Hi everyone, this is an interpretation of the controversial ME3 ending I've had swimming around in my head for a while now. Hopefully it will help alleviate any of the pain you may have felt after the ending or its extended cut. Instead of just stating my Shepard's history, personality, romances and past actions here, I'm going to attempt to show all that in the story. Hopefully by the end you'll know exactly who my John Shepard really is. This first chapter is gonna be mostly a trilogy recap, hopefully giving enough information to give you guys a semi-clear picture of what's going on. All characters, and events from the games and books belong to Bioware.
"The paths are open but you have to choose."
But how do I choose?
Commander John Shepard stood at the precipice of history. He was at the verge of making the most important decision in galactic history. Control, Synthesis, or Destroy, three different options. It all seemed so surreal for him. The Reapers were always the enemies, incomprehensible behemoths lurking in the dark of space, exterminating civilized life in the galaxy simply because they could. They gave no reason other than "you cannot comprehend our reasons, we are you salvation through destruction."
Am I betraying the sacrifices of those who've died by siding with the enemy? Or am I being selfish by choosing to destroy them?
Shepard had always been that way, thinking of others before himself. Ever since he was a child growing up on Mindoir he had always done the right thing, but now, which one is the right choice?
It was so much easier when the Reapers were just pure evil, dark Gods amusing themselves through death and destruction, but terrible revelations were made. First the Leviathans, the true masters of the galaxy, revealing the Reapers to be nothing more than former servants overthrowing their masters. Then the Catalyst showing the Reapers true colors, slaves to programming, unable to reasoned with because it is their purpose. To continue life in any way necessary, even at the expense of free will and true organic form. Yet it just didn't add up. Why was this all hidden until now. How was this information never uncovered. And where were the Leviathans during the final battle? They had given their word to assist the Galaxy, yet they never showed up. But back to the matter at hand. Shepard started slowly moving forward.
Okay, control, synthesis, or destroy. It feels like a betrayal if I don't destroy, yet I can't doom the galaxy to the loss of it's technology, the relays, the Citadel. I, I just can't. Synthesis also just doesn't feel right either. Who am I to decide if organics should be synthesized? The beauty of organics is our imperfections, and our ability to learn and grow from them. Merging with technology would just take away from that wouldn't it? So control then. I'll force the Reapers to stop and that will be that. Okay here we go.
Shepard started moving towards the control station. As he did he noticed a faint buzzing noise in the back of his head. He stopped for a moment looking to the sides and eventually behind him, trying to figure out what was going on. As he looked round he caught glimpses of the battle outside.
That must have been the noises Shepard was hearing. It seemed that the fight was turning in favor of the Reapers. Things we're not looking good for the fragile galactic alliance he had managed to put together. He could see the Human warships side by side with Turian fighters and Asari cruisers. He smiled for a moment imaging the hell the Krogan must have been giving the reapers back down on earth. It must have been an increasingly odd sight, the Krogan fighting side by side with Asari, Turians, and the few brave STG Salarians who spited the Dalatrass and joined the fight anyway. It was an unlikely alliance to be sure, one built on the past actions of the last three years. His mind briefly drifted to all of the sacrifices that had led him to this point.
Mordin, who had given his life to atone for his guilt and cure the Genophage. To think Shepard had almost stopped him too, had pulled his gun on the good doctor, thinking that an alliance with the Salarian Union was worth condemning the Krogan race to damnation. Yet it was so much more, more than the numbers, more than these theoretical war assets. Winning the war was not worth stomping on an entire civilization. Not to him, not now, not ever. Even if we all die here, you were right Mordin. The Krogan deserved a chance, and even if we can't stop them at least you were able to give it to them, even if briefly.
There was Thane, dying at the hands of the bastard assassin Kai Leng. His death ensuring the survival of the Salarian Councilor Valern. With Valern surviving the assassination attempt, Shepard was able to convince the other two councilors and Kaidan Alenko that he was not working with Cerberus during the Citadel coup. That is was actually Donnell Udina who had betrayed them all. At the end Thanes sacrifice was worth it, the councilors were saved, Udina met his end at barrel of Shepard's rifle. Thank you Thane, for everything. I would have never thought that an assassin would also be someone I looked to as a role model and a friend. I'll miss the chats we used to have in the Normandy.
