I wake up from a nightmare only to find that today will be one, long, torturing nightmare. The only difference now between my nightmares when I am asleep and when I am awake is that when I am asleep, they are not real and I always look forward to waking up from them. But the thing about reality is that I have no way to wake up from the living nightmares because they are real.

I stare up at the ceiling and put together a list of activities my living nightmare will take me through today. Unfortunately, I have a killer headache and my brain is foggy from crying last night so the main thing that will happen today pops out in my brain. I am going to a funeral.

I tilt my head to the side to see what the weather is like today and see that it is pouring buckets outside with an occasional small boom of thunder. I find really ironic that it is raining outside because in every single movie that I have seen that has a funeral in it, the weather is always the same. It is always raining.

As I lay my head back down on my soft pillow, I remember one time on a rainy day when my father got permission to bring me to work with him. He was so giddy and excited that day because he had been waiting close to a year for the ok from his boss to bring me down to the mines with him. My father could not wait to show me all of the fascinating gems that he had found so many months before. I had never seen my father this excited before in a long time, so when I saw him like this, I was so happy for him. On the way to the work site, my excitement grew more and more because just like my father, I also had a fascination for gems. When we got to the site, my father and I were so excited that we literally skipped with our arms linked together to the floor were he worked. When we got there, he got on his knees and opened a slightly dusty box. My eye widened in admiration at the four glistening gems that sat before me. He explained them all one by one to me and each on I adored. But my absolute favorite gem was a foggy clear color and about the size of a golf ball. But what I admired about it so much was that if you looked at it on the right angle, it looked the shape of a heart. That night when he came home, he snuck into my room when I was fast asleep, and put my favorite gem on my dresser.

To this very day I still have no idea how he got the gem out of the mines. But over the years I have come up with three ideas on how he might have gotten it. He either one, bought it from his boss which is completely out of the question. Two, his boss gave it to him which I don't believe because on certain days he would come home upset and mad and started ranting at the dinner table about how awful his boss was. Or three, he stole it. And no matter how many times I run the scenario through my head that is the conclusion I always come to. Ever since that night I still have the gem safely hidden in my dresser.

I sit up in my bed and look at my alarm clock on my bedside table. Ugh. Ten-thirty. I think to myself. I have no urge to get up at all. But I might as well go down stairs because the funeral starts at eleven.

My eyes are stinging and puffy from all of the sobs I had cried last night with the remaining members of my family. My younger sister Prim, was the most upset. She didn't believe what had happened at first, she denied it and then started screaming and demanding us tell her were our missing family member really was. We all took it pretty hard last night but my mother was the one who completely shut down. After we had all heard the news of what had happened, she went upstairs to her room and went to bed. I had no idea what to do, so my first instinct was to go up to my mothers room go over to her bed and tell her to pull it together for Prim. But when I did this, she just stared into the abyss and totally ignored me.

I walk downstairs and poor myself some water. I haven't eaten since yesterday and I simply don't have an appetite.

I had thought that I was the only one awake, but when I am about to sit on the couch, I see my little sister sitting on the recliner chair across from me. She sobs silently sitting there by herself grasping a family photo and staring at it and stroking the person in the picture that is gone out of our lives for forever.

"Prim." I call softly from the couch. "Prim come here."

She silently starts to get up from the chair and starts to walk over here. When she is about a foot from me, she starts to sob out loud. She jumps onto the couch and curls up next to me. I hate seeing my sister like this, so when she starts to speak I cry with her.

She looks up at me, eyes puffy and asks, "Why is he gone Katniss?"

"I really don't know Prim. One thing I do know is that he is safe and sound up in heaven." I answer while brushing a strand of her hair out of her face.

"Our family was so p- perfect. And know its broken!" She throws the photo against the wall and puts her head on my chest.

"I miss him."

"I know. I do too." I know start to stoke her hair and try to get her to calm down, but it is almost impossible because It is so hard to calm myself down. After about ten minutes of holding her and stroking her hair, I say

"Prim you have to stop crying now. We need to go get dressed for the funeral."

"What about mom?"

"I am going to go and try to get her up. But I doubt she is going to come."

"Can you tell her that I really want her too?"

"Sure."

I slowly coo Prim up the stairs and into her room. I help her pick out an outfit, and the go into my mothers room. I wake her up with a soft shake on the shoulder. When she opens her eyes, she stares at me so intensely that I feel like she is staring right through me.

"Mom." I say. She doesn't reply.

"Mom…"

"Mom!" I am on my knees know squeezing her hand.

"Mom say something Please! Anything!" I am screaming at her know, and the response I get is,

"What do you want?"

She says this so harshly it hurts. So I return my response just as harsh.

"Get up. The funeral is today."

"I am not going."

"Yes you are!" I say ripping the covers off of her body.

After I have done this, she just totally ignores me to the point of tears. Then I just cant take the abandonment anymore so I just leave her there and go to my fathers funeral with my sister, Alone.