Bodhi Day, Shattering Realization
Perfection is all I wanted. I wanted to be the one that shone above the others. I know what I've become. I know how I died.
District One is very overrated. We do have luxuries unknown to the other districts, but do we have forests like Districts Twelve and Seven? No. Glistening seas like District 4? No. Endless fields of crops like Eleven and Nine? No. Looming mountains like Two? No. Overloads of glamour and comfort? Absolutely. I woke up on a soft bed, brushed my teeth, ate a filling breakfast, went to school in my clean clothes, took notes on white paper, went home, ate a snack, had dinner, and went to bed every day. The think, tink, tink of the stonecutters was engraved in my mind.
I hated myself for a long time. I hated stonecutting because of the incessant noise. Cosmetology wasn't my forte. Fashion and style? Forget it. To be completely honest, I started out as a failure. Not a nice title, huh? Many people think of comfort and happiness when they think of District One. I think it's worse, in a way. Beauty makes us believe in perfection, and perfection is only the most beautiful image we can conjure in our minds.
Want to know the truth about perfection?
Perfection isn't an image, it's a belief. Anything less than stunning is just okay. If you tear a dress, you'll be in your room crying because of the vicious remarks of others. It burns like a fire that can't be contained. I chose to chase perfection.
One Monday, I was walking home from school. Not too exciting, right? A few boys stopped me, taunted me, the usual. My mind split in two. I wanted to be perfect. The boys were just… a disturbance.
One boy got a broken nose. Another received a twisted ankle. The last one got a few broken ribs. What was I thinking? What did I mean? Then I came to a horrible thought stashed away in the back of my brain.
I wanted to be like this.
I wanted to be the best. I wanted to be the victor that they'd be talking about for a hundred years. I was only seven, but I walked right up to the trainers at the training center and asked for a spot. I couldn't contain myself. Without realizing it, I had shattered myself. I had killed myself.
I know I'm being confusing. Don't worry. You don't have to be perfect to understand perfection.