~~A/N: I swore I wasn't going to write a SongFic but this one halfway wrote itself in my head before I ever started and the song wouldn't leave me alone. So, here it is. This is a Jack/Alonso story with obvious ties to Jack/Ianto (cause there is no other way) based on and inspired by the song Some Nights by Fun. It mentions basically every character death from Torchwood seasons one through three, extra details from CoE days three and four. Also summarizes the Doctor Who special "Voyage of the Dammed" and includes the scene from "The End of Time" where Jack meets Alonso. It is rated M for well mature content and a touch of language, you have been warned. ;) I wouldn't have finished without a close friend's advice and Daelena's praise and support.
A/N 2: I edited some minor things but nothing of the story (in case you've read it already)
Without further ado, Some Nights: ~~
Some nights I stay up cashing in my bad luck
Some nights I call it a draw
Some nights I wish that my lips could build a castle
Some nights I wish they'd just fall off
This was definitely one of those nights for one Captain Jack Harkness. As he stared into the liquor at the bottom of his glass, he remembered those he'd lost recently. Though "recently" was a relative term for the immortal.
First there was Suzie. He had trusted her, made her his right hand. If anyone should have noticed she was unstable it should have been him. But no, he was too absorbed over the possibilities this new tech could have and too obsessed over getting results to notice the affect it was having on her.
Then there was Owen. Of course, he wouldn't stay "dead," well he had stayed dead just not unconscious. If they hadn't been Torchwood it would have been confusing. Every non-healing injury Owen acquired after his death was just another reminder for Jack that somehow it was one hundred percent his fault.
Tosh and Owen died at the same time after that, Owen in the final sense of the term. It wasn't until those last few minutes when they both knew that it was over that Owen finally realized his feelings for Tosh. Owen died saving the world with Tosh's help, he was gone before they could have a chance to help. When they found Toshiko, Jack's heart had broken. There she was, facing death alone and when we got there she filled us in on what had happened, doing her job to the last moment. Finding the video she'd left was just like her too, making sure we could all move on.
Ianto.
Jack downed what was left in his glass at the thought of just the name, signaling for another, a double.
Oh Ianto, his dear, sweet, loyal, trusting Ianto. God, how he missed him. He couldn't help it. He thought leaving Earth would have helped but he still saw him everywhere.
Jack looked up as his new drink is placed in front of him. He tries for a smile of thanks to the bartender. It barely reaches a smirk before the effort becomes too much and he hangs his head back over his drink. Someone sits down next to him. The stranger's hand enters his peripheral vision.
Cufflinks.
Just that visual sends him mentally back into his lover's arms on the dance floor at Gwen's wedding. And then the flashbacks don't stop. One after the other of Ianto in his arms or himself wrapped up. Then finally in the room with the 456, clutching to the one man who made Jack feel human again.
Before he relived that man's final breath, someone brushed passed him and jostled him on his stool. He went to turn around, find the offender and say... Something. But then again, who cares anymore. He just wanted to find a way for all of it to end. Maybe then he could be with his Welshman once again.
Knowing that wasn't going to happen he lifted his glass up to his lips to tip back another drink in further attempt to drown his sorrows. As he lowers the now empty glass, he looks around the bar. All types of life surround him but he feels completely and utterly alone. He slides his glass in toward the bar and gets up off his seat. As per his new habit, he brushes his infamous coat free of wrinkles and straightens the front before making his way bleary-eyed out to wherever it was he was sleeping between binges.
But I still wake up, I still see your ghost
Oh Lord, I'm still not sure what I stand for oh
What do I stand for? What do I stand for?
Most nights, I don't know anymore...
Bolting upright, Jack frantically takes in his location. His skin is slick with a cold sweat; the sheets are tangled around his legs and a mess over the rest of the foreign bed. He realizes he's in the room he's renting on the planet he escaped to from earth; this calms him, a little.
But wait! What's that? There in the chair across the room. There's a shape. It's so familiar. No, it couldn't be.
"But … But you died, in my arms. I couldn't save you." Jack says, out loud to the figure in the shadows. "I tried. You know I tried. When I watched you take you last breath I prayed it would be mine too. Oh Ianto. Please believe me. Come here. Please. I need to see you, touch you. Please."
Jack slowly started moving to the edge of the bed, toward the shadow. "I love you, Yan. I do. I couldn't say it then but I always have, from that first moment, I've always loved you."
Jack inched away from the bed. He got to the end of the bed and stepped away. He didn't realize his legs were no longer holding all his weight. When he started to sway, he quickly leaned back against the bed. He stared at the figure for a long while, not daring to blink lest it vanished. Suddenly, the spirit rose out of the chair in one unearthly liquid movement. It seemed to inspect itself, brush off nonexistent lint, straighten unseen wrinkles, and then it took a step forward. Jack was unsteady. He knew without a doubt this was his Ianto. He closed his eyes briefly, searching for a steadying breath that just ended up shaky.
His eyes fluttered open and he was gone. Jack whipped his head around looking for any sign of him. There was nothing. Not even a bit of evidence to prove he'd been there; nothing except Jack's unsteady legs and tear-stained face.
Despondently, Jack turned to face the bed and just let his body fall out from underneath him. He lay on his stomach; face buried in the tangled sheets and just cried.
When light poured in from the window, there were still tears streaming down his cheeks. Jack was sure he'd slept more at some point but he never seemed to have stopped crying. Slowly he crawled back up to the pillows and leaned against the headboard. He found a blanket near his hip and pulled it over him and then up to his chin.
He sat there for several more hours. Curled up like a sad, scared little child, but he couldn't help it, it was how he felt. Eventually his mind started to wonder and he thought of the hundreds of people he'd gotten to know over his many lifetimes. Not in sadness but in a touch of humor as he imagined what any number of them would say about the state he found himself in. Not one of them would recognize him as the Jack they knew. Not even Jack was sure of who he was, or what he stood for. He used to know, he used to fight for it even. But these days, most nights he just didn't know anymore.
Oh whoa, oh whoa, oh whoa oh oh
He finally couldn't sit there anymore. Getting up slowly, he walked carefully over to where Ianto had sat the night before. Jack found his coat and almost lost his wits again. No longer was it thrown haphazardly onto the chair. No, now it was folded with great care and laid across the back of the chair. Jack leaned over the chair to gain some semblance of composure. That's how he smelled it. Taking deep breaths to calm himself, Jack realized he could smell Ianto.
After a few minutes, he managed to pick himself up and find his way to a shower. As much as he wanted to disappear in the coat, he somehow knew that he, himself, smelled, and it would just replace the wonderful scent inhabiting his coat. He showered, he cried. He leaned against the wall with the water flowing over him and fell apart once again. After pulling himself back together, he managed to get himself clean and out of the shower. He dried off and dragged himself back into his room, leaning heavily on everything he could. When he made it back to the chair, he lifted the old RAF coat and buried his face in it. He did a sort of dance with it until he was lying on the bed, naked but completely wrapped in the coat.
He stayed like that for what felt like hours, just breathing in his lost lover, until his stomach took the time to remind him he was still alive, growling in hunger. He did want to eat, dying slowly in starvation had its appeals but Jack knew better than to think that would result in any different from all the times before. He sat up in the bed, stealing another inhale from the coat. The scent was already starting to fade. He thought about only wearing the coat but that was something he would have done in his past lives, not now, not after so much loss. He looked around the room, searching for something passable. When he found something, he dragged it on quickly then pulled on the coat reverently and went to search for some food.
