[A/N] Okay, this is my first attempt at a parody, so don't kill me! I
always thought this sort of thing would be funny, and after seeing the
third LotR movie, I just HAD to try it. Hope you enjoy it, and don't flame!
.:Disclaimer: Of course! I own it all! Duh, do you think that if I owned ANYTHING I would be stuck writing stupid parodies instead of counting cash!?! Puh-lease! I don't own anything, so get offa my back!:.
'Twas a fine day that Frodo had decided to go and reunite the Fellowship. He had been yearning to see all his old friends again, and now that he had Aragorn's permission, everyone was going to meet up in Gondor. Aragorn was going to summon Gandalf (who he was constantly in contact with, so it would be pretty easy), Legolas (Arwen would be able to get a hold of him easily enough through Elrond), and Gimli (who was now in the constant company of Legolas, so he would be just as simple). Frodo would go to the shire himself to get Sam, Merry, and Pippin. As he rode along on the young pony (anything older would be too tall for him to ride) that had been given to him (He was the Middle Earth hero, he could get anything he wanted), he started singing a song to the tune of the chicken dance.
"I eat breakfast, I eat lunch, I eat dinner, I eat brunch, I eat all day, quack quack, quack, quack. I eat breakfast, I eat lunch, I eat dinner, I eat brunch, I eat all day, quack quack, quack, quack. Oh if I ever stop the eating, I have no clue what I would do. So I can never stop the eating, and if you were me, you'd say so too!"([A/N] my brother's song, I hold no claims to it.)
Suddenly, Frodo stopped singing, as he recognized the shire up ahead. He kicked the pony into a run, eager as ever to see his old friends again. As soon as he entered the shire, he was covered in the mob, though, and he barely got out alive. As he ran towards Sam's house, he shook his head, wondering why he had done this himself. 'Fame sucks sometimes,' he thought with a sigh. "Sam, open up, hurry!" he shouted as he pounded on Samwise Gamgee's door. Rosie opened the door, and her eyes widened in disbelief as she saw Frodo and the mob rushing towards him.
"Hurry, come in, Frodo Baggins! You must want to get away from all them," she said with an excited giggle. "Oh, whatever are you doing here? But Sam'll be so pleased to see you!" As if on cue, Sam walked into the room, holding a tray of assorted cheeses.
"Rosie! Who was it at the-Mr. Frodo! What are you doing here? You're that last person I would have expected to see at my doorstep." Sam's voice was full of laughter and joy as he greeted his old friend. "Here, Frodo, have some cheese," he offered, holding the tray out. With a polite nod, Frodo accepted a piece of cheese and munched on it as he explained to Sam the purpose of his presence.
"A party is it?" Sam exclaimed when Frodo finished. "At Gondor? Well of course I'll come!" Then he turned to Rosie, who had been quietly listening as she nibbled a small piece of the cheese. "I daresay Mr. Frodo'll be trampled if he tries to go out there again, so do you think you could go out and get Merry and Pip, love?"
"Of course!" was Rosie's prompt reply. And don't you eat too much while I'm gone, hear?" Sam turned to Frodo and rolled his eyes at his wife's scolding, but nodded to her anyway and waited until she was outside to pick up another piece of cheese. They could hear Rosie scolding all those waiting outside for trampling her flowerbed, and Frodo had to stifle a laugh.
'That's my Rosie!" Sam said with a grin.
* * *
About an hour later, when all of Sam's cheese was used up and his ale barrel near empty, the four hobbits finally decided it was time to leave. "I'm going to ask Gandalf to teach me some spells," Pippin said as the hobbits packed up the stuff they would need for a few days' journeying. The others rolled their eyes. Pippin could hardly put his own clothes on properly, let alone conduct complicated spells. Knowing his severe lack of anything even closely resembling a brain, he would probably end up turning himself into some sort of insect. "Can we stop by Fangorn Forest on the way? I want to catch up with Treebeard on forest matters."
