SHEZOW -
DO THE RIOT THING
Riot Gurl is losely based off 90s Riot Grrrl/Feminist Punk & 00s Hipster
Chick Kathleen Hanna, Marceline-esque with a variety of "Rock chick" type characters.
characters. She's the general cool, hip rough 'n' tumble girl power type.
Maz & Guy were walking to the library to "study". They pass a number of couples of varying shapes and sizes, kissing and laughing. There's a large sign reading "Megadale Library Couple's Day - because there's only so long you can keep your head in a book!"
"So Guy, have you thought about how you'd get a girlfriend? It might be a bit weird with the whole She-tuation you going on!"
"Dude, I totally don't need a girlfriend to prove my manliness. But I totally could get a girlfriend if I wanted to. Watch this!"
Guy walks up to a group of boyfriend-free girls and points both fingers at a random hippie girl
"Check THIS out! Free walking!"
Guy jumped up against the wall, runs along it, then against a tree. A branch broke under his feet, and fell - his butt knocking against the tree. He led sprawled on the ground. A bird's nest falls on his head. Then a football. Then a large cat, which spat out an hairball on his short.
One of the prep girls spoke up.
"Hah, more like DWEEB walking!" the girls walked off on this note.
Maz walked over to where Guy was, took out a tissue and cleaned him off.
"Don't worry Guy, that was a terrible pun and they'll realise it by the time they get home. And watch a TV show with the exact same predictable insult."
"Too bad my free-walking performance was even more terrible. It was her-iffic."
"Maybe you need to try some she-walking instead then?"
"Yeah, like any girl would be interested in a guy who's secretly SheZow. Whoa! Speaking of which!"
Guy noticed Sheila's "Shemergency" alarm going off, and hid behind the tree.
"You GO girl!"
He came out the other side dressed as SheZow. Maz was giggling.
"Did you just go behind the tree?"
Shezow cringed.
"Dude..."
Shezow stared at his belt.
"I wonder what the problem is! I better contact Sheila."
"No need Guy! Look over there!"
Maz pointed across the city; where a steel giant was rapidly approaching. A familiar voice was being gigaphone'd in every direction.
"Oh man! It's Mocktopus! He's making a CAR GOLEM!"
Mocktopus was in a control pod on top of a scrapheap monster, made from dozens of cars crushed together. He spat into his gigaphone;
"Haha! I am the best at technology. I'm so great, even I don't know how I did this!"
Maz was getting riled up.
"Man, he could total half the city with that if he keeps going!"
"So what's your super identity today, Maz?"
"Huh?"
"The Book Wyrm? The Human Tissue?"
"No, today I am... master patisserie; Mr. Flantastic!"
Maz changed into a blue baker's outfit, with additional chest armour made of a wobbly Flan-like substance.
"Dude, sweet!"
"Literally!"
Shezow dashed towards the approaching metal monstrosity, with Maz in tow.
"You better stop this right now, Mocktopus! There's no future in being a CAR-eer criminal!"
"Nonsense! You won't be so funny when you're dealing with my CAR-bine rounds!"
The Car Golem sprouted two messy looking cannons, and shot out small but rapid pieces of shrapnel.
One of the pieces struck Maz directly on the chest; his armour wobbled and absorbed the shock.
"See! It works! And feels weird... "
Shezow got into a fighting stance.
"Sorry, Mocktopus, but I'm going to have to BUS-t through your little CAR-ade!"
"Enough already, we get the idea, Slee-Zow." an unfamiliar voice came from the other side of the street.
There was a noise like a scream, but not like Shezow – it was harsh, fuzzy, grating.
"Ahh!"
Mocktopus was clearly disorientated.
There was a stomping noise and cracks in the ground. A figure came somersaulting, bashing through one of the legs, and landed on the other side, pounding the ground.
This figure was of a punk girl, or a superhero themed around a punk girl at least. She had short, spiky black hair, and wore chains and things. There was a circled "R" in red on her her black tank top.
The ground shook and the Car Golem fell apart.
"Curses! Mother will be so disappointed!"
Mocktopus pressed an eject button and was shot into the distance.
"Aaaaaahhhhhh"
The Punk Girl got up, looked at Shezow and folded her arms.
"So you're She-Zow."
"And who the heck are you - " Guy slipped towards his Guy voice before catching himself, "And who might you be, young lady?"
"Name's Riot Gurl."
"And um, what do you do?"
"I'm a superhero. And a less dorky one than you."
"Hey! Shezow's no dork!"
"Says the guy wearing a cake."