Oh whoa, oh whoa, oh whoa oh oh
After eating and wandering around the planet for a while, he found himself back in the bar he had been in the night before, and well every night since he arrived on the planet. Before he could sit down in a stool at the bar there was a drink being placed in front of him. He looked up and smiled at the barmaid. It was actually a genuine smile. After the night before, the morning, the food, and the walk, Jack was feeling considerably more "human." He looked again and realized the woman who'd delivered his drink was an attractive, human woman. She caught his eye and he managed a wink. She smiled and blushed, but it reminded him of his Welshman and Jack lifted and downed his drink in one swallow. The lovely bartender brought him another drink but quickly hurried away. Jack knew his face had suddenly reflected his lack of hope and was grateful she had understood, making herself scarce.
Every time the pretty little bartender brought him a new drink she'd offer him a shy smile, but with each shot it seemed his sorrows formed together to make a queue, lining up to remind him of his pain. Every smile he tried to return ended up sadder than the last but she kept trying. Trying to offer him one ray of hope that could possibly pull him out of his dark moods.
Several drinks later a fight broke out somewhere behind him. Not that Jack cared or anything, but it had registered in his brain - too many years of being acutely aware of absolutely everything around him, especially violence.
Well, violence and things to flirt with ;).
Whoa! Where did that thought come from.
Shaking his head at the thought, he subconsciously accounted for the three combatants and registered that they were far enough away to not bother him physically so he just went back to his drink, which had just been refilled. He looked back up just in time to catch the smile and managed to offer her a genuine, while still sad, wink of thanks.
This is it, boys, this is war - what are we waiting for?
Why don't we break the rules already?
I was never to believe the hype - save that for the black and white
I try twice as hard and I'm half as liked, but here they come again to jack my style
Jack heard a little feminine squeak and looked up. His flirty bartender wasn't in his eyesight, which was odd because he was about to need another refill. He started to look around for her, noticing the struggle had expanded to include almost half of the bar, when he heard a yelp from the direction of the fight. Attention on the brawlers, he rose from his seat, suddenly very sober. There she was, the sweet little miss, caught in the middle of the fight and being used as a human shield.
Well that's not good. Here I was decidedly not getting involved - guess it's time to break my rules.
Jack entered the fray, heading directly to where she was stuck in the grips of a man; well relatively sure it was a man, definitely alien: purple skin, bald head, and a second pair of arms. Yes, definitely alien.
Okay, weaknesses, weaknesses, weaknesses... Oh well he's not even looking - element of surprise.
The young lady caught his eye and Jack gave her a wink. She started thrashing about again but clearly for show. Jack pushed his way through the now present crowd until he got to her side and snatched her out of the alien's grasp. He shoved her behind him productively as the other "man" turned on him in protest. In one fluid movement, Jack punched him in what seemed to be his nose and the alien landed flat on the floor. Unable to sneak out the way he came in, Jack started to fight his way out, keeping his damsel safely behind him as he went. It wasn't much of a fight once Jack got involve since every person he came across he knocked out essentially "breaking up" the fight. He'd gotten about halfway through the mess of bodies when there was a loud crashing sound and a shouting voice calling that there was a free round for everyone in the bar. Several of the patrons on the floor walked passed him, scowling. Some even made comments that he should be kicked out but barmaid just touched his arm and whispered her thanks before heading back behind the bar. Suddenly curious, Jack looked around for the man who promised drinks for the whole bar. He was just now getting down from the back of the booth where he'd stood to gain everyone's attention. Jack studied him for a minute then scoffed when he noticed the man was wearing out of place pseudo military clothes.
Adrenaline fading, Jack sulked back to his previous seat, replacement drink already waiting. He thought he saw someone very familiar out of the corner of his eye but brushed it off and stared down at his drink. The bar settled down and the Jazz music resumed. It was as if the fight never happened. After an adipose fell off the counter right in front of him another bartender slips Jack a note. Motioning behind him, he said "from the man over there." Startled Jack looks up to realize he wasn't seeing things earlier; there was someone he recognized - The Doctor. The Doctor nodded indicating the note before him so Jack opened it to read it.
In the Doctor's strong handwriting it reads "His Name Is Alonso"
Well if that's not confusing, who the heck is Alonso and why should Jack care.
That's alright (that's alright)
I found a martyr in my bed tonight
Stops my bones from wondering just who I am, who I am, who I am
Oh who am I? mm, mm
Jack looked back at the Doctor, confused and expectantly. The Doctor nodded to the space next to Jack just as the man who'd ended the brawl took the seat and settled in.
Oh, this is Alonso. Oh. He mentally gasped as a wave of solemn remembrance surged over Jack. Cufflinks.
Jack looked back at the Doctor, honestly unsure of the whole thing but when the Doctor semi-saluted him Jack knew this was goodbye, at least to this face, and saluted back in thanks.
As the Doctor walked away, Jack took a steadying breath then chuckled inwardly, remembering the Doctor's favorite phrase. Whenever he'd met this man now sitting in the bar alone the Doctor must have had a field day.
"So, Alonso," he started. He wasn't even sure he could follow through but he had to do something different.
The other man turned to face him in utter confusion, a hint of his own ghosts in his eyes.
"Going my way?" Jack continued.
"How do you know my name?" Alonso quipped, avoiding the question.
"I'm kind of psychic." Jack chuckled, sarcastically.
"Really?"
"Yeah."
"Do you know what I'm thinking right now?" Alonso asked skeptically after looking Jack over, up and down.
"Oh, yeah." He responded, with genuine enthusiasm.
Alonso gave a slight nod. Jack laughed and finished off his drink. When he put the glass back down his finger brush against the warm skin of Alonso's hand and suddenly he isn't sure the universe is really that bad. Alonso reaches out his pinkie and hooks it with Jack's. He knows where this is going but somehow just knows it would have to start slow. The body next to him stiffened slightly so he looked at Jack who was staring at their intertwined fingers.
Alonso swallowed the rest of his drink and reached his free hand to lightly brush Jack's cheek. "As slow as you need to, ok? But I can tell you need this so let me be here for you, if even only for tonight."
Jack found a gruff laugh slip through his lips and almost lost his resolve to find a bit of hope. Time was not something he wanted, time resulted in thinking and thinking was bad. But here he was, thinking, and this stranger knew it. He just knew there was something deep and dark hiding behind the immortal's eyes, and he was willing to be what helped him through it.
"Hell you need it more than I do and let's just say that's saying something."
Alonso's statement snapped Jack out of his musings and caught his attention. What had happened to such a young man to give him such a haunted look? Jack asked himself. Before he could voice his question, he felt a glass pressed against his fingers.
There she was again, drink ready before he asked; shy smile and at the ready to retreat from his brooding if necessary. This time, however, he felt better, much better as he squeezed the one finger woven with his. He smiled at the girl he'd rescued earlier and reached out for her hand. She hesitantly placed hers in his, and he pulled it to his lips, brushing a light kiss across her knuckles. "Thank you" he murmured. "I know you don't think you've done much but thank you, truly."
He loosened his hold on her fingers; she pulled them away. She looked to Alonso, who shook his head to tell her he was finished drinking, then flushed pink and spun away, busying herself with anything she could.
"Do you want to go?"
Alonso turned to him in a bit of shock.