'I'll bet not even Treebeard's patience can stand Pippin,' Merry thought maliciously. "Fangorn is hardly on the way, Pip," he said out loud. Pippin's face fell in very obvious disappointment, but he didn't press the matter. "Hey," Pippin began, sensing one of those so often clichéd "awkward silences", "I thought that Gondor was more like two weeks' walk than a couple days. How are we going to get there so quickly?" Since he hung around Pippin a lot, he was often ridiculed along with his friend, but Merry hoped to dispel such notions by making a witty comment along the same lines as his previously stated question. Instead, everyone, including Pippin laughed at his naivete.
"Come on! You can't have been left out of that many parodies to never get involved in a plot device!" Sam laughed. "Those are even more clichéd than *certain*-" at this point he cleared his throat loudly, "aforementioned 'awkward silences'."
"Sam, you're acting a bit. . . out of it. Are you okay?" Frodo asked, uneasily edging away from his friend.
Sam laughed heartily. "Honestly, Mr. Frodo! Did you seriously expect that we're going to be kept in character throughout this entire story? For goodness' sake, it's a friggin' parody!" He shook his head at Frodo's stupidity.
"But- but. . . this one's different! It's not a proper parody at all!" Frodo spluttered, desperately trying to maintain logic, without results, I might add.
"HOLD IT RIGHT THERE!!!" boomed a massive voice. There was a poof of disco-colored smoke and out stepped. . .
Mwahahaha! Who stepped out of the smoke? I guess you'll just have to wait until the next chapter to find out! And due to a shortage of affordable casting, I have decided to let YOU, the readers appear in my next chapter! Just give me the name that you'd like to go by in your review, and I'll pick three people to appear in my next chapter! How does that sound, eh?
Frodo: You're scary. FGS (Friggin hate Sibbie): Well, DUH!! Really, I'm the author. By all rights, shouldn't I be? Aragorn: You do- FGS: Silence! You can't come into the um. . . whatever this thing is! You haven't appeared in the story yet! Aragorn: Aww. . . FGS: Anyway, remember when you leave to drop off a little review!
.:Disclaimer: Of course! I own it all! Duh, do you think that if I owned ANYTHING I would be stuck writing stupid parodies instead of counting cash!?! Puh-lease! I don't own anything, so get offa my back!:.
'Twas a fine day that Frodo had decided to go and reunite the Fellowship. He had been yearning to see all his old friends again, and now that he had Aragorn's permission, everyone was going to meet up in Gondor. Aragorn was going to summon Gandalf (who he was constantly in contact with, so it would be pretty easy), Legolas (Arwen would be able to get a hold of him easily enough through Elrond), and Gimli (who was now in the constant company of Legolas, so he would be just as simple). Frodo would go to the shire himself to get Sam, Merry, and Pippin. As he rode along on the young pony (anything older would be too tall for him to ride) that had been given to him (He was the Middle Earth hero, he could get anything he wanted), he started singing a song to the tune of the chicken dance.
"I eat breakfast, I eat lunch, I eat dinner, I eat brunch, I eat all day, quack quack, quack, quack. I eat breakfast, I eat lunch, I eat dinner, I eat brunch, I eat all day, quack quack, quack, quack. Oh if I ever stop the eating, I have no clue what I would do. So I can never stop the eating, and if you were me, you'd say so too!"([A/N] my brother's song, I hold no claims to it.)
Suddenly, Frodo stopped singing, as he recognized the shire up ahead. He kicked the pony into a run, eager as ever to see his old friends again. As soon as he entered the shire, he was covered in the mob, though, and he barely got out alive. As he ran towards Sam's house, he shook his head, wondering why he had done this himself. 'Fame sucks sometimes,' he thought with a sigh. "Sam, open up, hurry!" he shouted as he pounded on Samwise Gamgee's door. Rosie opened the door, and her eyes widened in disbelief as she saw Frodo and the mob rushing towards him.