"Hey, now, that hurt my feelings." Maz looked defeated.
Shezow stuck his chest out, boastfully.
"Well, now, aren't you a riot. I bet I'm a much better superhero than you."
"Pfft. Yeah, right. You just think having ridiculous powers up the wazoo makes you a good superhero. Some of the rest of us have to do with much less, and do so much better."
Riot Gurl folded her arms.
"So what... lesser powers do you use?"
"I have the power of... DISTORTION!"
there was a crackle and boom as she said this.
"Watch this."
Riot Gurl, in one swift movement, ran up to Maz and put her hand on the Flan. Ripples formed on it's surface, becoming deeper – and sharper, almost square like. At this point, it exploded in a flurry of off-white.
"Hahahaha. And it's not just Flan I can do that to, I can do it to cars and stuff. What's even better, is that I can use a similar wave to mess with people's heads, and make them go nuts. That's why I'm Riot Gurl! Also after the 90s punk movement, but there's no way you're cool enough to know that."
"That doesn't sound like a very heroic ability."
"Like I said, some of us have to make do with not being able to pull random powers out our butt. Anyway, I have a problem with all this."
Riot Gurl grabbed onto Shezow's outfit.
"What's wrong this This?"
"Your outfit. It's so weak. You're meant to be like, THE super-female. Since you haven't even bothered changing it in the last bazillion years, everyone's gonna think girls have to be all super pink to be super. That's lame."
"Hey, now, it's a classic costume! Plus it's not all bad. For example I have my LASER LIPSTICK!"
"Lame. Totally lame."
"Umm... Vanshing Cream? Super She-Slap? Heat She-king powder bombs? They're all... cool, right?"
"Do you have anything that's not stuper-girly? Don't answer that. I've got hardcorestuff to do. Riot Gurl away!"
The ground underneath her distorted and sent her flying upwards.
After she skipped from building to building, Kelly pulled up in the Shehicle.
"What happened, you guys?"
"I think I just got dissed..."
TRANSITION!
Back in the She-Lair, Guy was having one of his moods. Sheila and Kelly were attempting to console him, but to no avail. Guy sat on a wooden stool with his arms crossed, a sour expression on his face.
"So what's wrong with you guy? I thought we'd been through this."
"I don't want to be Shezow. Shezow is lame."
"How can you say that! Shezow has been passed on in our family for sheons! Are you saying Aunt Agnes was lame? Are you saying all the Shezows you met through time are lame?"
"Well, at least some of them were a bit less, you know... silly."
"Silly? You know I wanted to be Shezow more than anything! And you know I've said that at least a dozen times since you stole that from me! I will not have my Shezow moping around just because some rowdy punk girl has a problem with girls who wear pink."
"Actually, Guy is a boy."
"Thanks Maz, you're really helping."
Seeing this was going nowhere, Sheila decided to butt in.
"Guy, you've been doing very well up until now and we're tall proud of you. Shezow's theme and attire might not be to everyone's taste, but most people didn't get to choose what kind of superhero they were."
"Really?"
"Absolutely. Did you know that Uma Thermal always wished to be a gritty Cyborg? And that the Punchinator wanted to be a postman?"
"Whoa! Is that for real?"
"Well, it could be true. I'm not at liberty to reveal their personal information even if I had it. But I know it happens."
This time Kelly spoke up again. She waltzed around, lecturing guy with exaggerated mannerisms, as if she was giving a rousing speech or drama performance.
"Brother, for some people Shezow shows you can be glamorous and strong at the same time. Plus heroes are meant to be over the top. Seeing a butch dude or dudette punch a guy in the face is fun. But seeing someone get a high heel to the face is awesome. The fact that you're really a guy makes it double awesome. Shezow's girly powers are meant to have fun with the idea of being girly, of course some goth girl with no sense of humour would think they're lame."
"But I don't want to be girly! I'm a guy! My name is even Guy! Why does nobody get this?"
"The ring chose you for a reason, you know that. It wouldn't force something on you that it knew wasn't right for you. If you trust your own She-SP, you have to trust the ring. There may be a load of nit-picky rules to it as well but it's all part of keeping up the image, you know? Or else the awesome factor wouldn't be there. And a grumpy gus is NOT part of Shezow's image." Kelly stretched Guy's cheeks as she said this.
"Oh, fine. I'm too hungry to argue anymore. I need pizza, and fizz burp. Where did Maz go, anyway? I think your She-vangelising scared him away."
"Probably working on his new costume. I can't wait to see what he has this time."
"She-mergency. She-mergency."
"Oh, what is it now?"