"Yeah, sure. I suppose. If you're ready"
Jack tossed back the fresh drink and laced the rest of Alonso's fingers with his.
"Close enough. You have a place? Or should we head to where I'm staying. It's not pretty I warn you but it's a place"
"We can go to mine. I haven't had time to make it worse than it comes around here."
They both snickered as Alonso led them away from the bar. When they turned a corner, Jack gathered some courage and stopped. He countered the tug on his hand, pulling Alonso to him, pinning him against the wall and crushed their lips together. Quickly his courage faltered and Alonso took over the kiss smoothly. Tracing Jack's lip with his tongue, he requested entrance. When it took more than a moment to gain access, he rolled them against the wall and raised his hands to Jack's face. Fingers threading through the immortal's hair, he silently asked again to deepen the kiss. With still no response Alonso tugged on the hair in his fingers.
Jack knew what the younger man was trying to do and most of him wanted it but he just couldn't seem to let go. It wasn't that he wasn't kissing him back, because he was, he even found his hands wandering of their own accord but his lips just wouldn't part. Then hands tugged at his hair and a gasp escaped involuntarily. Still his mouth was not immediately invaded. Jack felt the foreign tongue brush the inside of his lip but there was no pressure to go any farther. Comforted, he rolled them back again, dominating the kiss, exploring the intricacies of Alonso's mouth. Their tongues battled, unwilling or unable to let the other back away, even for air. Jack pressed his growing excitement against Alonso's hips causing them both to moan and finally pull apart enough to inhale.
When Alonso looked into his eyes, he saw immeasurable amounts of passion, but it was tempered with a still-present, deep sense of loss. Feeling his heart ache for the older man he reached to pull him closer but this time not for a kiss, just a simple gesture of comfort, foreheads and noses touching, their breath mingling as both contemplated their next move.
Jack moved first. "Come on," he whispered, his voice laced with telltale signs of lust and desire.
Alonso immediately shoved off the wall, adjusted himself in a suggestively obvious way, and grabbed Jack's hand to lead the way ... Again. As it turns out they had stopped just around the corner from their destination. Jack looked around and the desire in his eyes faltered, replaced for a moment by nervousness.
"I lost him. There in my arm. I just stared at him and watched him die"
The words just tumbled out of his mouth, and he looked up in horror, expecting to see rejection or disgust or, well, something. On some level Jack wanted someone else to be mad about it because he was tired of being the only one. He blamed himself, for all of it. He dragged Ianto to Thames House to face an enemy he knew was ruthless. His desire to keep him by his side is what got him killed.
But that's not what he saw in Alonso's eyes. As the younger man's eyes searched for more all that could be seen was compassion and somehow understanding. Jack said nothing else. They just stood there, Alonso with the key in the lock, just staring at each other.
Alonso turned the key and knob, about to open the door when he blurted "it was my first commission with the company and the owner decided he was going to blow the ship up. Had the whole thing set up so it'd look like an accident. He even named the ship Titanic after some famous, invincible Earth ship that sank on its first journey. Then this man appeared and..." His voice trailed off as he pushed the door open and looked at Jack.
Jack just stood there and asked "so a mysterious man showed up and then what happened"
Alonso looked at him astonished. "Well he umm he tried," he stuttered, swallowed, and continued," he stopped the ship from crashing into the earth- nuclear engines; it would have been a global disaster. But in the end there were only four of us left alive. Two thousand on board and only three of us survived, well three of us and The Doctor."
The Doctor. Jack thought. Well at least I was right.
There was a pregnant silence. Finally Alonso spoke up, "Shall we go in?"
Jack smirked. "Allons-y Alonso" he said as he brushed past the stunned man into the room.
"Wh-wha-what did you just say?" Alonso stuttered, following Jack into the room and closing the door behind them.
Jack turned to face him and smirked. With a hint of playful evil in his voice he replied, "I said 'come on'."
Alonso leaned against the closed door and sighed heavily. "Whatever" he said despondently. He pulled his wrists up toward his face and began to undo the cufflink on his left sleeve. In all honesty, he wasn't sure this was still going to go to the same place it was earlier, but he was also a bit tired and well they had to come of anyway right? Might as well make sure they aren't lost or anything.
Jack stared at him from across the room. Well he'd been right the good Doctor did use it but apparently not at a very good moment in their "adventure."
"Alonso, I'm sorry. I hope I didn't upset you or anything. The Titanic huh? Was it as magnificent as the original was supposed to be? I mean before everything happened?" Alonso just stared so he carried on. "I'm sorry history repeated itself and you lost so many. I'm sure it wasn't your fault, you shouldn't blame yourself." The younger man blanched at that sentiment but before he could encourage the speaker to listen to his own wisdom Jack just kept talking. "I know what it feels like to lose people who you consider to be under your care, it's not easy. Must have been a mess though, did you get injured?"
Jack finally paused long enough for Alonso to process what he'd said and formulate a response. Wordlessly, with eyes clouded with remorse, he removed his jacket, folding it carefully, and laying it over a nearby chair. Then he took a breath, pulled his shirt out of his slacks and lifted it high enough to show the new scar left by his bullet wound. Jack crossed the space between them in three steps, kneeling at his feet. He brushed his soft fingertips across the new skin before bringing his lips to the younger man's abdomen, kissing the wound tenderly.
Alonso wove his fingers through the immortal's hair, dragging his nails as he went. Jack's lips moved from the healing flesh to the curve of his hip bone, leaving a trail to the waist of his trousers. His hand went to the button but a hand left his hair and shooed him away before pulling him up by his shoulders.
Alonso slipped his hands underneath the greatcoat, pushing it off his shoulders. "We can't let this get ruined just because I once had a hole in me and you think it's sexy," he winked and walked away from the other man, taking care to fold and lay out the coat on the other chair in the room. Unbuttoning his shirt he walked right back to where he's left the older man whose feet hadn't moved though his body had turned to follow him around the room. Back against the door he sighed, "So where were we?"
When Alonso moved to place a kiss on his lips, Jack ducked to the side and all but latched himself to his neck. Moaning, Alonso felt his knees start to give way underneath him. He leaned heavily against the door as Jack's lips left a burning trail of kisses across his exposed collarbone, down his sternum to his navel.
Back on his knees again, Jack looked up the other man's chest to his lust clouded face, lips still touching the soft skin around his belly bellybutton. With his left hand on Alonso's right hip, Jack brushed his fingers across the puckered skin of the scar tissue. His right hand slid down to the belt buckle, deftly removing it with the flick of his fingers. Eyes still on Alonso's shining blue ones, he raised an eyebrow as his fingers returned to the button of his trousers. When all Alonso could do in return was take a steadying breath Jack understood it as a go-ahead signal, undoing the button and dragging the zipper down with deliberate slowness. As the released material fell to the floor Jack let his fingers trail over the hardness straining against the other man's pants.
Alonso felt as if he was going to lose consciousness when Jack's cheek followed his fingers down the length of his manhood through the fabric of his underwear. As it was he couldn't breathe for what felt like a few minutes and ended up leaning heavily against the door, relying on it to support all of his weight. When he was sure he couldn't stand any longer, in fact he could have sworn he was getting closer to the ground, strong arms lifted him off his feet, bridal style, and he found himself lying out across his bed. Lifting his head just slightly, Alonso watches as the older man pulls down his braces and undoes his trousers, leaving them in a pile similar to the one by the door. He watches as practiced fingers quickly to button the shirt. Aching to touch and be touched the younger man's mind searches through his lust clouded mind for the right name. Suddenly the fog clears and Alonso bolts upright on the bed.
