Ted, she knew, was an extraordinarily lackluster person. He couldn't sit down at his computer and create or destroy fantastic worlds or dystopias with only a few keystrokes like Mort could, but Amy appreciated that. For once, a relationship of hers wasn't founded on pride and envy, and she reveled in this. Ted was completely on her level, completely tame, completely cultivated. Completely boring. Just the type of person that Mort hates, Amy would tell herself with a sinisterly-satisfied smile. Just the type of person that Mort would never expect to see me with. Just the type of person that I would never fall in love with, ever. But Ted was different and Ted was mediocre and Ted was safe, and that was all that mattered.

-&-

"Mort?"

"Yeah?"

"You never talk to me anymore."

"Hmmm?"

"We haven't talked in weeks, Mort; do you still love me?"

"What? Oh, of course I do."

"What did I just say?"

"I don't know."

"I'm not surprised."

(the end)