"Major Attitude has joined forces with the Militia of Malicious Mimes. With his military expertise or at least... attitude, the MMM might finally become a real threat. At least, one large enough for Shezow to finally bother with them."
"Sounds like a Major snooze-fest to me. Well, whatever. You go Girl!"
"Guy! Don't forget me!".
Maz had returned. He was wearing a muscle suit and carried a large water pistol.
"Get this – I'm the Flex Pistol."
"Dude... ew. What's in that thing anyway?"
"Stinkjuice."
"Ew." Guy and Kelly voiced in unison.
TRANSITIONShezow and the Flex Pistol speeding along in the Shehicle.
"Well I've never hear Kelly say "awesome" so much before. She really tried hard to appeal to your boyish sense of excitement."
"Yeah, I guess..."
Major Attitude was busy drilling the Mimes with his trademark squeeky voice. The Mimes were dressed in the stereotypcial outfit, but each had individual quirks – brightly coloured hair, different shaped caps, etc.
"Listen up, men! If I can even call you that. We have a mission, here today. And I want you to stick to that mission."
"But what is the mission?"
Major Attitude spread his arms out.
"Look at this young moron. What is the mission? I'll tell you the darn mission. The mission is for you to go around smashing stuff and telling them that I, Major Attitude, am responsible for this. This is will sure to drill some fear and respect into Megadale, for I, Major Attitude. And what's good for me, is good for my men. Do you understand?"
"Yes sir! We are so desperate that we accept even a girly voice like you as our leader, sir!"
"This is what I gotta work with.." Major Attitude sighed.
The group marched out, and began targeting things that looked smashing, and stores that looked worth looting.
The Shehicle pulled up outside a Petshop. Plainly, attacking the petshop had been a bad idea. A couple of mines were having their faces scratched by parrots. One of them was on the ground mimicing a frog that had escaped. One of the more competent mines came over and kicked him in the butt.
"Ow."
"It's Shezow! We've hit the big league, guys!"
"Wait, aren't Mime's supposed to talk!"
"We're the Militia of Malicious Mimes! We can't hurl abuse at you if we're silent! You dogstump!."
"What's a dogstump?"
"Why don't you ask your Momma, fishlegs!"Some of the mimes burst out laughing, while others mimed being fish, while wiggling their legs. One was entirely confused, and mimed being a DJ.
"Okay, these guys are weird. Now if we can just find Major -"
"Hold it right there, Slee-zow!"
"Oh, no." Guy and Maz quickly recognised the voice.
There was a crackling sound, and a distinct feeling of interference. It was, of course, Riot Gurl, who out of nowhere had bullrushed a number of the Mimes, leaping on top of another, sending rippling waves down through him, weakening his knees. He mimed running out of climbing rope before he fell.
Though she'd criticised SheZow being excessively endowed with powers, the precise nature of Riot Gurl's seemed unknown – exactly what this distortion was and what it could do. She seemed to be extremely durable and agile on top of it, also, which made her all the more annoying to Guy, since SheZow wasn't clearly superior. If he HAD to be a female superhero – why not one like her?
"You should have flattened these guys already. Too busy fixing your hair?""Hey! I'll have you know that messed up hair is Shezow's weak point!" Maz made his presence known with this helpful remark.
Shezow facepalmed.
"Aaaahh! What have you KIDS done to my Men!" a raging Major Attitude appeared from down street.
He faced down Riot Gurl, grimacing.
"Oh~ Big MAN looking down on a little girl. Must be proud of yourself."
Major Attitude, not known for his commitment to gender equality, slammed her into the ground.
"Riot Gurl!" Shezow shouted in reaction.
"Don't get any fancy ideas of helping your friend, Shezow. Here are my true MAN power; the Manly Mimes of Muscle!"
An armoured vehicle, painted in black and white, pulled up, and several burly men in Mime outfits emerged.
"This is she-diculous."
Riot Girl picked herself up and backflipped. She coughed out something that was probably gravel.
"See? Getting messed up's not a big deal if you don't want to worry about looking like a Barbie Doll. Plus my distortion field negated most of the damage."
"We're still going to need to fight together if we want to take these guys."
"Yeah, together!" the Flex Pistol banged on his chest.
One of the Muscle Mimes went straight for Maz.
"Oh snaps."
Shezow attempted to knock over the Mime, leaping in the air, but Major Attitude grabbed him by the legs.
"Take this!" Maz pulled the trigger of his water pistol; sending out a jet of liquid towards the lower half of the Mime.
"NOW it looks like you peed your pants. What kind of MAN fights like that?"