"Everything okay?" Jack asks, concerned and quite startled by the sudden movement.
"I ... I ... I" Alonso stutters. Clearing his throat he tries again, "I don't even know your name. You know mine and we're here halfway to naked ... And I told you about ... about ..." His voice began to sound a bit panicky. He couldn't seem to get words out after "about."
"Captain Jack Harkness" he interrupted. "I do apologize, that was very much unlike me. Now are we okay or should I put these back on?" he continued motioning toward the pile of fabric near his feet.
Alonso kneeled on the bed and held a hand out for Jack to take. When Jack reached for it, Alonso moved his hand away, slid it up the other man's upper arms to the opened collar of his shirt, sliding it off, exposing fit shoulders and cut arms. His eyes had followed his hands so he was shocked to feel fingertips on his collar bone giving his shirt the same treatment. When his shirt was removed, he felt the bed shift with the added weight and finally looked up into eyes that were shining as bright blue as his own were.
The two men remain staring at each other. Sadness and turmoil replaced with lust and need, yet neither man moved. Kneeling on the bed, in only their pants, they were like statues, well heavily breathing statues. Alonso blinked, once, and Jack's mouth crushed against his, tongue entering his mouth without the formality of permission. Tongues and lips battled against each other, bringing the attached bodies with them. If there had been an audience across the room, they could have likened the display to a giant arm wrestling contest.
First, Jack was "winning" leaning himself over Alonso, bending him backward and pressing himself, and his arousal, against his opponent. Then Alonso gained ground. Dominating the kiss and pressing Jack back, shifting his hips to increase the pressure of his own throbbing hardness against the immortal's manhood. When Jack again fought for control, they ended upright, falling sideways toward the pillows. Landing hard, they broke apart trying to catch their breath.
Jack settled his breathing first and took the opportunity to relieve Alonso of his pants. Now that he was completely nude Jack sat back a bit to take him in but was quickly interrupted by the man he was admiring when he pulled him back down beside him.
"Well now you're overdressed again" said Alonso with a smirk. "You should probably fix that you know."
Not ready to even the playing ground quite yet Jack sat back up and in a heartbeat had Alonso in his mouth. Alonso saw the movement as if it was in slow motion but when he opened his mouth to protest that it wasn't fair all that came out was his name, as a moan. Now, with all the year of practice is it any wonder that Jack is good at what he does, sexual acts most definitely included. A blow job was no different. His mouth on Alonso's dick was like a psychic bond. Jack could read his every thought; he was in tune with every sound that left his mouth, every muscle that twitched, and every heartbeat that skipped. It didn't take long, or much effort, before Alonso was literally ripping Jack away from his groin so more could be done.
Jack looked at him and smiled. Panting Alonso motioned to Jack's underwear and made a little gesture signifying that they needed to be removed. NOW! While his silent demand was being met, he rolled over to the far side of the bed and dug through the items still in his luggage. When he found what he was looking for he turned back about to speak only to find his jaw was in his lap and his voice was refusing to work. Standing before him, in all his naked glory, was one Captain Jack Harkness. Alonso wasn't aware of any kind of reputation the man before him had but he just knew for sure one existed, and he had earned every, last bit of it.
Jack had watched as Alonso was digging through the bag on the ground, unknowingly waving his practically perfect ass in the air. Involuntarily, Jack had reached for his own cock and began to stroke it, imagining the pleasure that awaited him in the other man's invitingly tight body. When Alonso turned around, lube in hand, Jack realized what he was doing and dropped his hand. The younger man just sat there, slack-jawed and motionless. Jack shook his head and climb back on to the bed.
The bed shifting snapped the stunned man out of it mentally and the bottle snatched from his hand restarted his motor skills. And then they almost faltered again when his eyes saw Jack slicking his fingers up with the lubricant.
"Oh" Jack murmured when he noticed the surprised look on the other man's face. "I just," Jack started, "I was umm, well I … Uh, is this ok? It's been a while since I didn't know." When Alonso just stared and finally managed a barely perceptible nod, Jack motioned for him to lie down.
After he was comfortable, he lifted his legs and spread his knees, eyes never leaving Jack's fingers. Jack looked up from what he was doing and saw the younger man's eyes fixed on his fingers. Smirking he set down the bottle and moved up toward the other man. Alonso's eyes widened slightly with the movement, completely focused on where the other man's fingers moved. Said other man was very aware of his distraction and took the opportunity to surprise him. In one quick movement, his slick hand surrounded Alonso's hard length while their lips connected in a distractingly passionate kiss.
Shocked it took Alonso a moment to recover from the onslaught of so many sensations starting simultaneously. When he did, his hips thrust into Jack's fist and his tongue battled for dominance. His head began to fog again but this time he let it. He reached around Jack's neck to hold him closer. His other hand trailed down his side, fingers whispering across his skin until he reached his hip. His hand dropped down Jack's outer thigh then traced its way back up his inner thigh, lazily caressing his balls. Jack's rhythm and breath hitched at the same moment, but after Alonso pulled him back down to their kiss, his hand returned to his ministrations, and so did Alonso's. Still moving upward his fingers snaked around the other man's straining erection and stroked it slowly, causing Jack to increase his movements in an effort to get him to do the same. It didn't work but not because he didn't want to but because he could feel himself getting very close to reaching his end. He gasped and Jack pulled away.
He knew the look. The other man was close, almost too close. He stilled his hand and felt around for the discarded bottle of lube once again. With Alonso still reeling over his euphoric but unsatisfied state, Jack reapplied the liquid to his fingers then he reached behind himself. When he inserted his first finger, he moaned and his eyes drooped. He saw Alonso's face register what was happening through hooded eyes as he added another finger, stretching and preparing himself for what he planned next. After a few moments he removed his fingers and moved to straddle the younger man. Jack went to line himself up with Alonso's dick when he found himself on his back, the younger man hovering over him.
"You sure this is what you want?" Alonso asked; both anticipation and concern in his eyes.
Jack could feel Alonso pressed against his opening. He reached up and pulled him into a kiss, causing him to enter his body just slightly. Still not answering the question, he wrapped his legs around the man above him and used them to pull Alonso's hips to his own. At that moment their kiss broke as both men growled deep in their throats. Jack released his legs enough to allow for movement by the other man but he just stayed still. When Jack looked into his eyes though, he didn't see trepidation or insecurity. No, he saw a fiery passion that was just barely being contained. He saw a war going on behind those eyes, whether to hold back or release his excitement from the dam it was stored behind. Jack saw something else too. He saw a man filled with pain similar to his own finally finding a way to release some of it. Still Alonso remained frozen, buried deep inside Jack, unable to move.
"Hey," Jack said, barely above a whisper. "Come on. It's okay." Still the younger man did nothing. Jack reached up to pull him into a kiss. "Just let it all out. I can take it. I promise. Whatever you need, use me," he whispered against his lips.
And then the dam broke. Alonso pushed Jack back into the bed with a kiss that no one could forget. Then he moved, slowly at first. Making sure Jack could feel every inch of him as he pulled out. But that was the end of the slowness as he slammed back into the other man's body. Lips no longer connected, Alonso's latched on and sucked on any skin he could find. His pace was demanding and forceful and damnit if it didn't feel good.
