He wasn't moving, but Kylo Ren felt like everything was whirling around him like some fucked up, nightmarish carrousel. G-d he was going to vomit again. He squeezed his eyes shut and tried to keep from hurling, but with little success. He turned his head to the side and more puke joined the growing pool around him, though frankly he wasn't sure that the vomit was the worst thing surrounding him.
"Get up."
His eyes flickered open. The figure before him, blurry at first, sharpened after a few moments, and Kylo found himself staring up at Rey. Beautiful and perfect and… incredibly pissed.
"Get. Up."
Kylo groaned in lieu of a response.
She tsked. "You're such a baby. If you can't handle your liquor, don't drink so much."
Kylo Ren rolled his eyes, but that just made him more dizzy. Clenching his muscles, he waited for the wave of nausea to pass. He really didn't want to vomit in front of Rey again. He relaxed only when his stomach calmed without spewing its contents all over the alley floor.
"Come on." He felt gentle but firm hands grip him by the forearms and pull him up. He was surprised she would willingly touch him, he was covered in vomit and the filthy shit (which he sincerely hoped was not actually feces) that littered the ground. He looked at her as she pulled him to his feet. Her brow was knitted in frustration with perhaps a touch of concern. It was more than he deserved. "Take off the jacket."
"What?" His voice was thick.
"He speaks! Finally." Her voice held little humor, though the slightest of grins touched the corners of her lips. "Your jacket is covered in puke and it smells atrocious. Take it off."
"But I…" His protests died off as she helped him shrug it off and he saw his jacket's wretched state. It looked absolutely disgusting and smelled even worse. Sighing, he allowed the jacket to fall to his feet. "I guess you're right."
"I usually am," Rey pulled him forward, "Come on."
"Where are we going?"
"To get you cleaned up." She led the two of them out of the alley. Surprisingly, it was fairly empty, though Kylo supposed even cities became dead this late at night. Or this early in the morning? What time is it?
"4:00 AM." Kylo blinked. He hadn't realized he'd spoken out loud. He looked down at Rey, but she was focused on their surroundings. Probably for the best, there were still some people out and about, and he supposed none of them would appreciate being bumped into by a tall, stumbling drunk dude.
It occurred to him how ridiculous the pair of them must look. Rey wasn't that short, but he was practically a giant next to her and needless to say, there was no comfortable way for Rey to help support him while he staggered along beside her.
"Sit here for a second," She said as she helped him sit down on a bench in front of a 711.
"Okay," he muttered, not feeling particularly motivated to argue. He leaned back against the wooden bench. He felt fucking awful. He never should have let Hux convince him into taking all those shots. Don't be such a fucking baby, Hux had said as he thrust another shot glass into Kylo's hand. You'll be fine. Kylo had paused just for a moment before downing it. Big fucking mistake.
He wasn't really sure how he had ended up in that alley. He remembered noticing that Hux and Phasma were gone, and he also remembered texting Rey, but that was it.
He was pulled from his thoughts when he noticed Rey talking to Poe Dameron from inside the 711. From the skeptical looks he shot Kylo's way, he got the distinct impression that Poe didn't improve of her helping him. He couldn't say he blamed him. It wasn't as though Kylo had a particularly good reputation. He and his friends were known for hitting parties more than their books and for giving zero shits about anyone or anything, and while Kylo didn't think that was an accurate description of himself (his 3.7 GPA wasn't earned lazing around all day), he understood why people believed it. It certainly was true for Hux and Phasma. Kylo had no idea how they hadn't flunked out of college yet or if they really gave a damn about anyone besides each other. Hell, he still wasn't sure if they actually enjoyed each other's company or just tolerated the other's presence.
Bells chimed as the 711 doors opened, pulling him from his thoughts. "I'll see you later, Poe."
"Bye, let me know if you need anything," he gave Kylo one last glower before leaving the two alone again.
"Drink this," Rey shoved a large, red slurpee into his hands. He raised a brow at her. "What? Did I get the wrong flavor?"
"No, you remembered right," he hesitated before taking a long drink.
"Still immune to brain freeze I see," Rey laughed, taking a sip from her own blue slurpee.
He chuckled. "So it would appear. I haven't had a slurpee since…"
"High school?"
"Yeah."
The two of them used to ride their bikes to the local 711 and have slurpees while watching the sunset. They used to talk about all their problems, their hopes, their dreams, pretty much everything. Their sunset vent sessions had kept him afloat when the storm that was his homelife threatened to pull him under. Thinking about it made Rey's absence in his life deepen from an ache to a sharp pain, like picking a long healed scab.
"So, you want to tell me what happened?" Rey looked expectantly at him.
Not really. He took a longer than necessary drink. "There isn't much to tell. I was out with Hux and Phasma, drank too much, and ended up in the alley."
"What a shocking turn of events." Sarcasm dripped from each word.