Then he thought of Ashley. It was still to this day the most difficult decision he had ever made. Who lives and who dies. It had to be her though. She was with the bomb. Someone needed to make sure it went off. It was their only chance to stop Saren from creating an army of mindless Krogan. I can still hear her voice even to this day, knowing that the man she loved was leaving her to die. He could remember every time he would talk with her next to the lockers. He could remember how they could go on for hours talking about life, love, poetry, and her sister. He remembered having to choose between Liara and Ash. He could remember it all. He remembered breaking down by himself, after she died. He remembered after sentencing the girl loved to die, the Council took away his ship and publicly humiliated him, claiming he was rash and unstable and that he would only cause greater damage. Yet he still chose to save them.
A large explosion occurred near the Crucible, jolting Shepard out of his semi day-dream. He started moving closer and closer towards the control panel. The closer and closer he got, he noticed that more and more Reapers surrounded the Crucible. The buzzing in his head steadily grew louder.
He was only about ten feet from the console. He could see his fate in front of him. He would die, but he would live. He could tell the Reapers to leave and never return. He would allow galactic life to happen as it was meant to, on its own. The buzzing continued to grow louder and louder. Shepard was having a difficult time concentrating. The Catalyst materialized next to him as he got closer to the console.
"You're making a good decision Shepard." There was something different about the way the Catalyst spoke this time. He could hear something behind his voice, something he couldn't quite place. "How do I know I'm making the right choice?" "Watch" The Catalyst waved his hand, and Shepard began to see visions. Shepard watched as the Reapers began to rebuild the Citadel, as Humanity began to build for the future, he saw the rebuilt Krogan civilization, he saw the Reapers leaving, he saw his crew mourning him, placing his nameplate on the memorial wall. Yet there was one more thing he saw. He saw the Geth, and he saw the Quarians. Didn't the Catalyst say it wasn't possible. They could never get along. Shepard interrupted the visions. "Wait, hold on." "What?"
"The visions showed the Geth and the Quarians together happy. Yet you said that synthetics could never work together, because it will eventually lead to death. Was the vision wrong, or are you wrong?" "We only have showed a prediction of the future, not actual events." He could hear it much more clearly this time. There was another voice behind the Catalyst, someone else was speaking. At this point the buzzing was at its loudest. "So you're lying then, you're trying to manipulate me, to agree with you." Then Shepard remembered something, something he had heard long ago, when he had first learned of the Reapers, of Indoctrination. The Reapers are believed to emit an electromagnetic wave stimulating areas of the brain and limbic system. This can result in the victim hearing whispers, seeing hallucinations, or buzzing in their head, and in extreme cases can emit a faint buzzing noise from their body.
"Near the end, didn't James say he would hear a faint buzzing noise whenever I would walk by." Shepard could remember it clearly, Vega was at his usual station complaining about a buzzing noise that always seemed to pop up whenever Shepard would stop down. "Do you even hear it Loco?" "No James I don't, maybe you're going crazy?" "Yeah that must be it Loco, that must be it." Then Shepard took a good look at the Catalyst. It took the shape of the little biy from earth, the boy that died. The boy that Shepard had been dreaming about. No one else had seen him, and now that he thought about it, no one had paid attention to him when he got on the shuttle. He was never there to begin with, that's why Anderson didn't see him, why those soldiers didn't see him. I've been hallucinating. That's why it's always him in my dreams. The boy and the shadows. Shepard remembered the Rachni Queen describing indoctrination with oily shadows, constantly whispering in her ears. It all makes sense now. Shepard looked up at the Catalyst realizing the truth. "I'm being indoctrinated." The truth hit hard, but it made sense. Shepard had been the Reapers biggest threat, it made sense to bring him onto their team. He had spent three days lying unconscious next to Object Rho, plenty of time for him to be indoctrinated. He had been on edge ever since he had destroyed the Alpha Relay.