Jack fought to keep his eyes open but that only resulted in them rolling to the back of his head. He did not think the meek sailor he'd met earlier that night was hiding this much zeal behind his calm external appearance but hell if he wasn't happy with the turn of events. To his credit he was more than capable of keeping up, as if anyone would question that, though with the surprise intensity of it all his brain did take a minute or two to catch up. When Alonso's lips adhered to one of his nipples, part of his brain snapped into focus and participation was finally possible. He knotted his fingers into his hair and pulled him back up for a searing kiss. Passion burned between them as Alonso pounded into him. He reached down to stroke himself, not that he was sure it was necessary he felt so close already and the added stimulation would probably bring an end the whole experience. Jack got in about three strokes before his hand was covered by another. Removing his own hand, he allowed the other hand to take over. His eyes met Alonso's and a moan escaped his lips. As he expected the added stimulation was bringing him to the edge. He felt his balls tighten against him and just as he was sure he was about to come Alonso thrust into him a final time, Jack's name on his lips. The younger man's hand only had to stroke one additional time before Jack joined him in ecstasy.
Well, some nights I wish that this all would end
Cause I could use some friends for a change
And some night I'm scared [I'll] forget [you] again
Some night I always win, I always win…
Side by side the two men lay across the bed, limbs sprawled and tangled. Sweat making their skin shine, they panted in unison until their breathing slowly returned to normal. When he was able Alonso got up, slipped into the adjacent bathroom and immediately returned with a damp towel. He gently cleaned Jack's stomach before he discarded it, away from the various piles of clothes scattered around the room that was now in shambles.
"That was …" Alonso started.
"Perfect." Jack stated, not a hint of question in his voice. Alonso looked at him skeptically. "Little bit psychic remember" he teased.
"Right" he conceded. "So, umm, do you feel, uh, better?" Jack just looked at him, not sure what he was talking about. "It was sort of obvious that something was bothering you earlier. And you said something about 'him dying in your arms.' I was just wondering … hoping … I … this was helpful. Or at least distracting."
"Oh" Jack sighed, not sure what to say. He decided to take a mental inventory. Well, he still hurt, emotionally. He'd always keep Ianto with him, wouldn't he? But if he was honest with himself the pain had dulled a bit. He could still easily find reason to drink himself into oblivion but right now … hmmm… no, right now he was okay. He looked to the young sailor sitting on the edge of the bed in front of him. He is why I'm okay right now. He is why, at this moment, being alive doesn't seem so bad. "Yes." He finally answered, "I do feel better. I'll always miss Ianto but thanks to you, figuring out how to die is not at the top of my to-do list, for that I am grateful."
"I'm sorry, did you say 'die'" Alonso gasped. He crawled back onto the bed. Leaning against the headboard, he pulled the immortal into his arm, halfway onto his lap.
"Yeah but it doesn't matter. I can't stay dead." When Alonso just stared, Jack continued, "A long time ago and far away from here I was killed and then I wasn't anymore. She didn't do it on purpose but now I just can't stay dead. No matter how I die, I come back. Just before I lost Ianto, an unknown enemy planted a bomb, in my abdomen." Alonso's shock came out in a gasp of air but he just listened. "They had used it to destroy my team, what had become my family, but we accidentally discovered it. Ianto, oh Ianto, he didn't want to leave but I managed to force him out just before the bomb went off. Then I guess they, whoever they were, collected the pieces that were left and put them in a cell. Well that's what I assume because I woke up with my wrists chained to a wall and I was on a table, naked. Actually, I didn't even have my skin on. I don't know why because it had never happened that way but I woke up and I had no skin, well not yet. It hurts, by the way, being conscious while your skin grows back. Eventually it all grew back, I was still naked of course, but it didn't really hurt any more. I was so angry. There was this camera so I started yelling at it, telling whoever was behind everything, behind the camera to come out, to 'face me like a man.' Then finally a woman appeared in a hole in the ceiling and said 'I'm not a man' I asked her why she was doing it, but she wouldn't tell me. She did have a good point. She said 'apparently you can't die so it would be foolish to tell you anything.' Hey I had no retort to that. She realized she couldn't kill me so she did the only thing she could, she 'contained,' in concrete. She had her crew fill the cell I was in with concrete, with me in it. The next thing I knew I woke up again in a pile of broken concrete, still naked, and when I stood up there was my Ianto." Jack sighed and then added one last thing, "That was the last time Ianto saved me, the last of very, very many." With that Jack slumped into Alonso's chest.
The whole time he had listened Alonso's soul filled with terror. How could one man go through so much and keep his sanity? Well he didn't know how but he knew he was going to be there for him. This man, this poor, broke man, needed a friend and that was what he was going to be for him. He began to run his fingers through Jack's hair, placing the random kiss on his head, just holding him close. His head ran through options of what to say or do next. He crossed each thing off the list. He was still pondering when Jack's voice startled him out of his own thoughts.
"He died the next day."
Neither man said anything. For Jack, he just didn't know if he could continue. When he started, he figured he just take it one sentence at a time. For Alonso, well, there isn't anything, anyone can say to that so he just held him a little bit tighter.
"The aliens, they wanted the children, ten percent of the whole world's children, and the governments all over the world were about to hand them over." Once the story started, it didn't seem to stop. The words just kept following out of his mouth. "We had an inside woman and she was in with our government's leaders. She told them they weren't going to be allowed to do this, to hand over the kids. She told them my team, Torchwood, was taking over. And we did. As she gave her speech, Ianto and I arrive at Thames house, where the alien representative was, and we demanded our way in. I should have made him stay behind. I should have sent him somewhere, anywhere but come with me. It's all my fault. He shouldn't have died so young. It's all my fault I was being selfish …"
"Shhhh" Alonso soothed, brushing his hand softly across his cheek. "I'm sure it's not your fault. From the sounds of it your Ianto would have followed you in anyway."
"Yeah. I suppose you're right." When his sobs subsided he continued. "We went into the alien's chamber and threaten them, told them they couldn't have the kids and that the Earth's people would go to war with them if they had to in order to protect their offspring. The aliens just laughed, said we could not compete with their war. It was true, they fight dirty and to prove it they somehow seal the building we were in and released a virus that would kill everyone. Everyone in the house died, including me. But Ianto, I held him in my arms, trying to convince him, both of us, that we could still make it, that it wasn't the end. I told him it was my fault. He told me it wasn't and then he told me he loved me." Tears rolling down his face, Jack struggled to continue, "All I could say to him was 'don't.' He didn't say anything for a long time. I begged him to stay with me. Then he asked 'it was good, yeah?' 'Yeah' I told him. 'You'll forget me' he'd said. I told him I never could but he insisted that in a thousand years time I wouldn't remember him. I swore to him I would. I never could forget him. And then he was gone. I never told him I loved him, never got the chance but I refuse to ever forget him for as long as I continue living, I will never forget him"
Jack buried his face into Alonso chest and just cried. He cried until he couldn't cry any more then he sobbed, dry sobs cause there weren't any tears left. Alonso said nothing. He just silently held the hurting man in his arms, stroking his back, and being some amount of support. He wasn't sure how much of a help he was, but he was determined to be there.
When Jack's sobs subsided he said one last thing, "that's what I'm afraid of most, that one day I won't remember him and that would be the biggest act of betrayal I could ever perform." With that he slipped his head down to the pillows and fell into a fitful sleep.
