Disclaimer: This story was only written for entertainment purposes and is in no way making any money here or anywhere on the net. All characters belong to J.M. Barrie. Story comes from the Movie verse of the 2003 release of Peter Pan starring Jeremy Sumpter and Rachel Hurd-Wood.
The Secrets We Keep
"But I was not to see Peter Pan again. Now I tell his story to my children and they will tell it to their children and so it will go on. For all children grow up, except one."
As I sit here and watch my dear husband draw his last remaining breathes I wonder if he ever felt regret. Holding my hand, full of reassurance and support, I see him smile up at me from the bed. Even in his last moments he needs me pressed against him. We've been through things that only ones who were married could understand. I fully realized and understood those words that my mother had told me when I was little about being brave in a different kind of way. Brave in the sense that you could sacrifice your dreams for your family. I would take my dreams out of my drawer and looked at them a long time. Most times I felt as if I couldn't bear to have them hidden any longer. Then thoughts of my children and my husband replace the dreams and I put them away again. Nothing hurts more than having to put aside one's dreams, but it is what we must do for the sake of those we love.
My dreams always went back to one person and all the things that he represented: youth, innocence, energy and life. He had taken me to a world that I had only thought real in my imagination. It felt as if I were transported into a book and saw everything through a fictional character. But the place was real, he was real. He taught me to fly, to fight and he exposed me to feelings I never thought of having. I don't think he had been expecting to feel for me either on that fateful night in the nursery. We were but children, with no cares and no worries. I picture him now, flying through the clouds, the wind blowing through his hair. That knowing smile on his lips as he laughed in the face of everything. He knew no fear and he knew no unhappy thoughts. I loved him then and I always will.
My life will end soon, just as my husband's will tonight. The thought brings tears to my eyes and my mind starts to reflect on all the things that have happened in my life and his. The lives of my many brothers and their children all ran through my head. I had kept my promise; that I would tell Peter's story to them all and I have. His story is their favorite. For who could resist the grand adventures of a boy that would never grow up. A boy who could fly and who could defeat pirates.
I was not a young bride, much to the dismay of my aunt and parents. I knew I was not ready. My heart already belonged to a boy who would never grow up and had probably forgotten me. I kept the 'kiss' that he gave me around my neck as a constant reminder that he was real. I had not imagined him. Though it was hard to forget since I had gained five additional brothers and a cousin since that adventure. My life was filled with boys and I had no wish to add another to the list.
Patrick and I met when I was approaching my twenty fourth birthday. I had been rushed to a boutique to pick up a new hat for mother. She was told it was of the latest fashion and had wanted me to have it for an engagement we had that night. The box was bigger than I had expected and carrying it was a bit of a challenge. I was too distracted as I was walking along the streets that I did not notice that I would crash right into someone. With an unnatural grace, he managed to catch the hat box from my hands and catch me before I fell to the floor. Before I knew it, I was face to face with dark blue eyes. I gasped, despite my lady like training and gaped at him. It was almost as if I knew him already.
As I did with every man that I ever encountered, I compared him to Peter. His features were different but his eyes were similar. There was a sparkle and a softness in them that I felt drawn to. He merely smiled at me shyly and helped me stand on my own.
"I apologize for my clumsiness sir," I said as I tried to brush off my embarrassment. "I had not seen you approaching."
I nearly gaped at him again with how his smile seemed to light up his entire face. It was like he was sharing a secret with me that nobody else knew about. I couldn't help but smile back.
"No need for apologizes my Lady," he answered tipping his hat.
"Do I know you sir?" I asked feebly. "I feel as if we have met before."
He merely smiled at me again. "I cannot be sure," he answered looking back down in the box I had nearly dropped on him. "Allow me to walk you home?"
As I could have easily guessed, Patrick was a hit with my family. The boys took a bit longer to warm up to him. I smile at the trouble they gave him. As for myself, I saw in Patrick something that I had not thought I could feel again. I watched him carefully whenever we were together. I waited for him to slip and have me think lesser of him. At first it was to measure him up to Peter and then it seemed to turn into something else entirely. I knew that whatever this feeling was, it was becoming stronger than any of my feelings were for Peter. Patrick had all the qualities that I did not think possible in a man. Peter showed some of these but not them all. Peter would never grow up, Patrick had and would continue. Acceptance from my family was nothing that Patrick ever worried about however, he was worried about mine.