He heaved a sigh and stared down at his drink.
"I know you don't want to hear this again, but I really think that your friends are kind of the worst."
He swirled the contents of his drink, already half-melted, rather than trying to defend his friends. These days, it was getting harder and harder.
"Look at me, Ben."
If it had been anyone else, he would have cursed them out for calling him that, but with Rey it didn't bother him as much. That's what she had always called him, and it would be strange for her to call him by any other name.
"You deserve better than this. What are you trying to prove by staying friends with people who can't even be bothered to stay with you while you're this intoxicated?" She paused before reaching out and taking his free hand. His heart fluttered in his chest like a trapped butterfly.
His eyes found hers. "Why are you doing this?"
She cocked her head. "What?"
"Why are you helping me?" He bit his lip. "I haven't exactly been a great friend to you recently."
Several emotions flitted across her face, too quickly to process, before she said, "I have a question, Ben."
"Fire away."
"What happened?"
She didn't need to specify, but he still let out a somewhat petulant, "What do you mean?"
She pulled her hand away and he tried to pretend that didn't sting. "Don't give me that shit, you know what I mean."
Kylo absently cracked his knuckles, stalling. He couldn't tell if he was too drunk or not drunk enough for this conversation. "I don't know."
"You don't know," Rey echoed, looking up at the sky. "You don't know. Well. Perfect."
Kylo bristled at her tone. "What do you want me to tell you?"
Rey laughed, harsh, bitter, and very un-Reylike. "I don't know, why don't you tell me what happened to my best friend, Ben Solo? You know, the one who was still sleeping in Batman bed sheets when he was sixteen, who cried during fucking Titanic, the one who waited in the emergency room all night for me when I had pneumonia. I want to know what happened to him and who the fuck this stranger Kylo Ren is, because I don't like him very much and I want my friend back. The Ben I know, never would've hurt me like this or left me alone when I needed him." Rey paused, panting as if she had just ran a mile instead of chewing him into tiny, little pieces. She looked surprised at herself, a sentiment mirrored in his own face. "I miss him - I miss you, but I don't know what to make," she gestured vaguely at all of him, "of this. And honestly, I don't understand why you cut me out of your life. What did I do wrong?"
Kylo felt like his heart was shattering. "You never did anything wrong, don't ever think that." He let out a shaky breath. It felt like razor blades were rustling inside, tearing him apart. "I'm sorry, Rey, I never meant… well, I never meant for any of this."
She raised an eyebrow. "Oh really?"
"Yes, of course. I love you, Rey, I never wanted to hurt you. All I've ever wanted is for you to be happy." High school him would have been mortified that he had finally confessed his feelings for her while smelling faintly of vomit, but at that moment he didn't care.
"Then why?" Her voice cracked a bit.
"Because I didn't want to ruin your life." The words were out before he could stop them. He rested his head between his hands, clutching his hair. "I feel like I ruin everything, Rey. My parents, my family, I feel like everyone in my life gets fucked over because of me, and I don't want to ruin you."
He could feel the silence reverberate in his bones, an aching, pressing nothingness that threatened to break him further until he felt a hand press against his back.
"Ben, you do not ruin everything."
His cheeks felt wet. "You're wrong."
"No, I'm not. Ben, look at me."
He slowly sat back up and trained his eyes on her. There was no concern or pity on her face. Just steel conviction.
"You do not ruin everything." She tucked a lock of hair behind his ear. "You do seem to have a knack for self destruction," she admitted. He croaked out a laugh. That was putting it mildly. "But I wouldn't even say that's entirely your fault. You've gone through some serious shit."
His eyes flicked down. "Can you forgive me?"
"Are you going to keep being a bastard?" He looked back up at her and saw a teasing grin curling her lips.
He shot her a smirk. "I don't know if I can promise that, it's one of my core personality traits, you know. I suppose I could try."
She laughed, a ray of sunlight. "Then I think I can forgive you."
He felt like wings could spring from his back and carry him to the sky. Good lord, he was the luckiest bastard on the planet for having a woman like Rey in his life. "Rey?"
"What?"
"I don't deserve you."
She smiled, and he noticed the sky was turning pink as the sun rose behind them and he thought his heart would stop she was so beautiful. "I know."
AUTHOR'S NOTE: I hope you enjoyed this story! I've really missed writing Reylo (for those who don't know me, I have tumblr where I've posted a fair bit of reylo fanfiction) and so as soon as I got the idea for this story, I made sure to start right away on it. In case you were curious, I was actually inspired by the song "I Am Not a Robot" by Marina and the Diamonds. A few weeks ago I was listening to this song and the image of Kylo Ren drunk out of his mind in an alley just came to me and thus this story was born.
As of right now, while I do feel like there's more that could be explored in this story, I'm not sure if I'm going to continue it, though if I did, I think it would go backwards in time.
Well, that's all for now. Till later~