The Office: An American crime scene

Rating: K+

Premise: Someone has murdered Charles Miner in The Warehouse, and everyone has a motive. Was it Michael? Dwight? Jim? Pam? Erin? Kelly? Ryan? Darryl? The following passages are talking head interviews from all possible suspects surrounding Charles Miner's murder. The interviews are conducted by newly appointed NYPD D.I and former Dunder Mifflin employee, Jan Levenson.

Chapter 1: Darryl's Discovery.

Jan: Tell me how you found the body and how you felt upon discovery?

Darryl: It was surreal, when I found him there, just lying on the stone cold floor, lifeless, breathless, with blood pouring out of his head by the gallon load. The same floor that was once shared by my fellow warehouse workers, so much joy, that was once shared on this floor, destroyed, crumbled into a million pieces. It makes me sad knowing that someone who I once worked with could be so selfish to take someone's life, and take lots of people's joy.

When I saw him, he was lying face-down, with blood pouring out the back of his head, so I suspect that he was struck with a blunt object from the back.

Darryl starts getting noticeably sweaty and tears start streaming down his face, showing obvious discomfort.

Jan: Do you know of any possible blunt objects in the warehouse at the time that was small enough to leave a dent in Charles Miner's skull but blunt enough to kill him?

Darryl: What kind of question is that? The most harmful object we have in our warehouse is a box of paper, why the hell would I know about any murder weapon?

Jan: It was just a simple question, Mr. Philbin, please calm down. Were you very close to Charles Miner?

Darryl: Not really, I know that he was hired as a new vice president of sales in the north-east region, so he was an Office worker, and I don't really hang around with those kinda people.

Jan:(looking concerned) …So you didn't get along very well?

Darryl: No! No! We didn't not get along either. I just never spoke to him, it's how it works with everyone in The Office, Michael, Oscar, Pam, even the douche in the sweater-vest who is ALWAYS singing.

Jan: That's odd, when I worked at Dunder Mifflin, I was always respected and popular among the warehouse staff.

Darryl looks at the camera looking confused.

Jan: But anyway, let's get back on subject, I understand you have a close relationship with, James Halpert, often referred to as Jim, correct?

Darryl: Well our friendship was a bit rocky when he tried stealing Pam off Roy, but when we went out for a beer, he's cool. So yeah, I guess you could call us friends.

Jan: And what about Toby Flenderson, the HR representative?

Darryl: Kind of a strange dude, but he brought a doll for his daughter off me for $400, so he seems pretty cool.

Jan: I also understand you had a romantic relationship with the customer service representative, Miss. Kelly Kapoor, from October 2007 till November 2008, correct? Would you mind telling me about it?

Darryl: That is correct, Um, kinda weird request, but sure. I don't think Kelly ever thought of our relationship as anything serious, and used me to make her ex, Ryan Howard, jealous. But whenever I blew her off to spend time with my daughter, Jada, she would go crazy.

Jan: Well, she seems to differ. According to a close source, when she was asked about your 13-month relationship, we have on record as to her saying "Oh my god, Darryl Philbin is sooo hot! We have so much chemistry and we are not only the hottest couple in Scranton, but probably in America, even hotter than J Lo & Marc Anthony, Beyonce & Jay-Z, even THE OBAMAS!"

Darryl begins getting even more sweaty and nervous and becomes very defensive.

Jan: Now, according to our criminal record of you, you have a history of gang violence, correct?

Darryl:...Uh...Well...Yeah, that was a...uh... yeah, but why does any of this even matter!? Are you accusing me of the murder? it wasn't me. How dare you assume that of me!

Darryl looks down in shame knowing he has done something wrong, and Jan looks from the other side of the table, looking extremely smug.

Jan: Mr. Philbin, in this interview, you have contradicted yourself by saying you have no relations with any office workers, when you openly admit you are friends with two of them and had a (Jan picks up the tape recorder and emphasises) 13-month relationship with an Office worker, you have a history of violence, and killing someone who your ex-girlfriend is openly interested in makes perfect sense with someone of your aggression and anger. There was no security footage at this moment, and as you are the foreman, you must be responsible in some capacity. So that leaves me with no other option to keep you in custody until more evidence emerges.

Darryl openly breaks down in shame and disappointment and is then escorted to his cell. As he is walking down the hall, he sees his daughter walking round the corner to visit her grandmother in prison, he shouts her name and she soon recognises his voice and immediately runs towards him, but Justine, Jada's mom, soon grabs her and takes her away. She quietly whispers in Jada's ear what her father is in here for, and her face drops. She takes one more look at Darryl in disgust over how he could do such a thing, and continues to walk around the corner. Darryl is then last seen being locked up, and Jan erratically yelling at someone "Bring the next target in..."