Ruminant

"Bloody hell." James Potter stared at his best friend. Gone was the large black dog he was so used to seeing, glossy fur and bushy tail and grizzled muzzle—gone. James could barely comprehend the sight before him. Sirius had just wanted to go for a run in the forest, but something had gone terribly wrong.

"Moony," he whispered, slowly approaching what had once been his best friend. "What happened?" The animal butted against his leg, and James jumped back. "Where's Sirius?"

Remus was in equal shock, his face white as a sheet. "Helga's hairy chin, I have no idea, Prongs."

The beast trotted over to Remus, bleating impatiently. James felt a rush of panic set in. "Well, what do we do? We can't go to Pomfrey—we'd have to tell her everything. We'd be suspended-—chucked in Azkaban, even!"

Remus shrugged helplessly "We…we fix him, then."

"How?" James asked, his voice unnaturally high. The animal trotted back to him, and James felt a slow wetness soak through his trainers.

"It pissed on me!" he cried, jumping back. "Sirius just pissed on me!"

When he glanced up at Remus, his friend was holding back a snigger. "It's not funny, Moony," James snapped. "This is serious."

"Of course it's Sirius. He's looking a bit ruminant, though." Remus broke into a broad grin, but James stared at him as if he had gone mad.

"How can you make jokes when your best friend is a…a…"

The beast bleated before them, and James choked back his strangled answer.

"A goat."

Remus doubled over laughing. James gave him another murderous glare before bending down, gingerly reaching out for the beast's scraggly snout. The goat rubbed against him as if begging for help.

"Don't worry, Sirius," he murmured. "Moony may be a prat, but I'll figure this out. I'll turn you back."

Remus cleared his voice and stepped forward. "I'm sorry, Prongs, but you do have to admit, it's…"

James stood, ready to retort, but when the animal butted him again, and Remus burst out laughing once more, he couldn't help it: a grin began to spread across his face. He started to laugh, but quickly covered it up as a cough.

"It's bad news," he said, trying to stay focused, and Remus nodded in agreement as he took a deep breath. "We need to help him."

"Right." Remus crossed his arms over his chest and studied Sirius, who had plucked up a bit of grass and was chewing loudly. James could see the corners of Remus's mouth twitching again.

"Moony," he warned.

"Sorry." Remus cleared his face. "There's a spell to force an Animagus back to human form. We just need to find it."

"What do we do with him in the meantime?" James asked. "We can't leave him out here, but we can't really sneak a goat into the dormitory either."

"Oh, he'll be fine," said a voice from behind them. Peter stepped out, James's invisibility cloak in one hand and his wand in the other. "You don't need the Animagus spell."

"Why not?" Remus asked suspiciously. Peter merely winked and waved his wand. The goat disappeared and in its place appeared Sirius, grinning madly as he bowed low.

"Got you good, didn't I?"

~FINIS~