Alonso, also tired, slid his body down further into the bed. After a moment of hesitation, he wrapped his arm around the other man and pulled him in close. Eventually, he too was overcome by the emotional events that had been revealed to him. He found a few tears falling from his face to the pillow beneath his head. Finally he let sleep take him, but instead of the horrors from The Titanic he found himself dreaming about being more to the man he was wrapped around. More than a shag and a shoulder to cry on. He didn't dream about replacing Ianto, just helping him continue his life in honor of him.
But I still wake up, I still see your ghost
Oh, Lord, I'm still not sure what I stand for, oh
What do I stand for? What do I stand for?
Most nights I don't know… (Oh come, on)
Jack's sleep was restless. Every time he woke he felt an arm draped across his waist and a leg tangle among his and his back pressed against someone else's stomach. It would take him a while to remember the other body parts belonged to the young sailor he had met thanks to the Doctor. On a few occasions he automatically snuggled into the presence behind him before realizing it was not his Ianto. Though he would quickly pull away, as he realized who was sharing his bed, he found himself relaxing into the warm embrace.
A noise startled Jack awake. At the ready as always, he sat upright in bed, remembering a moment too late that he was not the only one in the bed. Running his fingers through Alonso's hair to lull him back to sleep, Jack diligently scanned the room in the dim light. Realizing there was no danger to dispense of he began to relax back into the bed when he noticed a shape in the shadows in the chair he was rather sure had his coat folded across.
"Ianto?" He whispered.
Nothing happened. He started to get out of the bed but the arm around his waist tightened. Reluctantly he stayed in the bed, eyes straining to see clearer through the dark.
"Oh, Ianto. I miss you so much. I feel so lost without you. I just wish I could escape all this – That's what I was trying to do, you know, when I left earth, escape all the painful memories of you. It was all my fault. You shouldn't have come with me to Thames House. I should have known it was dangerous. And now the pain just follows me across the galaxies. You're everywhere Yan."
Still nothing happened. Jack just stared at the shadow in the chair. When Alonso started to stir, his fingers found their way back to his head as he absently soothing him back to slumber once again.
Then it was almost as if he could hear Ianto's voice in his head. Shame on you, Jack. I was not the only one counting on you on Earth. What about Gwen, huh? Jack could have sworn there was a mental shiver to accompany that thought. When I died we were all on the "Most Wanted" list and Gwen was pregnant, how can you be here when she could be in danger? When they could be in danger?
Jack wasn't sure where these thought had come from. Maybe after talking everything out with Alonso these thoughts were all that was left to haunt him tonight.
"But, but she is safe. I saw her, before I left. She was with Rhys; he can take care of her"
A mental scoff sounded inside his mind. Jack, we could barely keep her out of trouble, remember? How do you know they haven't found her? How do you know the Earth isn't under some terrible threat that no one is better suited to fixing than the Great Captain Jack Harkness?
Jack paused, wondering where the conviction was coming from but realizing he was right. No one ever talked to him that way, well no one except one person but how?
Removing his hand from atop Alonso's head where it had continued to keep him still and sleeping, his slipped out of the other man's embrace and out of the bed. Steadier on his feet this time he took several strides toward the figure in the dark. It held up what looked to be a hand. Jack realized it was telling him to stop. He did for a moment.
"I just want to see you, even if just for a minute." Jack thought he saw the shadow shake his head.
You have to go back to Earth, Jack.
"I can't go back. I can't face it, not without you."
You have to, the world needs you.
"I just don't know if I can do it." He said before he closed his eyes and hung his head in shame. As he opened his eyes to look at the floor, he realized what he'd done.
He snapped his head up to find the shadowy form was gone. He knew from the night before that as soon as he took his eyes off it, it would be gone. He forced himself to move over to the chair where he had seen the figure and reached out to touch the fabric of his coat. It felt warm somehow. Part of Jack wanted to question it but he just couldn't. Instead he pulled it up to his nose. When he was again rewarded with the smell of his beloved Ianto, he took the coat back to bed and wrapped himself around it as if it was a security blanket.
So this is it? I sold my soul for this?
I washed my hands of that for this?
I miss my mom and dad for this?
(Oh come one)
Alonso just laid there. He had heard most of what Jack had been saying. He had wanted desperately to sit up and figure out who Jack had been talking to, if he had been talking to anyone. He had quickly realized whatever it was it was a private moment so he tried to go back to sleep. When that didn't work he tried for ignoring everything and pretending he was asleep. Obviously the pretending worked because Jack never said anything but the tuning out however just made every word clearer. Jack was at war within himself. He felt responsible for the people on Planet Earth, but he was too hurt to return yet. But something, or someone, seemed to be pushing him to go.
But I don't want him to go. I just met him and had the best sex of my life. I was going to help him move on.
Alonso rolled to his other side; quite sure he did not want to see the other man cuddling his coat like it was a third person in the bed. His Bed.
He thought about what had brought him to this planet. The pain he suffered from losing nearly every member of the cruise he was responsible for. So many people had told him he was just a midshipman, that it was his first commission, that what happened and the lives lost were not his fault, but he couldn't help but see it that way. After the authorities came and towed them back to Sto, he couldn't face his family, his friends, so he left. He was fairly certain no one would hire him; he knew he wouldn't. Somehow he'd ended up here, breaking up a bar fight, and finding an amazing man to spend the night with.
By the time he had fallen asleep earlier, he thought perhaps this could have been more than a one night stand. Maybe he and Jack could have something, but it was all an illusion. Alonso was sure he was just a distraction. But that didn't mean he wasn't going to hold onto a sliver of hope that he was wrong.
No. He thought to himself as he rolled back over and settled himself against Jack's warm body. I could be wrong. He just might stay with me. He wrapped his arm around the sleeping Jack and, when he didn't resist, pulled him tight against his body, comfortably drifting back to sleep.
No. When I see stars, when I see, when stars that's all they are.
When I hear songs, they sound like the swan, so come on.
Oh, come on. Oh, come on. Oh, come on!
He was standing on the roof of a very tall building. One look around confirmed he was in Cardiff again. He breathed in the night air and tried to remember how he got here.
"Umm, sir," a voice called behind him. A voice he'd know anywhere.
He wanted to turn around, to face the source of the voice and pretend it was real, but he wasn't ready. The moment he'd spoken he knew this was all a dream. He tilted his head to stare at the stars he knew would be there.
"I always thought they held so much wonder and promise." He knew dream Ianto would be stepping closer, his Ianto would always come closer.
"Is that so, sir?" Ianto asked, "Even when you were young? Back on your own planet, in your own time?"
"Yes, Yan, even then, though they were different stars there I guess. I suppose I've thought they held different things over the years. When I was young, it was a means to an escape. I always wanted to be more. I was the first one from my colony to sign up and get accepted to the Time Agency. 'The Face of Boe' they used to call me. It was strange though, the stars never seemed to have the 'more' I was looking for." Jack paused, lost in thought.
"And then sir?" Ianto was just behind him. He could almost feel his breath on his skin.
"Well then I met the Doctor and even though I didn't realize it was happening he made of a better man. He gave me the more I wanted. And then he left me behind. After that, for the years I waited for him to come back, the stars were a symbol of hope. Hope that if I could just find the Doctor he would be able to fix me."
Ianto's arms were wrapped around his waist now. This time when Jack paused he just waited.
"Then I did find him but there was nothing he could do. We finished saving the planet and all of humanity and I realized something..." Jack turned in the other man's embrace. "In all of my chasing of the stars I never noticed they'd secretly brought me my 'more' while I wasn't looking. They brought me you. You were my hope, my more, my love. But now you're gone."
