Peace, Beautiful and Fleeting
Isilarma
This was written for Round Two of the Quidditch League Fanfiction Competition, using the following lyrics as a prompt:
'Can I be? Was I there?
It felt so crystal in the air.
I still want to drown whenever you leave;
Please teach me gently how to breathe.'
Shelter, the xx
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, and am not affiliated with Bloomsbury or Scholastic Inc.
"Get out!"
Severus knew better than to argue. He ducked the empty bottle that flew past his head and sprinted for the door.
"That's it, run you pathetic waste of space!"
The door slammed shut behind him, and Severus ran, his father's mocking laughter still ringing in his ears, and humiliation burning in his heart. He didn't dare to stop until he reached the safety of the nearby park.
Severus darted through the trees until he was sure he was out of sight before he eventually came to a halt. He slumped down on the floor, trying to catch his breath. Anger welled up in him; he had only been back two days, yet he had already been driven out. Tears pricked at his eyes, but forced them back. Emotions were weakness he could not afford. If his three years at Hogwarts had taught him anything, it was that. But sometimes...
No. He could not go there.
He was sick of it. Sick of being the one who was ignored, neglected, and despised. Every day was the same, ever since he could remember. Usually it was verbal, but sometimes he went further. There was always something. And it always hurt. It wouldn't have been so bad if he could just understand why. Severus knew all too well that he wasn't perfect, but he was quite sure that he had never done anything to deserve this.
He had thought that going to Hogwarts would make things better. A fresh start, where he could make more friends. But Slytherins didn't have friends, they had allies... and enemies.
Severus' lips twitched into a bitter smile. As bad as his father was, at least he could get away from him. There was no escaping the Gryffindors.
Classes were bearable under the teachers' watchful eyes, but afterwards... There was no escaping them. They seemed to be able to find him wherever he went. The only refuge was the Slytherin common room, and even that, for a half-blood, was not a good one. If not for Lucius, his housemates could easily have been as bad as the Gryffindors.
Severus drew his knees up to his chest, wrapping his arms around them. Lucius kept an eye on him after seeing his potential, but Lucius had just finished his seventh year. This year, Severus would be on his own.
It wasn't fair. The Slytherins he could handle, he understood the way they worked, and Lucius had taught him enough that he was able to hold his own. It was the Gryffindors that were the problem. Severus scowled; Pettigrew was pathetic, and Lupin had never been an enthusiastic participant. He would probably be quite happy to leave Severus alone. Unfortunately, Potter and Black were another matter entirely. Severus didn't know what he done to warrant their attention, and frankly, he did not care. The situation had gone too far for reason.
Potter and Black. The Slytherins. His father. It would never stop. He would always have to fight for his place. Wherever he went, however much he did, it would always be the same.
It was too much. Was there even any reason to keep fighting?
"Severus?"
The faintest of smiles touched his lips. Maybe there was one reason. A hand touched his arm.
"Sev? Are you all right?"
Severus looked up into a pair of brilliant green eyes. "Hello, Lily."
Lily gave a small smile, but her eyes remained locked on his. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing."
She poked him in the shoulder. "I don't believe you."
Severus just shrugged. Lily sighed and sat down next to him. "It's him, isn't it?"
He had never been able to hide anything from her. Severus' shoulders slumped. "I thought he might have changed since Mum died," he whispered. "And he did." But not for the better. Lily took his hand.
"I'm sorry, Sev."
Severus managed a small, but genuine smile. "It's not your fault." He shook his head and turned to look at her properly. "How are you anyway?"
She smiled back, flicking her red hair out her eyes. "I'm all right. It's good to be back." Her smile faded slightly. "Tuney's still avoiding me though."
"Well, it's not like that's much of a loss," Severus muttered.
"Sev, that's mean," said Lily reproachfully, but her lips twitched suspiciously.
Severus smirked. "Doesn't mean it's not true."
Lily nudged him. "Oh, stop it."
Severus' smirk widened, but he did change the subject. "So, how many letters have you received from Potter so far?"
Lily pulled a face. "Two. He sent one yesterday, which I ignored, then I woke up this morning to one that was twice as long."
Severus paused. "Did you reply?"
"Only to tell him to stop wasting parchment," she said. "Why won't he get the message?"
"Because he's a git," said Severus bluntly.
"Sev!"
"What? It's true."
"Well, yes, but you can't say it!"
A warm glow of satisfaction swelled up, even as he gave a careless shrug. Lily glanced at him.
"Have you heard from anyone from school?"
Severus shook his head. "I'll probably hear from Lucius soon. He said he might need some potions, and he knows I like brewing." He hesitated a moment. "Would you like to help?"
Lily beamed at him. "Of course. You can come round any time."
"Are you sure your mum won't mind?"
"Probably not; she'll be more glad that we're practicing. We can work on our homework at the same time, if you want."
It would get him out the house, and let him spend time with her. "I'd love to."
"Great." She gave a slightly sheepish smile. "We'll have to promise not to blow anything up though."
"I've never blown anything up," Severus protested. "I'm not Lupin."
"No, I suppose not." She glanced at him. "Sev, are you sure you're all right?"
Severus looked her straight in the eye. "I'm always all right here."
Her smile was like the sun coming out. "Me too."
Severus squeezed her hand. "Good."
He would fight to keep it that way. He would do anything for her. After everything she had done for him, how could he do anything else?
"Sev?"
Severus blinked and looked up. "Sorry?"
She shook her head fondly. "I said I have to go. Mum's taking me shopping."
"Oh. Have fun then."
"Thanks." She smiled at him and stood up. "I'll see you tomorrow?"
Severus managed to smile back. "Yeah."
Lily squeezed his hand again and then she was gone.
Severus let his hand fall back to the grass, his good mood fading as quickly as it had come. He tried not to begrudge her the time, he knew how much she missed her family, but he couldn't fight back a surge of resentment. She was his friend, his best friend. His only friend. He needed her.
But it seemed like he needed her a lot more than she needed him.
Any feedback would be very much appreciated.