The Muscle Mime blushed, mimed being exasperated, and ran off in the direction of the nearest bathroom.
Shezow was still being grappled by Major Attitude. To his surprise, Riot Gurl was quick to act in his defense. She shunted the military maniac with her shoulder; distorting his spine in the process. Luckily, the distortion was often non-permanent, especially on Organic targets, for the most part. But it was still more than enough to mess up someone's posture. Major Attitude grumbled in pain and dropped Shezow; a strong discomfort radiating from his back to his shoulders.
Suddenly, Riot Gurl grabbed Shezow.
"Hey, watch it! - I mean, careful there, young lady!"
and Maz;
"Hey! Careful with my Muscles."
And plonked them down in the middle of the street.
The three stood their ground in the middle of Major and the Mimes. Some of the punier Mimes had recovered from the earlier beaten. It looked like Maz had gotten in a few more shots at one point, either that or one of the Mimes had started drooling. Shezow was sure one of them was mime-basting a Turkey.
"Can you do your scream thing?"
"My Super-"
"Can you not call it that?"
"Okay."
"On my signal. 3. 2. 1..."
Shezow and Riot Gurl let out their respecting screeching noises. Maz, who'd shoved in his She-ound reducing Ear Plugs, hid behind them; and grabbed the Duo with his faux-buff arms, slowly spinning them around them around like some sort of Hollywood Minigun.
There was a loud, sustained force of sheer disruption wherever they were targeted. Windows were shattered, pets were disgruntled; the road was full of (temporary) thin edgy bumps and cracks. There was a loud BANG from the local Pizza shop; and an italian man runs out screaming "My Pizzas! She broke ALL MY PIZZAS!"
After the bumps subsided; the Mimes, including those of the larger persuasion, either lay flat on the ground, or had taken to punching each other in the jaw. Major Attitude was flung back against his APC, slouched down, legs in front. A nearby fire hydrant was damaged; but not, Maz decided enough – he ran over and kicked it so it sprayed water into Major Attitude's mouth.
"I'll Glug Glu Gleuglow!"
Having had quite enough of this embarassment, Major Attitude and the Mimes crammed into the APC and drove off, police in pursuit. Shezow could hear his Dad shouting Shezow related slurs from a passing squad car.
"I reckon they can handle it for once."
"Don't worry; my Riot powers left them in a state of disarray. Being that mad and crammed in that tight, they'll probably never want to work together again."
"Aside from that; that was awesome! We made a great team!"
"Yeah, I guess even princesses can have their on-days."
"Well, if a princess is what I am, you'll just have to excuuse me!"
For the first time since they met, Riot Gurl giggled.
"Don't take that as a sign of weakness. I'm still going to be a better hero than you, Shezow."
Riot Gurl lept off on top of the grocery store next to the pet shop, and wandered away. Guy and Maz's attention turned to one another.
"Oh, man. I think my Dad is coming back this way. Now I got some of my confidence back, I don't want to waste on his bad cop routine. I better change into my she-cret identity."
Shezow activated her super speed, and in a split second was at the other end of a hidden alley, detransformed, as guy.
Then, all of a sudden he heard a familiar vice.
"Wait. YOU'RE Shezow. That's just... hahahahaha!"
"Oh no... this is bad... this a REAL She-mergency..."
"Shezow was a boy all along? That's perfect! It's just soo..."
"Awkward? Funny? Unfortunate? Humiliating! Just so you know this TOTALLY wasn't my choice, I'm just a regular awesome dude who -"
"so GLAM ROCK!"
"What? Well, our secret base is powered by Glam Rocks..."
Maz had just appeared, and subsequently got an elbow in the stomach.
"Ow! My Abs...!"
"It's totally rock and roll. It's taking lame uberfemme stuff and making it cool again. It's almost, like, post modern or something. I guess I never really thought about Shezow like that. I guess you can be girly and cool at the same time. Espes-she-ly if you're a guy!" she giggled again.
"Well, I'm glad you think that, because really, I still feel pretty awkward about the whole thing."
"I'll see you around, Shezow. I guess I better find another shady alley to change into my secret identity."
The ground under Riot Gurl's feet started to distort again, and she jumped.
"Oh but for the record I'm still a cooler superhero than you!"
Maz had recovered from his Ab damage, and had removed the costume at this point.
"Well if you ask me, she's sort of rude. She's one lucky punk to get to work with Shezow, and even see you out of costume! We gotta hope she doesn't make a sound about Shezow's identity! "
"Dude... I think she's my type."
"What? Oh brother."