A warm smile comes to my lips whenever I think of what it was that made me and the boys realize that Patrick was different from the rest. Though I had refused to marry, that did not mean that my family did not try to fix me up. There were many suitors who came to our happy home but would leave when they realized I had no interest. It never took them very long. The others had never expressed an interest in hearing any of my stories of Peter Pan. I guess they felt somewhat intimidated by him. One suitor had mentioned to me that there was something about the way my eyes lit up at the mention of Peter's name while I told the story that unsettled him. A lady who fell in love with a fictional character would not make a suitable wife, it seems.
That was what made Patrick so different. He absolutely loved my stories about Peter. He would sit in a chair while the boys all crowded on the floor around me. I would watch the way he watched me. It wasn't a look of horror or distaste, but one of genuine admiration and respect. He told me that my story telling was what made me all the more special to him. I never believed that he realized that Peter was, indeed, a real person. Maybe that was why I never saw that he felt as if he had to compare with him. I found myself trying not to smile whenever I told his stories.
"Wendy," said Patrick out of the blue one day while we walked through the park. "Maybe it would have been best if you had stayed with Peter in Neverland."
I thought he was angry with me, but the look in his eyes was teasing and full of mischief. "Of course," he had added, "That would mean that I could not have you as I do now." Slowly and almost unsure of himself, he brought his hand and gently cradled my cheek. "I do not think I could have been this happy if you had stayed."
"You would have found a proper young lady who would make you proud during parties with her wit," I had answered trying to make the conversation light.
"I would not have been able to bear it," he said honestly. I watched him as he sighed sadly and took his hand away from my face. His bright blue eyes looked back up at mine. "Would it be incredibly selfish of me if I asked you to become my wife, Wendy?"
The night before I was to marry Patrick, was the worst night of my life. The thought had never really registered in my head until I was trying on my wedding dress that night. My mother commented on how lovely a lady I had grown up to be and was now marrying a man. Maybe it was the way she had pronounced the word, man. I felt a sudden chill. Feelings of regret and betrayal crossed my mind and the more I thought of Peter the more evil I felt. I had betrayed Peter. I had promised my secret kiss to Peter and I was going to marry someone else. A panicking feeling took hold of me and I felt resolved to call the wedding off.
With my mother and brothers gone from my room, I walked over to the window. I never locked it, just in case Peter would, someday come back. True, I had not lived in the nursery for sometime, but I knew that if he ever came, that he would find me. I sat at the open window and stared out to the sky. A star flew across it and my eyes followed it. My hand went around the 'kiss' around my neck. It was so long ago that I left London for Neverland. I was so ready to grow up and become a woman. Now that I was grown, I was not so sure I had made the right decision. Feelings were complicated, especially mine for Patrick. Though I knew that I loved him, I could not let go of Peter. I loved Peter and there was no replacing him in my heart.
Tears ran down my face as I stared up at the stars in agony and grief. I rose from the chair and stood in the window. What a position I had put myself in. I was to marry a man, but loving a boy.
"Forget him Wendy," a voice said softly towards me. It seemed to be carried by the wind. "Forget him and leave him behind."
I turned my head to see a silhouette of someone floating near my window. The moon was behind his head and he was too far to get a good look at.
"Forget him and everyone else," he whispered towards me. "Fly away with me."
The voice. The boy had come back and was beckoning me to follow. A moment of sheer happiness rose in me, despite my recent tears. I stepped forward with my head full of happy thoughts. Fairy dust sprinkled down on me from an unseen source and I nearly flung myself from the window. But I stopped. The smile frozen on my face.
"Wendy?"
"No," I said shaking my head. "I cannot go with you."
"Why?" he asked softly but did not come closer. I still could not see his face.
A sad smile spread across my face. "I have grown up," I confessed. "My time has passed. But you will never be forgotten. Your story will be told and never ignored."
He seemed to think this over and I could almost see his expression fall. "Husband," I faintly heard him say. "I shall never forget."