"Hurry, come in, Frodo Baggins! You must want to get away from all them," she said with an excited giggle. "Oh, whatever are you doing here? But Sam'll be so pleased to see you!" As if on cue, Sam walked into the room, holding a tray of assorted cheeses.
"Rosie! Who was it at the-Mr. Frodo! What are you doing here? You're that last person I would have expected to see at my doorstep." Sam's voice was full of laughter and joy as he greeted his old friend. "Here, Frodo, have some cheese," he offered, holding the tray out. With a polite nod, Frodo accepted a piece of cheese and munched on it as he explained to Sam the purpose of his presence.
"A party is it?" Sam exclaimed when Frodo finished. "At Gondor? Well of course I'll come!" Then he turned to Rosie, who had been quietly listening as she nibbled a small piece of the cheese. "I daresay Mr. Frodo'll be trampled if he tries to go out there again, so do you think you could go out and get Merry and Pip, love?"
"Of course!" was Rosie's prompt reply. And don't you eat too much while I'm gone, hear?" Sam turned to Frodo and rolled his eyes at his wife's scolding, but nodded to her anyway and waited until she was outside to pick up another piece of cheese. They could hear Rosie scolding all those waiting outside for trampling her flowerbed, and Frodo had to stifle a laugh.
'That's my Rosie!" Sam said with a grin.
* * *
About an hour later, when all of Sam's cheese was used up and his ale barrel near empty, the four hobbits finally decided it was time to leave. "I'm going to ask Gandalf to teach me some spells," Pippin said as the hobbits packed up the stuff they would need for a few days' journeying. The others rolled their eyes. Pippin could hardly put his own clothes on properly, let alone conduct complicated spells. Knowing his severe lack of anything even closely resembling a brain, he would probably end up turning himself into some sort of insect. "Can we stop by Fangorn Forest on the way? I want to catch up with Treebeard on forest matters."
'I'll bet not even Treebeard's patience can stand Pippin,' Merry thought maliciously. "Fangorn is hardly on the way, Pip," he said out loud. Pippin's face fell in very obvious disappointment, but he didn't press the matter. "Hey," Pippin began, sensing one of those so often clichéd "awkward silences", "I thought that Gondor was more like two weeks' walk than a couple days. How are we going to get there so quickly?" Since he hung around Pippin a lot, he was often ridiculed along with his friend, but Merry hoped to dispel such notions by making a witty comment along the same lines as his previously stated question. Instead, everyone, including Pippin laughed at his naivete.
"Come on! You can't have been left out of that many parodies to never get involved in a plot device!" Sam laughed. "Those are even more clichéd than *certain*-" at this point he cleared his throat loudly, "aforementioned 'awkward silences'."
"Sam, you're acting a bit. . . out of it. Are you okay?" Frodo asked, uneasily edging away from his friend.
Sam laughed heartily. "Honestly, Mr. Frodo! Did you seriously expect that we're going to be kept in character throughout this entire story? For goodness' sake, it's a friggin' parody!" He shook his head at Frodo's stupidity.
"But- but. . . this one's different! It's not a proper parody at all!" Frodo spluttered, desperately trying to maintain logic, without results, I might add.
"HOLD IT RIGHT THERE!!!" boomed a massive voice. There was a poof of disco-colored smoke and out stepped. . .
Mwahahaha! Who stepped out of the smoke? I guess you'll just have to wait until the next chapter to find out! And due to a shortage of affordable casting, I have decided to let YOU, the readers appear in my next chapter! Just give me the name that you'd like to go by in your review, and I'll pick three people to appear in my next chapter! How does that sound, eh?
Frodo: You're scary. FGS (Friggin hate Sibbie): Well, DUH!! Really, I'm the author. By all rights, shouldn't I be? Aragorn: You do- FGS: Silence! You can't come into the um. . . whatever this thing is! You haven't appeared in the story yet! Aragorn: Aww. . . FGS: Anyway, remember when you leave to drop off a little review!