A tear escaped Jack eye; he expected to see Ianto fading away. He didn't, instead he pulled Jack into a fierce hug and held onto him. "And now?" He asked into his hair.
"Now?" He let out a strangled laugh. "Now they're just stars. I don't see hope. I don't see adventure. Now that you are gone all I see are fading balls of burning gas…"
Well, that is it guys, that is all – five minutes in and I'm bored again
Ten years of this, I'm not sure if anybody understands
This one's not for the folks at home;
Sorry to leave, Mom, I had to go
Who the fuck wants to die alone all dried up in the desert sun?
He walked outside the Max Capricorn Cruises building for the last time. They might recover from the scandal but even if they did he was done with them. They said they would give him a great review if any future employers called, but he didn't feel he'd earned it. He walked down the stairs and climbed into the transport.
At home his mother fussed over him. Making comments about how lucky he was to be alive and how grateful she was he was safe and home.
Ugh! She doesn't get it. I lost all those people. All 2,000 of them, they're all dead because of me; because I couldn't stop Captain Hardaker.
His dad slapped him on the back as if he was some kind of hero and his younger brothers pestered him about seeing his bullet wound. It was too much. He'd only been home for five minutes, and he was ready to pull his hair out. He made his way to his old room, finding it virtually the same as he left it; he threw himself on the bed. He thought through his options. There was what most people did on his planet but he just knew it would never be enough. He definitely did not want to work a cruise liner again, and the military was just not his style.
He continued trying to come up with other options and then a face appeared in his imaginings. Familiar yet still unknown. Strong features, brilliantly blue eyes, kissable lips. Jack, his mind supplied. He sat up on the bed and realized he didn't need to think about what to do, he'd already done it. This time was different though, this time he was in more control. This time, in his dream, he was going to make things better, at least in his mind. He went back to the kitchen to find his mother.
"Mom, I know this doesn't matter and I might never get to say this to your face but I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm not the son you wanted. I'm sorry I couldn't save all those people. And I'm sorry I had to leave. I'm not ready to be here, I don't know if I ever will be."
"But, Alonso, where will you..."
Alonso stopped her words with a kiss on the cheek. With that, he left the room, the house and eventually the planet.
But hey it was just a dream so he could travel however he wanted. He blinked and found himself reliving the more passionate moments of the night.
My heart is breaking for my sister and the con that she call "love"
When I look into my nephew's eyes...
Man, you wouldn't believe the most coaxing things that can come from...
Some terrible lies... Ah...
Jack looked around. It was no longer night; he was no longer on a roof. Panicked he spun around; afraid he'd find himself alone again. It might just be a dream but he wanted to spend as much time with his Ianto as he could.
It was now early afternoon. He was standing under a tree, a playground not too far away. Still alarmed about being alone, his eyes continued to roam. When his eyes found the tall Welshman, his legs almost came out from under him. He was walking away from the similar looking woman and coming toward him.
"Who was that?" Jack asked, unable to keep his curiosity to himself.
"That's my sister, Rhiannon. We've never been close but she and Johnny are fighting again, she has no one else to talk to"
Jack nodded.
"See the boy over there? The one climbing on everything? That's David, my nephew. And the girl, on the swings? That's Mica."
"Do you ever wish we could have had kids, Ianto? That you could have been a father?"
"No, Jack. Being with you was the best choice I made in my life. Plus where would the child be now? I'm dead and you're, well you're not there. It was for the best."
Jack could feel his heart breaking all over again. But Ianto was right, especially if he ran when he couldn't handle something. Still, he'd loved being a father, what little time he had with Alice, even though she hated him now.
"But" Ianto continued. "In a different life? Maybe. Kids are... Well they are supposed to be a reflection of the parents' love right? At least sometimes. Not that it's possible but if we could have had kids, like our own kids, the world wouldn't stand a chance."
Jack laughed, trying to picture Ianto holding a little baby with bright, expressive eyes shining up at both of them.
Instantly, he was there. Tracing his finger along the imagined child's cheek. All he could think about was that he would do anything and everything to protect this little miracle.
"You know, Jack" Ianto spoke up, reading his mind. "You don't have to be their father for them to need your protection"
Oh whoa, oh whoa, oh whoa oh oh
Somewhat startled by the vividness of his dream, Jack finds himself becoming aware of his surroundings. Without lifting an eyelid he can tell it's still dark in the little room. He remembers the coat he held in his arms and pulls it to his nose, hoping it still held the scent from the night before. Disappointed to find it smells only like him, he pushes it away and curls into the more dominant source of warmth in the bed. As he blindly fits his body against the other man, he thinks he is hearing someone talking, perhaps outside the room.
"Oh, Jack" the voice says.
Jack quickly realizes the sound was not far away, just muffled. The man he'd curled into was talking in his sleep, into the pillow or, wait, no. The sound was muffled by Jack's own hair; he realizes he can feel Alonso's breath against his scalp.
"Jack, I'm so glad I met you. I needed this. I needed tonight but ..." The rest of the voice faded away as Alonso shifted slightly, making it harder to hear.
Jack rolled over to face him, being sure to keep himself as close to him as possible to not interrupt his sleep. Then he finally opened his eyes to look at the sleeping features of the gorgeous man in bed with him. Asleep, Alonso looked almost at peace, as if the bad that had affected his life so dramatically couldn't touch him among his dreams. For a moment, he wished he could be like that, untouchable in his dreams, safe from the pain of real life, but that would mean no Ianto. As much as he'd prefer it was real, he wouldn't trade seeing him for peace.
"We can help each other Jack," Alonso's voice brought him out of his yearning. "Maybe one day we could be more. We could travel the galaxies. We could be good ..."
Jack stopped the words with a kiss. It was a soft kiss, not enough to wake the other man but enough so that Jack wouldn't have to hear the rest. He knew what was coming next. He even thought maybe, in a different time, the other man could be correct. Right now, however, Jack would not be "good together" with anyone.
Oh, whoa, oh, whoa, oh, whoa, oh oh
Jack traced the lines of Alonso's face, whispering them along his features in an effort not to wake him. He knew what he was going to do he just, he just didn't know how he was going to do it.
A few things were clear to Jack now. One, he definitely felt better thanks to Alonso. Just feeling slightly more human was a very significant change from how he felt the night before. Two, it was great sex. Hey, if he were anything, Jack was a man who appreciated skills in others, especially in bed. Three, Alonso wanted more. He wasn't sure how much more the other man wanted but Jack knew one more thing. Four, it was time to go home. There might not be a Torchwood but that doesn't mean the Earth is safe, and he might have lost the one man he loved above all others but that doesn't mean there aren't other people on that planet he cares about. They all deserved protection and in many cases he was the one who could offer it to them.
The only problem is it means he has to leave the one being in the whole universe that made it possible for him to do so. Letting his hand drift to the back of other man's neck, he whispered "You were amazing. I don't know if I can leave you behind"
It just feels so cruel. He continued in his head. But I have to go back and I don't think I can bring you with me.
Jack felt Alonso sleepily rub his head into his touch. "You deserve to be happy. Someone who can lay like this with you every night and every morning. Someone who you can grow old with" I can't give you those things.