I went to sleep crying and awoke with a different feeling. My feelings of betrayal were no longer there. I was not entirely happy but I was resigned to my fate. I would marry Patrick and move on with my life, but I would never forget about Peter Pan. That was the one promise I would keep til the end of my days.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Wendy."
Patrick's voice breaks me out of my revelry and I blink a few times before I return his gaze. My heart breaks to hear how difficult it is becoming for him to breathe. My tear filled eyes smile down at him and I squeeze his hand.
"What is it my Love?" I ask trying to sound cheerful.
"Life," he said softly. "Was an awfully big adventure."
"You think so?" I ask, unable to stop the tears from falling.
"It's been a long game."
"All a game that we must play," I agree.
"Not as hard as mine has been," he said. Despite his pain he grinned up at me, as if he had a secret he had never told me.
I frown, confused. "Was life with me so hard?"
Slowly he shook his head. "How does Peter's story end, Wendy? What happened to Peter after you decided to grow up?"
"He went back to the Neverland, where he stays forever young and never grows up."
Patrick shook his head. I start to wonder if his condition has taken his wits.
"With his hidden kiss," finished Patrick. He fumbled a little and brought his hand out to show me a worn old thimble.
I watch him, too stunned to reply.
"I was told once," he said as his breathing became more shaky. "That I would be replaced by...husband."
I stared at him dumbfounded.
"I was replaced," he said. "Peter was replaced by Patrick."
My heart stopped as I continued to look at him. "Pppeter?" I say as I am about to faint.
"I had to know."
"Know what?"
"That you would love me if I were a man and not a man that was Peter Pan."
"Silly boy," I say louder than I expect. "All this time. All this time Peter and you never told me?"
He grinned again. "It started as a hard and challenging adventure," he explained.
"Always looking for an adventure," I muse. "So you wait to hurt me before you die? You leave me again when I finally know that I had always had you with me?"
"Who said anything about leaving you?"
I look down at his confused face.
"I'm only going slightly ahead to make the way for you, mother."
Despite my emotions, I can't help but smile at this. He was the same in so many ways. Why had I not seen it all before?
"The boys were easier to fool but I needed their help to win you," he said suddenly.
"How long have they known?"
"How do you think I got them to finally be nice to me?" he asked grinning again but his grin wasn't as bright. I could almost see his light going out behind his face. It terrified me. He held back a cough and slowly brought his hand up to touch my lips. "There is only one thing that I never knew."
"What was it?" I asked. "When it seems you know everything," I teased.
"Did Patrick ever have the secret kiss?" he asked seriously.
This time I laugh as I shake my head. I bent down and kissed him lightly on the lips. "That, father, will be my own secret from you."
Peter frowned up at me and it was my turn to grin. I saw him give a weak shrug as he returned my grin. Then his eyes changed. It was almost as if he wasn't sure about what he was going to say next. "Will you come with me on my next adventure, Wendy?" he asked timidly.
"Always," I answer immediately. There was no place he would go that I would not follow.
"Only this time, the adventure never ends."
"Never, is an awfully long time," I respond smiling, tears falling from my face.
He grinned up at me. "To die is an awfully big adventure," he said, his breathing lessening. His eyes saddened slightly. "You were right. You always are."
"About?" I ask trying to keep my shaky breath still.
"There was so much more," he said. "And I have you to thank."
I try to smile through my tears.
"One girl is worth twenty boys," he said. "One Wendy is worth more than any girl."
"You, really think so?" I asked almost blushing.
He smiled at me and me and nodded. "Wendy? How does Peter's story end?" he asked again.
"He's in Neverland and waits for his Wendy to come for spring cleaning. There he stays forever young and every day is an adventure."
My tears fall upon his cheeks as he closes his eyes slowly. The scene before me now reminded me of when Hook had almost killed Peter. He had looked me in the eye with that sad smile on his face, almost like a parting look. Then he turned his head straight to face death and smiled. Even in death, he laughed. I could almost hear his laughter in the wind as I cried. There was so much I had wanted to ask him. So many things that I had wanted to tell him. But I realized that there was no need right now. He was waiting for me, so we could start a new adventure.
The end.
Author's Notes: I made up this story as a way to comfort my sisters from the fact that Peter and Wendy are not together in the end. I hope you enjoyed reading it as I enjoyed writing it.