After the Alpha Relay incident , Shepard had changed. He started drinking heavily, becoming shut in his room, rarely leaving. When Miranda had left the Normandy he became even worse, almost coming to blows with Garrus in the mess hall. He kept blaming himself, believing that he would never see her again. All those around him had believed it was due to the stress, that Shepard was finally breaking down but that wasn't it. He was being indoctrinated. All of the past events were now making sense. That's how Anderson had beaten him to the control room, that's how the Illusive Man had survived. This was all in Shepard's head.
"None of this is real, is it?" The Catalyst was stunned. "What are you talking about?" He could hear it even more now, it was a familiar voice. Whoever was truly controlling the Catalyst had spoken to Shepard before. "Stop it Shepard, you need to do this, you need to take control." "No, that's what the Illusive man wanted before he was Indoctrinated himself." Then you must synthesize." "No, that's what Saren wanted, before he became a husk." "You're being selfish Shepard, do what is necessary." Maybe it is a coincidence. Just end it, save them all. Save Miranda. The buzzing grew louder.
"Shepard stop." Shepard hesitated for a brief moment, his hands only inches away from complete control over the Reapers. But I have to save them, I need to save everyone. "Is this really the way?" The voice became clear; it was David Anderson, former Citadel Councilor and Mastermind of the guerilla tactics that had kept humanity alive during the struggles on Earth.
This is the only way to stop the Reapers without damning galactic civilization.
"Is it? Or could it be that they are manipulating you, like they did to Saren, like they did to the Illusive Man, like the did to Amanda Kenson. Shepard the Reapers are manipulating you and you know it. Don't give up because it's become difficult, don't give up when you have come so far."
But it seems so easy just to control, how can we destroy all that they've built?
"Because they aren't who they claim, they aren't some heroic guardian angels meant to save us. They are not the former puppets of the Leviathans , who finally cut their own strings. Shepard the Leviathans don't exist."
But I saw them!
"In a vision, a vision eerily similar to what survivors describes Indoctrination to be like."
But they destroyed a Reaper, they promised to help us during our final attack!
"Yet where were they?"
It all shattered in front of him. The Leviathans had never existed in the first place. The Reapers had been manipulating Shepard the entire time, sowing the seeds early enough to make this final indoctrination attempt seem real. Finally Shepard had his proof, enough to fight the Reapers.
"No, I don't want control, I want you dead."
"What?"
He could hear it now, the voice behind the Catalysts. The disguise had almost faded away revealing the truth. It was Harbinger, attempting to sway Shepard to his side. Shepard then turned around and started limping towards the tube containing the destroy panel. As Shepard moved towards the panel he noticed the buzzing to become quitter and quieter. The limp he was suffering from was slowly starting to fade away. He could hear more and more voices in his head, but this time they were not Reapers.
"Wake Up Shepard, wake up." The more and more these voices rang out, the quieter the buzzing became until it almost completely disappeared. The Reapers that had been surrounding the station began to fade away. "Wake up Shepard, WAKE UP!" His limp had become a full walk, faster and faster picking up speed until he was only fifteen, maybe twenty feet away from the panel. The Catalyst materialized in front of Shepard one final time this time not even disguising his voice anymore. "Shepard you have become an annoyance. Destroy that panel and you will force our hand. We will no longer show mercy, I will hurt you. I will hurt Lawson." Shepard stared down Harbinger.
"Threating Miranda was a bad move." Shepard raised his pistol, shooting through the Catalyst, bullets piercing the tube. Shepard started slowly walking towards the panel, continually shooting, and watching as the Catalyst faded away. "WAKE UP SHEPARD, WAKE UP!" He continued to fire until small eruptions began inside the tube. Gradually they became larger and larger, enveloping the tube itself and eventually Shepard too. As the blinding red and white light approached him Shepard could only hear one thing.
"Wake up Shepard, wake up."