He leaned over to place another feather soft kiss on the other man's lips but when they touched, Alonso began kissing him back. Startled it took a moment before Jack was returning the kiss. When Alonso began to deepen the kiss, trying to fan the flames of passion again, Jack pulled away.
"Well good morning" he quipped with a smile. "I was just about to jump in the shower, if that's okay?"
Alonso nodded and Jack slid out of bed and hurried through the cold room to the shower. When he could hear the sound of the water come on, Alonso rolled to his other side and smiled. Jack didn't know but he'd been somewhat conscious during the one sided conversation. While he'd been listening he'd heard the conflict in his voice but he'd said he wanted to take him with him. Alonso closed his eyes, he was still wary of the situation but he let himself hope just a little bit more.
The other night, you wouldn't believe the dream I just had about you and me
I called you up, but we both agreed...
Alone in the shower, Jack stares up into the falling water. The water was warm and, for the first time in months, relaxing. As he went through the motions of cleaning himself and his hair his thoughts turned toward facing the world, any world, with a new determination. He knew he had to go back to Earth, it was his self-appointed job. He didn't know how but he knew Ianto was behind his resolve to return.
Turning his face toward the ceiling he spoke to the empty air, "Ianto? I know you aren't there but thanks"
Realizing that talking to him, even though he wasn't there, seemed to lift an unknown burden, he contemplated continuing.
"I had this dream last night. We had a baby, Yan."
He chuckled to himself. When the sound echoed in the small room, he realized he didn't want Alonso in the other room to hear his not so sane conversation with his dead lover so he lowered his voice.
"I know what you're thinking: us? Have a baby? I know but it was so beautiful. Seeing you with a baby in your arms, our baby. I don't know how I knew but I just did. Looked just like you, I'll have you know? Probably would have been able to perfect your patented eye roll before they were 6 months old."
Jack dipped his head under the water to collect his thoughts. He knew talking to the air was crazy but when it came to the pain of losing Ianto, whatever helped.
"You were right by the way," he whispered. "I have to go back. I have to at least keep an eye out for Gwen. Who knows what kind of trouble she could get into, and if she's in trouble the whole planet could be in danger." He paused, grasping at the last of his determination. "It's not going to be easy but it's the right thing to do."
He turned off the shower and reached for a towel. With it securely wrapped around his waist, he reached for a smaller one to dry his face.
Into the towel, he muttered "I'll never forget you. I promised then and I promise now. I'll always love you."
He put the smaller towel back on the rack, removed the traces of pain and longing from his face, and headed back to the other room where Alonso was still cocooned in the bed.
It's for the best you didn't listen
It's for the best we get our distance... Oh…
Alonso turned over in the bed as Jack reentered the room. Clad in only a towel, he was a sight to see so he allowed his eyes to roam. Jack move through the room, distractedly inspecting the various piles of scattered clothes. When he located his pants, Alonso watched him with morbid fascination as he drop his towel, pick them up, and put them on. Alonso's eyes followed him as he retrieved his shirt and shrugs it on, leaving it unbuttoned as he continues the search for the rest of his clothing.
Jack finds his trousers with the braces still attached and pulls them on. Buttoning his shirt and tucking it in, he closes his trousers and pulls on the braces. Finally, he locates his socks and boots. When he sits down on the edge of the bed, he can feel the other man wrap around him. Once his boots are on and tied, he places a hand affectionately on Alonso's face.
"Thank you so much." Jack finally said. "I just, I was at the point where I didn't know how to get to the next day."
"You are more than welcome" Alonso replied shyly, shifting his face into Jack's palm. "Thank you for helping me. And, well, letting me help you. I can be here for you whenever you need me," His voice going up in a question.
"Thank you, I know you would"
Jack stood up and looked around, going back into the bathroom for a minute. He came back out, leaning against the doorframe, with a half finished glass of water. He watched Alonso, already in his pants and shirt, pulling on his trousers. Jack finished his water and placed the cup back on the counter in the bathroom. Before Alonso could tuck in his shirt, Jack once more lifted it to place a tender kiss on the marred skin.
"I have to go" Jack started. "Back to my room, and then …" He paused. "I have to go back to Earth. They need me and I need to be there for them. You will never know how much you've done for me, Alonso."
It's for the best you didn't listen
It's for the best we get out distance… Oh…
Alonso collapsed on the bed and stared after the retreating man. There was nothing he could do, nothing he could say, Jack was leaving him behind. It wasn't like Alonso had made a plan but now he was back at the same place he was when he left Sto. Sighing he fell back and stared up at the ceiling.
At least he wasn't aware of my dream about him.
It was too early for a drink but food could be good. Well, it didn't sound good but he knew he needed it. He headed into the adjoining bathroom to clean himself up a little. Splashing water on his face he stared into the mirror.
How is this possible? He asked himself. Why do I feel as if I just lost something that could have been wonderful? NO! Stop that Midshipman Alonso Frame! You will be fine. You will find someone you can pour yourself into who will stay and support you in whatever you want to do.
Looking in the mirror one more time he gave himself a mental shake. Well, things to do I guess. He headed back through the bedroom to grab his jacket and wander around looking for inspiration for the rest of his life.
As he passed through the doorway his heart jumped into his throat. There was something peeking out from under the bed. It was the Greatcoat, Jack's Greatcoat. Well, he had to get it back to him. On second thought he needed to get it back to him WITHOUT seeing him, he couldn't handle it. He pulled the coat out, unconsciously inhaling the scent held within the collar. Yeah, definitely can't see him, not yet. Placing the coat on his bed he went over to the chair where he had laid his jacket on the night before. Slipping it on again was almost like a piece of protective armor, suddenly he was ready to face the day. He grabbed the coat as he headed out the door and made his way back to the bar he'd met Jack in the night before.
The club was closed but through the window he saw the barmaid who had paid such good attention to Jack. She must know him. He thought to himself and knocked on the window. She saw him and hurried over to the door, unlocking and opening it.
"We're still closed …" She started, and then she recognized him from the night before. "Oh, hi, it's you. Did you need something?"
"I, uh" Alonso wasn't sure what all to say, how to explain the situation. "He left his coat. You know, with me, on accident. I wanted to make sure he got it back but, well, I'm not sure he wants to see me again."
"Oh" she replied, a look of genuine sympathy in her eyes. "Come on in. I'll get you something to drink."
He followed her inside. He wasn't sure drinking now was a good idea, but it sure sounded good. Plus, it would only be one. He sat down on the same stool as he had the night before and place the coat on the one Jack had been occupying then as well. When she handed him a glass of clear liquor, he tossed it back in one swallow, relishing the burn in the back of his throat.
"Do you want something to eat? We don't really serve food usually but we keep some in the back for us."
"No, I'm fine, not really hungry."
"I'll make sure he gets it. I'm sure he'll be in tonight, has been every night for at least the last week"
"Thanks, I would hate for him to lose this great of a coat." Alonso thanked her. Then he added ruefully, "He does look great in it doesn't he?"
"Oh yes he does"
"Well I should be off. Not sure where I'm going but might as well go somewhere"
"You know I heard the boats that leave from here usually need more help; too many don't want to leave here when it's time."
Alonso looked at her quizzically.
"The uniform" she said looking pointedly at his attire.
"Oh right. Well that's an option; maybe I'll look into it. Thanks, again."
He headed to the door. She followed behind him to lock up. He stood right outside the door for a moment, listening to the lock click into place.
He looked around and said aloud to himself, "Allons-y Alonso" and head off toward the shipyard.
The END!